Jokes? Anybody?

I'd say interesting would be the word.

 

This may not be as funny, but I was freeing up some memory in my Hotmail account and I found this as well.

> > > >> You were growing up in the early 90's if
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >>1.) Your Friday nights were reserved for TGIF on
>
> > > >>
> > > >> ABC...How could you miss Full House???
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 2.) You religiously watched 90210, Melrose
>Place,
> > > >>
> > > >> Party of Five, and My So-Called Life.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 3.) You tight-rolled your jeans.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 4.) You wore big hoop earrings.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 5.) You thought bellbottoms were horrible and
> > > >>
> > > >> couldn't understand why anyone would've ever
>worn
> > > >>
> > > >> them.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 6.) You watched Dial MTV, and remember who
>Nelson,
> > > >>
> > > >> Slaughter, Warrant, and Winger were.
> > > >>
> > > >> 7.) You knew how to do the dances called the MC
>
> > > >>
> > > >> Hammer, the Roger Rabbit, and the running man.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 8.) You owned a pair of K-Swiss, Keds, or Air
> > > >>
> > > >> Jordans.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 9.) You thought "Ice Ice Baby" was the coolest
>song ever.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >>10.) You remember when they played "I'm Proud to
>be
> > > >>
> > > >> an American" every 15 minutes during the Gulf
>War.
> > > >>
> > > >> 11.) Your bangs were at least 4 inches high,
>and you
> > > >>
> > > >> thought it looked good.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 12.) You rolled up the sleeves of your
>t-shirts, and
> > > >>
> > > >> tied it in a knot on the side
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 13.) You had any "No Fear" or "B.U.M."
>clothing.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 14.) You wore 2 pairs of neon colored socks.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 15.) You wore overalls with only one side
>connected.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 16.) You had Electric Youth perfume.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 17.) You remember when cartoons were actually
>GOOD,
> > > >>
> > > >> and not scary like the Teletubbies.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >>18.) You had a slap bracelet.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 19.) You wore your sweatpants pulled up to your
>
> > > >>
> > > >> knees.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 20.) You had a black Debbie Gibson hat.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 21.) You wanted to be just like Paula Abdul.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 22.) You know the words to "The Humpty Dance"
>and
> > > >>
> > > >> "Baby Got Back"
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 23.) You owned the Bell Biv DeVoe tape.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 24.) You said, "SIKE!" or "WAY!"
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 25.) You loved the New Kids!!!
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 26.) You wore jeans pulled up to your navel.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 27.) Two words: Hammer Pants
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 28.) You owned a pair of biker shorts.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 29.) You wore "water shoes" into the pool.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 30.) You had a boom box, or your stereo was a
>weird
> > > >>
> > > >> color.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 31.) You bought tapes instead of CDs.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 32.) You never missed "Fresh Prince".
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 33.) You wore your clothes backward like
>CrissCross
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 34.) You remember when TLC weren't divas, and
>they
> > > >>
> > > >> dressed like they were in the circus.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 35.) You thought "I'm Too Sexy" was such a cool
>
> > > >>
> > > >> song.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 36.) You "busted a move" while C&C Music
>Factory was
> > > >>
> > > >> playing.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >>37.) You remember when Mark Wahlberg was part of
>
> > > >>
> > > >> Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch".
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> 38.) You owned a silk shirt, which you tucked
>into
> > > >>
> > > >>your jeans.
> > >

 

I see a joke its called the boston fan force.

 

indy

 

oh no look mommy the socks are surrounding the car.

 

Have Fun!!

 

Wanna buy some Death Sticks?

[image=http://www.toolmarts.com/media/don21sbig.gif]

 

lol Roy.

 

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven.

As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of
clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands
have never moved indicating that she never told a lie," answered St. Peter

"Whose clock is that?" ask Hillary

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us
that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life." answered St. Peter

"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan," answered
St. Peter

 

Funny!

 

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

+ Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half
discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

+ Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well
developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

+ Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and
convinced of her own beauty.

+ Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently
aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

+ Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the
war, haunted by past mistakes-massive reconstruction
is now necessary.

+ Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and
borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

+ Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all
conquering past but alas, no future.

+ After 70, a woman is like Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it
is, but no one wants to go there.

 

Keep'em coming!

 

A "Husband Shopping Center" was opened where a woman could go to choose a
husband from among many men. The shopping center was laid out in five
floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up
the floors. The only rules were once you opened the door to any floor,
youmust choose a man from that floor, and once you went up a floor, you
could not go back down except to leave the place.

So, a couple of girlfriends go to the shopping center to find men. The
first floor door had a sign reading "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and said "Well that's better than not having jobs, or
not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

So they continue up. The second floor sign read "These men have high
paying
jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm" the girls say.
"But I wonder what's further up?"

The third floor sign read "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely
good looking, love kids and help with the housework. "Wow! say the women.
Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up!"

So again they continue up. The fourth floor sign read "These men have
high

paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the
housework,
and have a strong romantic streak." Oh, mercy me!" the women say " But just think!?!?! What must be awaiting us further on!"

So up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door read "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping
and have a nice day."

 

lol, isn't it true.

 

Indeed.

 

ok This really isnt a joke,but its funny none the less.


Check It Out

 

That SHopping Center joke was great!

 

That little movie was great as well! There's just something funny about that happening to Vader!

 

Okay, this isn't really mine, but it's still pretty f*&#ing funny.

One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him." So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir," he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!" The second man turns around and says "Yeah, I noticed the same thing, where you from?", "I'm from Dublin", second man stunned says, "Me too! What street do you live on?", "McCarthy street", second man replies, "Me too! What number is it?", the first man announces, "162", second man shocked says, "Me too! What are your parents names?", first man replies, "Connor and Shannon", second man awestruck says, "Mine too! This is unbelievable!"

So, they buy some more Guinness and they're talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks "What's new today?" "Oh, the Murphy twins are drunk again."


Meeheeheeheeheeeee...

 

Woohoo!!! I love that site!!!

 

That spoof was hilarious!

 

Hey DarthMeatloaf, you don't happen to have been listening to Jackie Martling, have you? I heard that same joke on a CD of his I got the other day.

That sp00f 0wnZ

(hehe)

 

2 new jokes for you all

Joke#1

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman
in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have
sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection. The light was
red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was almost
sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be
seeing things!! She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close
attention.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they
went right through it. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did
you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have
killed us!!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh Shoot! Am I driving ?"

Joke#2


After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way
to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr.
Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the
America's liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches
Osama in the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says, "This is why I allowed
the Federal government to provide for the common defense!"
He takes a sledge hammer and WHAM! Nails Osama's knees.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke,
James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for
liberty and America.

As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to
hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he
screams, "This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians
waiting for you. What the heck did you think I said?"

 

This one I just got while I was posting


Occasions Not Covered by Hallmark


1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day?
Look at the bright side...... it's really good pay.

2. My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire,
I noticed your cat......
Sorry!

3. Heard your wife left you. How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it..... She moved in with me.

4. Looking back over the years that we've been
together, I can't help but wonder...
... What the hell was I thinking?

5. Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

6. How could two people as beautiful as you.....
Have such an ugly baby?


7. I've always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love. After having met you...
...I've changed my mind.

8. I must admit you brought Religion into my life...
...I never believed in Hell till I met you.

9. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
...That you're not here to ruin it for me.

10. Congratulations on your promotion.....
Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

11. Someday I hope to get married...
...but not to you.

12. Happy birthday! You look great for your age...
...Almost Lifelike!

13. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.....
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.


14. We have been friends for a very long time...
...What do you say we stop?

15. I'm so miserable without you ...
...it's almost like you're here.

16. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy!
Did you ever find out who the father is?

17. We wanted to do something special for your birthday...
...So we're having you put to sleep.

18. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(This card available only in Arkansas, Tennessee, Kentucky and West Virginia)