JCC ITT We Offer Unsolicited Advice To My Nephew

My nephew Julian is just starting college, and is therefore desperately in need of unsolicited advice. I thought about writing him a long, weird letter in which I go on about past failings and disappointments which he can't possibly relate to, but then I realized that the JCC is like the Delphic Oracle of unsolicited advice. Please proceed to tell him how he should live his life.

I'll start with something practical:

Don't drink 21 shots on your 21st birthday, because you will get alcohol poisoning and die. Drinking 20 shots on your 20th birthday is fine, though.

 

Ignore all advice given in this thread.

 

No one cares if you don't drink unless you never shut the **** up about it. See also: being vegetarian, riding a bicycle, majoring in philosophy.

 

The very same applies if you have anti-smoking sentiments.

 

My son's starting his second year in college. The advice I always give him at the start of the year is: "remember, son, you can marry more money in five minutes than you can earn in a lifetime."

 

Words of advice
Do or do not, there is no try
Fear is the path to the dark side, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering..
Don't underestimate the powers of the Emperor
Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose
You must unlearn what you have learned

 

Delta Tau Chi is the best fraternity house on campus.

 

Falling asleep with your dorm room door open presents a valuable opportunity for all your neighbors to prove how trustworthy they are.

 

Do or do not, there is no try
Fear is the path to the dark side, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering..
Don't underestimate the powers of the Emperor
Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose
You must unlearn what you have learned
Whilst performing oral sex, never ask the woman how you look with a goatee

 

- Don't underline internet posts

 

Don't tell other people what to do on the internet

 

I agree with Watto on this issue.

 

Don't listen to the "Do or do not, there is no try" quote, because that's a load of hogwash. Trying exists!

 

Or if you do crossfit...which reminds me of a joke I read in the bathroom earlier: If a vegan does crossfit, which one does he tell you about first?

 

Don't listen to the people who tell you trying exists. It doesn't! You can only succeed at doing stuff, or fail at doing stuff. If you put forth an effort and succeed, congratulations! You've "done" something. If you put forth the effort and fail, too bad! You've "not done" what you set out to do. To sum up: There is no try. Do or do not.

If you don't believe it, that is why you fail.

 

Yes, but the thing is, the more you try, the more you begin to believe until eventually you do.

 

"Just Do It" -- Yoda Nike

 

Right, more life advice: quoting Star Wars (Or any movie, really) in a serious fashion is a bad idea, because in the real world people don't actually take it seriously.

 

Isn't there an exception for quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

 

Yes, but only in discussions about the migratory patterns of certain subspecies of Hirundinidae.

 

Never, ever, ask for sex advice on the Internet.

 

Here's another one! Don't jump to the conclusion that someone on the internet is serious just because you can't detect sarcasm in their message.

 

DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS

 

don't make a fool of yourself and then later claim sarcasm/jk when you start to regret it