JCC JCCNN: It's Back, Dammit:Interview with Obi-Zahn Kenobi!

RH: Good evening, this is Rogue1-and-a-half at the anchor desk for JCCNN. Hopefully, you remember our previous iterations, first as EUCNN, the only respectable news source to cover the EU Community forum. We previously expanded into the Community forums a few years ago. Unfortunately, the economic crisis, as well as a small kerfuffle involving one of our staff members beating rhonderoo about the head and shoulders with a club, led to the shutdown of our network.

But 2012 was an incredibly eventful year for the Jedi Council, so what better time for a relaunch? A policy to limit the situations in which rhonderoo may be assaulted with clubs is currently in the works.

Well, with all the issues surrounding the massive JC move, plus the surprising news that the Star Wars film franchise would be continuing, as well as other issues which we will explore, it was difficult to decide where to begin. We’ve decided to open with a special interview with the JC’s head admin himself.

So, let’s welcome our special guest, Gumby.

G: Grimby.

RH: And grimby to you too, sir.

G: No, no, my name is Grimby.

RH: Yes, your name is very grimby.

G: No, no, I . . . okay, fine, look, just ask your questions and let’s get this over with.

RH: All right, so we know several major issues happened in 2012. Just give us a picture of how your year went.

G: Well, it was very busy. Exhausting, frankly.

RH: I’m sure.

G: Being on the campaign trail with Mitt Romney was really intense, as I’m sure you would guess.

RH . . .

G: Yes, I feel America has taken the first step into a thousand years of darkness with this election. But, heck, America is a democracy.

RH: Yes . . .

G: (darkly) For now.

RH: Well, let me ask you specifically about the JC move. I suppose the biggest problem to come out of the move was this issue of truncated posts.

G: Yes.

RH: There was a tremendous amount of unrest in FanFic over the truncation of their posts.

G: Well, let’s not exaggerate. They were somewhat annoyed.

RH: You were burned in effigy.

G: Somewhat miffed?

RH: Alright, I think the thing to ask at this point is obvious. When will the truncated posts be restored to their proper length?

G: That is something that Mike is currently working on.

RH: I see. Let’s take things in a more personal direction. How do you feel about your recent nomination in the 2012 JC Awards in the category of Worst Mod or Admin?

G: Oh, that. Ha ha. Well, I guess I can take a little good natured joshing as well as the next guy. He he.

RH: What about the fact that Sith-Lord-Gunray claims her account was hacked and then later that afternoon every user that nominated you was mysteriously permabanned?

G: That would be something you would need to talk to Mike about.

RH: Hmm, well, okay. Um, about this Mike that you keep bringing up, I don’t believe that I know him or anything about him. Or, in fact, have seen any evidence that he actually exists.

G: Well, I just happen to have a photograph of him right here on my phone.

RH: Oh, excellent, let’s put that up on the screen . . .



RH: I’m . . . pretty sure that’s Bigfoot.

G: Nicknames are between you and him.

RH: Okay, well, I know you’re quite busy. Anything else you’d like to blame Mike for before you go?

G: The fact that the JCC is going to be entirely deleted on February 1st.

RH: . . .

G: Or has that not been leaked yet?

RH: . . .

G: I stand corrected.

RH: Any thing you’d like to say to the JC’s users before you go?

G: You’re all doomed.

RH: Great, very good. Inspiring words from our fearless leader. Once again, a big thank you to our special guest, Grumpy.

G: Grimby.

RH: You’re welcome.

black

No, they're better because he makes up the answers. Reposting a classic:

(edit: good god, 2001? this thing was posted almost twelve years ago... )

MS discussions in a nutshell.

Don't worry, you'll be in one soon.

This thread is gold.

Love it. That's pretty much how any conversation with Grimby goes.

Great stuff, Rogue 1.5. EUCNN was just plain fun back in the day, and this is off to a fine start.

RH: Good evening, I’m Rogue1-and-a-half and this is JCCNN. Tonight, a special report on some loosening of the profanity rules here in the JCC. But first, we go to our special correspondent, farraday, on assignment in Comms. Let’s get an update on what’s going on there. Farraday, are you there?

*image of farraday, standing in front of a bombed out wasteland*

F: Hi, Rogue. I have not seen a human face in fifteen weeks. I have been taken in by a feral wolf pack and survive only because of my ferocity and the slicing power of my now incredibly long fingernails. My memory of human language is beginning to fade with each passing day.

RH: Good to hear. Be sure to keep us posted.

F: Me go now.

RH: All right, that was special correspondent farraday, giving us the picture of the current debates that are raging in the Comms forum.

And now, it’s time for us to turn to another piece of news. As the JC becomes a smaller place, the atmosphere becomes more familial. Language that once would have been frowned on has become more acceptable. Today, we’ve chosen to focus on one specific term. “Jesus Christ” used to be allowable only when referencing the actual person, Jesus Christ; now, of course, it can be used as a slang term. So, today, in order to get some opinion on this shift, we have here a very special guest, Jesus Christ himself.

JC: Good to be here, Rogue.

RH: Let me give You a special thank You for stopping by. I’m sure You have a very busy schedule.

JC: I suppose, but I thought, “If Grimy can take time to give an interview, so can I.”

RH: Grimby.

JC: You’re welcome.

RH: Okay, let’s get right to it. How do You feel about the fact that users can now use Your name in what some would call a more disrespectful fashion?

JC: Frankly, I’m fine with it.

RH: Really?

JC: I get royalties.

RH: Say no more. Well, we decided that as long as You’re here, we wanted to bring in another special guest to talk about some issues he seems to have with You. So, let’s welcome timmoishere!

JC: Oh, God.

T: Hi, Rogue.

*awkward pause*

T: (curt nod) Jesus.

JC: Hey, what’s up?

RH: Well, okay, guys, I hope we can get some clarity here. What exactly is the issue between the two of you?

T: Go ahead, Jesus. Tell him.

JC: Well, I stole his girlfriend.

RH: You stole his girlfriend?

JC: Not My finest hour.

T: It hurt, man.

JC: I should take this opportunity to apologize . . .

T: Don’t even go there. You only got her because of that hipster beard of yours.

JC: And the fact that I could raise the dead and heal the sick with but a touch from My hand.

T: You were basically a massage therapist, man.

JC: Son of Man.

RH: So, timmo, this really felt like a doublecross?

JC: . . .

RH: Pardon the term.

T: Mary Magdalene and I were meant to be together.

*door slams open to reveal Vaders LaMent*

RH: What are you doing here?

VLM: Jesus, I have to know. Warp Drive.

JC: Yeah, give it up, dude, never gonna happen.

VLM: Damn it.

JC: Will do.

black

Nice.

RH: Good evening, this is Rogue1-and-a-half. Tonight we’re going to explore one of the most shattering events of 2012, an event that shook the JC to its very core and promises to have rippling effects for years to come. In short, beezel was scammed out of $14,000.

*RH puts hand to earpiece*

RH: Oh, I do apologize, that story has been pushed to another night. Tonight we’ll be focusing on something almost as important, namely the announcement that there will be a new Star Wars movie coming out in the years to come. Of course, one of the most significant developments that followed this announcement was the formation of an entirely new forum for discussion of this new film which will be coming. Tonight, we’re in that forum to get a ground level view, from one of its most popular mods, DarthBoba, a man deeply respected, deeply loved and a nominee for Worst Mod of 2012.

DB: Good to be here, Rogue.

RH: Okay, DarthBoba, so I suppose the first thing I want to do is get some of the pertinent details about this new film. Now, I’d rather not get into any spoilers, but I assume the spy reports coming out must be packed full of them, right?

DB: No.

RH: I understand; to reveal any of the many sources would be to endanger their jobs with Disney.

DB: No.

RH: A man of few words. Okay, well, without spoilers, what can you tell our viewers of what we know of this film? Some of the major topics of discussion in this forum, in other words.

DB: Well, we know that the film will exist sometime in the future.

RH: Yes, go on.

DB: It’ll be called Episode VII.

RH: I said NO spoilers.

DB: Sorry.

RH: And that’s basically it for this forum?

DB: Why, of course not, ha ha ha, that would be ridiculous.

RH: So what are some of the other things that go on here?

DB: Female celebrities are photoshopped holding lightsabers.

RH: I see. Well, let’s discuss your moderating duties. What do those basically consist of?

DB: Well, it’s kind of hard to explain . . .

*a Random Newbie appears next to DB*

RN: hi i am new here i have heard that a new movei is comin will anaken be in it i heard htat sumbody named grand admiral thorn is maybe gonna be a huge deal

*DB raises right arm and reveals a massive flamethrower*

RH: Um, where did you get that . . .

RN: n anyways i think taht olive munn would be a hot jedi i hope she uses 3 litesabers at one time do you think we will see the desert planet again it hink that batman should be in it

*DB’s face becomes like stone; a small cough of flame escapes from the muzzle of the flamethrower*

RH: Um, that looks kind of dangerous. Are you sure . . .

RN: mabey voldemort and darth vadar will team up and hans solo will fight them both but with a new actor coz the old hans is old and maybe taylor lautner culd play the role this time but he wouldnt turn into a wolf in this one but then gandolf would . . .

*DB spins violently toward the RN; the camera goes wild*

*loud whooshing sound; blurred shot of RH’s horrified face ends pointing at the sky*

RH: (off camera) Oh sweet Jesus

*second burst of loud whooshing*

RH: (off camera) oh jesus oh jesus christ

black

Let's post that in all of the Episode VII threads. All of them.

I put that in specially for you.