Saga I've Been Alone All Along (A/P Songfic)

Okay, this is the first time I've tried my hand at a songfic, so please, bear with me. As usual, the characters themselves belong to Lucas, and the song material belongs to Evanescence.


I've Been Alone All Along


Padme settled back against the tree, watching as Obi-Wan's fighter streaked into the blue sky of Naboo, bearing her children away. Obi-Wan had promised that they'd be safe, and Padme trusted the Jedi to keep the promise. But she wondered if anybody was truly safe after what Palpatine had done to the galaxy. Her thoughts turned inward, to her own relationship with the man who now went by the name of Darth Vader, the one whom Palpatine had twisted into a monster.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone.

No matter how hard she tried to bury them, her feelings towards Anakin always returned. She might hate what he had done to the galaxy, but she wouldn't give up on him. One day, she knew, Palpatine would realize that he couldn't leave her alive, and would send somebody to remove her. Would it be Anakin? Would she have to face the monster that he had become? She thought about it, and began to weep. For despite the pain he'd inflicted, she still loved him.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

Time had brought her a measure of peace, but some wounds didn't heal. She might not blame Anakin, but she couldn't hold him blameless either. It was because of him that her children now sped towards the stars; it was because of him that Obi-Wan was forced to hide. She knew that every time she looked at that holoimage from their wedding, she'd wonder about their children, children who would never know their mother. And hopefully never have to face what their father has become, Padme thought.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me.

She let her mind drift, thinking back to her first meeting with Anakin. He'd been impatient then, and perhaps more than a bit reckless. She remembered accusing Qui-Gon of being far too reckless, but realized that Anakin was even more so. She recalled Anakin's words to her aboard the Royal Starship. Anakin had been huddled in a corner, cold after spending his entire life under the blazing suns of Tatooine. And she had taken him, and held him close, keeping him warm, protecting him from the cold of space.

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me.

It had been a moment of insanity in the Geonosian arena, when she had pledged her love to him, a moment of insanity that had been building since their first encounter on Coruscant. She'd tried up until that point to deflect Anakin's arguments with logic. During the Clone Wars, she had longed to see him, longed to know that he was alive and well, despite being through hell on the front lines of a war that seemed like it would have no end. The face in her dreams had once been pleasant, but now she couldn't help seeing not the youthful features of Anakin Skywalker, but the nightmare image of Darth Vader.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

But Anakin's worst crime hadn't been against her, or even against the children he didn't know he had. It had been against himself. Anakin, or at least the Anakin Padme had known and fallen in love with, would never allow another being to be pressed into servitude. But now he served an Empire that was built on the backs of slaves, those who, like Anakin, had their own hopes and dreams. But now those hopes and dreams were ground to dust beneath

 

Great fic... very emotional, and realistic. I'm actually listening to that song at the moment... or at least I was, it ended while I was reading, but it fits in very well with what Padme is feeling and what she is remembering.

 

mixza: Thanks. This being my first attempt at a songfic, hearing that it worked means a lot. I'd been out for a walk, listening to the CD, and it kinda just popped into my head that it would really work for Padme.


Force be with you,

Tych_sel

 

How sad! Good job -- very believable.

 

Dally: Thanks. Part of why I think it's sad is that the song itself is somewhat sad, if you consider the meaning behind the words.

Force be with you,

Tych_sel

 

That was touching! And the song fit which was the ironic and exquisitely well done in the writing and portrayal of Padme! Good job!!

 

Kynstar: Glad you liked it. As I said before, it kinda came to me while listening to the CD that the words could just as easily be Padme's, and from there came the fic.

Force be with you,

Tych_sel

 

Yeah about songs... that remake that Limpbisket (sp) did on 'Blue Eyes' reminds me of Anakin. I can almost imagine him saying/singing that song!

There are several good songs out there that fit the portrayals of certain characters. I love matching songs to characters myself

 

Well, I'll give this one final up, in hopes that some other people might take note!