Joy to Sorrow

This is my first attempt at fanfiction, albeit a therapeutic one. It could fall under a what if, but considering the topic is one that no one talks about it could have happened. Any way, feedback appreciated. Be gentle.

Warning: Box of Tissue mandatory. Trust me.

Joy to Sorrow

They say that it is cyclical. It comes and goes. The only difference is the intensity level. I still feel the pain, Ani. I wish you were here to lessen it.

Are you an angel?

Our joy had reached the heights, only to plummet to the bottom of the waterfall and be smashed to pieces. A royal birth. The whole city of Theed was a buzz. Our happiness was theirs as well. I could see the joy on your face. It was as if you had won the pod race again and again and again. Then labor began and your expression was one of concern. I just smiled and told you not to worry. Women have given birth for millennia. I'll be fine. But you knew something I didn't. Just as well I didn't; you knew it was best.

You were with me in delivery. Hey, I wasn't going to do that alone. For all your strength, I'm sure I about broke the bones in your hands. But I was so tired. They gave me something for the exhaustion but I wanted to feel our child be born. I wanted to have the whole experience. Then the royal medic broke the water. I didn't realize then why you became so pale, Ani. But I do now. Blood. If, I had seen it I would have given up. You knew that. You wouldn't let me give up. I couldn't push anymore, so you did. It hurt but I knew it would bring our child into the world.

Why was it so quiet, Ani? Our child should be wailing. Skywalkers are not quiet. I see the product of our love laid gently on my belly. My vision is blurry. She is pale and still. It's a girl, isn't it? The aide removes her. I already miss the contact. Ani, you are too quiet. Everybody in this room is too quiet. Say something. Okay, I break the silence. Boy or Girl? A girl, they say. I was right. Oh, Ani we have our little Shmi. What's wrong, Ani? Then the medic slowly spoke the words that in the back of my consciousness I had been denying. I'm sorry, your highness but your baby is dead.

Instead of sharing cries of joy, Ani, we were sharing tears of grief.

The medic had wrapped little Shmi up in a pink blanket and put a little pink hat upon her head. She can't be dead. Then she carried Shmi over to me to hold. My only chance to hold her. I unwrap the blanket and gaze upon her toes. Her Toes. Why did I just look at her toes? I was afraid she would break. Then you took her, Ani. You held her and gazed at her as any proud father would. I know you would have been a fine father, Ani, if only given the chance.

Father, Help Me Please


I don't know what I would have done without you, Ani. You stayed with me and intercepted well wishers. How do you well wish someone over a death? Please don't let anyone say 'You're young. You'll have another.' Shmi was real. Remember, Ani, when she first kicked? You tried to grab her foot but she was fast. She gave me bruised ribs. She gave me nausea, heartburn and hope. Hope for the future. I knew her and wanted to meet her. That meeting was denied. She was sleeping. Surely, that was all she was doing. You were there at night when I screamed for my baby.

Just Hold Me

I didn't forget your pain, Ani. I knew that you needed your mother. She would comfort you and take the pain away. But it wasn't to be. I would be the one to comfort you. I know your heart, Ani. I will do my best to help heal your pain. For I can be strong when necessary. I can be strong for you, Ani.

What does your heart tell you?

Thank you for the physical healing, Ani. When my milk came in, the pain was wretched. Doesn't this body know that there's no baby to feed? I have enough reminders thank you. But you touched me and it was gone. Emotional healing cannot be done with the wave of a hand. But I worked through it with you, Ani. Even Artoo helped. I remember him rolling around the court prev

Oh my god, that was unbelievably terrific. And you're right, very, very sad - the hanky warning was needed. I really liked the way you used the quotes from the movie.

This is only your first story? You are obviously very talented. I hope you keep writing.

I was so eager to read this when I saw that you'd started this thread. Excellent work, very beautiful.

I don't know what to say, that was fantastic. I can't believe that it's your first fanfic. It was really touching. I have a lump in my throat like I've swallowed a football!

(Takes out a kleenex and wipes at the tears in eyes.) That was so sweet and sad. That can not be your first fanfic.

That was so heartbreaking and beautiful. It really touched me. You must have done this before.

Padawanmac.

So touching. You write Amidala's thoughts very well *sniff, sniff*. I think I like the idea of there being an older sister watching over them. An . . .

Are you an . . .

Angel.

It took me a lot of courage to look and see if I got any responses. Probably stage fright. I want to personally thank all of you for braving the warning and reading. I recognize most of your names and feel honored that you read it.I appreciate it. Yes this really is a first fanfic. Though I must admit that it is easier to write from experience.

One word. Wow. This isn't really my thing. When I read the top, I almost didn't read it. But since you've read my thread, I figured I'd return the favor. I'm glad I did. That was so good. And sad. *Claps* *sniff* *sniff*

A standing ovation RebelMom!!! Absolutely EXCELLENT story, full of heartwrenching emotions ::sniffle::

Beautiful work RebelMom. You capture so much in this work. Amazing.

Looking forward to more of your work.

May the future bring joy into your life to balance out the sorrows. Good hopes and thoughts to you. --AWK

An amazing story RebelMom. Very sad but beautifully written.

Wow, that was really good. I hope you continue to write, I know I'll be watching for that next thread. It's true, it is easier to write from experience, some though, are hard. Hope to see more of you You're an amazing author. . .maybe something even longer next time.

Thanks for reading. I haven't written anything for fun in tongue.gif years. I am working on a new story, no tissue required. It will be a Luke and Mara adventure set in the NJO era. Cure Mara.

Sob! That was so sad -- and so good! I am very impressed. And very depressed. But, since you've read my fanfic, you know I have a thing for the depressing. I think I like crying. So thank you. Very good!! <sniff>

Truly, truly beautiful! That's all I can say, at least in my current emotional state. I'm really looking forward to your next story.

Wow, that was beautiful Rebel Mom!! The movie quotes added so much to the effect. I definatly can't wait to read more of your work!

Thank you for the kind words. As I mentioned before, I have started a new story. It's a Luke and Mara story, no tissue required. Forum16/HTML/000942.htmlwww.theforce.net/forum/Forum16/HTML/000942.html

Upping for the move