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Lit Join Me and Achieve Perfection: A Reread of The Glove of Darth Vader

Discussion in 'Literature' started by instantdeath, Apr 18, 2013.

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  1. Zorrixor

    Zorrixor Force Ghost star 6

    Sep 8, 2004
    Shameful? No.

    Destroying Duros is another example of the Davids tragic genius. They could see the damage Duros might do to continuity in the future and so they took steps to try and prevent the coming of Cad Bane, in the hope that he would never be able to contradict the EU.

    It is truly a tragedy of our day that later authors failed to appreciate the Davids efforts to save the EU.
  2. Chewbacca89

    Chewbacca89 Jedi Master star 5

    Oct 25, 2012
  3. instantdeath

    instantdeath Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 22, 2010
    The Duros must die so that the Glove can live. It is known.
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  4. Lugija

    Lugija Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Oct 3, 2009
    So the Whaladons are sentient? Wouldn't killing them be a murder instead of a crime against nature, then? Clearly this book is not about protecting nature as we were led to believe. Instead we have a philosophical discussion of the place of sentient species in the circle of life, and how we are all part of the nature even if we are self-aware.
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  5. Zorrixor

    Zorrixor Force Ghost star 6

    Sep 8, 2004
    Clearly, the Empire was merely trying to save the galaxy from the day the sentient Whaladons advanced to the stage where they could construct droids in their own image. These aquatic artificial intelligences, let's call them Reapers, would then have posed a serious threat to the Glove, so it was only right to eradicate the Whaladons before they endangered everyone else.

    Trioculus has three eyes, remember. He could see further than anyone else, so he alone understood that difficult choices need to be made for the greater good. Trying to accuse him of environmental destruction is pure Rebel propaganda because they were trying to cover up the truth that the Whaladons needed to be purged before they took to the stars themselves.
  6. instantdeath

    instantdeath Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 22, 2010
    The Jedi Prince series covers the entire spectrum of human experience, the same way that it hits every emotion a human being can experience. Rest assured, man vs nature themes will be covered, but I agree with your assessment that The Glove of Darth Vader is, at its core, a man vs man story. An exploration of just how far man is willing to go to secure its place in the galaxy, all the while failing to realize that it's impossible for any one man, fishman or Whaladon to escape their place in nature, even one as mighty as Trioculus or as wise as Leviathor.

    If all of the characters the Davids' crafted represent different facets of humanity and all its flaws and virtues, then the Glove represents the divine. Trioculus exerts so much time and effort seeking to find and control the Glove, despite the fact that the Glove is, by its very nature, unknowable and very much uncontrollable. In the face of overwhelming power, even the greatest of men inevitably falter.

    Oh my god, Harbinger is Leviathor. It all makes sense now.
  7. instantdeath

    instantdeath Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 22, 2010
    Apologies for the lateness of this update. Friday happened to be an unexpectedly busy day. Luckily, this seems to be a much longer chapter, so I think I'll shut up and get to it.

    Chapter 5: Captain Dunwell's Discovery

    After listening to Dunwell's message, Trioculus takes off in his luxurious yet functional suite strike cruiser, modified to work in space and under water (what will they think of next?). Once it reaches Calamari, it plunges into the deep, and Trioculus gazes through the bridgeport view "with all three of his eyes", which of course makes me wonder if his usual method is to stare at things without using all of his eyes.

    The submarine/spaceship reaches Dunwell's Whaladon processing plant, and our Emperor reveals himself to be a man of prudence, and not of spectacle.

    "We’re in contact with Captain Dunwell, sir," said Grand Moff Hissa. "He’s planning to greet you with a thirty laser-cannon salute and a military procession."

    "Absolutely not," said Trioculus in a stern voice. "If I had wanted to be noticed, I would have asked for a parade, not a private meeting."

    "As you wish, my Emperor."

    I'm not going to bother asking how that would possibly work under water.

    As the spacesub draws closer, they stop to admire Captain Ahab's new state of the art Whaladon killamajig

    "It’s equipped with whirlpool generators," explained Grand Moff Hissa, "for sucking the Whaladons right out of the ocean and into big storage chambers. The generators are powered by an antimatter furnace,"

    "Impressive," said Trioculus.

    Simply diabolical.

    The spacesub docks, and we're treated to a precise auditory rendering of what that might sound like.


    Trioculus, his faithful kiss-ass Hissa and his droid Emdee meet Dunwell outside the docking bay. Dunwell kneels before Trioculus, and extends a "most Imperial" welcome to him. Unfortunately, Dunwell does not reckon with the legendary perceptive powers of the third eye.

    Trioculus didn’t like the way the captain seemed to be staring at him. It was as though the captain were repulsed by Trioculus’s third eye.

    Luckily for Captain Dunwell, Trioculus decides to show mercy for this unspoken slight, and demands the fidgeting captain lead him to his office. Their journey takes them to an overhead walkway that looks down on a Whaladon processing center, where large amounts of Aqualish are skinning Whaladon and readying them for transport to the "Whaladon Meat Quality Control Division". If you don't know what an Aqualish is, never fear. The Davids' are here to explain in sweeping generalizations that put Zahn to shame.

    The walrus-faced alien race of Aqualish, who had smooth, tough skins and large eyes, was a stubborn and tough fighting breed. They worked as bounty hunters, mercenaries, and as ruthless Whaladon killers.

    Trioculus nods in approval at the cheap labor. They reach Dunwell's office, a comfortable room with a large window supplying a view of the ocean floor. Dunwell pulls up a navigation chart, which details a route he took through the Valley of the Giant Oysters. Near this Valley, they found some wreckage... Death Star wreckage! Dunwell "could hardly believe it, since the Death Star blew up millions of miles away, near Endor,".

    "The intense gravity of black holes and other interstellar forces cause warps, folds, and buckles in space," explained Grand Moff Hissa. "Asteroids and spaceships have tumbled into these space warps and have suddenly reappeared millions of miles away. The same thing must have happened to this debris from the Imperial Death Star."

    Trioculus orders Hissa to dispense with the theories, and for Dunwell to continue his tale, in a way only Trioculus can.

    He stared at the captain with his third eye, sending out hypnotic waves. A stare like that could make a man very truthful. The captain turned slightly pale.

    Force persuasion ain't got nothin' on that.

    Dunwell continues somewhat hesitantly, noting they found a large, Y-wing sized piece of wreckage. His laser couldn't penetrate it, but he did happen to have a handy X-ray handy. Dunwell then dramatically asks Trioculus to take a look at what he found.

    Trioculus leaned forward for a closer look.

    Shutting his two lower eyes, he stared at the image with his third eye. The spot that Captain Dunwell was touching showed an object that seemed to have five fingers. Was it a hand? Or a glove?

    Trioculus glanced at his right hand, which was trembling once again as he dreamed of fulfilling his goal. No human hand could have survived the heat of the Death Star explosion, he thought. And only one glove was known to be totally indestructible. This had to be it. A short undersea journey away. Almost within his grasp.

    "You were correct to request that I come here, Captain," said Trioculus. "You have done well."


    With that menacing sound, the high-tech submarine takes off, in pursuit of the Glove.

    We shift scenes to Luke Skywalker, whose "heart pounds with excitement" as Threepio translates Artoo's high pitched beeps, excited at the prospect of having information from the Kessel meeting.

    Luke and Ackbar head to the Calamarian office of SPIN (they have different planetary branches? Guess it's not quite like the Illuminati after all). As they contact Mon Mothma, the droids take a brief detour to the local Droid Repair Shop, and get back in their old colors. The whole gang meet back up, and board a "fish shaped submarine", with Admiral Ackbar at the wheel (as if that was ever in question). As the fishy submarine barrels toward the ocean floor, Ackbar takes this as an opportunity to give a lesson on the plight of Whaladons.

    "Now that we’ve sent the news to Mon Mothma about the Imperial leader Trioculus, it’s time we tried to help the Whaladons," Ackbar told them. "And the best way for me to explain the Whaladon crisis is to show you the Whaladon graveyard. From there it’s a short trip to Captain Dunwell’s undersea Whaladon Processing Center."

    "Dzneeeeek?" beeped Artoo.

    "Artoo wants to know what they do there," translated Threepio.

    "That’s where they take the captured Whaladons and butcher them," said Admiral Ackbar. "There they turn those beautiful, intelligent creatures into food for Imperial officers!"

    "Perish the thought," said Threepio, shaking his head in dismay.

    "For many years we’ve had a law on Calamari making it illegal to hunt Whaladons," explained Admiral Ackbar. "But no matter how hard we try we cannot control Captain Dunwell. He does whatever the Central Committee of Grand Moffs wants, and they want Whaladon meat, even if it means destroying the ecology of Calamari."

    "Chnooozbch kjiiiik?" beeped Artoo.

    "Artoo wants to know how the hunting of Whaladons harms the ecology of your planet," Threepio translated.

    "The Whaladons eat the little plants, or plankton, that grow at the surface of our oceans," Ackbar explained. "If those little plants spread and become too plentiful, as they breathe they could use up all the carbon dioxide in our atmosphere-the process of photosynthesis. Without carbon dioxide our planet would get much colder. You see, we need Whaladons to keep the amount of plankton in balance, or we Calamarians could wake up one day to find ourselves in an ice age!"

    Very interesting, please tell me more.

    Unfortunately, the lesson is interrupted, as we're shown that the oceans of Calamari are apparently as small as the rest of the galaxy; by pure coincidence, they've run right into Captain Dunwell's evil Whaladon killing sub! Ackbar begins to tail it, as Luke notes that the giant submarine is like a floating fortress, and that he doesn't think anything the Rebels could throw at it would be able to bring it down.
    After a brief period of tailing, the destination of Dunwell's sub becomes apparent: it's chasing Leviathor and a school of Whaladons! He then becomes "choked with horror" as a giant whirlpool materializes out of nowhere and begins drawing the Whaladons to the sub. We are treated to a bone chilling description of the capture.

    Admiral Ackbar struggled to control his little sub as it vibrated wildly in the churning water. Luke watched as Leviathor tried to escape, but the whirlpool caught hold of Leviathor as the old white Whaladon fought for his life.

    The suction pulled Leviathor backward, tail first. Then Leviathor spun around and around at a dizzying speed, while a huge door opened on the side of the Whaladon-hunting submarine. In a few moments Leviathor was sucked through the door and he vanished from sight.


    As the metal door slammed shut, claiming its prize catch, Luke could hear a dull thud pounding through the waves.

    "This is a very sad day for Calamari," said Ackbar, shuddering. "Without Leviathor the Whaladons haven’t a chance now."

    Luke’s mouth fell open as he saw another Whaladon trapped in the whirlpool. The Whaladon fell into the swirling hole, tumbling and twisting, then was quickly trapped inside another storage chamber.

    Then a third Whaladon was trapped.

    And a fourth.

    Ackbar sadly realizes that there's nothing that they can do, and pulls back so he doesn't get them captured as well. However, we are reminded that hope is not lost, as long as heroes are willing to stand up for those that cannot.

    Luke remembered all of the hopeless situations he had been in before. How many times in his life had he almost been ready to give up? But he never had.

    If there was any hope of saving the Whaladons, they couldn’t turn back now. So they kept following the Whaladon-hunting submarine as it went straight toward the dark Seascape Mountains.

    They continue to tail the sub, and Ackbar notes that there are no Whaladons in this general direction (this guy really knows the sea), and wonders where Dunwell could possibly be heading. As they continue to follow, they have to avoid falling underwater rocks (what?!). They emerge in a kind of natural underwater tunnel. Luke describes it as one of the most beautiful places he's ever seen; it's a valley bathed in a perpetual green glow, from a variety of different underwater plants and glowing eels. Then, he notices the giant oysters, each one large enough to swallow him in one bite.

    Artoo, in his usual foul mouthed way (fizoooookch!, Goooooo-zizzzz beee-zeeeez!, Tweeee bizzzz!), observes that this valley looks like a mining field. Using this piece of knowledge, Ackbar infers that Artoo may be able to get a reading of the various bits of debris atomic structure. They obtain a sample using Artoo's extending arm, and Ackbar notes that he's "especially interested in knowing if it contains any doomium or phobium" (elements named after the words doom and phobia? Is everything evil in the Jedi Prince galaxy?).

    Turns out that it is, indeed, 6% doomium, a metal that the Empire uses to make its war machines (this keeps getting better), and 3% phobium.

    "Phobium was mined by Emperor Palpatine on Gargon," said Ackbar. "And there’s only one thing I know of that he ever used it for: to coat the power core of the Death Star."

    So there are evil elements. I wonder what the Rebels make their war machines from? Rainbows?

    Anyway, Luke realizes they must be searching Death Star wreckage. He is suddenly overcome with an overwhelming feeling of dread, as if he knows he is in the presence of godly power.

    Slowly and steadily it approached a large chunk of twisted scrap metal, one almost as large as an Imperial command speeder. Luke felt a shiver run up his spine as he suddenly realized what was about to happen.

    Luke knows what's about to happen. Unfortunately, we'll have to wait for the next chapter.

    Commentary: Now things are heating up. We're heading for a final collision, and no power in the verse is going to stop it.

    I'll start off by commenting on something that is totally inconsequential, yet cracked me up... Ackbar driving a fish shaped submarine. That's a hilarious image if I know a hilarious image. Now I'm picturing him driving a fish shaped go kart.

    One thing I couldn't help but notice in this chapter is that the Davids'... tried much harder in the description department this chapter. Maybe it's because the majority of the chapter takes place under sea, a place that naturally has accumulated a kind of sense of wonderment, that they felt the need to really show off their descriptive powers. And hey, they're not all bad, but it just seems so out of place. And of course, they're not at all afraid to heap on the melodrama when it comes to the Whaladon capture.

    We're also treated to some more of Trioculus' devious scheming. And by devious scheming, I really mean blatant insecurity. I don't know if it's intentional or not, considering the books target demographic, but the dude acts like a fourth grader. If memory serves, he only gets more and more insane as it goes along. This should be fun.

    All in all, this chapter is about moving the pieces together, as I already alluded to. We're entering the climax now. Hold on to your gloves, it's about to get explosive.

  8. AdmiralNick22

    AdmiralNick22 Fleet Admiral of Literature star 6 Staff Member Manager

    May 28, 2003
    So, I am just now catching up on this thread, but I can honestly say that I may be in love with this book. Leviathor? Sweet Christ, why don't we have a Mon Cal cruiser named Leviathor. If it were in my power, I would make one immediately. instantdeath, thanks to you, I too have that image of Ackbar and Leviathor staring at each other sadly through the glass. Damn you, sir! I may or may not of listed to that song on YouTube as well, adding to the general awesomeness of the whole scene. :p

    I love how easy it is for Imperials to operate on Dac, the supposed stronghold of the Rebellion & New Republic. Trioculus must be one brave SOB to head into the literal Arsenal of the Rebellion to visit the Gortan's Fisherman and find the Glove, while presumably dining on Whaladon sashimi. Sounds like SPIN should focus a bit more of their efforts on securing the New Republic's borders and less time hanging out on Yavin Four.

    I continue to watch this thread with great interest!

    --Adm. Nick
  9. instantdeath

    instantdeath Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 22, 2010
    Captain Ahab lost his leg and his sanity to Moby Dick. Ackbar makes friends with him. If that's not a testament to Ackbar's awesomeness, I'm not sure what is.
  10. Starkeiller

    Starkeiller Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Dec 5, 2004
    Add three full-striped rainbows, equal measures of goodwill and love, 1/4th harmony and understanding, 1/6th sympathy and trust abounding, mix and stir, and there you have your war machines that can only destroy evil doomium-made devices. Point them to a good guy and a flower pops out.

    How could you not know that good and evil start on the molecular level? [face_not_talking]
  11. Zorrixor

    Zorrixor Force Ghost star 6

    Sep 8, 2004
    Dark Greetings again one and all on this Dark Day of this Dark Week in this Dark Year!
    It was explained in the previous chapter, remember?

    Like the "newly installed shields" on Luke and Ackbar's interstellar landspeeder, Trioculus's cruiser must have shields that keep out the water so that a firing squad can climb up on top of the bridge and let out a gun salute. Simple. [face_idea]
    Only a "most Imperial" welcome? What an affront to the new Emperor. Triolculus should have fed Dunwell to the monstrous man-eating Whaladons for failing to correctly greet him the Dark Greetings. [face_not_talking]

    Ah, so Trioculus did take affront to the failure to greet him properly. These Imperials are demonstrating a noticeable lack of Dark Greetings in their formal discourse.[face_shame_on_you]

    They should be grateful they have such a fair and forgiving lord as their new emperor.
    Ah yes, the old interstellar black hole transportation network. Many a lost starship has stumbled into one of those invisible beasts, never to be heard from again (maybe most end up on Iago and just don't want to be found with all those angels [face_love]).

    All these convoluted explanations later authors have come up with, like folding space for Aing-Tii, or hyperdrive malfunctions for the Lost Tribe, when the bona fide reason for ships disappearing was established right back in GODV. Zahn and Kemp evidently failed to do their homework properly.
    Because such obvious things need no explanation, as Hissa should have known. It's like reminding Trioculus that Whaladons are foul livestock. Everyone knows about the black hole network; Trioculus didn't need Hissa to insult his intelligence.
    Even on the verge of supreme power, Trioculus can still slip in a joke. Proof right there that the man has a heart.

    You never saw Palpatine making jokes; he was too serious all the time. Triolculus is the Emperor the galaxy needs.
    What complete and utter vile filth. That droid should be decommissioned.
  12. Dr. Steve Brule

    Dr. Steve Brule Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Sep 7, 2012
    So the Whaladons basically eat the sentient Moappa, then! They're no better than the Imperials!

    It's enough to turn one to a zoochberry-only diet.
  13. AdmiralWesJanson

    AdmiralWesJanson Jedi Grand Master star 5

    May 23, 2005
    Laser Cannons are not man portable. They would be vehicle scale weapons. So imagine a 21 gun salute done with 105 howitzers, but underwater.

    I wouldn't call them dangerous, but travel through a black hole and you could end up anywhere in the universe, even on Comedy Central. The Sanctuary Pipeline is probably just like the Panama Wormhole.
    SithStarSlayer likes this.
  14. RC-1991

    RC-1991 Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 2, 2009
    You might say that you are the Triclops to @instantdeath's Trioculus.

  15. instantdeath

    instantdeath Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 22, 2010
    Don't quote me on this, but I believe the quantity of Dark Greetings dramatically increases as the series goes on. I know for a fact that the Davids' start using more sound effects in later books. All in all, the series just gets wackier in every conceivable way. I imagine that has a lot to do with the introduction of Ken.

    Yes. Like Palpatine, I sensed that Grey1 could grow more powerful than me, and imprisoned him on Kessel.
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  16. cthugha

    cthugha Jedi Master star 3

    Sep 24, 2010
    Just finished the first book, can't wait for the next one! This is so camp it's gold!

    Artoo's most unambiguously scatological comment yet, in the last chapter:

    Admiral Ackbar turned to Luke, Threepio, Artoo, and Princess Leia and said, “On behalf of the planet Calamari, as a special thanks, I’d like to invite you all to be our guests of honor at a special concert of Whaladon songs at our Domed City of Aquarius.”

    “Fzzzzoooop bedoooooop!” squeaked Artoo in a scolding tone.

    “I’m very sorry to report,” Threepio said in a disappointed voice, “that Artoo absolutely refuses ever to return to Calamari with me again-that is, until I get a license to steer a Calamarian minisub!”

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  17. instantdeath

    instantdeath Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 22, 2010
    Reading ahead, are we? :p

    The camp value only increases upon the introduction of Ken. I find it odd that a young reader series waits until the second book to introduce the main, "kid" character, but I'll talk about that when I get to it.

    And yes, that R2 doesn't hold his punches. In just those few short beeps and warbles, he invents three new ethnic slurs for Mon Calamarians, insults the Calamarian's homeworld and insinuates that it is the cause of their unsavory smell, ridicules Threepio's driving skills, suggests that the Whaladon's are lousy singers, and slips in a few choice remarks about Ackbar's mother for good measure. All of this was, of course, absolutely littered with vulgarity, pulled from over six million known languages.
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  18. Zorrixor

    Zorrixor Force Ghost star 6

    Sep 8, 2004
    Fzzzzoooop bedooooooop, eh?

    R2 sounds like he's been possessed by the spirit of Betty Boop.
    SithStarSlayer likes this.
  19. Lugija

    Lugija Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Oct 3, 2009
    Now I feel bad. For two years I have had one of Artoo's sounds as a text message alarm. The one from AotC that 3PO translates to "He says he has a message from someone called Obi-Wan Kenobi". But knowing Artoo, he must have said something more like "Hey Grey**** and you pieces of Joffrey, that ***** hobo Obi-Wan ************* Kenobi is calling you fat ***** to hear his ******* message" What filth have I in my phone! Now I must sing "Lalalalala!" whenever I get a message and kids are near.

    "The intense gravity of black holes and other interstellar forces cause warps, folds, and buckles in space," explained Grand Moff Hissa. "Asteroids and spaceships have tumbled into these space warps and have suddenly reappeared millions of miles away. The same thing must have happened to this debris from the Imperial Death Star."

    The explanation for the lack of Endor Apocalypse. This is genius work.

    You mean rainbowium, goodwillium, lovium, harmonium etc. These are elements we are talking about.

    "The Whaladons eat the little plants, or plankton, that grow at the surface of our oceans," Ackbar explained. "If those little plants spread and become too plentiful, as they breathe they could use up all the carbon dioxide in our atmosphere-the process of photosynthesis. Without carbon dioxide our planet would get much colder. You see, we need Whaladons to keep the amount of plankton in balance, or we Calamarians could wake up one day to find ourselves in an ice age!"

    This is the most horrible deed the Imperials have ever done! Good thing Admiral Ackbar is here to stop the ice age! He just needs to believe in himself.
  20. Barriss_Coffee

    Barriss_Coffee Chosen One star 6

    Jun 29, 2003
    I'm glad you're keeping track of these important details.:p

    Aaaaaand the entire series could have been immediately cut short at that moment, had it not been for Trioculus's quick-thinking.

    Paging Dr. Evil....

    Gosh darnnit, had they just gone ahead and used Unobtainium, the Death Star would still be around!
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  21. Starkeiller

    Starkeiller Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Dec 5, 2004
    Obviously, the Davids Universe runs exclusively on pantsium.
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  22. instantdeath

    instantdeath Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 22, 2010
    I bid you all Dark Greetings on this beautiful Monday morning. It's cold and raining where I am, but it's always beautiful when you're reading The Glove of Darth Vader. Just stop, close your eyes, and breathe that lovium and harmonium in. Not too much, now, that's powerful stuff.

    Strap in, get yourself a zoochberry to munch on. This is another long one, especially since I've realized that I've been seriously skimping on the pictures.


    How can those Imperials hurt something so gosh darn cute?

    Chapter 6: Ten Minutes to Self-Destruct

    Well, that's certainly an ominous title chapter.

    Most leaders are in the habit of having their lackies do their dirty work for them. Trioculus is not most leaders. The Glove is Trioculus' triumph, and his alone. He suits up in a large scuba diving suit, one with a flashlight, and arms himself with a large amount of thermal detonators.


    The thermal detonators blast a large hole in the former hull of the Death Star (so why exactly did the Rebels have to bother with the exhaust port if a thermal detonator is enough to pierce the hull? I guess these thermal detonators are infused with phobium ions). Trioculus scans the debris, until he sets his sights on the prize.

    And then his third eye noticed three black fingertips sticking out from beneath a mashed ion deactivator.

    He pushed aside the ion deactivator, and there it was: a five-fingered black gauntlet, in one piece, undamaged by heat or water.

    In fact, the glove looked just as it must have looked when Darth Vader had worn it on his right hand!

    Trioculus is far too modest. The Glove will look better on him than it ever did on Vader.


    We switch to Luke, as he's spying on Trioculus from afar with underwater macrobinoculars. The thing that tipped him off, as the text explains, is the fact that this scuba diver has three eyes. As "the Imperial tyrant" begins to enter his vessel, Luke wonders if he has the Glove, and if they'll be able to stop him if he does. Luke asks Ackbar if they can intercept Trioculus', but Ackbar believes they'd be shot down. Threepio suggests a retreat.

    Luke remembered the words of Yoda, his Jedi teacher: Luke, the coming fight is yours alone. There is no avoiding the battle-you cannot escape your destiny.

    The fact that this is the only time Yoda has ever spoken normally is only testament to the importance of this mission. Stopping Vader and the Emperor was all well and good, but the Glove is a threat of an entirely different scale.

    "We’re not going to retreat, Threepio," said Luke. He turned to the Calamarian fishman beside him. "Admiral Ackbar, is there any way we could signal Trioculus and communicate with him somehow?"

    "You mean let him know that we’re here?"

    "Exactly. If we surrender to him, then he’ll take us aboard to question us, right? But that will be the biggest mistake he’ll ever make."

    "Or the biggest one we’ll ever make," said Ackbar.

    Another thought struck Luke. "The other thing we could do is attack."

    "Attack!" exclaimed Threepio.

    It was an old Jedi rule of thumb to attack when the odds were overwhelmingly against you, and when there was no other possible way to save your own life or the life of an ally. Luke had used that strategy aboard Jabba the Hutt’s skiff when Luke and his friends were about to be executed.

    "Ackbar, let’s get closer to them," said Luke. "Full speed ahead."

    "Full speed ahead," repeated Admiral Ackbar reluctantly.

    Despite his reservations, Ackbar guns the engines.


    The power suddenly fails! The Scooby Gang are completely engrossed by darkness. Ackbar begins giving Threepio, of all people, instructions. Threepio is understandably hesitant, but Ackbar reassures him, telling him even a housekeeping droid could pilot this thing (which, of course, raises the question why he doesn't just get Luke to help him... you know, Luke-I-blew-up-the-Death-Star-Skywalker? Oh, never mind). Threepio screws up, and the ship is turned upside down, as they're quickly put on a collision course with a bunch of sharp rocks!

    "Bzeeech! Chnooooch!" beeped Artoo frantically.

    "Well, you try to steer it, then, if you think you’re so smart," said Threepio. "Hmmph. ’Even a housekeeping droid could do it’!"

    At that moment the main pilot control switched back on and Admiral Ackbar took over once again.

    Apparently Ackbar was just messing with Threepio, since the ship is totally fine now. That Ackbar is a hoot, isn't he?

    But their troubles are not over.

    "Zgoonukooo!" squealed Artoo.

    "Yikes!" shouted Threepio. "A giant squid!"

    He was right. Luke glanced out the front porthole and saw a squid larger than any he could ever have imagined. It had long, writhing, twisting tentacles with big, grotesque suction cups. The squid jetted through the water just overhead and passed them.

    That's right, Threepio says "yikes".

    In a stunning twist of fate, our heroes are saved by the very object they're trying to destroy! The Whaladon killamajig makes a giant whirlpool that sucks up the squid... but also their giant fish submarine.


    Threepio helpfully suggests that they're doomed.

    Thankfully, no one on the Whaladon killing ship notices they'd caught the fishsub, because they're all engrossed in a game of Sabacc, "a card game that had become very popular on the Cloud City of Bespin, and was now played by dozens of humans and aliens on other planets".

    A few Aqualish with big tusks began the game, and soon they were joined by others, as they crouched in the main corridor not far from the decompression chamber.

    But the game wasn’t going smoothly. The Aqualish began growling and pushing, calling each other cheaters and opening their mouths, flashing their teeth and tusks, even spitting at one another.

    We switch to Trioculus, "whose body had just returned to its normal pressure", now exiting the decompression chamber, prize in hand.

    The droid Emdee had cleaned away the grime and then brought the black glove back to his master, whose right hand trembled as he reached for it. Trioculus put the glove on slowly, regally, like a king setting a crown on his head. An image of Darth Vader flashed into Trioculus’s mind, and at that instant the evil of Vader seemed to pour through him like a sudden surge of power from the Dark Side.

    "It fits your hand perfectly, your lordship," said Grand Moff Hissa, flattering Trioculus, "as though it were made for you to wear!"

    Trioculus and his lapdog make their way to Dunwell's office, but on their way their attention is caught by the increasingly violent sabacc game. As their Imperial Majesty approaches, they don't even look up, they're so absorbed in the game. Trioculus mentally notes that these are easily the stupidest Aqualish he's ever encountered.

    Grand Moff Hissa clicked his heels to get their attention. "Why aren’t you Aqualish at your work stations?" he demanded.

    But there was no reply, only a snarling growl from the loser and a coarse laugh from the winner as he picked up his credit chips. Trioculus’s three eyes turned fiery.

    "You are blocking the path of the Supreme Ruler of the Empire!" Grand Moff Hissa shouted. "Clear a path and get back to work now or you’ll all be executed!"

    The one with the thickest tusks just sneered, then spit on the floor and hissed at the Imperials.

    "How dare you!" an enraged Trioculus boomed, raising the glove of Darth Vader and pointing it at the Aqualish who had just insulted him.

    But to Trioculus’s amazement nothing happened.

    The glove didn’t work for him the way it had worked for Darth Vader, who had been able to choke the life-breath out of his victims by pointing the glove in their direction.

    Scowling, Trioculus raised his other hand and lightning bolts flowed from his fingertips, causing the offending Aqualish to crumple to the ground, kicking and writhing. The electricity quickly reduced him to an unrecognizable heap.

    The remaining Aqualish scattered at once, without any further incident. Moments later Trioculus, Grand Moff Hissa, and Emdee arrived at the captain’s private quarters.

    In a not-so-subtle display of power, Trioculus orders Dunwell out of his own office so he may confer with his most trusted advisers, so they may scheme and reveal helpful plot points to the readers.

    Shaking his head in disgust, Trioculus sat down in the captain’s favorite chair. "When Darth Vader pointed this glove, he had the power to choke his victims," he said. "The glove is useless if it no longer has that power."

    "The important thing to remember," said Grand Moff Hissa, "is that the glove is a great symbol of evil. As we know, the Supreme Prophet of the Dark Side, Kadann, prophesied that the new Emperor would wear that glove. And now that you wear it, none of the Imperial

    warlords can question your claim to be our new Emperor. And Kadann won’t be able to question your authority, either, once we go to Space Station Scardia and prove to him that you have found it."

    "I’m not interested in symbols," said Trioculus. "I want the same power as Darth Vader!"

    Grand Moff Hissa continued. "My lord, you must realize that, though you are a great slavelord, it could still take many years for you to become a True Master of the Dark Side. Don’t forget, the lightning bolts don’t flow naturally from your fingertips like they did with Emperor Palpatine. Emdee had to implant a cybernetic device inside of you so that you could appear to have the lightning power. But if you use it too many times, all that electricity could prove fatal to you. You mustn’t use it anymore. Fortunately, however, the lightning device has already served its purpose. It helped us to convince everyone that you are the Emperor’s son, which is exactly what the Central Committee of Grand Moffs wanted to do."

    "Never forget," Trioculus said with a blaze of anger in all three of his eyes, "that when the Central Committee of Grand Moffs proposed to me that I be the one to declare himself the Emperor’s son, you grand moffs swore you would keep the plot a secret. And in turn I agreed that when I became Emperor, I would share my rule with the Central Committee of Grand Moffs."

    "And I hope you shall never forget," said Grand Moff Hissa, bearing his pointy teeth, "that we dreamed up this plot only because we had absolutely no choice. The Emperor’s real three-eyed son, Triclops, is hopelessly insane, and all of our attempts to cure him have met with failure. Obviously it’s better that a trusted three-eyed mutant, such as yourself, should take his place, my lord. If we were to permit Triclops to rule the Empire, his madness would surely bring about the end of us all!"

    Emdee removed a small utility case from his left side. He opened the case, then carefully took out five very tiny mechanisms, each the size of a man’s fingertip.

    "I can put one of these inside the tip of each of the glove’s fingers," Emdee said, holding one of them up. "When your fingers press against these devices, they will give off a piercing, high-frequency sound, an earsplitting pitch heard only by the one you’ve aimed the glove at. It will make your victims gasp and fall to their knees. Their eardrums will explode and their brains disintegrate, just like Darth Vader was able to do with his own natural power."

    Well, that's some pseudo-science for you. And he just had that with him? Who cares, all glory to Trioculus!


    We switch back to Luke, as he and the giant squid are stuck in a giant containment chamber. Luke has time to breathe a sigh of relief that the giant squid that was trying to kill them is only unconscious, while Ackbar moves the ship to the top of the chamber, which for some reason the Davids feel the need to point out "is full of sea water". Artoo is able to work his magic and send a "magnetic signal" to the top of the chamber, causing it to open. Luke tells Ackbar that he should stay with the ship, in case they need to make a quick escape. He has no qualms, however, with bringing the two unarmed droids with him.

    As they walk, they pass many Whaladon chambers, until they finally come upon Leviathor, who is "swimming and moaning sadly" within the confines of his imprisonment. But then, Luke spots Dunwell! In case you were wondering, Luke recognizes Dunwell from the WANTED posters that Ackbar had projected for him.

    Before the action can take place, we switch to Dunwell's point of view, who is stroking his beard in contemplation. He had overheard the conversation between Trioculus and Hissa through bugs in his office. He now is privy to information that could shatter the Empire; but what should he do with the information? His thoughts are cut short, though, as he notices Luke and the droids. He pulls his blaster and fires two shots, one of which strikes Artoo and causes him to "spin around and around in a circle" (good job blocking there, Luke).


    Luke "instantly" draws his lightsaber (not so instantly to block the first shots, mind you, but instantly enough I suppose?), and "strikes the blade against Dunwell's blaster", somehow causing it to tumble out of his hand rather than sever it. Like any good Imperial, Dunwell immediately goes on the offensive... verbally. He demands to know who Luke is and why he's on his ship. Luke slyly replies that he's the one asking the questions and giving the orders, and orders Dunwell to lead them to a computer terminal so Artoo can "hook up with the master control system".

    Dunwell laughs evilly and says he might as well kill him. This leads to Luke showing a tiny bit of competence.

    Using a Jedi mind trick that Obi-Wan Kenobi had taught him, Luke looked Captain Dunwell straight in the eyes and said, "You’ve mistaken us for your enemies."

    "I’ve mistaken you for my enemies," a dazed Captain Dunwell repeated in a soft voice.

    "You wanted us to come here so we could help you."

    "I wanted you to come here," said the captain.

    "We’re supposed to check your master control," said Luke, continuing to use his Jedi mind power. "Now take us to a computer terminal quickly."

    "I will take you to a terminal."

    He leads them to a terminal and Artoo, apparently completely unaffected by the blaster bolt, does his usual thing. Luke tells Artoo to open all of the Whaladon containment chambers. "Let all of the Whaladons free!"

    "You fool," said Captain Dunwell, recovering his senses. "You think that little utility droid of yours can crack a code I spent three years creating?"

    "Gaaaaaz booop dweeet!" beeped Artoo.

    "He says you underestimate him, Captain," said Threepio. "He says Darth Vader’s codes used to be much more complicated than yours, and it never took him more than fifteen seconds to figure those out."

    "Artoo, I just thought of something," Luke said. "Before you free the Whaladons, the first thing you should do is scan the ship’s data banks. Find out if this vessel has a self-destruct system."

    "It doesn’t," said Captain Dunwell.

    "Zuuuuung! Galooooop!" squawked Artoo.

    "Artoo says it does, Master Luke," Threepio confirmed.

    "Excellent," said Luke. "Find out the precise self-destruct code. Tell me when you’ve got it."

    Can anyone say pwned? Dunwell, however, is a sore loser.

    "Trioculus expects me to be back in the navigation room by now," said Captain Dunwell. "If he comes looking for me and finds you, he’ll destroy you instantly!"

    Artoo reports that he has found the self-destruct code. Luke is pleased at Artoo's efficient work, and puts his mind to work.

    Luke stopped to think. How much time would the Whaladons need to swim to a safe distance?
    And how much time would he, his droids, and Admiral Ackbar need to get their Calamarian minisub away from here without being destroyed by a gigantic explosion?

    "Give us ten minutes-that should do it," said Luke. "And if it doesn’t, well then we’re all history."

    "You can’t do this!" Captain Dunwell protested. Artoo beeped and squeaked and whirred.

    "Booooshsh! Zweeech!"

    "Artoo says yes we can," Threepio translated. "Just watch us."

    You could probably stand to think that plan through a little more, Luke. And damn, Artoo's getting snippy there. Threepio reports that the self-destruct is activated, and warning sirens begin to go off.

    Commentary: So there's no way I can comment on this chapter without commenting on the pantsium that is Trioculus and the Glove. But I'll get to that, I swear. First, some of the smaller things.

    First off... OF COURSE there are bugs. You don't hold a meeting in someone's private office. Whatever else Trioculus may be, genre savvy he ain't. Probably doesn't help that helpfully outlined and went over his entire plan in a way that no one would ever actually speak.

    Second, I'm struggling to comprehend the point of having Dunwell shoot Artoo, but there being absolutely no consequences or, hell, any apparent reason for it at all. I mean, I know he's a droid, but usually if a character is shot in fiction, it's going to be relevant in the near future. I suppose it's meant to establish that Artoo is a badass. On that note, I must say that him giving Dunwell lip (through Threepio) was genuinely amusing.

    Third: there are some more casual continuity errors here, or at least what I can only assume are errors. Yoda speaking normally is an obvious one, but as I said, perhaps he simply figured that keeping the Glove from Trioculus would prove to be the most important part of Luke's life, and decided to dispense with his talking schtick to make sure the full meaning got through Luke's thick skull. The other one, I'd argue, is the insinuation that Obi-Wan taught Luke the mind trick... when we really have no evidence of that, though I suppose Luke could have observed Obi-Wan and figured it out for himself years later. Being a Jedi Prince book, there are lots of other little ones in there, such as a thermal detonator being more than capable of blowing through the Death Star's hull (though maybe it's strange adventure through a black hole weakened it?), but I won't bother touching most of them.

    But of course, I'm dodging the main spectacle. After all, why do we read Jedi Prince? To read about Trioculus acting crazy, of course, and we get a generous amount of that in this chapter. One thing that actually somewhat surprised me was the very vague description of him electrocuting a man to death, apparently to the point where he's nothing but ash. Damn, dude. And now that we know the source of that power, I have to wonder why that technology isn't standard issue. That thing would tear through the Rebels. Must be that doomium it's made from.

    I have to reread that section to center my thoughts. And now that I have... I'll say that I enjoy the idea of a high-ranking, realist Imperial believing that the Force is just superstition perpetuated to create an aura of authority around Vader, believing Vader's power come from his superior technology (after all, the man himself is essentially a walking gadget), and seeking to discover that technology for himself. I like the idea of the Force being something that most Imperials simply cannot wrap their mind around. Whether it's not well here is... well, who am I kidding, it's not up for debate at all. It's done terribly here, particularly when one considers that Trioculus' reasoning goes no farther than "It's impossible for Vader to have magic powers! Unless... THEY COME FROM A MAGIC GLOVE! It's the only possible explanation!". And of course, I love the little tantrum he throws afterwards... "I want Vader's power and I wants it now!".

    Then we get a massive infodump, and we find that Hissa has planned around it and has some magic super weapon that can make a persons brain explode. Where the hell has that been all my life? I'm not sure how it would be possible to emit a lethal high-frequency sound in such a focused area (how could you kill one person without killing everyone in the general direction, or in the room?), but I can't bring myself to care at this point. I also find that I can't remember Hissa's true motives. I can't remember if he's really the faithful kiss-ass that he seems, or if he has some hidden motive, perhaps to claim the Empire for himself. I suppose this will be a learning experience for all of us.

    I could probably talk about this particular chapter all day, but we all have to call it quits sometime. Until next time. Let the Whaladons be free!
  23. Dr. Steve Brule

    Dr. Steve Brule Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Sep 7, 2012
    Yeah, once more I think this is one of the really interesting bits that a more talented author ought to explore more from GODV. It's interesting that this is another seeming example of how the Emperor's propaganda against the Jedi is so effective - and I think is a good illustration of the Imperial mindset from ANH, that even though they're led by a Sith and his magical enforcer, Imperialism seems to be a very materialist, empiricist worldview that values technology and rational explanations over mysticism. I might even suggest that this could be a conscious reaction against one of the flaws of the Old Republic, of how it was reliant on those charlatan Jedi who ultimately were unable to either predict the Clone War or stop it once it began.

    At the same time, however, I'm left wondering if the Davids really did think that Vader's Force-choking power came from his glove, and Tri's comments are supposed to be taken at face value and not just coming from the character's own flaws. If I'm not mistaken, in the OT and early EU, Vader is the only Force-user who demonstrates that power. It wouldn't surprise me if the Davids saw that and just decided "I guess the glove is what gives Vader that unique power." And Hissa assuming that anyone can learn to use the Force given time and training was also prevalent in the early EU - although Trioculus having his power legitimacy due to his being the "son" of Palpatine is also a bridge to the later EU's more genetic view of the Force.

    And separate from all that, we have Trioculus being apparently fully rationalist towards the Force...but still basing his right to rule on the mystical musings of the Prophets?

    Other thoughts:

    -So according to Luke, the Jedi deciding to attack when surrounded by suicidal odds is the proper thing to do? Seems a little dark, as does him faking a surrender just to attack at point-blank range.

    -And Artoo uses the master control to shut down all the Whaladon subs? Guess we now know where he learned that trick to use against the World Devastators in DE!
  24. Iron_lord

    Iron_lord Force Ghost star 8

    Sep 2, 2012
    Luke, in Jabba's palace, in RoTJ?
    SithStarSlayer likes this.
  25. Zorrixor

    Zorrixor Force Ghost star 6

    Sep 8, 2004
    Ah, yes, that old trick. I believe it is more formally known as "The Ahsoka", to be used when the only way forward is to behave like an impulsive teenager and just charge in, head first, because, you know, that old trick always works.
    Oh, I see how how it is... you want to save the evil plankton devouring Whaladon predators, but a poor little squid is "grotesque".

    What complete double standards. [face_shame_on_you]
    The interesting thing about this stuff is that it was written before midi-chlorians.

    Today, Trioculus just comes across like a moron who thinks the Force flows from magic gloves. But back when this was written? How did readers actually receive the story back then? But when this was written, people still thought the Force was just something anyone could learn how to do if they had the right training, so maybe the idea isn't for Trioculus to come across as a moronic teenager, but just impatient, and wanting a quick fix until he manages to work out how to wield the Dark Side for real?

    Whistle and bleep profanities?
    Ah, I spoke to soon....

    Obviously what R2 actually said was "STKU ^&%$ing *^%£^!"
    Translation: "%^&$ing dumb$%&*!"
    I'm just disappointing at the lack of a page explaining why Yoda talks the way he normally does, and why on this occasion the threat of the Glove is so serious that he has dispensed with his ordinary dialogue.

    Because an entire page discussing the linguistic speech of Yoda was totally needed.
    instantdeath and SithStarSlayer like this.
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