Jedi Snapshots-jedi master Gimpy and Jedi Borme style

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jedi_Borme, Jul 31, 2000.

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  1. Jedi_Borme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2000
    star 3
    Now we were writing stories and found that we had so many that we should just open our own snapshots. When you are reading remember:

    1. If its not funny, we don't write it.

    2. Anything beyond this point must be laughed at. (snorting is acceptable but you can't sound like a pig)

    3. Gimpy is #1 in everything

    4. Borme is #1 in everthing too

    5. You are all cheaters. We *know* that you all gave fake blood samples to get a midichlorian count above -5.

    6. We are El Nino all other tropical storms must bow before el Nino. Nosotros somos El Nino. For of you taht don't hablo espanol, El Nino is spanish for...the Nino.

    7. We came up with ideas when swimming

    8. The best of our writing is done at 2:00 am

    9. We listen to technomix Star Wars when writing

    10. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Corran Horn, Wedge Antilles and sometimes Luke Skywalker are the sole property of Gimpy and Borme to drool over. You may not fight over them they are ours and ours alone to fight over so LAY OFF.
  2. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Sounds great! Although if Luke and Obi are yours, I may have to sue you for nearly pinching my thread title!
  3. Jedi_Borme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2000
    star 3
    Well we guess that you can fight and drool over them too, Jemmiah, since you did make the wonderful Jedi Snapshots in the first place. ;)
    ------------------

    Borme- Hey Gimp you want up to tell the first story?

    Gimpy- Sure but you know who we should ask to come?

    Borme- Do you think he will come after all the times you have tried to kill him?

    Gimpy- He knows they are only stories

    Borme- then why is he always in the healers after them?

    Gimpy- I am only trying to act out the story to get the right emotions. It's not like he was in there for more then a couple of weeks...

    Borme- You mean months

    Someone walks in

    Gimpy & Borme- Obi-Wan you're here *good*

    Obi-Wan- What are you two doing?

    Gimpy- Only telling a story

    Borme- Sit by me Obi and listen

    Gimpy- no me

    Bomre- no me

    Obi-tug-of-war starts, this maybe awhile so now to the story.

  4. Jedi_Borme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2000
    star 3
    Title: The Tour

    Master An-Paj turned to look at the council members. ?We have our newest technology her in the Kenobi Ward, everything is specially outfitted for Obi-Wan?s use.?

    ?What?s that plaque up there?? Even Piell asked.

    The corners of An-Paj?s lips twitched when he looked at the silver plaque over the door that read ?Kenobi?s Ward.? ?Oh, that?s just a little something us Healers pitched in to buy in honor of our favorite vict-er?patient.? The comment gained a few chuckles from the Council members.

    ?It is okay for us to go into the Kenobi Ward now, Padawan Kenobi hasn?t arrived *yet* today.? An-Paj grinned wolfishly, rubbing his hands together.

    The council walked single-file into the room, noticing the very soft, *padded* chair beside the bed rather than the usual hard ones.

    ?Carpet this is not,? Yoda observed.

    ?Padawan Kenobi has a tendency to?*fall* when he tries to leave,? Healer Leona spoke up from the doorway.

    ?What are the straps on the bed for?? asked Depa Billaba. ?I don?t believe any of the other rooms are equipped with them, are they??

    ?Those merely ensure that Padawan Kenobi doesn?t decide to practice his escape moves,? Master An-Paj explained.

    Adi Gallia walked over to a row of pictures on the wall. ?Ah,? An-Paj smiled. ?I see you?re found our Kenobi Hall of Fame. It?s Kenobi?s more memorable injuries.?

    There were various pictures of Obi-Wan unconscious, bandaged, and strapped to the bed, with an anxious Qui-Gon sitting in *his* chair in all the pictures.

    An-Paj pointed to one picture where Obi-Wan was covered from head to toe with red welts. ?That was when Obi-Wan got tangled up in a Meridian jellyfish on Calamari.?

    Healer Leona pointed at one with a bright smile, ?this one?s my favorite.? The picture showed Obi-Wan strapped to the bed, his face deliriously happy. ?He got a little too much Novocain and went happy on us. That?s the first and last time he ever smiled in the infirmary.?

    Mace Windu chuckled, noticing the special, more high-tech, bacts tank in the corner of the room.

    An-Paj glanced at the clock. ?It?s almost time for his next appearance, you?ll have to leave now.? He quickly herded them toward the door. ?Please sign the Kenobi Guestbook on your way out, he doesn?t really like knowing who?s come to visit him, but we like to keep this for the times he?s unconscious so we can inform him. I?m sure some of you are quite familiar with it.?

    The council members were almost to the corridor when they saw Qui-Gon Jinn yanking on what appeared to be an arm while someone yelled, ?Master, I?m fine! I don?t need to go, really! I?m Fine!!?

    ?No Padawan, you know the rules,? Qui-Gon grunted. ?You are required to visit them after every mission mow. Anyway, you need to get that eye and those ribs looked at.?

    Qui-Gon drug the Padawan into the room just as a siren went off and red lights started flashing all over the infirmary. ?ATTENTION! PADAWAN KENOBI HAS ENTERED THE MEDICAL WARD!! ALL HEALERS REPORT TO YOU STATIONS!! GO TO LOCKDOWN MODE!?

    Healers suddenly began rushing around them, a couple warily approaching Obi-Wan. ?Okay, hand the ice pack over slowly, Obi-Wan. It won?t be any worse than usual.?

    ?Do they have to do this every time, Master? It makes it sound like I?m under arrest,? Obi-Wan muttered as he threw the ice pack to them. The Healers jumper back.

    An-Paj turned to the council members. ?If you?ll excuse me, it appears my vict-pantient needs tending,? He turned and followed a struggling Obi-Wan back into the Kenobi Ward.

    The End
  5. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Ha! How very true. Poor old Obi.

    (My turn to drool, guys. You said I could!)
  6. jedi_master_gimpy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    Borme: uppers! lol Jemmiah, I guess we did!! Have fun!! ;)

    Gimpy: hey, let's try to guess Obi-Wan's most commonly said words!!

    Obi-Wan: *glares*

    Borme: I know, I know!! It's "But Master! I don't NEED to go to the healers!! Seriously!!"

    Gimpy: *laughs*

    Obi-Wan: It's not funny!!

    Borme: hm...I wonder what Qui-Gon's is...

    Gimpy: something along the lines of "Thank the force for bacta tanks"

    Obi-Wan: *shakes head* For your information, it's "PADAWAN!!!"
  7. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    ROFLOL!!! Superb!!!

    The picture of Obi deliriously happy, first and last smile??? That's classic!!!
  8. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    And you ended it *there*? Right there? Is that all, or is the next part coming soon, the part where Obi-Wan is actually *in* the infirmary?

    That was so cruel and funny! I loved the "lockdown mode" for the healers, and the way they approached him and told him to hand over the ice pack as though he were a dangerous criminal about to be arrested.
  9. Neon Star Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2000
    star 5
    That was really funny! Poor Obi-wan!
  10. Darth Cerberus Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 12, 1999
    star 3
  11. mouse2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    Yes, you did cause me to snort in laughter! (NOT like a pig) You almost cause a spit-take. Well it would have been if I had been drinking somerthing.

    Can't wait for the next one! :D
  12. Calamity Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2000
    star 4
  13. jedi_master_gimpy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    Thanks everyone!!! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much, here's another!! (lol Jane Jinn, I'm sure you would have loved to know what happened after that!) ;)

    Gimpy: Can I have another?

    Borme: Coming up, with plenty of Obi-Fun!!

    *they rub hands together*

    Obi-Wan: Is there a possibility of still escaping?

    Gimpy and Borme: NO!!

    (Borme, don't know if you're online right now but I thought I'd start the next one for our fans. You can do the next part!)
  14. jedi_master_gimpy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    Title: Creche Master's Revenge
    Part 1

    "Obi-Wan, now."

    "But Mast-"

    "No buts, Obi-Wan. You know you have to drink it unless you wish to visit your dear friends at the infirmary." Qui-Gon chuckled at his own joke.

    "It's not funny Master, this stuff is gross. And I do *not* like the Healers!"

    "Then I suggest you drink it, Obi-Wan."

    "But-" Obi-Wan stopped as another thought hit him. "Have you drunk *your* prune juice yet, Master?"

    Qui-Gon *chose* not to remember pouring his down the drain. "Why yes Padawan, I have."

    Obi-Wan began to lift his cup slowly to his mouth. He was a centimeter away from gagging when the doorbell chimed. //Saved by the bell!// He jumped up. "I'll get it Master!"

    Obi-Wan opened the door to see Master So-n-so, the creche master, smiling brightly. "Hello, Obi-Wan! Doing anything today?"

    "Yes." Obi-Wan shut the door in his face.

    "Padawan, who was that?"

    "No one, Master."

    "Padawan..." Qui-Gon said warningly.

    "I'm serious, Master! It was Master No one."

    "Obi-Wan, let Master So-n-so No one in *right* now."

    Obi-Wan sighed and opened the door...again. "Sorry, Master So-n-so," he muttered.

    Master So-n-so gave him a *much* too forgiving smile. "It's okay, Obi-Wan."

    Obi-Wan began to be afraid.

    Master So-n-so peered around him. "Is Qui-Gon here?"

    Obi-Wan pointed to the kitchen. "In there."

    Master So-n-so cleared the table and began to was hte dishes, leaving a *tall* glass of prune juice for Obi-Wan.

    //Sith!//

    "Padawan, watch your mouth."

    "Yes, Master."

    Master So-n-so gave Qui-Gon a big smile. "So Qui-Gon...buddy...pal...amigo...powerful Jedi Mast-"

    "What do you want?" Qui-Gon asked.

    "Well...today's my day off and I need someone to watch the-"

    "No."

    "But you owe me big time," Master So-n-so protested.

    "For what?" both Master and Padawan echoed worriedly.

    "For having to put up with you two when you were little!"

    The room fell strangely silent.

    To be continued...

    *evil grin*
  15. mouse2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    You left it there!

    PLEASE, post the next installment soon, or I may go postal from lack of posts!
  16. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Ok, Jedi Borme, your turn.
  17. Jedi_Borme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2000
    star 3
    Borme- Hey Gimpy, do you know what?

    Gimpy- *Gimpy looks up from where she just tried Obi-Wan to a chair* No, what Borme?

    Borme- I think they want us to post the next part and why did you just do that to Obi-Wan?

    Gimpy- I did this so now he has to stay for the stories. Now don't you Obi

    Obi-Wan- Someone help me

    Borme- Why would we do that, anyways its time for the part of the story.
  18. Jedi_Borme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2000
    star 3
    I am glad that you guys like this story.
    --------------------------

    Part 2

    Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi stood silently surveying the room full of laughing, crying and yelling children, Obi-Wan holding an even *bigger* cup of prune juice. //I swear, this cup grows taller by the hour.//

    A small girl tugged on Qui-Gon?s robe and the tall Jedi Master looked down into big blue eyes. The two year-old girl sighed. ?You?re dreamy. Are you my loverboy??

    Qui-Gon carefully disentangled his robe and said as nicely as possible, ?uh?no.?

    While his Master?s back was turned Obi-Wan eyed his cup of prune juice and then the small wookie grinning happily up at him.

    [Hello, Mr. Padawan-dude.]

    Obi-Wan took one more look at Qui-Gon and then turned to smile at the wookie. ?Hello.? He quickly pushed he cup into two furry paws and smiled encouragingly. ?Want some juice, kid??

    * * * *

    While Obi-Wan was trying to desperately remove some mouths from the soaked corner of his robe, a young human girl walked over to Qui-Gon, holding out a finger. ?I got me a booger.?

    ?Really?that?s nice.? Qui-Gon replied.

    ?I no want eat. You want eat it?? she held her finger out farther.

    ?That?s okay. You?er?enjoy it.?

    Another small boy ran up. ?Can I have it??

    ?Ok. Here.? The booger made its journey from the little girl?s finger to the boy?s mouth.

    Across the room Obi-Wan murmured, ?I think I?m going to be sick from watching that.

    Suddenly the lights flicked off and back on. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan turned to see a small wookie child, sitting in the corner concentrating. Concentrating so much, in fact, that he didn?t notice the small yellow puddle around him.

    ?Master, it?s your turn.?

    ?I don?t think so, Padawan.?

    ?But I cleaned it up the last four times!?

    ?And you?ll clean it up the fifth time as well, Padawan. It?s your fault anyway.?

    ?But how was I supposed to know a little kid could drink hat much prune juice??? Obi-Wan protested

    ?Obi-Wan, why do you think we take on Padawans in the first place??

    Obi-Wan moaned as he went over to get the mop for the fifth time that day.



    Part 3


    Two hours, ten braid pulls, nine flying kids, eight more marriage proposals to Qui-Gon, seven more wet spots on Obi-Wan?s robe, six more exchanged boogers, five food fights, four new bruises on Obi-Wan, three more pee puddles, two mini fires and one bed blowing up later, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stared around the finally silent room. Thirty bound, gagged and tied-to-chairs toddlers stared back at them.

    Obi-Wan leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms behind his head. ?Peace and quiet at last. Why didn?t we think of this earlier, Master??

    Qui-Gon gave him *the* look. ?Don?t make me get the prune juice, Padawan,? he threatened.

    The room fell into sudden silence after the threat.

    Master Yoda walked in, his eyes widening at the sight of thirty toddles gagged and tied to chairs. ?Untie them you will. In trouble you are.?

    //Padawan?on the count of three we untie them and run.//

    //But Master, what about Master Yoda?//

    //Let the old troll save himself. One.//

    //Two.//
    //Three. Go!//

    Master and Padawan quickly untied all thirty kids with the Force and ran from the room. There was a loud cry of ?Ma?ter ?Oda!? followed by a series of thumps and a low moan.

    * * * * *

    One week later, in the Healers, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan looked down at the still unconscious figure of Master Yoda. ?You think he?d be awake by now,? Qui-Gon commented.

    An-Paj shrugged. ?Yes, but when you consider that thirty kids landed on him, one specifically being a rather large wookie with a full bladder no less, it?s not surprising he?s still unconscious.?

    ?When do you think he?s going to wake up?? Obi-Wan asked. ?That way we can *conveniently* be on a mission at that time.?

    ?A lifelong mission,? Qui-Gon added. ?One we just mysteriously disappear on.?

    ?Well, it should be easy to explain Obi-Wan?s disappearance, he?d probably just get himself killed. Yours, Qui-Gon, would be
  19. jedi_master_gimpy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    Come on, everyone!! We posted the end of it!! Hello?! *echoes* Is anyone out there?
  20. Neon Star Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2000
    star 5
    I thought it was funny, I am still laughing.
  21. JediRogue9 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 8, 2000
    star 3
  22. mouse2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    "What do you think we take Padawans for?"

    CLASSIC!!!!!!!! I must have more! You have created an addiction and now you MUST feed it!

    *whimper* please? *whimper*
  23. Calamity Jinn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2000
    star 4


    Yep, still very funny, although I think you may have put me off ever having any children....
  24. jedi_master_gimpy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    sorry Calamity, we really *didn't* mean to do that! ;) More soon! :D
  25. jedi_master_gimpy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 4
    *sigh* sorry everyone! Borme *sticks her tongue out* has the disk so I actually have to type everything out to post it...oh well...here ya go...

    ================
    ================

    Title: Obi-Fish Don't Swim

    Mace Windu and Qui-Gon Jinn followed the short form of Master Yoda into the pool room, sending looks of pure hatred shooting towards his back.

    //This is punishment, Mace.//
    //Why did you think he gave it to us, Qui?//
    //The little troll didn't have to get in the way.//
    //Well if you had taken my advice and waited until nighttime to slide down the bannister...//
    //You always have to be such a little know-it-all, don't you Mace?//

    Master Yoda turned to them. "Knight Windu, Knight Jinn, decided your charge for this activity we have."

    A grinning three year-old Obi-Wan Kenobi bounded up. "Hey Mas'er Oda! I'm taller'n you now!"

    //Sith sith sith sith sith sith sith si-//
    //Mace, calm yourself.//
    //Sith sith sith sith sith sith sith-//
    //Teaching the termite to swim can't be *too* bad, can it?//
    Mace gave him a dirty look. //You wouldn't say that if you'd heard some of the stories I have.//

    Master Yoda smiled and if Qui-Gon didn't know better he would say there was an *evil* glint in the Master's eyes. "Good you shall be."

    "But Mas'er Oda! I'm always good!" Qui-Gon could have sworn two little devil horns grew out of the kid's head.

    "Then be like always you should." The small JEdi Master walked towards the door. //Mr. Little troll to you it is.//

    The two Knights turned to stare at each other, then looked back where Obi-Wan...had been. "Sith!" They both yelled. "Where'd he go?"

    "Ooooooh, you said a bad word!" They heard from right above them. They looked up to see Obi-Wan hanging upside down from a tree.

    =============
    Eeek! I really have to go now! Borme, can you finish it up?
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