JCC BB Theater Company

For our first production we will be performing
HELLO DOLLY
Starring:

Kitty ... Dolly Levi
d_boy ... Horace Vandergelder
GIMER ... Cornelius Hackl
_princess_leia_ ... Irene Molloy
JR ... Barnaby Tucker
ASO ... Minnie Fay
Espy ... Ermengarde Vandergelder
Souderwan ... Ambrose Kemper
ApolloSmileGirl ... Gussie Granger/Ernestina Simple
Suzuki ... Rudolph Reisenweber
Everton ... Fritz, German waiter
Darth_Guy ... Joe, Vandergelder's barber
J. Pat O'Malley ... Policeman in Park
SWA ... Louis, Orchestra Leader
Sith-Lord-Gunray ... Female Customer #1
Darth_Morella ... Female Customer #2

We hope you enjoy!

The scene starts with Dolly meeting Horace to tell him of the match she has made for him.

 

Everton is a nazi?

 

No, not a nazi, just a German.
And since SWA was voted out, you get moved up to Orchestra Leader and Morella gets moved up to Female Customer #1.
Isn't it nice to be an understudy?

 

Great idea!!

Come on, Kitten, get us started!
You're in the opening scene.


Chris, will my character name have rhyming potential in the play?


-JR

 

Sure.
He and Millie Fay hook up.
Haven't you seen this Barbara Streisand classic yet?

 

Nope.
Even though everyone thinks I'm gay, I haven't seen all the classical musicals.


So are we acting out OUR version of this baby?


-JR

 

Yep. No need to keep to the script exactly.

Basic story people:
Dolly is a matchmaker secretly in love with Horace.
Cornelius and Barnaby work for Horace and have never been out of their small town.
Have never even kissed a girl.
Ermengarde wants to marry Ambrose but her dad Horace won't let them.
They decide to elope but Dolly stops them and tells them to go to the city for dinner.

Dolly sends the boys to town to meet her at a hatmaker's shop.
Hatmakers are Irene and Minnie. The boys fall for them.

Dolly has sent Horace to meet Irene, knowing the boys will be there.
Horace leaves in a huff after finding Irene has had a man in her shop.

The boys go on a date to dinner with the girls.
Horace agrees to meet another match at dinner.
The match Ernestina Simple is a setup that Dolly knows Horace will hate.
All the couples end up in the same dinner where Dolly/Horace are eating.
The boys don't have any money to pay for dinner.
Dolly talks Horace into marrying her.

 

Alright....
Curtain comes up...


Hey Barnaby! I see Ms Levi is back in town.
Do you think she's found anyone for Mr Vandergelder yet?

 

I don't know, Cornelius.

But I tell you something, I wish she'd find someone for me! Oh how I long for the joy that surely must be present when one nuzzles in the bosom of a young lady.

We need to get ourselves out of this town, my friend...


-JR

 

It just so happens, that Ms Levi gave me four tickets to the circus and asked me to stop by a shop in the city for her.
Shall we blow up Mr Vandegelder's store and make them think we were killed in the explosion so we can skip town?

 

It seems just a teeeensy bit excessive, Corny, but I'm desperate for some excitement and if blowing up the store has the potential of leading to an explosion in my trousers, then I'm all for it, my friend and trusted confidante.


-JR

 

Here brother Barnaby... take this 100 proof malt liquor and stuff a rag in the top.

*hands him, bottle, rag and match*
[image=http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/1514340/2/istockphoto_1514340_molotov_cocktail.jpg]

 

Thank you, my friend.

**takes quick swig of liquor**

**stealthily runs towards store**

**theatrically lobs molotov into air**


POOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEERRRRRR!!!!!! UUUUNNNNNLIIIMITED POOOOOOOWWWWWWWAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!


Run, Corny!
Let's get out of here!!


-JR

 

*Runs and jumps on the train to the big city*

We're free!

I wonder what type of girls we'll meet in the city?

 

If they are anything like this train:

- Fast and loose up the line
- Blowing the whistle regularly
- Letting out a hoot as you come into a tunnel
- And with a caboose you can feel comfortable in

...that'd be grrrrreat!!!


Do you think they'll be lots to choose from then, Cornelius?


-JR

 

Oh there must be dozens of girls in the city Barnaby.
I saw it in a movie once....

* sings *
WHEN YOU GET TO THE CITY
YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE
HOW MANY LOVELY GIRLS
YOU COULD NOT CONCIEVE
A MORE PLENTIFUL,
BOUNTIFUL
WOMAN-FULL,
CITY-FULL-OF
AVAILABLE
WONDERFUL
*** GIRLS! ****

Do you know how to dance Barnaby?
I heard girls like to dance.

 

I sure can, Cornelius!

**keeps on with the force and doesn't stop
doesn't stop until he gets enough**

**sings**


WHEN WE GET TO THE CITY
WE WILL NOT BELIEVE
HOW MANY LOVELY ****IES
WE COULD NOT CONCIEVE
A MORE PLENTIFUL,
BOUNTIFUL
WOMAN-FULL,
CHEST-FULL-OF
AVAILABLE
WONDERFUL
*** ****IES! ****


-JR

 

CORNELIUS: Barnaby!

BARNABY: Yes Cornelius?

CORNELIUS: You can't say that! There's much more to women than ****ies.
Why there's... Well there's...
...all right. You got me there! *laughs*

TOGETHER:

PLENTIFUL,
BOUNTIFUL
WOMAN-FULL,
CHEST-FULL-OF
AVAILABLE
WONDERFUL
*** ****IES! ****

 

HELLO DOLLY 2007 UPDATED VERSION CLOSES ON BB BROADWAY
July 23, 2007, 09:10 AM ET
A classic musical updated to modern times will close less than a month after it opened on BB Broadway. The newly christened:"What's Shakin' Dolly," which was critically loved, had its final performance on July. 20, closing after 1 performance.

It follows failures like last year's flop "Lennon," about the late Beatle.

The failure of the show was mainly due to the majority of the cast never showing up. Cast member Jay told us in an exclusive interview, "It's hard to dow What's Shakin' Dolly, when Dolly never shows up. If I ever get my hands on those *****s there'll be HELL TO PAY!"
Neither the rest of the cast, nor producer epic could not be found for comment.

COPYRIGHT: (c) Reuters 2007

 

I had my eye on the Tony, too!!

But unfortunately 'Dolly' couldn't be bothered to say 'hello' to us, Could she?!

Oh, no.

She has her head shoved so far up her casserole pot, that the 'little people' just don't matter!

To paraphrase Michael Stipe:

So **** you, Kiiiitten!


-JR

 

I guess we just need to do a 2 man show.
Any ideas?

 

Not gonna be much use to you today, Chris, as I'm up to my eyes in it at work and heading home early to finish reading the final 115 pages of Potter.

Will get back on it tomorrow.


-JR

 

Ah, so you're not to the part yet where blah blah blahs?
Great, well keep reading then.