Jairen's Agony Column

if u want my advise. leave him to his own ideas because he may have a mixed strategy to life that could work very well or not so well but will stop him being hurt.
He has had his own experiences and thoughts.

 

I agree with Phill, but since you're English, substitute the 2X4 with a cricket bat.

 

I've always prefered an Aluminium baseball bat tbh, or a 27" katana although either tends to be a little messy.

 

y so violent??
i wud just wet some sheep skin and rap someone up in it when they unconscience and leave em in a desert. the skin srinks and the person is toothpaste coming out of its container!
plus the animals will eat it and no mess

 

This coming from the self-proclaimed Agony Uncle! I think I'm going to have to start asking for references!

 

Uhmm, hi. My names Neil. Long time lurker, first time poster..

Ignore the name and title to the left, that is just a coincidence.

Question: If a woman has been in a long term relationship for around 3 years and then her boyfriend dumps her and moves out of their house, how long do you think is a good time to wait to ask her out?

 

Ummmm...never?

Face it. She's going to be a man-hater for a very long time!

 

Hmmm, I don't know. It seems that her bf felt he was too young to settle down and pay off a house (he is 23), she told me that he changed completely after they moved in together about 6 months ago.

She seems to be over it more or less and we spent a long time talking on Monday.

Now my question is this. We have a socail event that we are both going to tomorrow (I occassionally work with her) and it would be the perfect opportunity to raise the question of going out.

So, Uncle Jairen, you have an opinion?

 

Ok Welshguy, how long ago did this breakup happen?

Now if I got this right, her b/f left her with a house to pay off!?! I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't feel ready to date just yet.

 

hmmm...Martin I think you case is very similar to one I am currently experiencing...n one that I hope Agony Uncle J can sort for me...

I have a friend. Hes older (alot) than me and In the time I have known him I have come to consider him a close pal...almost an older brother and someone I look upto. Recently he has been giving me advice (mainly about love and stuff) And I have followed this advice to the word....However this guy does not believe I am following his advice. What should I do to convince him that I value his advice and take it very seriously without basically saying it to his face?

 

It happened about 5 weeks ago. I've talked to her about her house and she told me that she has arranged it with her bank so she can keep the house and pay it off herself.

We get on pretty well though, even before the bf things, and since i've come back to work (had long lay off with medical problems) she has behaved a little different towards me.

Its like she doesn't have to wonder about if its ok to talk to a young, single guy and seems to be more friendly and interested in me.

 

5 weeks is a short time, but hey if she seems interested then there is only one way to find out.


So let us know what happens at this social event.


Just be careful to not end up as the rebound guy ok.

 

Does the rebound guy get any action? Cause she's pretty hot.

 

WELSHGUY

I say take it easy. The social event is kinda a cool thing to go to, so definitely have fun whilst you're there, but don't push anything too hard.

The problem with asking a woman out just after a break-up is that they will often emotionally link you with that time in their life, leading to problems in their relationship later on. She is gonna be hurting somewhat at the moment, even if the split was amicable (was it?)

I know it's difficult to hear, but she probably wants a friend right now more than anything else, and you need to be one for her.


DISCLAIMER: Big J has no love life whatsoever at this moment in time and is useless with women. All advice should be taken with a pinch of salt.

 

JANGOFETT9

Hmm, this is a tricky one. I would recommend that you video-tape yourself performing tasks that match said advice from your older colleague/brother figure. This would provide concrete proof to him that you have been listening to his advice, and hours of endless mirth for those of us watching you struggle with the day-to-day problems of love as a teen.

DISCLAIMER: Big J accepts no responsibility of this advice, and asks all parties to sign legal waivers for said footage for use in a documentary to be released at a future date : "Geeks and their mentors, a study in Star Wars Love Lives!"

 

Phill you know that woman is waiting for you to sweep her off her feet buddy!

And my situation as you all know is the same as welshguys pretty much......so oth in the same boat buddy...thing is if you like her think do you want a relationship with her? if you do then "action" isnt a good course of action to take as you will become attached but she may just be using it as a bounce off...i think im turning into agony uncle J!

 

I was about to mention the "rebound guy" situation - You don't want to ever be in that position...it's more trouble than it's worth!

Question - Why is there "rebound guys", but never "rebound girls"?

 

Don't worry Jairen, i'm sure theres an Emperor's Hand out there somewhere, just waiting for you.

All very good advice people, thanks.

As far as I know the split wasn't her idea and she was quite upset by it for a while. I agree with you that may be she isn't ready to get into any kind of relationship right now and my best bet is to try and get to know her a bit better outside of the office workplace.

I'm sure she needs a friend right now, and maybe if I were to ask her if she wanted to come out with a few of my friends and go bowling or something, that might not put her guard up so much as in the sense of "is this a date", but still give me and her an opportunity to get to know each other better.

My question about the rebound/action thing related to the fact that shes probably out of my league anyway and if it is possible to exploit her fragile ego and lack of confidence right now with some rumpy pumpy, then that may be a good back up plan.....

Wow, that really makes me sound like a complete barsteward!

I'm not that bad really. If the situation did arise, I don't think I could take advantage of someone who is a pretty good friend and just had their world turned upside down...

Or could I?

 

Because every girl is a rebound girl, right?

 

Ok need advice and need ti fast...the girl i love is tlkin to me on MSN...n she is really downbeat about sumtihn....tell me how to make her feel like im there for her apart from telling her?

 

Dude, I am not Cyrano De Bergerac. My nose is not that big!

 

LMAO! ok......i suppose i have to say what i feel i have to say.....

 

Exactly, be yourself, say what's in your heart.

\\this from a guy who can't tell anyone how he really feels

 

As someone who has specialised in drawing the attraction of clinically depressed, misrable women, I say just ask her if theres anything wrong, she bound to say no, but at least you've made it clear that you realise that you can see she is down.

The best thing to do is just to keep things light and constant. Keep the converstion moving at a fairly rapid pace, and then eventually a hint here, or a hint there will tell you what is bothering her.

Just keep talking to her, thats my best advice. She will eventally relax and open up about her problem. People don't respond well when people ask them outright "Whats wrong?", but if you open with that and then "let it drop", she will be trying to find a way to tell you without looking like she needs the advice or help.

So evenutally when she tells you whats wrong, and you help her sort it out, you will then aquire the tilte "There for her 2005", thus making her think of you in a positive, "he can help me and be there for me" sort of way.

Hope that helps?

 

dude i just followed your advice and it worked....thing is im not sure the news shud of upset me this way.....