Jokes? Anybody?

Discussion in 'Boston, MA' started by RussianCliche, May 31, 2002.

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  1. RussianCliche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 13, 2002
    star 4
    I have one about Bostonian driving:

    The measurement of a milisecond in Boston: the space of time between the light turning green and the honk of the car behind you.


    [face_laugh]

    Share some more!!
  2. TK7771 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 22, 2001
    star 4
    A man entered the bus, with both of his front pant pockets full
    of golf balls, and sat down next to a Blonde. The blonde kept
    looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.

    Finally, after many such glances from her, he said,"It's golf
    balls."

    The blond continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally asked,
    "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
  3. RussianCliche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 13, 2002
    star 4
    [face_laugh]

    i heard that one with tennis balls.
  4. Pellaeon69187 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 28, 2000
    star 5
    A brunette walks into the doctor's office and complains of having pain all over her body. She says that when ever she touches herself it hurts. So she proceeds to show the doctor by using her finger to press against her body in several different areas.
    The doctor laughs and says, "Your not really a brunette are you?" And she says, "No, I'm a blond."
    The doctor laughs a little more and says, "I thought so. You have a broken finger."
  5. JediGrl831 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 30, 2000
    star 4
    Hey! No blond jokes! LoL. Just joking, I don't really care...

    I'll have to get back to you all on the jokes though...I know I have some good ones, but I'm too tired to think of them at the moment.
  6. Pellaeon69187 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 28, 2000
    star 5
    I'm sorta blond, so I have no simpathy :)

    You are always full of yankees jokes. Like what is the difference between a Yankees fan dead in the middle of the road and an animal? The animal has tire marks in front of it.
  7. Tobie_Wan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 4
    Why did the turtle cross the road?




















    To get to the Shell station!
    [face_laugh]
  8. Pellaeon69187 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 28, 2000
    star 5
  9. TIEace Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2000
    star 5
    Hehe, I remember that one.

    Ok, a guy walks into a bar with his giraffe and they sit down. They both start to drink, but the giraffe gets very drunk and passes out. The guy just starts to walk out, leaving the giraffe, and the bartender yells at him. "You can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy turns around and replies. "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

    //drum rift

    LMAO! AHAHAHAHAHA! [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  10. Pellaeon69187 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 28, 2000
    star 5
  11. Malazaf Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2002
    star 4
    RC, thats theft of a joke.

    That was originally made by Terry Pratchet, and in a footnote,he says: 'The only measurement of time shorter is the New York Second; which is, 'The time it takes for the light to turn green and all of the taxis and cars behind you simultaneously honking'"
  12. Wanderponder Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 13, 2002
    heres a little joke for ya...

    There were these three pregnant women sitting together at one of the threes house..
    one was blonde, one was brunette, and one was a red head...

    so to intiate conversation, one of the three raised the question...i wonder if i'll have a boy or a girl..

    the red head turns around and says..well i was on the bottom so i believe i will have a boy...

    the brunette then states...if thats the case, i'll have a girl because i was on the top..

    a minutes pauses and blonde has a terrorfied facial expression....then exclaims...OH no...i am to have Puppies!

    not too hilarious but kinda funny huh?
  13. GasCabbie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 28, 2001
    star 4
    Three guys sit down on the scalfolding of the sky scraper they're working on. They each open up thier lunches.

    One of them, a Frenchman, proclaims after looking in "I've gotten a croissant for lunch every day for 25 years! If I get a croissant one more time, I will jump off of this building!"

    The next guy, an Italian, looks in his lunchbox and says "I've recieved lasagna for lunch for 17 years! If my wife packs lasagna one more day, I will jump with you to my death!"

    The last guy, an American, glances at his friends and looks in his lunch and says "I've been getting steak and cheese for 23 years! If I get another friggin steak and cheese, I'm jumping."

    It's judgement day, and they all sit down on the scalfolding again. Each of them men look in thier lunches. All of them jump to thier deaths.

    At the funeral, the wives of each of the men are consoling each other. The Frenchman's wife says "If I had only known, I would have packed him something different for lunch!" The Italian's wife says between sobs "If my husband had said something, I would have gladly packed him a different lunch!"

    The American's wife looks up and says "My husband packed his own lunch..."



    Long run for a short slide. Oh well, deal with it! :p
  14. TK7771 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 22, 2001
    star 4
    Two women go out one weekend without their husbands.
    As they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk,
    they felt the urge to pee. They noticed the only place
    to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and
    decided to go there anyway.

    The first one did not have anything to clean herself
    with, so she took off her panties and used them to clean herself
    and discarded them.

    The second not finding anything either, thought "I'm
    not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a flower
    wreath to clean herself.

    The morning after, the two husbands were talking to
    each other on the phone, and one says to the other:

    " We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these
    two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her
    panties...".

    The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home
    with a card stuck to her ass that read, "We will never forget
    you".
  15. Rox Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Nov 24, 2000
    star 6
    Just remember to keep 'em clean guys.
  16. Dex1138 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 1999
    star 4
    Three guys walk into a bar...














    The fourth one ducks!
  17. Dex1138 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 1999
    star 4
    A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
  18. Jedi_Master_Arra Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2001
    star 3
    Ouch. :p


    How many Corellians does it take to replace a glowpanel?










    None! If the rooms dark, you can't see them cheating at sabaac!


    And I owe it all to Mike Stackpole. ;)
  19. RussianCliche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 13, 2002
    star 4
    i heard this one from a friend of mine nobody here knows, hopefully.

    my favorite yankee joke:

    A reporter is just wlking through Boston and happens to observe a little boy kill a rabid dog as it attacks his friend. The reporter walks over and says: "Little boy, i'm going to write an article about you and how you killed that vicious dog and saved your friend!" and in his notebook, he writes Little Celtics fan saves friend from dangerous rabid dog.
    The boy, looking over the reporter's shoulder remarks "I'm not a Celtics fan!!" in an annoyed way.
    The reporter looks over his work, reaches for his eraser, and follows through by rewriting Little Bruins fan saves friend from dangerous rabid dog.
    The boy, again peering at the notebook says "I'm not a Bruins fan either!!" in a disgruntled manner.
    "Then what are you a fan of?" inquires the reporter.
    "I'm a yankees fan!"
    The reporter spits in disgust, turns on his heel and scribbles in his notebook. The next day, the cover story was LITTLE B*STARD FROM NEW YORK KILLS BELOVED FAMILY PET
  20. GasCabbie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 28, 2001
    star 4
    TK7771- That joke was on WROR this morning!! :eek:

    Let's sue em!!! [face_devil]
  21. JediRaanic Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 23, 2001
    star 4
    What's the difference between Iraq and a goalie?

    One stops balls while the other stops our bombs from reaching the Earth's core.
  22. TK7771 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 22, 2001
    star 4
    Those dirty ba%$#@% !!! The stole my joke!!
  23. Dex1138 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 8, 1999
    star 4
    JediRaanic, I think you missed part of the joke in there somewhere...
  24. RussianCliche Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 13, 2002
    star 4
    i have one i can't tell with rox present so if you want to hear it, please pm me. :D
  25. JediRaanic Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 23, 2001
    star 4
    Yeah Dex, I'm not good at Jokes...kinda half made it up... :p
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