It's Personal: My Superior Brother

I visited my brother yesterday in Amsterdam. It's always a little tense, because we're not the greatest of friends.

I get along with his girlfriend Janet well, but she was working so we were alone. He was busy in the garden, not really paying much attention, and interrupted me to ask how I was spending my time anyway, because I graduated a couple of months ago and wasn't doing anything.

I told him I'm taking a year off, and will go to the other end of the world in October, and so I mentioned Kerryn and explained what the JC was.

He said: "You know what your problem is? You're all pizza and fairy tales." Meaning that I'm a bit of a lightweight.

And it's always been like that. In our family, he always was The Smarter Brother: he could solve Rubik's puzzles in a day, could fix his own computer or TV, knew why Mars was red, why medieval monks wore an extra habit in Summer, he understood every letter of A Brief History Of Time, and, generally, just always knew everything. His IQ is enormous; it's 183 or something.

And because of that, he tends to talk down to me a little. And the thing is, because he's so intelligent and everyone's idol a bit, you start to believe these things. He once said: "For people like you, who never realize they're being overbearing all the time, it always comes as a shock when someone tells them that." And that line just went through my head all day. I thought, "It's true. Bullseye. That's me. He's captured me so well. I'm an idiot."

One day, Janet told me, "He doesn't really mean it, you know. When he's drunk, he always talks about you and that you are both geniuses."

And the truth is, it's not always bad. Sometimes it's cool, and he's friendly, but then he deliberately starts talking about something complex again, testing me how far I can follow him, and sooner or later he discovers I lost him and then the slagging-off begins. And you can never win. You don't duel with Zorro. One time he said: "You only appreciate dead stars: John Lennon, Peter Sellers, Laurence Olivier, Marilyn Monroe. Why?" And I said, "No, wait, hold on, I like Harry Mulisch (a Dutch writer)", and he said: "He's 75, he's almost dead and his creativity died a long time ago."

And especially the last couple of years, he hasn't been very easy to get on with. I ring him, and he doesn't return the call, even though he knows that I know he has a number indicator. Or I send him an e-mail, and he doesn't answer it. I don't know if he intentionally doesn't answer it, or if he just forgets about it, so then you back off a little.

But I like him a lot, anyway. It's just the way it is.

that's got to be rough at times. i kind of know what it's like, my half-sister is a bit of a genius and a big-time over-achiever, luckily i never see her

no, not really

It's hard to believe that he can be that much smarter than you, Casper... and I'm not just saying this to flatter. I just watched The Royal Tenenbaums with my hubby, and I think it kind of hit a chord with us, at least in one way: we both grew up in households where the children had exceptional aptitudes. I have two brothers, and the older of the pair was always the genius of our house... reading at a college level when he was 4, building his own computer... even now, his brilliance stuns me... his mind is like a supercomputer. My younger brother has a razor wit, a talent with words, and a savant-like grasp of engineering and mathematics. It's hard not to feel a bit inadequate, even if there isn't any real rivalry present.
We will always put more pressure on ourselves, people like you, my hubby, and me. But, you have to remember, secretly, your brother admires you just as much, and probably for qualities you possess that he wishes he had.

Thanks, Meg.

But I forgot: I wanted to scan a pic of me and my brother. Does anyone want to host it?

i can. just send it to the e-mail in my profile

Thanks, Tom.

I'll scan and send it tomorrow.

I can see how it might be hard to grow up with an older brother like that. I don't know what it's like at all though. My older sister is 26 but I didn't meet her until about 3 years ago. We're still getting to know each other.

Ah, that must be hard. Is it hard?

Lol, it's a little awkward sometimes. We still make a lot of small talk.

My niece is the cutest thing though. The other day she was pointing to different parts of her body and telling me what they're called. She's the smartest 1 year old ever. EVER.

Sweet.

When I was a 1-year-old, I knew all the colors. One day I was walking with my mom along the river, and I started to name the colors of all the little boats.

How cute!

Cuter than my brother, who once managed to switch off the escalator in a big mall when he was 4?

You're welcome, Casper. I can't wait to see that image.

"Cuter than my brother, who once managed to switch off the escalator in a big mall when he was 4?"

Yes, much cuter. You were one and he was four. Younger = cuter.

We used to call this guy friend "cute" and one day he said to us "puppies and kittens are cute. 21 year old men with facial hair aren't cute."

Words to live by.


BTW, I know the feeling Casper, but I get along well with all of my 3 brothers now. Of course 2 of them live about 1800km away which makes it a bit easier.