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Before - Legends Jedi Apprentice: The Rising Force -- Rewrite -- Chapter 5 Posted (Obi-Wan, Adventure, Novel)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by jedi_master_ousley, Feb 25, 2004.

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  1. jedi_master_ousley

    jedi_master_ousley Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jun 14, 2002
    This is my personal adaptation of the Jedi Apprentice novels. As they are young reader novels, they can be rather short at times, and lacking deep explanation. I will be adding to that. Much of the original text from the novels by Dave Wolverton and Jude Watson will remain the same, though a lot will be added, and slight story elements might be changed.

    Remember, all storylines belong to Dave Wolverton (for this one) and LFL.

    [b]Jedi Apprentice: The Rising Force[/b]

    [i]Twelve-year-old Obi-Wan Kenobi desperately wants to be a Jedi Knight. After years at the Jedi Temple, he knows the power of the lightsaber and the Force. But he cannot control his own anger and fear. Because of this, Qui-Gon Jinn will not take him on as a Padawan apprentice.

    Now Obi-Wan is about to have his first encounted with true evil. He must face off against unexpected enemies--and face up to his own dark wishes.

    Only then can his education as a Jedi truly begin.[/i]


    [b]Chatper One[/b]

    The red blade of his opponent?s lightsaber hissed through the air, its wielder attacking and defending in a steady rhythem. Obi-Wan Kenobi was not able to see the red gleam of the blade through the blindfold that was impeding his vision. His ally in this battle was the Force; telling him at which moments to attack, block, and duck.

    The searing heat of his opponent's blade nearly burned him as it slashed overhead. The air had the aroma of lightning.

    "Good!" Yoda called from the sidelines of the room. "Let go. Let your feelings guide you."

    These words of encouragement spurred Obi-Wan on, his techniques sharpening and his focus being more on the battle than ever.

    Because of his height and strength for a twelve-year-old, many assumed that he would have an excellent advantage in battle. But strength and size meant nothing where agility and speed were needed, and they did not have any affect on a person's ability to use the Force, something that Obi-Wan was still trying to master.

    Obi-Wan listened intently for the sound of his foe's lightsaber, for his breathing, for the scrape of a shoe against the floor, for any sound that would give away the next move of his opponent. The chamber they were battling in was small but with a high ceiling, and sounds echoed loudly, aiding in a contestant?s perceptions during the battle.

    A random jumble of blocks and other obstacles littered the floor, adding another element to the already difficult battle. The Force had to be used to sense these blocks as well, making the battle dangerous if you are not paying attention. With such uneven footing, it would be easy to lose balance and take a potentially fatal fall if it were a real battle and not a training duel.

    Behind Obi-Wan, Yoda warned, "Keep your guard up, you must, Obi-Wan!"

    Obi-Wan immediately raised his lightsaber to a defensive position, and then dropped and rolled to his right as his foe slashed his lightsaber into the ground where Obi-Wan had been moments before. He took a leap back over a pile of blocks, and heard the swish of his opponents lightsaber once again hit the spot where had he just been.

    His opponent?s strikes started becoming clumsy, motivated by irritation and fatigue.

    The sweat trickling under Obi-Wan's blindfold became more abundant, causing his eyes to sting. He blocked it out, and also tried to block out his pleasure at his opponents clumsiness. Focusing on the battle itself should be foremost, not his emotions caused by the battle.

    He did, however, begin to imagine his opponent as a Togorian, and himself as a fully trained Jedi Master. For Obi-Wan, things like this helped heighten his skills, and raise his confidence in battle. In his mind's eye, he could see his opponent as the Togorian, his fangs as long as Obi-Wan's fingers, the armored creature glaring at him through eyes that were nothing more than evil green slits, the enemy showing off its claws that could easily rip a human's skin from his bone.

    This vision gave him renewed energy and determination, helpin>
  2. Darth-Seldon

    Darth-Seldon Jedi Grand Master star 6

    May 17, 2003
    Very good. I'm still reading but what I have read was excellent. I remember loving this book when it first came off. I know I will be interested in reading more of it, in this thread.

  3. jedi_master_ousley

    jedi_master_ousley Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jun 14, 2002

    I just went through and corrected some spelling and grammar mistakes, it should be a little bit better to read now. :)
  4. jedi_master_ousley

    jedi_master_ousley Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jun 14, 2002
    Chatper 2

    Obi-Wan Kenobi was placing bandages upon his burns, thinking of ways that he could impress Qui-Gon the next morning and perhaps be chosen as his apprentice. He considered different strategies, ways to improve his fighting skills, things he could possibly say that would make him seem worthy of being Qui-Gon?s apprentice.

    He was hoping beyond all hope that he would be chosen. He was the oldest trainee still in the Temple, and therefore needed to be chosen before anyone else if he was to succeed as a Jedi.

    He heard a knock at the door, and got up and opened it. Docent Vant, a Jedi Knight, entered the room. She had a sullen look to her blue face, and her Twi?lek head tails were twitching nervously. She handed Obi-Wan a data pad, and suddenly all of Obi-Wan?s hopes and dreams were shattered.

    He read the data pad three times before it could completely sink in. He was being ordered to report to a transport to the planet Bandomeer?a planet he had never even heard of in the Outer Rim?to join the Agricultural Corps. He realized that his taunts of Bruck had just slapped him in the face.

    ?Hey, it isn?t that horrible?? Docent Vant said. She was trying to comfort Obi-Wan, but it wasn?t doing any good. Obi-Wan was upset, and there wasn?t anything that anyone could do to change that right now. He needed to work this out on his own time.

    ?I just don?t understand,? he said. ?I still have four weeks until my birthday.?

    ?I know,? Docent said. ?But the ship you are to leave on tomorrow, the Monument, leaves tomorrow morning, with a thousand miners aboard. It can not wait just because it isn?t your birthday yet.?

    Obi-Wan slowly started looking around his room, too shocked to reply. Overhead, three model Verpine fighters droned near the ceiling, models he had made himself. They were held up by repulsorlift fields, and their lights were flashing blue and green as the fighters floated about. Miniature, insect-like pilots swiveled their heads, as if they were looking around the room. Books, charts, and other personal objects were piled on his study table. His lightsaber was hanging in its usual spot on the wall, easily in reach in case of some strange emergency.

    It was his home. He could never imagine leaving the Temple to work in the Agri-Corps, his whole life had been here, how could it be taken away from him unfairly? The only way he could imagine leaving it was for the life of an apprentice. But certainly not to become a farmer!

    Obi-Wan knew he would never become a Jedi Knight now. Bruck was right, he conceded bitterly. Yoda really had been trying to make him feel better. There really were plenty of more highly qualified students than Obi-Wan. It just wasn?t fair!

    The shock and despair made him feel nauseous. He raised his gaze back to Docent. ?I could still be a Jedi Knight. Somehow??

    Docent touched Obi-Wan?s hand, smiling warmly. Then she shook her head, her expression turning sullen. ?Not everyone is meant to be a warrior, Obi-Wan. The Republic needs healers and farmers, too. There are many other ways to be great than by proving yourself in battle. You character is more important than your fighting skills. Your talent will help feed hungry people, not kill them! You?ll be preserving life, Obi-Wan, you should be proud to have that opportunity as well.?

    ?But? ?Obi-Wan wanted to protest, to say he felt cheated out of his future, that he deserved more time. ?It?s a job for rejects, failures, those too weak to become Knights. Qui-Gon is coming tomorrow, Yoda said I should fight for him, and there was a chance I could be accepted!?

    Docent shook her head. ?That was before the Council learned what you did to Bruck Chun. Did you really think you could get away with something like that??

    Obi-Wan sat there, staring in horror. How could have been so blind as to not see Bruck?s intentions on a larger scale? Bruck must have faked being injured worse than he was, faked a story to get Obi-Wan in trouble. It was so simple, and yet so effective.
  5. Opal

    Opal Jedi Padawan star 4

    Nov 17, 2003
    Hey, I always thought that there should have been a more in depth version of these for those of us who are older than 12.
  6. Hananiah

    Hananiah Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 15, 2003
    Wonderful rewrite, very deep! It's nice to see a longer version of the books for older kids
  7. jedi_master_ousley

    jedi_master_ousley Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jun 14, 2002
    Thank you for the compliments! :D

    Sorry about the delay in getting this up, I've been rather busy.

    Anyway, here's Chatper 3:

    Chapter 3

    The next morning when Obi-Wan woke up, his minor wounds and burns had healed, partly due to the self-healing techniques performed by Jedi, and partly due to the large quantities of medicines the Jedi Temple kept in stock. No matter how quickly his body healed, however, the wounds in his heart would take a much longer time to heal.

    As he exited his room and went into the busier areas of the Jedi Temple that morning, he couldn't help but think it would be the last time he would see the Temple. He headed into the dining room, where many Jedi students were already eating breakfast. He got some food, and sat down with some of his friends; Bant, Reeft, Garen Muln, and a few others.

    All throughout the meal, his friend Reeft kept asking everyone for their food. Reeft had an unnaturally large appetite, and therefore was hungry almost all the time. Whenever mealtime arrived, even after having his own share of food, he was always scouting for food donors.

    Even though Obi-Wan had not eaten anything the night before, he was still not hungry, mainly due to the mood he was in because of the situation. He was afraid to eat because he wasn't sure he could keep it down, and nothing really sounded appetizing to him anyway.

    "It won't be so bad," Garen Muln said to Obi-Wan. "At least you're going on an adventure of sorts." Garen had always been restless, which Obi-Wan believed was the basis of this comment. Garen was always wanting to go somewhere, do something, be in the action. He had even received stillness exercises from Yoda when he was younger to ease some of his energy.

    "And you'll be around food," Reeft added, obviously still thinking about the meal.

    "Who knows where each of us will end up," Bant commented. "Each of us has a different path ahead of us."

    "And each of them will be unexpected," Garen said. "That's what Yoda has always said. Not everyone is meant to be an apprentice."

    Obi-Wan nodded distantly. He knew his friends were trying to cheer him up, but at the moment it was only making him feel worse. The fact that as of right now, all of them still have plenty of time to become an apprentice made him feel worthless. No matter how friendly they tried to be, they all still knew that his hopes and dreams of becoming a Jedi Knight had been crushed the night before.

    Obi-Wan looked around, noticing the general flow of the students around him. Many would glance over at him, look away, then either continue eating or make a comment to a friend. It seemed that the news about what had happened to him had spread pretty quickly. He could tell that while many felt sorry for him, they were all glad that it had happened to him and not to them.

    He could hear loud conversation from Bruck and his friends, all making loud comments about Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan's gaze caught Bruck's, and Bruck's gave him a daring look, begging him to start another fight.

    "Just ignore him," Bant said. "He's just trying to make you look bad."

    Obi-Wan turned away to finish his meal, and about that time a rather large, orange Barabel fruit landed right on his tray, having been thrown from across the room. Juices squirted all over those at the table, but they all tried to ignore it. Obi-Wan looked around to see what was going on, and saw that Bruck had gotten up and walked partway across the room to throw it.

    "Plant it, Oafy," Bruck taunted. "I hear they grow just about anywhere."

    Obi-Wan started to get up and retaliate, but Bant put her hand over his and held him down, attempting to calm his nerves. Obi-Wan looked Bruck in the eyes and smiled, keeping himself in complete control for once. He's just trying to make me often in the past have I been played like this? I won't lose my chance to become a Padawan this time? Though, underneath his calm outlook, rage was still burning deep down within him.

    Just then, Reeft muttered, "I don't m
  8. Jedi_Knight_Darkarna

    Jedi_Knight_Darkarna Jedi Master star 1

    Jan 18, 2004
    Very well done, I love that book and I'm pleased to see you've done such a great job with rewriting it.
    lol how do you feel about rewrite the other 19 books in the series :p
  9. jedi_master_ousley

    jedi_master_ousley Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jun 14, 2002
    lol how do you feel about rewrite the other 19 books in the series

    Well, since I have an unbelievable amount of free time, I may eventually get them all done. :p
  10. Jedi_Knight_Darkarna

    Jedi_Knight_Darkarna Jedi Master star 1

    Jan 18, 2004
    Now that?s dedication ;)
  11. jedi_master_ousley

    jedi_master_ousley Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jun 14, 2002
    Now all I need is more motivation. :p

    Speaking of which, I'm working on Chatper 4 right now. :)
  12. Jedi_Knight_Darkarna

    Jedi_Knight_Darkarna Jedi Master star 1

    Jan 18, 2004
    haha, I'm about to post a new chapter for my fan fic too, I better get back to it :)
  13. jeday

    jeday Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jan 4, 2004
    Yes, give Obi-Wan another chance! :)
  14. Hananiah

    Hananiah Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 15, 2003

    Great rewrite I love all of these posts and can't wait for more! GO Obi!!!!
  15. jedi_master_ousley

    jedi_master_ousley Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jun 14, 2002
    JKD: I'll add yours to my long list of "Fanfics to read one of these days"

    Jeday: All will be revealed in time. [face_devil]

    Hanna: Thank you!

    Chatper Four

    Bruck?s red lightsaber crackled and hissed through the air as Obi-Wan desperately made an attempt to parry the blow. For the fourth time in less than a day the two were again pitted against each other in combat, grunting and struggling to keep the fight going as long as possible.

    Obi-Wan?s muscles ached, sweat drenched his tunic, and his breath was increasing steadily throughout the duel. Bruck?s strength, determination, and endurance were surprising to Obi-Wan. Had Bruck went easier the night before because he knew that Obi-Wan would be tired today? No, Obi-Wan thought. Even Bruck wouldn?t do that. Bruck was fighting desperately, as if his life depended on this battle. His future certainly depended on it, that much was certain. At that moment, Obi-Wan realized that Bruck was just as worried about not becoming an apprentice as he was.

    Even with all his weariness, Obi-Wan could still match Bruck?s toughness with his own. Obi-Wan continued to push harder and harder, never allowing himself to give up. This was his last chance to become a Padawan, he couldn?t give up now.

    Bruck?s blade hummed as it angled toward Obi-Wan?s throat. A touch to the throat would signify a killing blow, and Obi-Wan would lose the match. However, he was able to bring his saber up in defense quickly enough to block it.

    A murmur from the crowd followed this. All around the match, students and masters were watching. Obi-Wan could not even see them; his every thought focused on the battle with Bruck.

    ?Fool,? Bruck muttered quietly enough that only Obi-Wan could hear him. ?You should never have agreed to fight me. You can not win.?

    Bruck?s white hair was tied in a ponytail, and sweat stood out in droplets on his forehead. He wore heavily padded black body armor, which would protect him from any saber slashes made by the training sabers him and Obi-Wan were dueling with. The opponents had both managed to nick each other, but the strikes had not been firm enough to warrant a victory.

    As the duel raged on, many of the younger trainees cheered, calling our encouragement to Bruck or Obi-Wan. All of them had heard of the fight last night, and were very interested in seeing the rematch. Somewhere in the distance, Obi-Wan heard Bant shout ?Courage, Obi-Wan! You?re doing well!?

    ?You mean that you can?t win!? Obi-Wan countered to Bruck scornfully as their lightsabers clashed again. ?Your failure today will prove to everyone that not only are you a loser, but you are a liar.?

    The Masters had decided for them that the fight would be without blindfolds. Bruck?s face was close to Obi-Wan?s now, and unlike the sanctioned duel of day before, Obi-Wan could see the hatred glaring in Bruck?s eyes. He saw a future mapped out for Bruck, one in which anger ruled him and he hated everyone who opposed him.

    Obi-Wan reached out to the Force, feeling it flowing though him and around him. Bruck was the one who stood between Obi-Wan and his dreams, the one who had mocked him, the one who tricked him. He pushed hard against Bruck, and saw surprise in his opponent?s eyes.

    He took advantage of Bruck?s surprise and aimed an attack toward his face, lowering it at the last second and aiming it at Bruck?s chin. Bruck managed to block the attack, and swing low toward Obi-Wan?s feet. Obi-Wan easily jumped over the blade, bringing his own blade back toward his opponent.

    As a young child, Obi-Wan had been taught that flashy attacks only wasted energy that would be needed later in the duel. Instead, he had been trained to fight defensively, blocking blows with small movements, or to avoid the attack completely. He tried to take this advice to heart, but at times it was easier said than done.

    As Obi-Wan parried more of Bruck?s attacks, he could suddenly feel Qui-Gon?s eyes on him. He remembered that Qui-Gon was sometimes seen as a re
  16. jedi_master_ousley

    jedi_master_ousley Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jun 14, 2002
    Chatper 5

    Qui-Gon Jinn could not get the image of Obi-Wan Kenobi?s disappointed face out of his mind. He could tell that Obi-Wan had been trying to hide his despair, but it was certainly still there when Qui-Gon had left the boy. He could see it in Obi-Wan?s feature.

    Qui-Gon sat quietly in the Temple?s star map room. Among all the rooms in the Temple, this was his favorite. A velvety blue ceiling curved above him in a dome; the only light coming from miniature lights around him signifying stars and planets; all in different colors of the spectrum. He had only to reach up and touch a planet for a hologram to appear, giving details about the planet?s physical properties, surrounding satellites, culture, and government.

    Knowledge was easy to obtain here. But when it came to the heart, much was still a mystery.

    Qui-Gon kept telling himself that he had made the right decision; that it was better if Obi-Wan did not become a Jedi. He told himself it was the only choice he could have made that would have protected Obi-Wan?s future. He told himself that Obi-Wan had fought dangerously; with too much anger; that Obi-Wan could be dangerous in the future. Deep down, however, Qui-Gon he knew he was wrong.

    ?He isn?t my responsibility,? Qui-Gon said aloud.

    ?Certain, are you?? Yoda asked from the entrance to the room.

    Qui-Gon turned, startled at Yoda?s presence. ?I didn?t hear you,? he said politely. How long had Yoda been there? How many of his feelings had Yoda picked up on? Even after try to convince himself that he had made the right decision, he still wasn?t sure of himself. And he could tell that Yoda knew it.

    The truth was that he was afraid to take on another apprentice after what happened with his last one. He still felt guilt over the situation, and did not want Obi-Wan to turn out with similar results. He was still uncertain if his old apprentice?s problems came from his teacher or the apprentice himself.

    Yoda walked further into the room. ?Fought for you, a dozen students did, Qui-Gon. If choose one, you do not, the dreams of at least one will die today.?

    Sighing, Qui-Gon studied a bright red star on the ceiling. ?There will be more trainees next year. Perhaps then I will choose a Padawan.? During Qui-Gon?s long years at the Temple, he had almost always enjoyed time spent with Yoda. Now he just wished Yoda would go away and leave him alone. He did not want to discuss the situation right now, but he knew that Yoda would not leave until he did.

    ?Perhaps,? Yoda agreed. ?Or perhaps still reluctant you will be. What of Obi-Wan? Fought well, he did.?

    ?He fought?ferociously,? Qui-Gon disagreed.

    ?Yes,? Yoda agreed. ?Like a boy I know long ago??

    ?Don?t go there,? Qui-Gon interrupted. ?Xanatos is gone. I don?t want to be reminded of that mistake.?

    ?Not of Xanatos do I speak,? Yoda countered. ?Of you I was speaking.? Qui-Gon had no answer for this. What Yoda said was true, and he had no argument for it.

    ?Strong is the Force is Obi-Wan,? Yoda commented.

    ?And angry and reckless,? Qui-Gon argued; frustration sounding clearly in his voice now. He knew that Yoda was right, but he could not bring himself to admit it.

    ?Turn to the dark side, not all angry and reckless students do,? Yoda replied thoughtfully.

    ?I will not train him, Master Yoda,? Qui-Gon said sternly. He hoped that Yoda would understand the finality in his voice and end the discussion. Qui-Gon was very stubborn, and it would take more than Yoda?s pestering for him to choose Obi-Wan as his apprentice.

    ?Very well,? Yoda said. ?Live our lives by chance alone, we do not. If take an apprentice, you do not, in time, choose for you, fate will.?

    ?Perhaps,? Qui-Gon said distantly. ?Where will Obi-Wan go??

    ?Work for the Agricultural Corps, he will.?

    Qui-Gon sighed deeply. ?A farmer? Were there no other options?? What a waste of potential?

    ?Too late, it is. He is already getting ready to board the ship to Bandomeer.?

    ?Bandomeer?? Qui-Gon asked in su
  17. jedi7

    jedi7 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 8, 2002
    The Rising Force was, is my favorite JA book, hurry with Chap 6. 7 :)
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