There are other ignoramuses on the internet that need enlightening (via rolled up 'the economist' magazine). He can't devote all his time to bring us out of the intellectual black hole that we reside in.
What's wrong with Jim Ross? He's a legend, and I based it on the two of you sharing Midwest sensibilities, and I'd imagine you'd be a fascinating fellow to listen to if you were to broadcast a sports/entertainment event.