Beyond Japor -- Complete: Thanks for the Noms! Taking suggestions for excerpts.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Kidan, Feb 6, 2006.

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  1. Kidan TFN EU Staff

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    Jul 20, 2003
    star 5
    And it is done.

    This is my first story of any length. Even when I did the occasional creative writing in high school, they were short stories in the vicinity of 5-10 pages single spaced typed. When you remove all the formating, and double spacing, this story consisted of 31 pages, single spaced, 12 pt font. That's 38,952 words comprised of 163,746 characters (201,657 characters if you count whitespaces). There were 146 distinct saves on the file (when I "finished" writing there was a mere 86) for a total editing time of 10,632 minutes (which is 177.2 hours or a little over 7 full days).

    Ultimately I am happy with the story as it turned out, though looking back there are some things that I could fix now, but isn't that always the case? Regardless I hope that everyone who has (or will) read it enjoys it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

    I would like to thank _ThatJediScum_, mavjade, ZaraValinor, VaderLVR64, terribletimestwo, JediMaster_Jen, Jedi_Fel, pregnantpadme, brodiew, Eleventh_Guard, emeraldshadow, SWpants666, Barefoot_XO, Imperial-Hippy, padawan lunetta, Jedi_Rike, Lola64, Valley_Lord, TahiriSoloFan, Darth_Mu, jackyyy17, kissa, Thrawn McEwok, G__Anakin, Draconarius and also thank any lurkers or others that I forgot.



    Again thanks, and I truly hope it was as fun for you as for me.

    For those who like to keep score, below is a final listing of the dead and wounded.


    Dead:
    Valin Horn
    Zekk
    Corran Horn
    Mirax Horn
    Tekli
    Cilghal
    Zak Arranda
    Saba Sabatyne
    Kenth Hamner
    Kam Solusar
    Tiu Zax
    Tesar Sabatyne
    Lowbacca
    Kyle Katarn
    Jacen Solo
    Lumiya

    Wounded:
    Jysella Horn (scarred)
    Jaina Solo (blinded)
    Tahiri Viella (deep emotional trauma)
    Luke Skywalker (Stripped of the Force, lost an arm)
    Mara Jade Skywalker (Stripped of the Force, lost an arm)
    Ben Skywalker (lost quarter of left arm)
    />
  2. Kissa Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 30, 2006
    star 3
    First!

    **Now that I've read it**

    First off, congratulations on your first 'long' fic. This was wonderful and suspenseful and bacta-ful (which is a new word I just invented for Ben.):p

    For a few minutes there I was afraid that Ben was going to leave Jys forever. But instead he's going with her. They make a far too sweet couple to leave each other.

    Which makes me wonder who's in charge at the Jedi Temple . . . since he didn't mention it. Is it Kyp?[face_thinking]

    I hope to see a sequel to this soon, although I'm not sure what would be happening. You didn't leave many people alive to kill. Maybe a short story from the POV of each of the survivors - you know, how they feel about everything.

    =D= Very good again.

    [:D]Keep writing.
  3. DARTH_MU Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2005
    star 4
    Aw... I was contemplating whether I should reply to be first or not, but oh well...
    Good job Kidan. You hid the secret well.
    Everyone knows that the Mara at the end who visited Ben was actually Shira Brie herself.
    [face_love]
    Edit: It was so nice that she could forgive Ben. Awwwwww [face_blush]

  4. Thrawn McEwok Co-Author: Essential Guide to Warfare

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    star 6
    AWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! [face_blush] =D= :D :cool:

    And that I like. No bacta, no nightmares, no need for further advice from Anakin...

    And, did Jys. decide to join him in there, or did someone allow a shared bed? Either way - and especially for leaving both options open - nice touch! :D

    But again, a nice, elegantly-drawn compare-and-contrast contast between Luke and Mara... I don't know if it's more than a literary avoidance of repetition, but it seems to at once emphasise the parallels and the distinctions...

    :)

    Jys.! :D

    In the light of the way this 'fic ends, that's a very subtle turn of phrase... :)

    :D I do too...

  5. Imperial-Hippy Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2006
    star 3
    that was a great ending, i really felt for Luke and Mara, and i liked the way u left a bit of an open ending, there are a lot of things that could happen after this, i hope you are thinking of doing a sequale.

    also i liked the referance to Traitor at the end there, nicely done, since Ben was Jacen's padawan.

    this was a very very great story and im sorry to see it finished, it was the firsy fic i have followed all the way through and i liked every minuet of it, it was funny at times, grusome most of the time, romantic a fair bit, and tradgic alot of the time. It had everything and it is very hard to pick out a bit which i think was the best. but here it is ... in my opinuon i think the romance you created and nurished between Ben and Jysella was truelly great. I have never seen this pering before but you wrote it so well i belived that they were a natural pering, and i hope they get together in the canon.

    You writing was as good as if not better than some of the aorthers that write the canon Star Wars books, you are very talented, and i hope to see more storys from you in the future. i will also keep folowing your other two main ones at the moment.

    All in all i think a big pat on the back is in order, so congratulations and crack open the wine.

    btw i think this has a strong chance of wining an award next time they r held, i for one will vote for this story in more than one catorgory.

    well done kidan. =D= =D= =D=
  6. mavjade It's so Fluffy Fanfic & New Movies Manager

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    Sep 10, 2005
    star 5
    It's over... :_| I don't want it to be over, so now I'm gonna pout!
    *pouts*
    :p

    Honestly, this was such an awesome story, Han! I absolutely loved it!
    And I'm so happy you didn't kill Ben or Jys! I knew you wouldn't be that mean! ;)

    I wrote a HUGE review of all the chapters I missed last night, and then my computer shut off! :_| (I really need a new battery!) So I will go back and do it again, I promise, it might just take me a while!

    I just wanted to let you know that it was all awesome, and that this is one of my favorite stories, ever!

    Amazing job on the whole story!
    **Standing Ovation** =D==D=
  7. Lola64 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2005
    star 4
    I actually thought Jys was going to leave him. :(

    She stopped at the top, and turned to look at me, once more biting her lower lip. Then she gave me her smile. Her real smile. The one that brightens her eyes. "So you coming or not?"

    I smiled at her in return, feeling my emotions start to soar and I started up the ramp. "Of course, I was merely waiting for you to ask."


    Thank you for a happy ending. [:D]

    Well not for Luke and Mara. But they'll come to be able to live without the Force after a while. I mean how hard can be it? Han's been without the Force all his life.

    I'm sorry to see this end but it has definitely been a wonderful read.

    Thanks for sharing it.
  8. Kidan TFN EU Staff

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    Jul 20, 2003
    star 5
    Kissa
    First!
    [face_dancing]

    First off, congratulations on your first 'long' fic. This was wonderful and suspenseful and bacta-ful (which is a new word I just invented for Ben.):p
    Thanks! [face_blush] and Bacta-ful is a good word for it...:p

    For a few minutes there I was afraid that Ben was going to leave Jys forever. But instead he's going with her. They make a far too sweet couple to leave each other.
    wouldn't it have been the other way? I mean Jys was the one fleeing Ossus...

    Which makes me wonder who's in charge at the Jedi Temple . . . since he didn't mention it. Is it Kyp?[face_thinking]
    [face_thinking] Not a lot of choices...most of the Master's are gone...but you still have Tionne, Eyrsl, Kyp, Leia, Jaina....and a couple others...

    I hope to see a sequel to this soon, although I'm not sure what would be happening. You didn't leave many people alive to kill. Maybe a short story from the POV of each of the survivors - you know, how they feel about everything.
    heh..the sequel that I'm working on for this (if I ever get it finished) is not so much a sequel, as this is a prequel to it. The story lines are not similar at all, this story just gets our heroes from where they're at at the end of DN3 to where the next story needs them...

    =D= Very good again.
    again Thanks!

    [:D]Keep writing.
    :p You should know how much I write....you see all those viggies hiding in the First Sentence thread....[face_laugh]


    DARTH_MU
    Aw... I was contemplating whether I should reply to be first or not, but oh well...
    Good job Kidan. You hid the secret well.
    Everyone knows that the Mara at the end who visited Ben was actually Shira Brie herself.
    [face_love]
    Edit: It was so nice that she could forgive Ben. Awwwwww [face_blush]

    sometimes you've just gotta let go Mu....Shira's dead. Ben skewered her with his saber...:p


    Thrawn McEwok
    AWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! [face_blush] =D= :D :cool:
    [face_blush] Yes, what can I say, I'm ultimately a hopeless romantic...:p

    And that I like. No bacta, no nightmares, no need for further advice from Anakin...
    Good, I thought it fitting that after everything he's been through, he gets a good night's sleep...

    And, did Jys. decide to join him in there, or did someone allow a shared bed? Either way - and especially for leaving both options open - nice touch! :D
    [face_thinking] You know, I can honestly say I hadn't considered it...

    But again, a nice, elegantly-drawn compare-and-contrast contast between Luke and Mara... I don't know if it's more than a literary avoidance of repetition, but it seems to at once emphasise the parallels and the distinctions...:)
    Thanks and i actively worked at showing how they each were reacting differently to what was in effect the exact same situation...

    Jys.! :D
    :cool:

    In the light of the way this 'fic ends, that's a very subtle turn of phrase... :)
    [face_thinking] hmm...my unconcious once again doesn't let me down....:p

    :D I do too...
    What's not to like...Jys is a hottie...[face_laugh]

    :D And, from a reprise of a line at the start of Luke's adventures in the original 1977 movie, to an echo of the closing lines of The Last Command - there's no easy solution to the various demands placed on our hero here (the lines that counterpoint the lines you're referencing are "That's what I'm afraid of" and "The Empire's still out there"), but at the same time, he knows that he doesn't have to address the issues directly and crudely... Ben/Jys. is now firmly 'shipped...
    Y'kno
  9. SWpants Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2004
    star 4
    I loved it. It was amazing. I can't even describe....

    :):D[face_love][face_dancing][:D] =D=:cool:

    I am VERY happy that you had no more room to write grotesque death scenes and had to end it. :p
    Even though I looked forward to those scenes all the time :D

    Jys + Ben = [face_love]
    awww and he wants to wake up next to her every morning [face_love]

    But I was wondering, about the wounded, wouldn't Ben be scarred as well?

  10. Kidan TFN EU Staff

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    star 5
    SWpants666
    I loved it. It was amazing. I can't even describe....
    :D Thankss!!!!!

    ":):D[face_love][face_dancing][:D] =D=:cool:
    :cool::):D:cool:[face_blush]:p:D

    I am VERY happy that you had no more room to write grotesque death scenes and had to end it. :p
    Even though I looked forward to those scenes all the time :D

    There was always more room (as there were still a number of Jedi left) but the story didn't need anymore...and I'm glad you enjoyed them, grotesque though they may be..:D

    Jys + Ben = [face_love]
    awww and he wants to wake up next to her every morning [face_love]

    aye, they're a great pairing....and either her, or her shampoo....[face_laugh]

    But I was wondering, about the wounded, wouldn't Ben be scarred as well?
    :oops: yes he would and should be included in that list...Thanks!

    [/quote]
  11. _ThatJediScum_ Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 28, 2005
    star 3
    I can't even imagine how devastated Luke and Mara are. I just see desolation in those two scenes. And Ben he's so young but he's been through so much.

    I have to congratulate you. You did a great job at tying up all the loose ends of the story yet you were able to create a story where everything doesn't end happily ever after or go back to normal once the events of the story are over. I don't think anything will ever be "normal" again for anyone in this story. You've essentially progressed the characters.

    I think that's something that isn't done often in fan fiction. Most of the time the characters essentially stay the same( as we like them :eek:D ) once the adventure is over or we play up their good or bad characteristics. I don't think you've done that at all. I think you changed everyone with this experience, for good or for ill. Regardless, the effects of the whole experience must be transforming for the survivors in one way or another. There will always be this dividing line of their lives, Before and After. And it's the wide open possibility of the After that's so fascinating, so frightening and devastating yet hopeful.

    And it was a pretty kick ass mystery. :D I was also one of those hoping for Tahiri and Ben in the beginning ::pouts:: but Ben and Jysella is cool too.

    Wonderfully entertaining story. I enjoyed myself a lot reading this, so Thank You. :D

    bran
  12. Draconarius Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 27, 2005
    star 4
    Great ending, Kidan. I really hope that Ben/Jys becomes canon one day. It would be really nice. Ben (well, your Ben, anyway) is so sweet when he's in love.

    Luke and Mara seem absolutely broken. The two greatest Jedi in the universe, suddenly without the Force... that's gotta hurt, both them and the galaxy as a whole. And Jysella's wish to leave is perfectly understandable. If I were in her position, I don't think I'd want to hang around the place my family and friends were brutally massacred, either. Ben deciding to go with her was also understandable. Gotta have the priorities right; beautiful girl always beats fame and career.

    Would I be right in expecting a sequel? Would begging help?

    Ah, I'll do it anyway... [face_praying] [face_praying] [face_praying] PLEASE!!!!
  13. Kidan TFN EU Staff

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    Jul 20, 2003
    star 5
    _ThatJediScum_
    I can't even imagine how devastated Luke and Mara are. I just see desolation in those two scenes. And Ben he's so young but he's been through so much.
    Aye...there is a quiet desolation in the Luke/Mara scenes...

    I have to congratulate you. You did a great job at tying up all the loose ends of the story yet you were able to create a story where everything doesn't end happily ever after or go back to normal once the events of the story are over. I don't think anything will ever be "normal" again for anyone in this story. You've essentially progressed the characters.
    [face_blush] Thanks!! I tried..

    I think that's something that isn't done often in fan fiction. Most of the time the characters essentially stay the same( as we like them :eek:D ) once the adventure is over or we play up their good or bad characteristics. I don't think you've done that at all. I think you changed everyone with this experience, for good or for ill. Regardless, the effects of the whole experience must be transforming for the survivors in one way or another. There will always be this dividing line of their lives, Before and After. And it's the wide open possibility of the After that's so fascinating, so frightening and devastating yet hopeful.
    and that hopeful note is why I wanted the story to end with Ben/Jys together, but as for the other aspect, the one thing that annoyed me more about pro-fic is how often the characters will start the next story exactly where they were at at the end of the movies rather than where they were at the end of the last book...

    And it was a pretty kick ass mystery. :D I was also one of those hoping for Tahiri and Ben in the beginning ::pouts:: but Ben and Jysella is cool too.
    again Thanks!, and I was originally goign to have Tahiri & Ben together in the end, but I couldn't make it work, as I needed Jysella as a foil for him, and Tahiri hidden to drive him...which basically means that Ben fell for Jys..

    Wonderfully entertaining story. I enjoyed myself a lot reading this, so Thank You. :D
    :D Thanks! an thanks for reading!!!


    Draconarius
    Great ending, Kidan. I really hope that Ben/Jys becomes canon one day. It would be really nice. Ben (well, your Ben, anyway) is so sweet when he's in love.
    Thanks! an I hope that Ben/Jys is canon as well...especially since we really don't have anyone else for him that's near his age....

    Luke and Mara seem absolutely broken. The two greatest Jedi in the universe, suddenly without the Force... that's gotta hurt, both them and the galaxy as a whole. And Jysella's wish to leave is perfectly understandable. If I were in her position, I don't think I'd want to hang around the place my family and friends were brutally massacred, either. Ben deciding to go with her was also understandable. Gotta have the priorities right; beautiful girl always beats fame and career.
    yes, luke an Mara are broken here....and it's all Ben's fault (or that's how he sees it. :p ) as for his priorities, he gets the girl, and he won't lose the fame or career just because he's off of Ossus...

    Would I be right in expecting a sequel? Would begging help?
    Ah, I'll do it anyway... [face_praying] [face_praying] [face_praying] PLEASE!!!!

    yes, i'm writing a sequel...or at least a story which starts after the events of this one....different story, different concept...so it's not a sequel in the same sense that Scream 2 was a sequel to Scream.....but it's a sequel in the sense that its the same characters that i've tortured here .....
  14. emeraldshadow Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 7, 2005
    star 3
    I read the rest of the story on FF.net so I didn't get to read the replies and am probably repeating what's already been said but...


    Hmmm, I guess you are human after all.

    The writing was fantastic as always but making Jacen the villian seemed like a rather cheap trick (even though I know that's what you had planned all along) and the climax of the story and the last couple of chapters deffinitely fell flat in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, it was still good, but it wasn't great. I expected better from you. Just my opinion.


    Of course, maybe I'm just saying all this because I was pulling for Dark Yoda in the end. ;)

    You still did a great job and I still can hardly find fault with the first half of the story.

    -Marie
  15. Kidan TFN EU Staff

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    star 5
    emeraldshadow
    I read the rest of the story on FF.net so I didn't get to read the replies and am probably repeating what's already been said but...
    Ah goodie, my decision to post this over there was a good move then...:D

    Hmmm, I guess you are human after all.
    aye...my humanity is one of many failings...

    The writing was fantastic as always but making Jacen the villian seemed like a rather cheap trick (even though I know that's what you had planned all along)
    Thanks! and yes, Jacen was the villian the entire time....the only thing that really changed from my initial plans was 1) Jacen "dying" halfway through and 2) Ben not getting Tahiri. 1 happened because folks were guessing Jacen as the killer, and I wanted to scoot the thoughts away from him...and 2 happened because I felt Tahiri needed the time to heal out on Tatooine, rather than staying around on Ossus especially after everything Jacen did...

    and the climax of the story and the last couple of chapters deffinitely fell flat in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, it was still good, but it wasn't great. I expected better from you. Just my opinion.
    I can understand that...there are some parts where I feel that it fell flat as well, especially getting from Ossus to Korriban....

    Of course, maybe I'm just saying all this because I was pulling for Dark Yoda in the end. ;)
    and if i could have thought of a reasonable way to bring him back from being one with the Force, we would have had Dark!Yoda....:p

    You still did a great job and I still can hardly find fault with the first half of the story.
    Thanks!!
  16. Kidan TFN EU Staff

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    Jul 20, 2003
    star 5
    I'd like to say thanks to everyone who nominated this fic in the various categories it was in:

    Best Canon (Which it qualified in)
    Best Action
    Best Drama
    Best All-Around
    Best Epic
    Best Canon Male for Ben
    Best Villian for Jacen
    Best Ensemble Cast

    And of course much thanks for the Best New Author and Best Author nods.


    I can honestly say, I was not expecting that at all. I'm trying to think of something acceptable for the Canon Excerpt, and welcome anyone's and everyones thoughts and opinions..


    But again, i'd like to just say thanks! [:D]
  17. Kissa Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 30, 2006
    star 3
    You're welcome:p

    :rolleyes:Although to tell the truth, I was worried that with all of us fans nominating this story in different categories it wasn't going to qualify for any. I'm really glad that it did![:D]

    And double congrats on the noms for Best and New Author. If anyone deserves it you do!:)
  18. Kidan TFN EU Staff

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    star 5
    Kissa
    You're welcome:p
    :p

    :rolleyes:Although to tell the truth, I was worried that with all of us fans nominating this story in different categories it wasn't going to qualify for any. I'm really glad that it did![:D]
    [face_laugh]aye..it did look that way didn't it....

    And double congrats on the noms for Best and New Author. If anyone deserves it you do!:)
    [face_blush]you're just trying to make me blush aint ya...
  19. sabers12 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2005
    star 1
    WHY!?! Why does everyone have to be mean to Jacen!?!
    How can anyone like Lumiya and not Jacen!!! She's the one who corrupted him!!
  20. Kidan TFN EU Staff

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    Jul 20, 2003
    star 5
    [face_laugh]i'm mean to ALL the characters.....

    actually I'd have to argue that Vergere started his corruption, because he didn't have the capacity to quite understand the lessons she was trying to teach....


    Thanks for reading!
  21. rebel_cheese Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 6, 2006
    star 4
    This. Was. Cool. :cool:

    Quite possibly the most violent fic I've ever read on these boards too (besides my own, anyway :p).

    *looks at the dead list* That's a lot . . . :eek:

    I'm glad there was a happy ending, and now, I'll check the sequel out.

    Great fic. I can't believe it was your first one.
  22. Maggy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 2, 2004
    star 4
    :eek::eek:[face_plain]:_|[face_thinking]:(:eek::cool:

    =D=

    when I started I wondered if you are going to kill each chapter someone, it didn't happen :p
    think that Ben and Jys are making an interesting couple and despite the love story of those two echos still the admiration/love thing with Tahiri what reminds me of Anakin and Padmé

    oh and the april's fools day post let me question your sanity since I didn't know what day you posted it on :p ;)

    *hopes to find time to read the sequal*

    ~ Mags ~
  23. Kidan TFN EU Staff

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    star 5
    rebel_cheese
    This. Was. Cool. :cool:
    Thanks!

    Quite possibly the most violent fic I've ever read on these boards too (besides my own, anyway :p).
    [face_laugh]i tried....

    *looks at the dead list* That's a lot . . . :eek:
    aye...that it was...

    I'm glad there was a happy ending, and now, I'll check the sequel out.
    [face_dancing]

    Great fic. I can't believe it was your first one.
    well first of any length....i'd written a number of viggies by the time this was done...





    Maggy
    " :eek::eek:[face_plain]:_|[face_thinking]:(:eek::cool:"
    :D:cool:[face_mischief][face_devil]:D[face_batting][face_blush]

    "=D="
    [face_dancing]

    when I started I wondered if you are going to kill each chapter someone, it didn't happen :p
    think that Ben and Jys are making an interesting couple and despite the love story of those two echos still the
    admiration/love thing with Tahiri what reminds me of Anakin and Padmé
    nope...i didn't kill someone every chapter...i came awfully close though :)...

    oh and the april's fools day post let me question your sanity since I didn't know what day you posted it on :p ;)
    [face_laugh]I enjoyed posting that.....

    *hopes to find time to read the sequal*
    *hopes so as well*
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