Saga Jar Jar's Misery(v 2.0)

Author: Darth_Gangrenous
Time frame: During TPM
Setting: Battlefield on Naboo
Characters: Jar Jar Binks, battle droids
Genre: Action/Humor/Romance?
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of Star Wars or any of the characters or situations developed by LFL or others.


Jar Jar Binks looked on in fear and disbelief as battalion after battalion of battle droids marched across the green field and through the energy shield. As soon as they passed the edge of the energy shield, the battle droids began firing their blaster rifles as they marched towards the Gungan defensive position in their effort to overwhelm the lines of resistance.

“This is bad bombin’” Jar Jar said as he grabbed a boomer and threw it at the nearest battle droid.
The boomer struck a glancing blow to the side of the droids head, cracking the casing and creating a shower of golden sparks and bolts of blue electricity crackled along the droids head and body. The droid began convulsing wildly and dropped its blaster rifle as its circuits scrambled, before falling to the ground.

As Jar Jar turned his attention and his mind, such as it was, back to the on going battle and forgetting about the droid that he downed, it began to stir then slowly got back to its feet. It began marching around wildly, bumping into other droids that it passed by.

The malfunctioning droid picked up a blaster from a fallen battle droid and began firing, hitting several droids with bolts of crimson energy, destroying them as it slowly made its way from behind the lanky and clumsy Gungan that had disabled it.

The droid finally made its way to Jar Jar Binks when it suddenly dropped its blaster and its photo receptors suddenly took on a sympathetic and lustful look as sparks continued to be emitted from the crack in its head. It quickly glomped the Gungan and began planting “kisses” all along Jar Jar’s neck and long floppy ears all the while saying in its droning metallic voice, “I love you”.

A very shocked and more bewildered than usual Jar Jar began running in circles, flailing his arms like a crazed ewok and screaming, “Get it off, get it off me! Leave messa alone, stupid droid!”

The droid clung tightly to the screaming Jar Jar the whole while it continued to “kiss” the now completely mortified Gungan.

Jar Jar became insane with hysteria and screamed even louder as the droid started feeling him up as it held on tight. It gave a high pitched “I love you” as a final burst of sparks shot out of its head and the droid fell to the ground “lifeless” as black and gray smoke poured out of it.

A know completely crazed Jar Jar, faints and falls face down on top of the now non-functional battle droid.

 

I'm not sure how I feel right now... I'll say I felt at times that this was genius, hilarious, and disturbing.... and also that that was a very well-written jar-jar.



but also what the-

 

Oshi-

 

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I don't know how to respond to this