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Lit Join Me and Achieve Perfection: A Reread of The Glove of Darth Vader

Discussion in 'Literature' started by instantdeath, Apr 18, 2013.

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  1. SithStarSlayer

    SithStarSlayer Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Oct 23, 2003
    This thread rulez.

    That is all.
  2. Starkeiller

    Starkeiller Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Dec 5, 2004
    Listen to that mean little bastard belittling his dead master. And no one gets the joke because no one knows Vader was his former master. That droid has a sick sense of humor.

    PS: Pantsium.... I like it. An apt description indeed.
    SithStarSlayer and Zorrixor like this.
  3. Starkeiller

    Starkeiller Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Dec 5, 2004
    By the way, that scene with the squid popping up in front of the sub was very reminiscent of "de planet core" sequence from Ep. I.
    SithStarSlayer likes this.
  4. Chewbacca89

    Chewbacca89 Jedi Master star 5

    Oct 25, 2012
    Anyone know where I can buy this series?
    SithStarSlayer likes this.
  5. Zorrixor

    Zorrixor Force Ghost star 6

    Sep 8, 2004
    So R2 is actually insulting 3PO by pointing out that everything Vader built was useless. [face_laugh]
  6. Starkeiller

    Starkeiller Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Dec 5, 2004
    Wow. That's a whole new level of meanness I had missed.
  7. Dr. Steve Brule

    Dr. Steve Brule Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Sep 7, 2012
    Clearly Luke's robotic hand is the Glove from the future.

    I mean, he already winds up wearing his dad's wardrobe in Dark Empire. Subtle foreshadowing (aftshadowing?)!
    instantdeath likes this.
  8. Starkeiller

    Starkeiller Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Dec 5, 2004
    All together, no. But individual books do pop up on ebay, and they're quite cheap. Well, most people would consider the prices quite low. However, if one where to do a word count and assign the proper values to each word, I'm sure the books wouldn't seem as cheap.

    Let's say that each book contains about 15,000 words. If they cost 2 US dollars, that's 0.00013333333 dollars per word.

    Ouch. Steep.

    Unless you look at it that way: you pay 70% for the Drew Struzan covers, almost 30% for the illustrations, and whatever puny decimals are left for the prose.
    Zorrixor and Chewbacca89 like this.
  9. SithStarSlayer

    SithStarSlayer Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Oct 23, 2003
    Pre Vizsla-ing.
  10. BigAl6ft6

    BigAl6ft6 Force Ghost star 6

    Nov 12, 2012
    That is what I believe a whale would look like if it could furrow it's brow in concern. You think he knows what happened to George and Gracie from Star Trek IV?
  11. Lugija

    Lugija Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Oct 3, 2009
    That feeling when you suddenly have 10 alerts, all likes, all from the same thread and all from the same person.

    So Captain Dunwell looks like a proper captain, that's good. Where was Captain Pellaeon's Captain beard and a hat?

    The Glove has been found! Trioculus is the new Glovebearer, but apparently the Glove doesn't let its powers be used by the unworthy. It's already seeking a way to a new master...
  12. Chewbacca89

    Chewbacca89 Jedi Master star 5

    Oct 25, 2012
    Wonder if a fake glove will enter the arena?
    SithStarSlayer likes this.
  13. instantdeath

    instantdeath Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 22, 2010
    Agreed. In the hands of another author, Trioculus' moment of realization, and his subsequent moment of denial upon discovering that Vader's power was natural, and did not come from a device could be a very effective method of demonstrating just how effectively Palpatine was able to purge all memory of the Jedi and the Force from the galaxy. But, as I mentioned, Trioculus' logic is contradictory; he doesn't seem to believe it possible that Vader was able to mentally choke people, but he is perfectly fine believing that a magic glove made it all possible. He certainly doesn't seem to believe that the glove is a product of superior technology, as it's doubtful any piece of technology could survive the pressure of the ocean floor, not to mention the trip through the black holes. Then again, the glove is said to be indestructible...

    That crossed my mind as well. "When in doubt, attack" doesn't at all seem like something the Jedi would teach.

    And Artoo can hack anything, obviously.

    The giant squid does not sing. Therefore, he is disposable.

    As little as I trust the Davids' at this point, I am willing to give them some benefit of the doubt and assume they didn't intend for Vader's power to have come from the Glove. That said, it is indeed interesting how Hissa seems to believe anyone, or at least his Immortal Imperial Majesty Trioculus, can "learn" the Force. I wonder if this is something that the Davids' inferred could happen, or just put it in there in an attempt to portray Trioculus as even more power hungry?

    Also, I am totally gonna have to steal that image.

    "The Spirit of the GLOVE spoke through me; his word was on my tongue."

    2 Trioculus 23:2

    Whatever I may say, know it is the Glove that deserves credit, not me. I am merely spreading the Gospel.

    Seriously, I don't have to make this stuff up. Nothing I could come up with comes even close to rivaling the text itself :p

    Obviously the Davids and Lucas were channeling similar sources of inspiration.

    You can get each book for a penny at Amazon, plus shipping.

    That R2 is a BMF, no question.

    31 for me [face_hypnotized]

    And the Glove does not seek a "master". It may appear that way, and for that I'll forgive the slight. No, the Glove seeks servants. The ideal servant will believe he is in control, but every moment he wears the Glove, he is bent more and more to his will. Darth Vader even had the gall to name the Glove after him; the Glove allowed this, if only to allow his pet to believe himself to be in a position of authority.
    Barriss_Coffee likes this.
  14. Zorrixor

    Zorrixor Force Ghost star 6

    Sep 8, 2004
    Lots more where that came from courtesy of Google Images. :p

  15. instantdeath

    instantdeath Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 22, 2010

    And we're back, with the final chapter of the stirring epic The Glove of Darth Vader. Major forces are about to collide, and I would be doing them a great disservice by attempting to describe them here. Let's get started.

    I'll most likely write a separate commentary covering the whole book sometime later. I do have a few things to say regarding that. Hopefully you guys have enjoyed this little feature so far. Let me know if you'd like to see me continue the series.

    Chapter 7: The Captain's Reward

    In sharp contrast to this books usual practice of using cliffhangers as cheap ploys and resolving them off-screen, the final chapter is apparently deemed a special enough occasion to actually follow up on the cliffhanger from last chapter. Yay. We pick up where we left off, with sirens sounding throughout the ship, and Luke hastily telling Artoo to let the Whaladons swim free. However, Artoo is apparently having some difficultly locating the program that releases the Whaladons (though he found the self-destruct function in seconds; someone in design clearly didn't have their priorities straight).

    Suddenly Trioculus appeared down at the end of the hall. "Oh, no, Master Luke, Trioculus has found us!" Threepio shouted. "We’re doomed!"

    Threepio's faith in his master is truly staggering, isn't it? Must be the third eye. No one can have all three of his eyes gazing at them and not feel impending dread.

    "Your droid has grasped your situation well, Skywalker," said Trioculus. He raised his gloved right hand and pointed it at Luke. "Now prepare to die!" he shouted.

    Luke ducked behind Captain Dunwell. Gripping the captain, Luke positioned him directly in front of the glove of Darth Vader.

    Captain Dunwell gasped as a high-pitched deadly sound vibration struck him. Luke then lifted the captain and heaved him, making him collide with Trioculus and toppling them both to the floor. Then Luke drew out his lightsaber.

    "Jeeep booo poooooz!" tooted Artoo.

    "Success!" shouted Threepio. "Artoo has instructed the master control to free the Whaladons!"

    The containment chambers open, and the Whaladons swim towards sweet freedom. All the while, the klaxons are getting louder, and we're helpfully reminded that the Whaladon capture sub is still self-destructing. However, the clash is not yet complete. I don't think the outcome is in doubt for any of us, but let's see how it plays out anyway.

    Trioculus raised his left hand, electricity crackling from his fingertips. Luke met the electric bolt with his lightsaber, deflecting it. Trioculus’s eyes bulged and his chest froze, as the warning of Grand Moff Hissa flooded back into his mind. The lightning power would be the death of him if he continued to use it. He was not yet a True Master of the Dark Side, not yet able to absorb intense electric shock without experiencing side effects.

    But Trioculus allowed the flow of electricity to increase, aiming the bolts so that they would avoid Luke’s lightsaber blade and strike him directly in the chest.

    Luke crumpled to the ground, writhing on the floor as he felt the full force of the powerful jolts. Trioculus continued to pour bolts of electricity from his fingertips until Luke had stopped stirring. Then he lowered his hand and spoke rapidly into a pocket communication device. "Hissa, power up the escape sub! Quickly!"

    Hissa’s reply came from the device. "We’ll need Captain Dunwell’s key card to power it up!"

    Trioculus turned to the captain. "Hand me your key card for the escape sub! At once!"

    By the time Trioculus had snatched the key card from Captain Dunwell’s hand, Luke Skywalker was back on his feet and was running down the corridor that would lead him to the Calamarian minisub.

    "You may have escaped from Emperor Palpatine, but I shall destroy you, Skywalker!" Trioculus shouted. "You have my promise!"

    That's right, our Imperial Majesty just sent the so called "Hero of the Rebellion" running with his tail between his legs. Got a problem?

    Luke makes it back to the fishsub, to find that the droids are already strapped in. Apparently they ran away while Luke was getting his ass kicked. As they begin their escape, the giant squid is just waking up. He tries to grab them, but thanks to Ackbar's deft piloting, they maneuver around his tentacles and escape into the Calamarian oceans. As they're escaping, Luke looks out the window to see Leviathor, regal and proud, leading the school of Whaladons to freedom.


    Meanwhile, Trioculus reaches his escape sub, with Emdee, Hissa and Dunwell only seconds behind. Dunwell says they should let him onboard first, so that he can fire up the ion thrusters.

    "Just a moment," replied Grand Moff Hissa, standing in his way. "No one enters the escape sub before the Supreme Ruler of the Empire, the True Master of the Dark Side."

    Captain Dunwell turned to face Trioculus. "And are you the True Master of the Dark Side?" said Captain Dunwell without thinking. "I thought a Master of the Dark Side didn’t need to rely on mechanical devices to give him lightning power or to make the glove of Darth-"

    He stopped in mid-sentence, his face turning pale as he realized he had said too much about things he wasn’t supposed to know.

    "Out of my way," snapped Trioculus, glaring at the captain.

    I wish I had someone to follow me around and claim I'm the True Master of the Dark Side wherever I went. A man can dream...

    Still, a moment later we realize all might not be well for poor Trioculus.

    As Trioculus began to climb into the escape sub, he felt a stabbing pain in his eyes. For a second everything went black, but then he pressed his forehead, blinked a few times, and the momentary loss of vision went away. He could see again, and he hastily strapped himself into a seat.

    Grand Moff Hissa climbed in, too, followed by Emdee.

    But when Captain Dunwell tried to join them, the Imperial ruler stared at him with a piercing hypnotic glare and said calmly, "You know the procedure, Captain. In the Empire the captain always goes down with his ship."

    "Lord Trioculus, I led you to the glove of Darth Vader!" said Captain Dunwell, nervously tweaking his beard. "I thought you would show some appreciation. Is death to be my reward?"

    "I don’t reward men who spy on me, Captain."

    "Lord Trioculus, please have mercy, let me aboard-"

    As Trioculus pointed the glove of Darth Vader at him, Captain Dunwell tried to shut out the piercing sound that suddenly assaulted his eardrums. The captain’s eyes then twirled upward as he let out a hoarse gasp, fell to his knees, and then dropped to the floor.

    Hissa kicked the door shut and locked it. Leaving Captain Dunwell behind to die with his crew, the escape sub pushed away from the Whaladon-hunting submarine, making its way higher in the ocean as it sailed toward the dim outline of the undersea mountain range.

    Moments later the escape sub shook violently as a tremendous explosion tore apart the Whaladon-hunting submarine, sending scraps of scorched metal spinning through the sea in all directions.

    An evil smile spread across Trioculus’s face as he clenched his gloved right hand into a fist. That hand no longer twitched. It now felt strong, invincible-and ready to rule the galaxy!

    One can see that a little pain doesn't prevent Trioculus from being as hamfisted as ever. That's the last we'll see of him until the next novel. Will he become the next True Master of the Dark Side? Find out next time!

    We join Luke as he finds himself in the place where his strange and wonderful journey begun: Yavin Four (apparently the Davids don't feel the kids will understand Roman numerals). Luke and the droids are delivering their report to the absolute dictators of the galaxy the Alliance Senate, which is apparently an interchangeable term for SPIN.

    When the meeting had adjourned and most of the SPIN members departed, Admiral Ackbar turned to Luke, Threepio, Artoo, and Princess Leia and said, "On behalf of the planet Calamari, as a special thanks, I’d like to invite you all to be our guests of honor at a special concert of Whaladon songs at our Domed City of Aquarius."

    "Fzzzzoooop bedoooooop!" squeaked Artoo in a scolding tone.

    "I’m very sorry to report," Threepio said in a disappointed voice, "that Artoo absolutely refuses ever to return to Calamari with me again-that is, until I get a license to steer a Calamarian minisub!"

    Luke laughed, remembering that Threepio’s brief moments of piloting the minisub had almost been the death of them. However, with a little coaxing from Luke, Artoo was persuaded to change his mind.

    Even Artoo's heart of ice can be melted, it seems.

    The day of the concert arrives, and our heroes find themselves in the domed city of Aquarius, enjoying what might be the spectacle of their lives.


    The program of Whaladon songs was spectacular. It included a water ballet, Whaladon folk melodies, classical Whaladon songs, and an opera Leviathor had composed that told the legendary story of how he had become the Whaladon leader many years ago by helping the Whaladons survive an undersea volcanic eruption.

    Great, now I'm imagining giant Whaladons strumming guitars, singing folk songs, and maybe delivering beat poetry. And message received, Paul and Hollace Davids. Killing a species that's capable of composing opera is very bad.

    Luke finds that, as much as he enjoys the brilliant performance, he just can't get his mind off of Trioculus' threat.

    Had that escape sub been destroyed by the hurtling debris? Or had Trioculus survived, making it back to the planet’s watery surface so that he could live to fight another day?

    Try as he might to forget the Imperial leader’s dire threat, Luke was unable to banish from his mind Trioculus’s parting words: "I shall destroy you, Skywalker! You have my promise!"

    And with these words, we bring The Glove of Darth Vader to a close. Our heroes have won a great victory for men and fishmen everywhere, but I'm afraid their perils are only just beginning. There are still more evil Imperials out there, and many, many more environmental issues to address.

    But that's all in the future. Of course, the future is always something to consider, but if there's anything that the Davids taught me, it's that we need to work together in the present to create a better future. Stop polluting. Stop eating the defenseless, kind Whaladons, who want nothing more than to continue swimming and composing their opera. It's so easy to stand by and pretend it's not your problem. But it is your problem. The galaxy is everyone's problem, and we all need to pitch in to take care of it.

    If you don't pitch in and help make a brighter tomorrow, we could end up with this.


    Do you want to see dead Whaladons? Is that how you get your kicks? Well, I've got news for you. If you don't pitch in, you're no better than Trioculus.

    This is our galaxy. We need to take care of it together. Let the Whaladons be free!


    Commentary: Sorry, couldn't resist turning the end of that into an environmental ad. As far as I'm concerned, there was really no other way to end it.

    As I mentioned, I will be doing a commentary concerning the entire book, so for now I'll just focus on a few tidbits from the final chapter in particular.

    First off: what the hell is up with Dunwell? How, exactly, did he survive a direct hit from the gadget that blows up brains? Was Trioculus not using its full power, or was the fact that it hit his chest a significant factor? On that subject, I find it hilarious that Luke, the noble Jedi, would just throw Dunwell right into it, but I suppose I actually don't mind this. I occasionally get annoyed when Luke is portrayed as a "doormat", so it's nice to see him show some practicality in battle.

    As for the battle itself... dear lord, where do I start? I suppose I should begin by hitting the heart of the matter: Luke gets his ass handed to him by Trioculus. There's really no getting around that. Trioculus is able to get past Luke's defenses rather easily, and this isn't even real lightning he's dealing with. Depending on where you place this book (I've seen different answers), Luke faced Kar Vastor only a few months before, and arguably got the better of him. Now he's beaten by a dude with a toy. Oi. I'll just say it's because Luke has little to no experience blocking Force lightning, even fake Force lightning, at this point. Who knows, maybe this practice contributes to him being able to so effectively block C'Baoth's lightning years later :p

    Not that Trioculus comes off looking much better. Everyone's lessened by this encounter, I'd say. After Trioculus disarms Luke and dazes him, what does he do? He turns around. He turns his back on a guy with a lightsaber. Derp. Not that Luke exploits the opening. Instead, he turns around and hightails it out of there. Well. Let's just say mistakes were made on both sides?

    I believe I've commented as much on Whaladon opera as I really should. One thing I'll say in the books favor is that it was a very interesting decision to feature Ackbar as such a major protagonist. At the time of this books writing, I don't believe he had become a major force in the EU; he was the fish admiral from the last movie. It would have been much safer to have Luke team up with Han, and I'll hesitantly but firmly applaud the move to try something different. Granted, he comes off as a glorified courtier, but it's also arguable that he displays by far the greatest competency of any character in the book.

    And that's that. I'll post the book commentary later tonight. Again, if you're still finding this amusing, let me know if you'd like to see me move on to The Lost City of the Jedi. I'm more than willing. In fact, I'm practically looking for an excuse. Things only get zanier from here.

    Also, I may post bits of the book glossary later. Some of it is quite amusing.
  16. Starkeiller

    Starkeiller Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Dec 5, 2004
    Seriously? Lucas took the Calamarian water ballet from The Glove of Darth Vader?!
  17. cdgodin

    cdgodin Jedi Master star 4

    Oct 9, 2009
    Even Lucas recognizes the greatness of the Davids' prose.

    Also, please please please PLEASE do The Lost City of the Jedi! :D
    BigAl6ft6 and instantdeath like this.
  18. RC-1991

    RC-1991 Jedi Master star 4

    Dec 2, 2009
    Move on to Lost City of the Jedi. This is the most unironically entertaining thread Lit has had in months :p
    instantdeath likes this.
  19. Dr. Steve Brule

    Dr. Steve Brule Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Sep 7, 2012
    I second this.

    I also found it funny that Luke would use Dunwell as a human shield, and also immediately thought the Whaladon ballet just has to be tied into the Mon Cal thing from ROTS. But more to the point, Trioculus worries about the effects of force lightning on him, and specifically aims his lightning blast to avoid being reflected by a lightsaber. Is it possible the Prophets of the Dark Side told him how Palpatine got his disfigurement and is trying to avoid a repeat?
    instantdeath likes this.
  20. instantdeath

    instantdeath Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 22, 2010
    Ah, that's something I meant to comment on, but it slipped my mind. A little bit earlier in this thread, there was some speculation that Trioculus demanding Vader's power might not be him being an idiot, but might actually reflect the views of the author. At the time, I thought that was unlikely, the POV this time seems a bit more "universal". In other words, it doesn't seem to be Trioculus' direct POV. Granted, this series is written in a very loose third person view, but even so, that felt more like a factual statement from the author than any internal thought from Trioculus. It doesn't help that, just a moment before this paragraph, we were pretty clearly in Luke's POV.

    For clarification, I am referring to this passage.

    Trioculus raised his left hand, electricity crackling from his fingertips. Luke met the electric bolt with his lightsaber, deflecting it. Trioculus’s eyes bulged and his chest froze, as the warning of Grand Moff Hissa flooded back into his mind. The lightning power would be the death of him if he continued to use it. He was not yet a True Master of the Dark Side, not yet able to absorb intense electric shock without experiencing side effects.

    Plus, I find it confusing that this paragraph likens his use of lightning to the dark side, when it was confirmed only last chapter that he can't use lightning, that it's just a gadget. Is that an inconsistency? Do the Davids believe that the device is drawing on the dark side, it's just Trioculus can't tap into it himself? Do they really believe that Trioculus can become a master of the dark side? Is trying to understand what the Davids were thinking at any point of this series anything more than an exercise in futility? Who knows.
  21. Lugija

    Lugija Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Oct 3, 2009
    The Whaladons may have survived this day, but you must never underestimate the appetites of Imperials! Only five years later, they are back to get their Whaladon pancakes!


    Curiously, it turned out that the World Devastators weren't that good in fishing, but they destroyed a lot of evil plankton. Dac once again averted an ice age.
  22. AdmiralNick22

    AdmiralNick22 Fleet Admiral of Literature star 6 Staff Member Manager

    May 28, 2003
    Agreed 100%. Sure, Ackbar spends most of his time essentially being Luke's driver, but this is a children's book, after all. The very fact Ackbar was used so extensively is a good thing, IMO.

    RE: Leviathor and the Whaladons, after reading this thread, I can honestly say that I am thrilled that John Ostrander went out of his way to mention Whaladons being evacuated from Dac in 137 ABY. Ole' John must be a closet fan of GODV, as he obviously didn't want the art of Whaladon opera to be lost on the galaxy.

    --Adm. Nick
  23. Barriss_Coffee

    Barriss_Coffee Chosen One star 6

    Jun 29, 2003
    Apparently the only thing that can exceed the outlandishly zany black-and-white illustrations are the mental images these books impart....

    I never doubt Ostrander. By golly that man's got his priorities straight.
    Gorefiend and Chewbacca89 like this.
  24. Zorrixor

    Zorrixor Force Ghost star 6

    Sep 8, 2004
    The dark side is strong in that one. He has already conquered the Dark Side Decay Hand Clenching which not even Darth Bane was able to overcome. Even Darth Zannah was struck down by the Hand Clench.

    What more proof of Trioculus's Mastery of the Dark Side does one possibly need? :confused:
    So it's GODV that I have to blame for Wookieepedia not using Roman numerals!!! :mad:
    Trioculus is a merciful and benevolent Emperor. I thought you already knew that? [face_shame_on_you]
    You're forgetting the old Jedi rule mentioned in the previous chapter:

    It was an old Jedi rule of thumb to attack when the odds were overwhelmingly against you, and when there was no other possible way to save your own life or the life of an ally.

    Luke was just doing what Jedi do; it's the rule.

    And good Jedi always follow the rules, right? Or.... or are you suggesting Luke should have... ignored the rule?! That would be a turn toward the Dark Side!! :eek:
    You underestimate a True Master of the Dark Side's power... tsk, tsk. [face_not_talking]
    And there you have it.

    See now what happens when you don't follow the rule!? The bad guy escapes to cause even more environmental catastrophes in the future!!!! :oops:

    Let that be a lesson to all of you kids: never ignore the rules, even when the rules say to beat the total fzzzzoooop bedoooooop out of someone (apologies if R2's phrasing offends anyone).
  25. instantdeath

    instantdeath Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Jul 22, 2010
    Glad to see some want to see me move on to The Lost City of the Jedi. I'll admit, I was only really asking as a courtesy; this is way too much fun. I'd probably do it even if every member of this board came to me and personally begged me not to do it.

    That will be tomorrow, as I'm not really in a position to do a long summary today. I do want to talk a little bit, though, about The Glove of Darth Vader as a whole, and more importantly, its place in the EU. Or maybe its lack of place.

    There's one thing I'd like to get right out in the open: I enjoyed reading The Glove of Darth Vader, possibly more than I enjoyed reading half of the adult Star Wars novels, and that may be being generous. I can guarantee I enjoyed summarizing it more than any other Star Wars novel. It's almost unreal that this was published, and I can forgive you for thinking I may have made some of it up. But as the few of you who have read them can testify, I didn't need to make it up. The beauty of this series is that nothing I could make up even comes close to being as hilariously wrong as what's already there in the text. Whaladons performing folk songs. That's all you need.

    Even so, I believe that raises an interesting question, one that can come up anytime one watches a hilariously bad film; is it truly fair to call something you enjoy so much "bad"? After all, I think all of us know the difference between a movie that's so bad it makes you groan at every line of dialogue or awkward shot, and something like this, a work that's faults can simply not be faked, that's faults elevate it to something unique. The line between bad and bad is so thin, and I assure you, it's not an easy one to simulate. I am not kidding when I say that something like The Glove of Darth Vader is truly special.

    Of course, I do subscribe to the philosophy that something can be entertaining, and still be technically bad. I know there are quite a few bands that I really enjoy, but if I'm speaking objectively, I can admit kind of suck. People tend to judge these things based on emotion, more than anything else (flashback a year to the release of Mass Effect 3; you had a very large amount of people flooding Amazon with one star scores based on the ending while refusing to acknowledge the game had any good parts to it, all while suggesting any reviewer that dared to give it a good store was being paid off.) And really, that's only natural. Even so, I've never been a fan of the "good and bad is based entirely on ones personal taste" idea. There are standards to good and bad, but it's entirely acceptable to enjoy something bad. If we apply any sort of standards to The Glove of Darth Vader, it's pretty clear it comes up short, even for kids books. The prose is embarrassingly shallow, the characters, even the previously established characters, are so one-note that calling them cutouts is a disservice to all respectable cardboard boxes, it's preachy to the point that the message clearly overshadows the story, and the dialogue is so laden with camp that it makes Batman & Robin bow its head in shame. But you know what? I had more fun reading this YA novel then I did any 10 Jude Watson books. Frankly, I'm left with the impression that more effort was put into these novels. At least there's a passion for something there, even if it comes in the form of thinly veiled propaganda.

    The Glove of Darth Vader is the literary equivalent to Troll 2, Birdemic or The Room. There's a very interesting, and very entertaining, documentary film, Best Worst Movie, a film literally about another film, Troll 2. Every time I see that, I'm struck my the level of adoration shown toward such a bad film. Everyone in that film, save for the director and one of the actors, is fully aware of how terrible it is. Yet it still reaches a huge audience, who lovingly attend showings and recite quotes from the movies even while the actual movie is playing. The director of Troll 2, for the most part, comes off as an arrogant blowhard, but he does actually make one good point; he feels that it doesn't matter if his movie is considered the best or worst ever made, because it reached people, and hasn't been forgotten. Obviously, it didn't conjure the feelings that he was going for, but I am inclined to agree, at least to an extent. I know I'd rather watch Troll 2 than a mediocre movie, in the same way that I'd rather reread The Glove of Darth Vader than an average Star Wars novel with few distinguishable characteristics. I'll remember The Glove of Darth Vader. I finished a Jude Watson Star Wars book last week, and can't remember a single scene from it. As Barriss_Coffee mentioned, if there's one thing this book does, it's conjure images. Those images won't be forgotten anytime soon.

    A subject that I think is as interesting as the books quality is the books place in the larger Expanded Universe. It's quite obvious that if the SWEU has a dirty little secret, it's this book series. If we were to take everything written in this series literally, the EU would be a very, very different place. Even so, as Dr. Steve Brule has mentioned, there are some genuinely interesting ideas in the books, even if they're severely watered down, and always overshadowed by whatever environmental issue the Davids happen to be pushing. There also is an attempt to tie-in to the larger EU, in the form of the Grand Admirals, but one can argue this aspect is somewhat disrespected; after all, one of the revered Grand Admiral's is shot by the main villain's underling because he had the gall to disagree with an order. I believe most Star Wars fans, at least the ones who are even aware of this series existence, either choose to ignore it all together, or view the events as something either told second-hand or very loosely adapted. I find the "historical document" view of canon works very well in this case; in the "real" version of events, maybe Trioculus wasn't such an incompetent jackass. Perhaps he did represent a very real threat to both Ysanne Isard and to the New Republic. Perhaps Han did want a Skyhouse, but it wasn't his lifelong dream; he just wanted to settle down after years of non-stop war.

    I'm torn on whether I feel this series is making a genuine effort to expand the universe. On one hand, for the first half of the book, every single planet that's mentioned is from the films, even ones that by all rights shouldn't be known, like Dagobah (spoiler alert: this goes so far that an elementary school is founded on Dagobah). On the other, they seem to be running with Ackbar, visit his home planet, and introduce a new species, even if that species is a not-so-subtle stand in for a real-life species. I'll have to see how this goes on. I can't remember the ratio of new to old planets. Frankly, everything past the first book is one big haze.

    But anyway, no one in their right mind comes to this thread to see me yap. They come for the text. I won't be starting the next book quite yet (probably will tomorrow), but I will post some of my favorite entries from the glossary of the first book. I found the glossary very helpful. The book is simply too confusing without it.

    Aqualish aliens

    Walrus-faced, with smooth skin and large eyes, Aqualish aliens have nasty dispositions. They live on watery planets, and turn their natural aggressions toward all aliens other than their own kind.

    Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2)

    A barrel-shaped utility droid belonging to Luke Skywalker. Artoo cannot speak in words, but communicates in beeps, buzzes, and whistles that are translated by his companion, See-Threepio (C-3P0). An effective copilot and troubleshooter, Artoo can rapidly penetrate the data system of almost any computer in the galaxy.

    Captain Dunwell

    The crazed human captain of the Whaladon-hunting submarine. He wears a blue uniform with medals and has a neatly trimmed white beard that he likes to tweak.

    His great goal is to capture Leviathor, leader of the Whaladons. He has tried to trap Leviathor for many years, throughout the Great War, but every time Leviathor has avoided capture.


    A hairy, eight-foot-tall, 205-year-old Wookiee who serves as copilot aboard the Millennium Falcon. Chewbacca (also known as Chewie) uses his strength to assist the Rebel Alliance, usually serving alongside his buddy Han Solo.

    This wasn't the book that established Chewie's age, was it?

    Domed City of Aquarius

    This domed city is located inside a giant bubble under the ocean on the planet Calamari. It was designed for both creatures with lungs and creatures with gills. It has watery canals with underwater dwellings, and above the canals are markets and homes for air-breathers.

    Emdee-Five (MD-5)

    An evil Imperial droid with a wide variety of skills, including medical knowledge. MD-5 (called Emdee) is usually at Trioculus’s side and always does Trioculus’s bidding, no matter what the request. Trioculus has a close relationship with Emdee, much like Luke’s relationship with his droids.

    Grand Moff Dunhausen

    A grand moff (high-ranking Imperial governor) who wears earrings shaped like laser

    pistols, he is lean and very crafty.

    Grand Moff Hissa

    The grand moff whom Trioculus trusts the most. He has spear-pointed teeth.

    Grand Moff Muzzer

    A grand moff who is plump and round-faced, he is brash and excitable.

    Grand Moff Thistleborn

    A grand moff with bushy eyebrows, he is authoritative and very loyal to the Central Committee of Grand Moffs.

    Han Solo

    A Corellian cargo pilot whose spaceship, the Millennium Falcon, served the Rebel Alliance in the fight against the Imperial Death Star. Han is a freewheeling, independent-minded bachelor who usually travels with his Wookiee companion, Chewbacca-but he does have a soft spot for Princess Leia.


    The leader of the Whaladons, he is the ancient one who knows the entire history of his species. He is a wise and great ruler, and his leadership has helped many Whaladons to remain free by outsmarting the Whaladon hunters.

    Mon Mothma

    A distinguished-looking leader, she has long been in charge of the Rebel Alliance.

    See-Threepio (C-3P0)

    A golden, human-shaped protocol droid belonging to Luke Skywalker, See-Threepio can translate six million galactic languages and is an expert at droid-human relations. He is seldom seen without his sidekick, Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2).

    R2 is 3P0's sidekick? [face_plain]

    Trioculus (pronounced Try-ock-you-luss)

    Supreme Slavelord of the spice mines of the planet Kessel. After the death of Emperor Palpatine, he comes forward announcing that he is the Emperor’s banished son. He is a handsome but evil mutant with three eyes, including an evil eye on his forehead that has hypnotic powers.

    Valley of the Giant Oysters

    An undersea valley on the planet Calamari that has been the home of the giant oysters for millions of years.


    Whale-like mammals that live underwater on Calamari, the water world that is the home of the respected Rebel, Admiral Ackbar, a fishman. Led by the white Whaladon Leviathor, Whaladons resemble humpback whales but have a few variations.

    Whaladon hunters

    Walrus-faced Aqualish aliens who serve under Captain Dunwell on the Whaladon-hunting submarine.

    Whaladon Processing Center

    This is a bleak Imperial installation inside an undersea crater. Here the bodies of Whaladons are stripped of their meat and blubber, then loaded into Imperial cargo spaceships to be shipped to places where it is needed.
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