Jedi Dreams-please critique my first fan fiction

Ohmigosh!!!!! I've missed this thread soooo much. My sithly computer wouldn't let me into the fan fiction section and then when it did it wouldn't let me open most of the threads or post any comments. Now it's working again and I hope it stays that way. I've just spent about an hour catching up. Alli-Wan this story is always so good. I'm looking forward to more!

 

YOOOOOHOOOOO!! Alli Wan, where'd ya' go?!?!

I'm warming up the yeast vats!!!

 

Hi, . . uh sorry guys. No story post tonight. This week I have learned that two things are truly unavoidable, death and taxes, but I also learned they can happen simulataneously if you are not careful. Let's just say life really stinks when you worked 4 jobs in 3 different states, still made only $9000 and still somehow owe the government money. Needless to say, life has been nuts this week and the only fun thing I did was watch thirty minutes of TPM at the video display at Toys R Us when I went to pick up my copy and bought an Anakin fully-poseable doll on sale. (I STILL haven't had time to actually WATCH the video, and I was there Tuesday night!)

In any case, I'm sorry, but I will try to post something early tommorow night (so I can go home to a galaxy far far away.)

Fear not! I haven't abandoned the thread! I just need sleep and an accountant!

BTW, Jedi Gryph Grin, it's too late! I spent the evening inoculating yeast cultures, . . again!

See you all tommorow. --AWK

 

Man, this story is sweet. What a joy to read

And I can totally relate to the kind of homework you get; while I'm a physics major, us science people gotta stick together

 

GAAAH! I was up to the wee hours finishing the post and then the IMac started acting up! First theforce.net didn't exist, then the QGJDL didn't exist, then yahoo.com and amazon.com and my old alma mater. In any event, I had a post, but no place to post it, and I didn't have time to try it again until now. Better late than never I suppose.

In any event, I was trying to avoid introducing more charcaters into this convoluted tale, but these two decided to create themselves when I was washing my hair. Enjoy! (And if anyone needs to know, a plasmid is a special kind of virus that [real, not just Star Wars] scientists use to make cells synthesize the DNA and proteins they want to study and see the effects of. They can be used to do lots of stuff, but for now that's about all you need to know for the story. Sorry, real life leaks in.)

Maybe I should dedicate this post to the plasmid I played with during my last lab rotation.

Enjoy!

********

"Reese?" . . .

"Reese?" The tone was a bit sharper this time.

"REESE!" Evel rolled his eyes in exasperation. Sometimes Reese just forced him to do things the hard way. Reese gasped as his personal music system flew off his head and the jizzy sounds of "Wailing Wookie and the Split Ends" stopped filling his bobbing head and started filling the laboratory instead. His gaze traveled across the room, taking in the slightly spooked technician staring at them and the many flats of content plants before resting on the one person despicable enough to upset his . . . meditation. (Evel.) Reese narrowed his eyes.

"Show-off."

"Reese," Evel sighed. "Did you see this message from Dr. Gantos?" (Why must he act like such a, . . a . . teenager?)

"What message? He didn't send me anything on the comm system today." (Because he is a teenager.)

"This message! The one on the datapad that was TAPED to your lab bench! The one full of words like "URGENT" and "MUST DO" and "DON'T FORGET" and "DON'T DO THIS WRONG!" Though brilliant in mind, Ield's lab technique tended to be a little awkward the first time he did something, no matter how simple. This tendency had led to some brilliant disasters. Some had proved amazingly beneficial to the world of science; the rest seemed to improve the morale of the lab. Ield was well aware of this fact and took it all in good humor. (So if he is making a point to tell US not to screw this up, it must be important.) Reese was still learning the intricacies of biological and agricultural sciences, but his techniques were flawless. (And Ield is a marshmallow!) For him to have written such a, well loud, note (the entire datapad was still tainted with the doctor's agitation and sense of urgency), then Force knew it must be important. (How long was it sitting here?) Reese came over to retrieve the headphones and give his friend a smug glare.

"Of course I saw that. I taped it to the lab bench so I wouldn't forget. Ield left that for me yesterday, left me a comm message about it last night, and called me this morning to make sure I hadn't misplaced the message he watched me tape to the bench. It's important, it's urgent, it's done already."

"All of it?"

"All of it."

"The thawing, the incubation, the purification? The refreezing? The test for purity? All of it?"

"Yes!" Reese hissed. "All of it. Whatever it is. Some sort of genetic wizardry and gene manipulation, all locked away in an eensy-weensy virus called GI549. Or at least that's what the ice-encrusted label on the outside said."

"What does it do?" Evel had found that since joining the Agricultural Corp, he didn't find his passion for science growing. He could study, he could learn, but he could not make it his life. So he enjoyed the soaking up the gratuitous Living Force and studied politics and government at night. He'd kept in touch with Knight Gallia; if he worked hard she promised to help find him some sort of civil service job when he got older. He would lay on his bunk at night and imagine his future as a diplomatic courier, . . or a senator's clerk. No, he di

 

Yea! This just keeps getting more and more interesting. Talk about too gosu (great) for words!

 

Ooooooooohh! Methinks Alli-Wan has some mysterious shenanigans in store for us. eek.gif

Post more soon!

 

And the suspense grows. Post more!

 

Wow I haven't been here for so long!* clears dust from keyboard* Thanks for dedicating that post to me Alli-Wan I am honoured.*bows Jedi style*
I love the way the story's wroked out. I had a good few hours to read it. First time in weeks that I actually had time. *whew*
I have a genetics presentation sometime this week (and I'm nervous) Sithly pull-name-out-of-hat list. Gotta get to work.

 

Sorry, no post tonight. Too much homework and classes this coming week, but I will try to get in another before the weekend. (I thank you for the empathy JOWK, and return it gladly.) In any event, I'm glad the last post was well-recieved. There won't be too much science in this story, but please do let me know if I start to get too technical, or haven't been clear. Sometimes I forget that not everyone finds biology terribly interesting. Thanks for the great response and hopefully I'll have something by Tuesday or Wednesday. --AWK

 

That's okay AW...as long as you don't forget about us. But you leave it in such suspense!!! We're finally finding out something about what exactly the whole issue on Coruscant was about!! I want moooooore!!

Btw, I loved how you characterized the lab techs. That was cute!

 

THIRD PAGE?!?
I don't think so...UP!!!

Please post Alli-Wan

 

I loved your last post Alli-Wan! Please post more soon!

If at all possible could you post before the weekend, I have to go out of town and won't have acess to a comp. I have to visit the [shudder]in-laws[/shudder].

 

Oh Alli-Wan where are you? Post please!
I don't mind biology. It can be interesting but not when it's about genetically modified foods. No GM food = very interesting.

 

Greetings, (meekly.)

Sorry I haven't been in, but I think all my profs tuned to the Dark Side this week. (EVIL, EVIL week.)

I'm sorry Mouse2, I did try to finish this post yesterday, but I was very tired, and I had bad, bad writer's block. Blame it on genetics, or more specifically, "Advanced Genetics."

Don't worry Padawan Chiaru. No genetically modified foods in the story, (though I guess that's kind of the whole point of the Agricultural Corp. That and Force-enhanced foods.)

Well, I apologise for this post. I spent two days on it, I'm very tired, and I just couldn't quite get the usual Axin spark. It's iffy, I know it. I'll do better next time. Hope no one's suffering withdrawal.
Be back later. --AWK

**********

"Obee-one?" (WHY does he say it like that?)

"Yes, Axin?" In theory, Axin was helping him put together the communicators. In actuality, he himself was assembling them and Axin was frequently alternating between offering assistance, paying studious attention, and dueling with a flowering bush. AND asking him questions. Lots of questions.

"Have you ever seen a real lightsabre?" (Errrgh! I thought we were past this! Calm. How do I answer him without lying?) The boy was just fascinated with lightsabres. Why? Maybe because he didn't grow up with every adult he knew wearing one. Not to mention most of the teenagers he knew. Not to mention himself. (But I don't spend every minute of my life thinking about . . . gourds.) It was the only equivalent he could come up with. Like the gourds around here, lightsabres were a dactary a dozen in his world, . . (no, not really. They were highly valued, but they were everywhere.) It's not that they were commonplace, just . . just not something to obsess over. At least not in the same way. (What do I tell him?) Obi-Wan took a deep breath.

"A few." (And a few more, . . and a few more.) He felt guilty about all the half-truths, but his master had told him to be discreet. Qui-Gon had not been displeased with how he had handled the situation thus far, but he had warned him to be careful. They wouldn't be here much longer, but they weren't out of danger yet.

"Wo-ow." Obi-Wan tried not to blush at Axin's tangible awe. "Was it a Jedi's or a Sip-th's?" The droid raised an eyebrow.

"I've only seen Siths in history class." (And in nightmares. For some reason they were always chasing him and pelting him with political science homework and those long-tongued amphibians he once had to dissect in biology class. Or at least they did in the dreams weird enough to remember the next day.) "They were Jedi lightsabres."

"Were they blue and green?" (Safe question.)

"They're usually blue or green. Not both at the same time. And sometimes they are different colors. Blue and green are just more common." Axin seemed to ponder this. Mr. Gantos had told him they were blue and green; he had just assumed he meant in the same lightsabre.

"Oh." Did that make his lightsabre wrong? No, Obee-one had liked his lightsabre. And he did say they were sometimes different colors. Axin went over to inspect the lightsabre the droid had painted. Obee-one's sabre was very neat, painted in checks, just as Axin had directed. And he hadn't even spilled the paint! What a great padawan Obee-one was. "Does Master Yoda have a lightsabre?" The droid pondered the question while Axin came back to admire his almost finished work.

"Yes. A very small lightsabre." Axin's eyes widened. Who would Master Yoda fight with? Were Sith Masters really small too?

"What color is Master Yoda's?" Obee-one smiled back at him.

"I don't know. I've never seen him actually use it." The droid looked around, as if to see if anyone was listening, then leaned forward and whispered. "No one knows for sure, but it's rumored he only uses it to open his mail." Both boys laughed at the mental image as Obee-one snapped together the last of the casing and pulled Axin down beside him. "Are you ready to test them out?" Axin squealed in glee.

"What do we do?" The droid smil

 

Alli-Wan, that was great! Not iffy at all!

Get some rest and peace of mind...post when you can, I'll be here waiting.

 

Nope, that wasn't iffy either! That was awesome! Thank you! Axin is so cute!

 

Greetings!

Another post to get you through the week until I find time to poat again. Only the Force and my profs know when I'll have time for that.

In any case, enjoy, though I most likely won't be back until Thursday or Friday.

Sorry! --AWK

********

Putbil opened his storage locker. It wasn't an actual locker. It was really just a cubby with a curtain in front of it. This was a small rural farming community. Everyone knew everyone else's business. There was no need to keep one's things under lock and key. If something were stolen, someone would find out who-done-it sooner or later. However, just because everyone knew everyone else's business and possessions didn't mean Putbil wanted said possessions coated in chaffa pollen and field grit, hence the curtain.

(STARS AND STONES!) There was no getting around it. There it was, on top of his light poncho. He had to deliver it. It was his turn.

The monthly report.

"Why today?" Because today was today; his day, his turn. Every month someone had to do it. Had to get on the bus or drive into the city and deliver the monthly status report to the Agricultural Corp. (And this month is my month). Putbil let out a noise, somewhere between a sigh and a curse. (Why can't they just train a droid to do this?) Because they wanted to be "friendly" and "personable." Play nice with the quaint little farmers as they sat in their sterile labs and tried to figure out exactly why this planet was so good for growing crops. (Maybe because we farmers don't spend all day on our backsides in air-conditioned labs!) Make them seem like the "caring and personable Agricultural Corp" who actually got-to-know-you, even though every village sent a different farmer each month. And they were CREEPY! All those pale scientists (other than Ield), . . and those weird teenagers who sat in front of the fields and . . adored them or worshipped them or something. As if that would help. Didn't they have better things to do?

(Well I certainly have better things to do.) After his little incident with the harvested droid, he had finished the field. Yes, finished it after the harvester stalled four times. Apparently, it found bits of droid disagreeable. Then he had to find Kashbacca. Blasted grilgehound had been chasing vermin or something and decided the chase was more important than his commands. Or the offered biscuit. Then he had to pull the flarn-tick off her nose. He just wanted to go home! Forget his routine and monotony. Weird things were going on and he didn't want to be here with his uneasiness. And now this!

"Putbil?" (Now what?) It was Gel, another farmer. Nice young man, just starting out. Good farmer stock, but new to the planet. Met his wife at an interstellar livestock conference at a lecture about fertility in kelps. Responsible. Friendly. Smiley. Annoying as all heck. (Why couldn't he deliver the monthly report? The bureaucrats at the Agri Corps would like HIM!) Putbil stifled a sigh. He was anxious, and Gel was only trying to be nice. He hadn't been here long enough to build his crust of monotony. The fascinating novelty of chaffa had not worn off him yet. Putbil gave a vague, although not unpleasant grunt of acknowledgement. Gel smiled back in his usual cheery manner. (A few hard winters will wipe that smile off his face.) Putbil looked forward to that distant future, when Gel would be a much more sedate and stoic man, and thus much more pleasant to be around. (He just needs to be properly trained.)

"Your son Axin, he's still interested in Jedi, right?" (Interested was not the word. Obsessed was the word.)

"Yah." Gel grinned, somewhat sheepishly. Putbil just wished the man would say whatever he had to say and let him get on with his . . . chore.

"Axin kind of gave me and Saelee a lecture all about it last year, and showed me his light-stick and all, and . . and he was so, uh . . cute and all, that . . uh Saelee told her cousin all about at last Homecoming. Homecoming at her family, not mine, so her cousin was the

 

That was awesome! cool.gif
Three cheers for Alli-Wan!

 

Yeah!!!! Two Posts and 2 excellent posts at that. Could it be a holo of our two beloved jedi??? I can't wait to see Putbil's reaction when he discovers that the holo just might be the visitors from next door.

I can't wait until thursday or friday.

Igraine

 

Oh wow!! Is it a holo of 'you-know-who'? I can hardly wait for more.

Great Post Alli-Wan!!

 

Hooray! An Alli-Wan post!

I didn't get one before I left, but I did get two when I got back. Thank you Alli-Wan!

 

Can you believe that this was on page 4?

Nobody puts Axin on page 4!

UP!

 

I feel a disturbance in the Force coming on. I have a bad feeling that Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon's presence will be discovered by Axin. Can't wait.

 

Can't wait too.