Jairen's Agony Column

Discussion in 'Midlands and Wales' started by Jairen, Jul 25, 2005.

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  1. F16WarBird Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2004
    star 4
    I agree. Stay out of it. ;)
  2. Jairen Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 2000
    star 4
    Wendy and Joe are right on the money here, I think Martin. Wow, this thread has got so serous!

    It's always difficult when families fight, but in these situations people can forget themselves when it comes to money.

    From a personal opinion viewpoint, your brother is way out of line, however, it will be difficult for you to do anything about it. You've done the arbitar bit, trying to get them together. If they won't talk, don't alienate them both by getting in the middle. They have to work this out.
  3. Stormtrooper_fan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2003
    star 5
    Here's one for you J

    Mr B meets Miss A and falls for her even though she is already seeing someone and so being a gentleman he never says anything. Miss A finishes with Mr X and Mr B tells Miss A how he feels... Miss A has always had a soft spot for Mr B so they talk and eventually get together in full knowledge that Miss A still is close friends with Mr X.

    An anniversary rolls around of a not so nice nature and Miss A phones Mr X to tell her she is thinking of him and Mr B finds out and Miss A and Mr B part for 2 weeks.

    Mr B stops being a sulky stroppy idiot and Miss A and Mr B make up again only for Mr B to start being an avoidant idiot and won't talk, won't reply to e-mails which would have gotten a reply in 2 seconds flat... Miss A is getting really fed up and a little upset now.

    Miss A is starting to think now Mr B has got what he wanted he's perhaps not so interested but is starting to feel really cut up about all this and the more she thinks about it the more angry and upset she becomes...

    What should Miss A do?
  4. Jairen Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 2000
    star 4
    \\head explodes from seriousness.

    Hmm... difficult this one is. Always problems there are with ex's and jealous new beau's. Especially if they really like Miss A.

    I'm not sure where to go on this one, to be honest. It's hard to push forward a dialogue with someone if they aren't responding to your e-mails. It's a fine line to walk between trying to open up a dialogue with Mr B and not looking too needy/over anxious.

    The big question needs to be this, how long has Mr B been avoiding responses since Miss A and Mr B got back together after the misunderstanding? I need to understand how long that had been going on to decide on what step to take next.
  5. Stormtrooper_fan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2003
    star 5
    A couple of weeks I guess... Like Miss A :p mailed him something he would love about 2 days ago and nothing just an e-mail this morning about something totally unrelated. But then we spoke all night the other night and everything was fine... I give up!

    ... and yeah I don't think the overanxious / 'need to be reasurred' every five minutes is a good look either :)
  6. Jairen Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 2000
    star 4
    Perhaps he's just not much of an e-mailer. I'm pretty naff at e-mails myself, to be honest. I rarely respond as a general rule, and prefer real voices and talking.
  7. Maleficant Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 5
    Hmmmm he was quite "chatty" through email in the beginning though right? So this would be a change in pattern for him correct?
  8. Jairen Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 2000
    star 4
    Yeah, I hadn't thought of that Wendy. Hmm, must give this some more thought.
  9. Stormtrooper_fan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2003
    star 5
    Yeah I've had several e-mails a day at some points just lately he's been really quiet *shrugs* maybe he's just in a quiet mood, I know I get them sometimes but I'm thinking it's something more than that I'm getting that horrible suspicious feeling and I'm rarely wrong.

    I'm going to give it a week then ask what's going on and ask him some straight questions.
  10. Maleficant Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 5
    There is nothing worse then "getting that horrible suspicious". Last time I got it, I was dumped by my ex and homeless for a day, with a small child to worry about.

    Sometimes you have to stop and listen to that, I normally call it a "gut feeling" and I learned I have to listen to it regardless of what logic what say in a given matter.


    So this is a change in pattern for him. I would give it another week and then you have to find out what is wrong. There is nothing worse then letting that "getting that horrible suspicious" fester.
  11. Stormtrooper_fan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2003
    star 5
    The problem is my 'gut instinct' / intuition, call it want you will is really sharp and alot of people think it's a gift... I don't especially in these situations.

    Gee your ex sounds pleasant... not! I can't abide guys who don't do right by their kids!
  12. Maleficant Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 5
    Oh my last ex wasn't the dad, but the dad was far worse, I guess I know how to pick 'um! [face_laugh]
  13. F16WarBird Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2004
    star 4
    Phill,

    Sometimes I have that "not so fresh" feeling after wrestling dianogas in the trash compactor. What should I do?
  14. Jairen Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 2000
    star 4
    Well, first off I would recommend not using wookiee fur as a towel, since it has a habit of getting into nasty places.

    Afterwards, I'd recommend you use "Imperial Fresh - For that sweaty armour smell" to help resolve the clear armour issues you have already.
  15. Stormtrooper_fan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 2003
    star 5
    I'm no Phill but I reckon stop wrestling dianogas in the trash compactor would be a start :p

    *Runs screaming into the night trying desperately to remove horrible visions in head* :_|
  16. Jedi_Jimbo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 2004
    star 6
    I have a split personality.
    So if Mrs.Jedi_Jimbo sleeps with me when I am not me but the other me is she cheating?
    Should I have the other me bumped off?
    Would that be murder or suicide?
    Why does my brain hurt?
  17. Maleficant Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 5
    Well I think the answers are going to depend on which "you" we're talking to.
  18. Jedi_Jimbo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 2004
    star 6
    Touche.

    Okay serious one.
    I have just started a job as a supervisor.
    I am in charge of two guys.
    I want to be a nice guy but feel some resistance from one of them, he is much older.
    Do I play the hard boss and possibly upset both or do I be nice for now until pushed too far? I do not want to favour one over the other.
    I like to be the nice guy but do not want them to think I am a push over.
  19. Maleficant Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 5
    The one thing I hate is working for a hard boss. I say don't be until you have to be but try not to be a pushover as well.

    Congrats on the job. :)
  20. Jedi_Jimbo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 2004
    star 6
    Cheers.
    Actually working for a good company now.
    Funnily enough a US company.
    They seem really cool and wanna send me on loads of courses and help me get promoted.
    It rocks.
    And thanks for the advice.
    I am trying to be the 'cool' boss.
    You know, the 'He is a nice guy but do not upset him' kind of boss.
    But this one guy is going to push my buttons I can tell.
    He has been there 4 years and didn't want the responsibility of my job, hence the reason I got it. But in the words of Red Dwarf ... 'He is like the security guard on the front gate who considers himself head of the corporation.'

    I guess I can go easy til I am pushed.
  21. Maleficant Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 5
    Hey remember your the boss, not him. He didn't want your job and therefore he has to live with that, if he starts slipping then it's time to be the hard boss to him.
  22. Jedi_Jimbo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 2004
    star 6
    Yeah but last time I punished a worker I was in alot of trouble.
    How was I to know spankings were frowned upon!
  23. Maleficant Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 5
    Spankings!?!


    I don't think I want to know... [face_laugh]
  24. Happy Ninja Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 20, 2000
    star 6
    I used to work for a complete bitch of a boss. She was a proper nightmare, and made my working life a living hell. She was a female version of David Brent, except she wasn't funny at all. We used to laugh at her, not with her. And anytime we would go out on a works night out, she'd invite herself along, and I always felt uncomfortable having her around. She was an embarresment.

    I remember one night, it was one of the girls birthday. We all went to a pub in Lichfield that was rented out for a private part, and there was about a hundred of us. Anyway, my boss started chatting up this guy that was there - And she's not a good looking woman, either...Think a cross between Camilla Parker Bowles, and Jimmy Hill - or a cross between Rod Hull and Bruce Forsyth. I think you get the picture. And she said she's 36...Funny how you can be 36 three years running! o_O Anyway, she started chatting up this guy, and we could all see he wasn't interested in her. On the Monday, she comes in, and starts talking about him, like we cared, or something, but the funny thing was, she was saying that she wasn't interested in him, and she was trying to get away from him - it was completely the other way round! And that's just one example of what she was like.

    Another thing she used to do was to scream and shout in front of everyone in the office if you did something wrong, or in a different way than what she liked, she would unleash hell on you.

    I remember one day, I had this order come through from one of our reps...it was quite a large order, about £2000 worth of safety gloves, and the guy was going to come in and pay in cash...something that he was going to organise through his bank, and it was going to be long winded, and cause a few hassles, so I said to him, "Why doesn't he just bring in a cheque?" "Do you take cheques?" "Of course we do! I do several of them every day!" "He said, great! I'll let the customer know that; it will make things a lot easier for him"

    Done and dusted! The customer is happy, we're happy, everyone is happy!

    ...Well, the boss wasn't! She was all stroppy with me, screaming and shouting in my face IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OFFICE! She made me feel really small, and treated me like ****. I've never hit a woman in my life, and I'm very proud of that fact, but her...I could have hammered her through the ******* wall!

    Why? Because she thought the cheque was going to be fake. I told her that money could be fake as well! At least with the cheque, we have a system to check immedietly for it's validity, so there was no problem.

    I tell you what, I gave it back to her after work!

    The point being, I think you can be hard...but you have to be fair.

    At least if you're fair, you can maintain some sort of respect.
  25. F16WarBird Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2004
    star 4
    #1 - Since he's older, you need to make him feel more at ease with you. For whatever reason, he now has a boss who's probably his son's age. Having said that, it would bode well to defer to him and ask his opinion now and again. Doing so would let him know that you're not some know it all kid who could care less what he and his experience can offer you and the company. Showing respect to an elder, even if he's your subordinate, is paramount if you wish to be respected in return. This does not mean that you should allow him to push you. That crap stops immediately! You let the carry on and it will spread out of control to others and will eventually bring discredit upon you from your own superiors.

    #2 - You are not being paid to be their friend. In fact, you CANNOT be their friend. You are the boss. It's the same as being a parent. There has to be boundaries. You can be friendly but you'll never truly be "one of the guys" with your employees without risking the loss of credibility or authority. That doesn't mean you have to be a prick. Be just as outgoing as you would with any other person but draw the line at personal friendships.
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