Before Jemmy's Diary: an observation of the galaxy, the Jedi and sundry other strange people! * 24/10/06*

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Jemmiah, Jan 25, 2005.

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  1. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    Jem, I think I am a masochist, but not when it comes to the chronicles. Maybe I should just quit my job, and then read the Chronicles and write. Yes, that would be far less painful. :p

    So Jemmy's 10? I'd lost track of her age in this. Whew. Teehee, I loved her Ben observations and the posh P.S. And grr at Nargotia!
  2. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
  3. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    ENTRY TWO HUNDRED AND THREE:

    My picture of Ben's quite good. It looks like him, sort of. I'll leave it for him as a present, to say welcome back.

    *************


    ENTRY TWO HUNDRED AND FOUR:

    I'm bored. I want to do something. It's too early to sleep! Now I know why Evla gave me that funny look. She knew I'd be bored!!!

    I can't stand this! There's some of that wine left over in the refrigeration unit?it might help me get to sleep. It worked last time, when Ben swapped with Quiggy for a day and became the master. It did make me sick as well, but it put me to sleep for a bit?

    I'll just take a drop. Evla will understand.

    **********

    ENTRY TWO HUNDRED AND FIVE:

    It's a bit flat now, but I like the pink color. I won't take much coz that would be wrong.

    Hey, my stomach feels all glowy! Is it meant to work like that? If it does, then I like it! A little more wouldn't hurt, surely! Just a small refill?

    Wasn't allowed any wine on Nargotria. Just for the guests. But it always smelled so good! Now I know why they didn't let me have any! Sometimes we'd mix it into the food and Nadine would take a quick sip - just to test it - and it never did her any harm. But she never let me have any because I was too young.

    Know what I think, diary? The grown-ups hog all the good stuff for themselves!

    ***********

    ENTRY TWO HUNDRED AND SIX:

    This wine is VERY nice! But I think I might have taken too much because the room is spinning a bit. But I've decided on what my animal is going to be, so the wine has managed what nothing else has done and kicked my brain into top gear! I'm going to do the humble Nerf!

    There's this girl in the class and she is just awful! She's miserable and moody - but cowardly. Not like Sophie Digwurt at all because although she's mean she never uses her fists. I think that's just as well, really. I don't think she could knock the skin off a bowl of lumpy custard?anyhow, I'm getting distracted. Her names Ciziley. She thinks she's so posh! Her family comes from a wealthy part of Alderaan. Figures, coz they all have their noses stuck up in the air on that planet! I pointed out that they couldn't have been that wealthy or else she wouldn't be going to our school. The other kids laughed at her and she went all red in the face!

    In a way I feel sorry for her. She's new in our class and that's never a nice feeling. But she's not making any friends by pretending she's superior to everyone. I'll bet my family had more breeding in their toenail clippings than she's ever had!

    I mention Ciziley (Or Sizzley, as we call her, coz her crimpy hair looks like somebody's set it on fire) because she's a vegetarian. Now, there's nothing wrong with that. I adore animals. They're honest and don't betray you like people do. In fact I've wanted to ask Qui-Gon about getting a pet for ages and ages but I know what the answer will be, so I don't bother. If people choose not to buy them for meat then I say good on them! So yes, I love animals.

    I also love to eat them.

    Sizzley's been saying unkind things about my Corellian accent. She says that it hurts her head and that I don't speak proper basic! Now, that's just plain horrible! So I'm going to get her right back, and I know exactly how to do it! Just give me a couple of hours! I need to work on my masterpiece!

    -Jemmy.

    ***********

    ENTRY TWO HUNDRED AND SEVEN:

    More wine! I need more wine! It's really helping the ideas flow! Although I feel very hot in the face. Maybe Evla won't notice!

    **********

    ENTRY TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHT:

    Well, after a lot of effort and more wine than I should mention, here is my poem on that most beautiful and loveable creature: the Nerf!


    THE NERF SONG


    You can bake them,
    You can stuff them,
    You can turn them into chops.
    You can buy them fresh or frozen,
    You can get them in the shops.

    You can grill them,
    You can fry them,
    You can put them in a roll.
    You can cut them into strips,
    And serve them in a bowl.

    You can dice them,
    You can slice them,
    You can put them in a stew
  4. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    *Snrk* at the nerf song. Now I want to put it to music and record it.
  5. maychorian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2005
    star 4
    [face_laugh] Oh, that's horrible. And wonderful. No, I'm not a vegetarian. What a very funny way to seek revenge.

    Maybe Evla won't notice . . . :snrk: And banthas fly south in the winter.
  6. Black_Scout Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 10, 2003
    star 4
    Sort of a new reader; been lurking for a few posts (sorry)

    I love this diary, and Jemmiah is such a fantastic character (I've been reading the stories on your website).

    In this last post I think the nerf song is great, bet sizzley will love it. :p
  7. mouse2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    More wine! More wine! (Reminds me of that movie The Great Race! Classic!)

    I love the Nerf poem! [face_love] I can't wait to see what kind of reaction she gets when she reads it at school! LOL!!

    Note to self: Never make fun of a Corellian's accent. You will not like the revenge they will inevitability react upon you. [face_devil]
  8. Tanith Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2003
    star 1
    I LOVE the nerf song - here hopes it goes down well in class. Well, it will with the kids, not sure about teacher.

    More wine, more wine - I think we've all made that mistake before, but I don't think I was quite as young as Jemmy :)

  9. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    So, Jemmy seems to like the bubbly stuff. Can we see more hilarity?
  10. Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 8
    Alcoholic from a young age... hehehe

    And OMG!!!! [face_laugh] I love the Nerf song!
  11. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Jemmy, this is all your fault! I was rereading the last post, my head got a bass-line going, then a melody and even two-part harmony with this jaunty little accordion riff in the middle!
  12. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Ish: Feel free to put the Nerf song to music.:) I did - but for the life of me I can't remember what the song is! It's been driving me crazy!

    Maychorian: Thanks! I keep trying to find new and exciting ways for Jemmy to seek revenge?but I'm beginning to run out! :eek: Glad you enjoyed the song.

    Black_Scout: Hi there! Thank you for reading!:D I'm glad you're liking the diary. And thank you for the compliments about Jemmy!

    Mouse: Indeed! More wine! Or to put it another way?DRINK!:p

    Tanith: A likely story! ;) Although admittedly there's no real basis in reality for Jemmy's liking for alcohol at such an early age, I promise. The nursery carers would have noticed! (For the unaware, Tanith and I first met at the age of 3. Although we didn't really remember until we became pals at the age of 11 at school). You were never drunk at school, were you Tanith? ;) Speaking for myself I never noticed. Maybe that's what made you such a good trumpet player!:p

    Miana: Thank you! It's Jemmy using her creativity as a weapon?a deadly thing indeed!:)

    Ish: Lol! Pity we can't hear it!:D

    *************


    ENTRY TWO HUNDRED AND NINE:

    Maybe I should try and befriend Sizzley? Perhaps she's just horrible because she's new and doesn't have any friends at all? I mean, if she actually smiled from time to time that would be a help: people might think they could say hello rather than feel like they had to hide away from her all the time. When I was new everyone was too scared to say hello because of Sophie, but there's no real excuse now. If only Ciziley would say something nice!

    Quiggy says that good manners cost nothing. I asked him if that meant that bad manners did cost something, and he went all Jedi and mysterious on me and said that the cost could be really big when considering something as precious as a person's soul. I haven't a clue what that means, except that it sounds like it has something to do with this darkside stuff. You know, where you do something horrid on purpose to someone and they classify you as a grade one threat to the galaxy? But in terms of bad manners, I can't really see how not opening a door for someone or deliberately ignoring a person who's speaking to you is going to lead to anger, hate and suffering. I think he's exaggerating again in the hope that I will turn into a goody-goody.

    I do try to be good where possible. It's not always easy when faced with objects like Sophie Digwurt, but otherwise I think I'm not too bad. I'm sure that there are more horrible people out there in the big bad galaxy than me. Rufus Merdan for a start. And Levinstowe?not to mention some of those disgusting guards that left the same time as he did. There's lots of nasty thing going on in the galaxy that people don't know anything about, or don't want to know about. I often wonder if anyone would have helped my mama, Nadine, Beralina and all the others if they had known the truth. Would there have been any action or would they just have sat back, shook their heads and pretended to feel sad? Would it have shocked anyone?

    Somewhere out there Levinstowe is hurting other people. I can't do anything about it. And just like everyone else I don't know if I would if I could, because I couldn't stand the idea of facing him again. I guess he'd like that, knowing that he'd won.

    I'll see what Sizzley's like before I torment her with my poem. Maybe I'll give her the benefit of the doubt: she might improve. I don't want to make any new enemies so soon after Sophie's gone, besides which I feel kinda uncomfortable with the idea now I've thought it through. Maybe the wine has worn off, but I don't think that humiliating Sizzley in front of the whole class just to make me look good is that nice a thing to do. I'd be just like Sophie then, wouldn't I? And do I really want to be popular that much?

    I think I'll go to bed after all. I'll leave the picture for Ben to see?but if I
  13. maychorian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2005
    star 4
    Aw, has she become attuned to Ben's feelings? Poor dear. And poor Ben, as usual.

    I liked that she at least TRIED to be nice. That was sweet. But her temper ran away with her again. :D

    This should definitely be an interesting school trip. Here's hoping Merdan is nowhere near. :mad:
  14. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    ::Smirk:: Oh, poor Sizzly... Well, not really. YAY! Everyone liked the nerf song... And I wonder what Evla's on to.

    On the other hand, I'm reading this when I should be reading "Kidnapped" by Stevenson, but one kind of Scottish writing was driving me nuts, so I went over here and wrote a different kind.
  15. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I really should have caught up here much sooner. You can always put a smile on my face. I love the Nerf Song as well... too funny!
  16. Miana Kenobi Admin Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2000
    star 8
    For some reason, the Nerf song to me comes out sounding like the Llama song. [face_laugh]

    Aww, Jem. Try to be nice to her at least once! :p

    Great job, Jem!!
  17. mouse2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    Jemmy at least tried being nice! Sizzley could at least have said no thank you.:p Personally I'd like to know what Sizzly's problem is.

    Oh no!! Not the infamous camping trip! :eek:

    And what's up with Ben? :confused:

    DRINK! HIC! "What do you say to a nice cup?" ;)
  18. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    LOL, the Llama Song, somewhat.
  19. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    ENTRY TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN:


    Tomorrow is the feast of Wekkren.

    I'd better explain a little about Wekkren. He was a powerful Corellian god who, it is said, didn't create the Corellian star system but waited instead until another god had created it and then conned him out of it. Well, that sounds typically Corellian to me! Wekkren is supposed to be the god of fun and jokes and festivities. Any excuse for a party! He is the only Corellian deity to have a day named after him.

    He also has a feast named for him as well. Tomorrow the children in my class will dress up in masks and strange outfits and menace the public for money in return for not putting firecrackers in their speeders. It's sort of a tradition. Some people like it and indulge the kids. Others would sooner eat their own entrails than join in the fun.

    They are the ones who get water bombs thrown at them.

    On this day we get to sing songs, eat lots of candy and run around town carrying lanterns hollowed out from giant Paramu fruit. The grinning face carved into the fruit flesh represents a delighted Wekkren the moment he conned the other god into taking Corellia back (minus the nice bits, like the vineyards and mountains and stuff). That's why Corellia is split into the industrial cities like Coronet, which belonged to the other god, and the pretty places like Elanesh, where I grew up, belongs to Wekkren.

    Today, in preparation for tomorrow, we got to try a little mulled wine, but I wasn't that bothered. After Wookiee hooch there's nothing left to impress me.

    There's a thing that you do where you have to put a petal fruit in a basin of water and, wearing a blindfold, you're supposed to pick out the fruit using only your teeth. At the same time there's someone opposite you trying to pick out their petal fruit before you do. The winner usually gets a prize of some sort. My prize for beating Denny at school was the delight I felt when watching Sizzley (who wouldn't take part because she refused to get wet) have a jug of water poured over the back of her head by one of the other kids! Sizzley ran out the room in tears (again!). So, I doubt she'll be taking part in any festivities!

    Evla calls the festival organized begging and refuses to see any cultural merit in it at all. Come to think of it, I'm not sure it's my idea of fun either. Still, I don't want to be left out. The kids are starting to like me (or at least tolerate me) especially now they've taken such a dislike to snooty Sizzley. It's the big wind down before the vacation starts and everyone is in high spirits. We're making masks at school out of cut up pieces of flimsy and watered down glue. I've made one that looks identical to Yoda! I'm quite proud of it.

    Thing is, I won't get to wear it. Evla says I can go out with the other kids 'over her dead body'. I do wish people would stop using that phrase! Why must everyone insist on tempting fate like that? Are they all nuts? Anyhow, she's adamant she won't let me go out carrowsing?no, that's not right. Carrousing? Damn it, why doesn't this diary have a spell check on it? However you spell the rotten word, it means going down town and coming back wild eyed and Hutt-kissed drunk. Yeah, right Evla! I'm ten years old. I look years younger than my age. Who is going to let me drink in a cantina?

    Mungo, perhaps? Flint? I can only hope!

    I think she means that she doesn't trust me to behave when I might get bullied by other kids to do something stupid just to be part of the crowd. And she's probably right. I'm not afraid of being dared! But I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, and Wekkren festivities can get rowdy.

    I just want the other kids to accept me as one of the group. If Evla won't let me go then I will be humiliated for the rest of the week. And then when it comes to going on this stupid camp trip (although I haven't spoken to Quiggy about getting out of it) I will be so unpopular that they will make me share a tent with Sizzley!

    Maybe Quiggy will help me? If he can't sweet talk Evla then nobody can!


    ENTRY TWO
  20. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    OH, force help yoda and being accomodating. Hilarious!
  21. K'Tai qel Letta-Tanku Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 18, 2000
    star 2
    LOL, this sounds very promising indeed! Can't wait to see what mischief awaits her...'cuz I'm sure there will be some.

    -K'Tai
  22. maychorian Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2005
    star 4
    Oh, I love the idea of a god conning another god! [face_laughing] Very classical of you--sounds like Apollo and Mercury with the cows. (Or whoever that was. I lose track.) But anyway, that bit made me laugh.

    Yoda's joining in? Oh, that's splendid! I can't wait to hear how it goes.
  23. mouse2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    SOunds like to me that Jemmy just might be a descendant of Wekkren himself! Quiggy may have said no, but she conned him into something else that would still help her. ;)

    As for Yoda, I think he was just out to see how many pranks he could pull on other councilmembers. Dexy's always ready for a good time! [face_dancing]
  24. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Hey, I think this makes me Corellian, since Wekkren is obviously Loki, the trickster god of my Norse ancestors.
  25. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Ish: Lol! Yoda's intentions are good?except that he has his own agenda, too!

    K'tai qel Leta-Tanku: There's usually mischief in the offing with Jemmy. She can't stop herself: it's a genetic memory!

    Maychorian: I love mythology. Although sometimes it all begins to blur together, lol! I couldn't help but think that the cultures in the GFFA would have their own myths and legends. It's certainly something I'd like to explore.

    Mouse: Jemmy would love to think she was descended from a Corellian god! With a god like that what chance did the Corellians have but to follow suit?

    Ish: You know, I was thinking it might be fun to come up with a pantheon of mythology and legends! Using Celtic, Norse and Roman myth as a foundation.


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    ENTRY TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN:


    Here is a faithful report on the mayhem that ensued during the feast of Wekkren frolics.

    The other kids all came spilling out of an aircab and I met them on the landing platform not far from the temple gardens. I really expected them to be running amok to start off with, you know? I had pictures in my mind of old Master Quillan spit-roasting Denny over an open fire or even hunting Zumeena and Neelii through the long grasses, stalking them like a cannoid through the alleyways. But there wasn't so much as a peep out of them until we got inside the temple.

    And the first thing that was said was simply "wow?"

    They were totally overawed by it! I don't think they could believe they were actually there. Half of them looked terrified, as if Master Yoda was going to eat them or something. Actually, if I'd thought he was going to do that I'd have made a point in inviting Sizzley along. She never showed: I knew she wouldn't. Is the Jedi temple not good enough for her, then?

    A month or so ago everyone would have thought like that. They were all too busy agreeing with Sophie to realize what a wonderful bunch of people the Jedi are. Now they've got to see it for themselves.

    I'll cut to the chase. There were one or two shocked looking padawans and bewildered masters about the place as we walked through the echoing corridors. Most of my classmates averted their eyes out of politeness when we encountered a master. Or maybe it was fear? Then Master Berlingside stepped forward from where he was waiting behind a stone pillar and ordered everyone to put on their party hats. Once the kids had satisfied themselves that they weren't going to be chopped up by a maniac and that Dex was more or less okay, everyone relaxed. Then Dex issued us with a bucket of evil smelling sludge that he said he'd 'borrowed' from the refectory. Mostly rancid tomatoes and eggs that looked as fresh as a ten day old nerf dropping?

    I get the feeling Dex was really enjoying himself as we charged the habitation blocks, banging on doors and singing for people at the top of our voices. We sort of took up my Nerf poem as an official song (Denny and Dex spent a few brief moments trying to put the lyrics to a tune of some sort) and then we all screeched it out incoherently. It worked, coz most people gave their few credits just to get rid of us!

    The reactions were all different. Dex mostly visited the masters who he knew would find the whole thing amusing, (those who were female) or found him amusing (those who fancied him). There are quite a lot of female Jedi in the temple who find Dex attractive so as you can guess we made a whole load of money!

    Sometimes, just to be daring, Dex tried his luck on some who he knew the reception would be slightly different. Like Master H'darri (that 'thing' Junine's master), or Master H'dareyou, as we like to call him because of his oft' wielded cry of dismay. Old H'darri is as sour as Junine. They're well matched.

    Junine answered the door, and we were all set to pelt her with rotten eggs but Dex pointed out that he didn't pick on padawans, only 'miserable, tight-fisted old windbags', and asked Junine to give his best compliments to her master! So we went off in search of our next victim.

    Yoda met us at the
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