Memph, TN Jokes Jacob will never get

Ok, new thread time. As some of us found out at the costuming meeting, our good friend Jacob (Otisdodge) has a personal guideline of not watching any movies rated beyond 'PG-13' (no 'R' or 'NC-17', etc.). While this leaves him with plenty of viewing possibilities, he freely admits that it also leaves him out of the loop on a lot of in-jokes. So, we have come to start referencing movies and jokes that he will never get just to watch his blank reaction. It's quite fun.
We've told him he needs to start his own web page/blog www.jokesiwillneverget.com and post every quote/reference he doesn't get so helpful readers can fill him in.

But on to this thread!
The purpose of this thread is similar to the Star Wars quote-a-thon, but different.

First person posts a memorable quote or punchline, preferably from an R-rated movie. The person who replies must name the movie it comes from (and they can give the set-up of the joke if they want Jacob to know the whole thing), and then give a quote of their own.

Yeah, this may not be Star Wars related, but it is SMT-related. But in an effort to start off somewhat on topic, I give this SW related quote:

"Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.

-Joe

 

A: Dante in Clerks


Quote:
He's a nut-bag! Just because the ****er's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda!

 

ONLY PG-13!Wow, im 15 and Iv seen all the kevin smith and quinton tarentino movies.How could you live whithout watching Pulp fiction?Well thats takin it a little too far but I gotta respect a guy who can stick to somthing like that.

 

This is from one of my favorite movies!!!

Dr. Scott: Janet!
Janet: Dr. Scott!
Brad: Janet!
Janet: Brad!
Frank N Furter: Rocky!
Rocky: Huh!
Dr. Scott: Janet!
Janet: Dr. Scott!
Brad: Janet!
Janet: Brad!
Frank N Furter: Rocky!
Rocky: Huh!
Dr. Scott: Janet!
Janet: Dr. Scott!
Brad: Janet!
Janet: Brad!
Frank N Furter: Rocky!
Rocky: Huh!

Have you guessed it yet???
It is from 1975.
Starred Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick, and Meatloaf.

***Rocky Horror Picture Show***

I used to go to the midnite shows at the Raleigh Springs Mall Cinema 2. Dressed up and everything! Threw toast, rice, toilet paper and water! Ahh, those carefree days of adolescence.

 

He's a nut-bag! Just because the ****er's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda!


Answer: David Mills (Brad Pitt) in Se7en

Quote: Don't touch that please, your primitive intellect wouldn't understand things with alloys and compositions and things with... molecular structures.

-Joe

 

Okay, I honestly have no idea what movie that came from, but it sounds really familiar to me. On a brighter note I have a quote!!

Quotecrying) My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me.

 

wow I thinkthats ben said in a few movies! let me think Il post/back later.

 

My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me.


Umm...Risky Buisness? Ferris Builer? Ok I feel stupid now, tell me what it is, thats a good one!

Ive got a few easy ones!

" Say ello to my Little freind!"

"What we have here is a failure to communicate."

"Excuse me while I whip this out."

"I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper, it does just fine by itself."

 

Ooh! I can get two of those!!

'What we have here is a failure to communicate' - Cool Hand Luke. One of my all-time favourites. The movie Paul Newman SHOULD HAVE won an Oscar for (instead of the 'complimentary' one they gave him for that peice of crap with Tom Smile) Do you realise that although this is the 'quote' of the movie, it's only said twice??!!

'Excuse me while I whip this out' Sheriff Bart in 'Blazing Saddles'. A line I STILL use at least once a week - in the same vein. Something innocent but bound to get a reaction.

My turn:

'Of course not! You are English pig-types!'

 

"my mom and Dad are gonna be so mad at me..."

That was Jason Lillard from "Scream"

 

Heres one for Lin.

Quote/Riddle: "what time is it when an Elephant sits on a fence?"

 

Well, I, of course, do not know if that is in a movie, but I think the answer is:

Time to get a new fence.


Cool Hand Luke is R?

 

" Say ello to my Little friend!"

Tony Montana, Scarface

"I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper, it does just fine by itself."

Cousin Eddie, National Lampoon's Vacation

New quote
"Shop smart. Shop S-Mart! YOU GOT THAT!"

(From the same film as my last quote)

-Joe

 

'Of course not, you are English pig-types'
yeah, thats from Monty Python's Holy Grail

and here's a personal fave of mine
"That is a tasty burger"

-so many typos, im trying to post while convincing my govt teacher that im paying attention and not surfing the net on my laptop

 

I know how you feel, Philip, except I'm trying to draw a paycheck and surf at the same time! Thank God that Jedi Mind Trick works.

"That is a tasty burger"
That's Jules from Pulp Fiction! I finally know one.

How about this one:

"She took my eggs."

 

Okay...I guess I'll throw one in.

"Would you like a chocolate-covered pretzel?"

 

That was Jason Lillard from "Scream"

It's Matthew Lillard, but yep that is correct!! I love that line, 'cause he's just killed lot of people and he's crying. It's so great.

 

"Would you like a chocolate-covered pretzel?"

Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back.


Quote:
I like these calm little moments before the storm. It reminds me of Beethoven. Can you hear it? It's like when you put your head to the grass and you can hear the growin' and you can hear the insects. Do you like Beethoven?

 

"Would you like a chocolate-covered pretzel?"

Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back.

Nope- Brody/Jason Lee in 'Mallrats'. Half a point for naming another Kevin Smith flick.

 

I thought it might be in Mallrats too (not seen that for some years), but it's definitely repeated in J&SB by Jason Lee.

 

My bad- you're right. He does that and makes a big grinning face.

 

Shop smart is from ARMY OF DARKNESS.

Here's one:

"Babies taste of chicken."

What is this from?

gmf

 

That one I know. It's Eddie Izzard from his show "Dress to Kill".

 

Finally - something I understood: Eddie Izzard.


Don't feel bad, Jacob. I've no personal limitations on movie viewing - other than flicks that are just plain boring...or graphically violent - and I'm pretty much clueless in this thread.

 

"General, don't p*** down my back and tell me it's raining!"