Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Jemmiah, Mar 17, 2003.
LOL, hmmm, I hadn't thought to check to see if Calam still has her kidneys.
Title: On Your Heads
Timeframe: 17 years pre-TPM
Characters: Ana, Li, Yrin, and Master Windu
Summary: A nature lesson goes horribly awry
"He'll never notice."
"Of course he'll notice, stupid!" Li snapped. "There aren't any eclipses scheduled for today!"
"Honestly, it's not that big," Ana reasoned. "If I could just get it to land on my shoulder..."
"It would take your head off and then hope the rest of you was just as tasty," Yrin predicted gloomily.
"Would not!" both girls protested.
"Would too," he countered. "Oh, you wouldn't know that, since you spent the whole of that nature holo passing notes."
"Only the last forty-five minutes," Ana corrected. "The part with the murrits was really funny."
"And the singing gundarks," Li agreed enthusiastic. "If they'd just stuck to that, instead of the mating habits of the bloodseekers, we wouldn't have been tempted into breaking the note-passing rule."
"Oh, sure," Yrin grumbled, "blame it on the bloodseekers."
They were silent for a long moment, staring heavenward.
Or more accurately, murritward.
"It's your fault anyway," they chorused.
"My fault?" Yrin grumbled. "Who's the one who let it out of the cage?"
"Who's the one who just wanted to let it sit on their shoulder," Li accused.
"Who's the one who scared it away by screaming?" Ana finished.
"What's going on here?"
That shocked them all into silence as they backed quickly away from Master Windu.
"Nothing, sir," Yrin said quickly.
"When initiates are idle, it's never 'nothing,'" Master Windu retorted sternly. "Aren't you supposed to be helping Master Quillan?"
"Yes," Li squeaked, "but we are helping him."
They exchanged uncertain glances. "Wildlife control?"
Master Windu scowled at Ana. "Is that an answer or a question?"
"Answer, sir," she stammered.
"Well, don't cower like a bunch of Padawans," he snapped. "Get it back in its cage."
"It doesn't want to go," Yrin burst out.
"Well, then it will be fine outside until Master Quillan comes."
That was a relief. Surely Master Windu knew about this sort of thing.
"Really," he gritted.
And then three pairs of eyes tracked the descent of one very happy murrit.
"All right," Ana said, "but let it be on your head!"
Oops, sorry, Tanith, didn't see you there. THanks for liking that.
ROFLOL! WHat a cracker of a last line! Poor old Master Shiny!
TITLE: Dex, Lies & Holotape
DESCRIPTION: The most haunted building in Coruscant, biscuit tins and things that go bump in the night. Who could ask for more?
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was cannibalised/re-worked from the aborted RR of the same name. It seemed a pity not to use the idea, especially seeing as how it explains how Mace got his aversion to bugs!
"This is the last will and testament of Dex Berlingside." The young voice declared with wavering trepidation. "And whatever happens to me, I want this to get back to my master so that he can see that I spent my last moments before joining the force with dignity and calm."
The room was dark, save for the green glow of Qui-Gon Jinn's lightsabre: currently the only working source of light in the building. Glowsticks brought for the specific use of providing vision mysteriously refused to do their job. Lightsabres steadfastly continued to cut out at inopportune moments and then reactivate when least expected, a fact which had nearly led to Padawan Jinn accidentally disembowelling the young Sal-Fina Falmar. She had escaped death by a fraction when a giant spider had landed on her head thus causing her to jump screaming to one side, narrowly avoiding the deadly, searing green blade.
Sal-Fina wasn't talking to Qui-Gon anymore, or indeed anyone, a fact that had come as a distinct relief. There was only so much of an eight-year-olds constant whining about the lack of food and bathroom facilities a person could reasonably take?
Still, Dex reflected, even Sal-Fina's whinging would be a welcome distraction now. Anything to divert him from the almost certain gruesome death which awaited. He willed his shaking hands to steady the holocam and did a brief sweep of the room. There, hugging his knees in quiet contemplation was Qui-Gon, his strong features and deep brows illuminated by the column of light from his sabre that had been entrusted to Gilda Amaline after the great spider fiasco. Why Sal-Fina thought she would be any safer from Gilda was a bit of a mystery, as Gilda's opinion of Sal-Fina was not especially high, but tensions were now running high within the little group and Qui-Gon had, either through guilt or for the sake of a quiet life, handed over his weapon with little protest.
Gilda for her part frowned over at the corner of the room to where Vernice Ashdal paced the floor like a trapped animal in a cage, clearly begging their rescuers to hurry and locate them. Always one for action, the thought of being cooped up was driving the adventurous, newly padawaned Jedi to the point of distraction. Or maybe, Dex wondered as he followed Gilda's gaze, she was wondering what would happen when their masters found out what they had done.
They were sure to be punished. An apprentice, sneaking out of the temple against his or her master's wishes in the dead of night because of a silly dare was inevitably going to face the consequences when caught. And sooner or later somebody would realise they had all disappeared without trace. Probably Yoda, when he shuffled into Qui-Gon's room in the morning and saw that his beloved apprentice hadn't so much as laid his head on the pillow.
Would they be able to locate them? Could they, through the force, pick up on where they now found themselves entombed in a half-collapsed, structurally unsound, deserted old building in the run down, lower slums of Coruscant?
All because they had dared each other to spend the night inside the so-called 'most haunted building' on the planet?
An eerie crunching noise assailed Dex's ears from the right hand corner of the room, and the youngster found himself swallowing back a large lump in his throat. If only it had been something as simple as a ghost! Spectral apparitions and supernatural phenomena were one thing but this was a most unpleasant and sinister presence, one that Dex was frankly afraid of.
"Fear is of the darkside." Berlingside muttered, trying to zoom in on the shadowy blur in the corner from where the crunching sound emanated. "But I'm telling you
LOL, great reworking. SO this is where the roach in the biscuit tin story came from.
Sorry I missed your post from earlier Ish! But I have to agree with Jem, that was a classic last line!
I'm surprised that Mace didn't scream like a girl once he found out what he was eating before closing in on Dex with muderous intent. Too bad Sal-Fina jumped.
But I loved all of Dexy's comments. Personally I would love to see what one of the masters that found them thought about the situation. Especially if it was Quindria-Xac!
On Your Heads - Murrits.. heh, heh. Very cute, love the last line.
Dex, Lies & Holotape - The place is damp and miserable and Qui-Gon is snoring in the corner so it's almost like being back in the crÃ¨che again."
"I'm not snoring!" An indignant voice retorted instantly. "I'm meditating!"
LOL! And why would meditating produce a noise at all?? Ewww, roaches.. eating roaches.... EWWWW!
I used to meditate like that--my mom would keep whacking me on the arm during certain concerts, where I'd be so concentrated on the music being played that I'd just snore.
This might fit here as well.
Title: Negligent Navigator
Timeline: 9 years pre-TPM
Characters: Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Rufur Sufus.
Summary: Obi-Wan takes the driving test, with some interesting results.
Just to alert you to the new Snapshot on the Saga era snapshots thread:
I get home from New Zealand tomorrow/friday, and I promise to catch up!!
And then three pairs of eyes tracked the descent of one very happy murrit.
"All right," Ana said, "but let it be on your head!"
Snrk - thanks for that line Ish, it's just reminded me just how funny LTP was. I'm surprised Mace stayed so calm in the presence of the murrit
Don't forget that Ana, Yrin, and Li are contemporaries of Obi-Wan, so this is probably the origin of Mace's murrit-freakoutability. I'm glad you enjoyed.
Caught up and going to do a blanket reply to all: Great job!!!
I love blanket replies. Like blankets, they're warm and fuzzy.
Not your typo
Author's note: this rather naughty story is dedicated to Healer Leona, author. Or rather the wonderful typos she makes which so enliven our days on the JC!
It had been an ordinary day, filled with sabre practice and sparring sessions, courteous nods to Jedi he had never met and would most likely never run into again, and friendly hellos to those he counted amongst his closer friends. Jedi of all different species had mingled and mixed as they had watched the tournaments continue round by round, remarking on the progress of the padawans and wondering why, for what appeared like the umpteenth time Dex Berlingside and Knight Kizzen had managed to get to the quarter finals yet again without seemingly making any effort whatsoever.
What amused Qui-Gon was the fact that everyone still seemed surprised about it. After all, Dex was frequently heard to say he could do a lot of things without breaking sweat?
Qui-Gon had found himself watching from the sidelines this year. Obi-Wan's broken leg was taking longer to heal than had been initially anticipated, but then when you tried to stop a moving speeder with your foot you really didn't have grounds for complaint.
When Qui-Gon had urged his padawan to act more on instinct that wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind. Increasingly Obi-Wan's rash impulsiveness was landing him in the infirmary. People were even beginning to question (jokingly, he hoped) whether he was trying to maim the young man just so that he had a legitimate reason to hang around the infirmary wards in search of a certain healer! And the worst of it was that as Obi-Wan had bravely gritted his teeth whilst the bone-knitters got to work on his affected limb, Qui-Gon had repeatedly found his eyes travelling over to the small but shapely package that was Healer Leona P'lila.
Obi-Wan had noticed, of course, but had refrained from stooping so low as to mention it. That was something he would throw back in his face the next time that he, Qui-Gon, complained he was spending too much time in Jemmiah's company instead of his training.
'It's okay for you to make eyes at Leona - over my wounded body of all things - and when I return home five minutes later than promised you want to roast me over hot coals'. He would say.
This was precisely why Jedi relationships were so unconventional and, ultimately, not practical. Not, as Jemmiah had insisted indignantly, because the council members who's implemented that rule over a millennia ago were bitter because they 'couldn't get any action of their own'.
A cheer (mostly female in composition) went up from the crowd: it appeared as if Dex Berlingside had made it through to the semi finals. He was another example of an unconventional Jedi: a man who would probably spend the evening celebrating his success with the vast majority of those females who were clapping and applauding his name. Frowning at the noise, Qui-Gon could vaguely make out the buzzing of the com unit strapped to his belt. It was probably Obi-Wan asking for an update on the latest results, or perhaps even Jemmiah trying to tap him for a small lone to buy a ridiculously short skirt she had seen in a sale catalogue.
So as not to disturb anyone Qui-Gon switched the message to scrolling text only.
I've managed to get some time of worp. As I've been so hard at it recently and putting in all those late hours An-Paj says that a good long beak is the brest way to relax. Woudl you like to relix with me tonigt? I can bring a bottle of drink. Would you like a bottie? If you can reply soon to my massage I can sit everythong up.
Qui-Gon blinked twice then found himself re-reading the message again to see if he had actually picked up the true gist of it, or if perhaps Rela and Jemmiah were playing some elaborate prank on him. Then again, Leona did have a disconcerting - and indeed charming - habit of making errors when typing in a hurry. Such as Simeon's oft-repeated stor
So stop prepositioning me!
I'm laughing so hard it hurts.
LMAO!!!!!! Great job!!
That was more than hysterical. From the incredibly amusing mixed-up messages, to the more subtle things like
but then when you tried to stop a moving speeder with your foot you really didn't have grounds for complaint.
When Qui-Gon had urged his padawan to act more on instinct that wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind.
or the Chancellor's message. Must bookmark this to brighten my day whenever I'm down. Thank you as well for the dedication.
Meditation is not a dirty word
Twenty years of age and full of confidence.
That was how Obi-Wan Kenobi, padawan to the respected, if unorthodox, Master Qui-Gon Jinn would have described himself if asked. Of course, reality was a different matter entirely: Obi-Wan knew precisely how much the Jedi needed to work appearances to their advantage. Just because one swaggered and strutted and generally appeared to have the galaxy at their feet didn't actually mean that deep down a Jedi couldn't hide away their worries and concerns?and their passions.
Jedi weren't really supposed to have those. And if they did, revealing so tended to be frowned upon.
"Concentrate, padawan. Feel the force flow through you."
His masters voice. The man he respected and followed through thick and thin: the man he would gladly give his life for if it was required of him. Right now, however, all Obi-Wan wanted Qui-Gon to do was to shut up. He'd picked up on Obi-Wan's restlessness and lack of focus, the insecurity hidden beneath the surface bluster, and swiftly suggested a couple of hours meditation.
Obi-Wan was not terribly fond of Qui-Gon's meditation sessions. They tended to last forever, leaving his muscles stiff and sore from inaction, and making him even more distracted than he ever had been to start with. Especially when his mind was wandering to areas to which perhaps they should not?
Maybe this demonstrated that Qui-Gon was right. He needed to sort out his problems and focus. He just wasn't certain that meditation was the best way of doing so.
"Empty your thoughts."
Empty his thoughts? Empty his bladder, more like! Who could tell how long this particular exercise of cross-legged torture would last? Obi-Wan tried valiantly to clear his mind of all the clutter he had taken into the session with him, but it was proving terribly difficult: more than he had expected. He felt listless, bored?and if the audible growl of his stomach was to be believed he was hungry, too.
My own intestines are devouring me, Obi-Wan sighed. They're going to reach up through my body and strangle me for not providing them with enough nourishment. That's if my master doesn't strangle me first for my lack of concentration. Did I finish those Takkini chips I found under the bed?
No. Qui-Gon threw them away. He said they thought they were a little too green after all those months?
"Are you concentrating, padawan?" Qui-Gon's voice held more than a trace of suspicion, and Obi-Wan found his posture become instantly more rigid. He didn't want to be there, sat on the bare, polished floor, feeling the force pulse confusedly around him. His mind refused to stay in the one place, and his breathing became more rapid with every increase in agitation he experienced. Perhaps if they had gone to the gymnasium or held a sparring session he could have lost some of his pent-up frustration. Or even a swim? A cold shower would have done?
Anything but this death by slow torture.
I'm going mad, I swear it, Obi-Wan frowned. If he asks if my mind is focused I think I'll scream!
At the last moment he remembered that Qui-Gon had asked him a question.
"Of course, master." He answered politely, although the pregnant pause that followed revealed his master's opinion on his ability to lie convincingly to him. But he couldn't help it: his heart just wasn't in it today. He needed a break. Couldn't Qui-Gon see that? Even Jedi needed to rest from time to time! There had been nothing but missions and travel over the past few months and Obi-Wan, who saw such voyages only in terms of getting from point A to B and back, never caring for a wider admiration of the galaxy's wonders, felt deeply fatigued.
He wanted to sleep.
Relaxation isn't a dirty word, master. Obi-Wan thought silently. However, right now 'meditation' is up there with the worst swear words Jemmy ever had the fortune to teach me?
He tried, more for Qui-Gon
LOL! Evil Qui-Gon...
Great job, Jem!
After a busy weekend at the in-laws () and an even busier Monday, nthis was just the thing to cheer me up!
Quigoyle... *sigh* I miss so much. (And yes I'm feeling sorry for myself right now. So )
I really could have sworn I replied to this one. I really think the boards have it in for me... typos, disappearing posts... see it's not me really! Hey, don't laugh at me!!
On to the story...
Isn't it just like that when you're suppose to concentrate you can't. Meditation must be like writing. When you have to do it you're mind is all over the place. Couldn't help but laugh at Obi-Wan's punishment. Plus it does give Qui-Gon time for himself doesn't it?? Wonder if that was the plan all along.?
Hi everyone. I'm just starting to get back into the boards and this was my first stop. I love all the stories, just what I need to brighten up my day.
Special mention has to go to the typo one though... you almost lost a sister through choking Jem. I had tears running down my face... I'm sure some of them were from laughing hysterically before trying to breathe in my food!! Absolutely hilarious. I need to remember that one when it comes to the winter awards.