Just a very quick delurk to tell you that I find you story utterly fascinating, with many an unexpected twist and turn. I may not be at leisure to comment as I would like, but I wanted you to know that you do have a readership, though it might be silent.

Keep on with the good work!

Cheers,

Lauré

 

Lauré: Thank you so much for delurking, and for your comments about the twists in the story. I hope there will be many more (Edit: twists, that is...). Your comment about a silent but present readership, coupled with the other encouraging comments I've gotten in the past several days, propelled me to finally finish Chapter 2. I took me all day, and ended up surprising me by how it came out. I had an idea of what I wanted, but it slowly wrote itself. Anyway, thank you for the final push to get it done.


All: Chapter 2 will be up within ten minutes. Thanks for your patience.

 

Chapter 2



In the darkness, she heard him call her name. He wore a delicate mask of finely wrought alabaster, and she ran to him. When he folded her into his arms, she nearly wept from happiness. Shyly, she reached up to caress the exquisite mask. As he took her by the shoulders with thick black gloves, she peered into the artificial face, squinting for a glimpse of reality behind the façade. While she stared, the gloved fingers slid over her shoulders, eased around her neck, and began constricting.

It always happened that way, but she never remembered, and was always shocked. She scrabbled at the hands about her throat, filled with horror as the mask, though remaining stark white, began shifting from lovely into eerie and ominous. Its cheekbones grew cuttingly severe, its mouth drew a gaping grimace, and when two cavernous sockets loomed forth in place of its eyes, she saw it for the skull that it was. The breathing behind it became heavy and mechanical, and as she gasped for air, her own voiceless screams filled her ears.

// Padmé. //

While she continued to struggle, she felt a wave of calm wash over her, carried by a familiar presence in the Force. Still, her screams grew louder.

// Padmé. //

Padmé stretched out with her senses, straining for something beyond her terror.

// . . . M a s t e r ? //

// Peace. //

// I . . . I __c a n ' t __ b r e a t h e ! __ H e ' s __ c _ h _ o _ k _ i _ n _ g _ _ m e . __ W _ h _ y ? //

// Calm your mind, Padawan. //

Padmé clawed at her throat. The gloves had dissolved into pitiless obsidian, a skeletal grip sinking in her skin. She kicked out desperately, but her legs hit nothing but air.

// __H e ' s ___c _ h _ _o __ k _ _ i _ n _ g __ _ m _ e ! __ //

// He's not real. Peace, Padmé. //

Not real?

Almost as soon as she thought the words, the vise about her throat eased. But while she was finally able to draw a ragged breath, the terrifying image remained, and her eyes welled with tears.

// . . . I'm afraid. //

// Your fear makes him stronger. Starve it. 'There is serenity.' //

// I ... can't ... //

// Look for the light, Padmé. Remember? //

// The light? //

// It will always prevail, Padawan. //

The light...

Suddenly remembering, Padmé turned up her right palm. Two specks of bright light shimmered within it, casting a soft glow so lovely that even the garish creature before her now seemed agreeable. She held out her hand, but it staggered away from her, retreating into the shadows. As she began walking towards it, the tiny lights grew larger and larger, until the frightful vision began melting away. Just before it dissolved completely, she had a fleeting impression of a beautiful young man -- she could never make out his face -- reaching for her with slender fingers, then disappearing in a flash of blinding white.

The oddest part of the dream came just before she woke from it. Instead of feeling relieved by her attacker's disappearance, she found herself filled with incomprehensible sadness. A terrible, yearning ache filled her heart, climbed up her throat, and woke her with wracking sobs.


***


Alone in the Council chamber, the Jedi Master considered. There were still a few hours before the first session convened,

 

hey. Kay, one, I love your signature. I don't remember that being in the movie though. Almost wish it had been. Two, the same PM was sent to me twice, so you may want to check that.

And finally the review: of course Qui Gon's her master. Who else would it be? Now - is this a happy ending? Need to know. Absolutely imperative. I don't want to know how it ends, but I do want it to be happy. Can't stand upsetting ones. Always read the end of the book first. Ahem. So, when's Qui going to meet Ani again?

 

CurtisZidaneZiraa: Hey! First reply= well done, you. I'll try to address your concerns point by point:

1) It's from the novelization, which, frankly, I found far better than the movie. That may or may not be sacrilege around here, but it's how I feel.

2) The WiFi connection I'm using went buggy, and I had to traverse all kinds of frozen screens, plus re-start a few times. It won't happen again. (Although, seeing as how you did get here first... ;-))

3) Re: your review, you might want to reread the chapter when you find a minute. Best two out of two. Actually, you might want to re-read it either way; I've been 'minor-editing' like crazy.

4) Re: (un)happy endings, I am just going to cryptically quote one of my favorite children's authors:

"Did the poem have a happy ending?" Violet asked.
"It was neither happy nor unhappy," Klaus said. "It was ambiguous."

Sorry, but that's the most you'll get out of me.

Thanks for replying so quickly, CZZ!

Edit: Oops - I forgot to address the fifth point.

5) Re: Anakin and Qui-Gon... keep reading. ;-)

There. That ought to do it.

 

They were so large, they almost swallowed up her face, and so brown that they were what honey would be when it grew older.

I really love the honey description here. Very, very creative way of describing her eyes. I think it jumped out at me this way because I've never associated honey with brown eyes. Love it.

"I know what you think. That I don't have a heart. It's not true. I see exactly what you see ? a little girl, alone, afraid, trapped in a power she doesn't understand. I feel."

Very strong scene here. I really like your Mace Windu here. And it's soooo cool that he's her Master. Hadn't expected that.

Wonderful update!

Looking forward to reading more.



And yes, your signature is awesome. They really should have used it in the movie too.

 

Filler chapter more than anything else, but still interesting to see how Padme came into the Jedi's possession. Latent force ability eh? Nice twist. Interesting, overall.

Also, it's good to come home from work and see this story in my POM inbox. Awesome. Nice timing. Looking forward to more.

 

Ceillean: Thank you so much for the lovely review. Re: Padmé's eyes, though Natalie Portman isn't Padmé, she does look like her, and I wanted to be as accurate as possible. (I had a close call where I almost described Qui-Gon's hair as black; thank you, Google Images!) So I looked for description, and people kept saying "honey brown", to which my response was, "But honey isn't brown. Maybe when it grows up..." And I liked the sentence when I reread it, so I kept it. I'm glad it worked.

And it's soooo cool that he's her Master. Hadn't expected that.

I love that I was able to surprise (hopefully) everyone. I think the best stories keep us guessing. And re: Mace as Padmé's master, there were two reasons for that. The first was that scenes kept appearing with dialogue that only he could pull off, and the second was the sheer pleasure of working with such a cool character. I realized I'd never worked with him before, and I said to myself, Self, why is that? So I'm glad I finally get to. Hopefully people will be able to reread his introductory dialogue and 'hear' Mace's voice. The shift in cadence is slight, but it is there.

That being said, I'm glad you liked him in the scene where he was trying to decide what to "do with" Padmé. I don't think it's so much that he doesn't feel as it is he feels too deeply to not keep himself in check. If he weren't a wellspring of powerful emotion, Vaapad wouldn't work.

Thanks for the comments, Ceillean! And I'm glad you like the signature, too. I can't help thinking that ROTS, like Anakin, could have been so much more than it was. The book, on the other hand, was perfect.


Phoenix5: Hi! I'm glad it was a nice surprise, even if 'filleresque'. Maybe something akin to a big bowl of oatmeal with lots of butter, sugar, and cinnamon (assuming you like all of that). It did take longer to get through this chapter than I expected, and by the time I finally finished with Mace's flashback, it didn't seem appropriate to go on any longer. The next chapter is going to be divided in two parts for the same reason. The best I can suggest is to keep reading (and maybe rereading, depending on how much time you have), because some of what seems frivolous may actually be foreshadowing. I tend to slip important details in while no one's looking. But hey, it's my first full-length novel; I could be completely wrong about how all this should work. Just going with my gut, here.

Re: Padmé's latent ability, it's just more along the line of making things as believable as possible. (It's also one of the things I didn't know would happen until I wrote it.) I figured since we don't live in a world riddled with Force users, there's no real way of knowing what would bring them on. But I wanted to do a bit better than 'recessive genes'.

Thanks again, Phoenix5; glad you could make it.

 

Nice twists.

 

Lady_Misty: Thanks! Many more to come.

 

Little Padme was adorable. I loved that she needed a "big mad" to be able to use the Force. It must be awful if she thinks that she was responsible for her family's deaths. I also really like that she's having nightmare visions or being choked just like RotS. Looking forward to seeing how everything fits in this AU! Great update--a very enjoyable read!

 

Luna_Nightshade: I'm glad you liked little Padmé. Children aren't easy to write: either they don't even slightly resemble the adults they become, or they do so so much that they don't seem like children anymore. And then there's the dialogue: when does realistic become overly "precious"? So while I felt like a "big mad" teetered towards sickeningly cute, it was the best I could do in the absence of:

"The truth is, my fine fellows, I found the entire situation rather alarming, and so reacted to the circumstances in a manner that I now regret. And now, if you don't mind, I appear to have misplaced my binky, and once you've found it, I'd like a snack; there's a good chap."

...although that could be fun, too.


It must be awful if she thinks that she was responsible for her family's deaths.

It's definitely not the easiest thing for a child to live with. Or an adult, for that matter.


I also really like that she's having nightmare visions or being choked just like RotS.

I was beginning to wonder how that scene went over, so thank you for commenting on it. We'll see what comes of it...


Looking forward to seeing how everything fits in this AU! Great update--a very enjoyable read!

I'm so glad you liked it, Luna_Nightshade. I've been working on it more and more. Bits of it come in, piecemeal, and I have to jot them down before they disappear, then go back and connect them together. It's not the most orthodox route, but it appears to be working. The first part of the next chapter will probably be up on Sunday.

 

I either totally misread that, or you really "minor edited" that into something else. Sooo... Mace huh?

I think I can deal with ambiguity. Maybe. I don't have to read this.

 

I either totally misread that, or you really "minor edited" that into something else.

No, that wouldn't be playing fair. I only edit things like commas and adjectives (i.e., if I notice I'm using the same one too often). It was always Mace. It had to be Mace. But I deliberately set things up so it'd be a surprise. Once you reread, though, it's pretty obvious it could never have been Qui-Gon.


Sooo... Mace huh?

Yep. Mace. You'll understand why if you keep reading.


I think I can deal with ambiguity. Maybe. I don't have to read this.

Of course you don't. But I'm glad you are.

And ambiguity is just... how I write. To me, it's not really a story if you know everything all at once. But whatever you're wondering about is usually answered in the next chapter.

First comment on a comment. Cool.

 

Interesting I look forward to more.

 

See, this is how I have always viewed good fanfic: a collection of familiar and authentic characters working within a format/setting I have known and loved, saying things which I could totally hear those people saying, and just enough quirks and twitches to let me know that there is a unique author's perspective at work here. Your alterations don't rankle because you cloak us in the story we love, stretching the material just enough to make things go a different path.

Your writing is so familiar and known to me. You have grown as a writer but the voice remains true. Welcome back.



Sue

 

So glad you sent me the PM about your fic, dear. It's truly been too long...

So I've read through your posts so far and...love it! You're doing an awesome job with the descriptions, dialogue, everything. Who says you can't write more than a viggy, hmmm?

You've managed the twist and turns beautifully and honestly, I though Qui would have been her master, not Mace. Nice trip up there. The way you've mixed the canon in works wonderfully!! Of course I AM an A/P fan so...

You have a very interesting story developing and I look forward to reading more. Send me a PM on updates and I'll come a readin'.

 

Still here! I'll be back with a more in-depth comment when I get a little more time. Great chapter, though!

 

Thanks so much for the comments, everyone!


LordRaptor82: Welcome! I'm glad you like it so far. More to come soon.


Geezerette50: Thank you so much for checking out the story, Sue. I'll always be grateful for the exercises on ALW, which did so much for me in the way of honing my craft. I still have a long way to go, but they helped me 'take my first steps'. I'm not completely sure what my writing voice is just yet, but I am glad it's distinct and recognizable. And for you to see measurable progress means a lot, given that you saw the very beginning. I look forward to your further thoughts.


Arriss: Hi! Thank you for responding to my "subtle" PM. I'm trying to get the word out to as many who might care as possible, just in case I never write anything better.

It has been a very long time. Thinking of my own life, I can only imagine how much everyone else's has changed.

Anyway, thanks for reading through all I've posted so far, and for the vote of confidence re: writing a full-length fanfic. This has been a weird experience for me in that I didn't so much decide I was going to do this as find myself impelled to. It wouldn't go away, it wouldn't leave me alone, so now I'm writing it down. Sort of like with [link=http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/22365477/p1/?0]The Lost Boy[/link], only bigger.

You've managed the twist and turns beautifully and honestly, I though Qui would have been her master, not Mace. Nice trip up there.
I love/hate when an author gets me thinking a story is going in a certain direction, then pulls the rug out from under me... but now that I'm doing it, I can see how much fun it is. More twists soon to come...

And I've always loved A/P most of all, but this will be the most I've ever dealt with them personally. I think I've shied away because so much has already been written about them. I wasn't sure I could make a story about them my own. I'm still not sure I can, but it's too late now, isn't it?

Send me a PM on updates and I'll come a readin'.
Consider yourself officially added to The List. Thanks a million, Arriss.


ViariSkywalker: Thanks very much for reading! I'll look forward to your review.


All: Delays like these indicate, not that I've given up on the story and have disappeared into a land of whirling fog, but rather that I'm obsessing over making the next segment as close to perfect as possible (just so I can edit it to death when I finally post it), and am second-guessing myself into stagnation. Still, I hope to have Chapter 3 up by the end of the weekend. Thank you for your patience.

 

Its been 5 years since I have lurked this board.

I have been looking for new stories and I am glad I stumbled onto yours....


I envy the detail and knowledge you have of machines....I just see bits of shiny metal..

Padme as a Jedi: I had always believed that Padme did have a force sense but was never trained and it was hidden...so something like a monster attacking her to bring her latent abilities forth is very possible

Mace, her Master? Interesting twist a new...( its usually Qui-Gon)

Will we meet Obi Wan in this story as well??


Anakin has always been my favourite character ( padme second)

So I liked the introduction between Padme and Anakain ( very clear vision...its like watching a movie in my head)

Unsure of the meaning of Padme's dream...will have to wait and see what the dream meant


Please add me to your PM list if you have one...Ill bookmark your story to check for updates

Rachel

 

Venus_Star2-com: Thank you so much for your reply and for delurking. I wonder how many more people will come wandering back to the boards. I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far.

I envy the detail and knowledge you have of machines....I just see bits of shiny metal..
I have to admit, I have very little mechanical knowledge (read: none). I just try to do just enough research to be able to sound convincing. It's one of the reasons I think fiction is harder to write than non-fiction. It's probably easier to describe what's in front of you than to convincingly create a world with elements of 'reality' baked in.

Padme as a Jedi: I had always believed that Padme did have a force sense but was never trained and it was hidden...so something like a monster attacking her to bring her latent abilities forth is very possible
I think the trauma of her home being invaded by battle droids would definitely activate any latent Force ability.

Mace, her Master? Interesting twist a new...( its usually Qui-Gon)
I've never read a Padmé-as-Jedi fic, but now that I'm writing one, I'm realizing how many there are. I'm paranoid about inadvertently mimicking someone else's story or writing style, so I haven't read any of them, but you're right; there are quite a few.

Will we meet Obi Wan in this story as well??
Maybe...

So I liked the introduction ( very clear vision...its like watching a movie in my head)
I love reading statements like this, because that's what I'm trying for when I write: to get the picture in my head into the reader's mind. I'm delighted whenever it works.

Unsure of the meaning of Padme's dream...will have to wait and see what the dream meant
We shall see...

Please add me to your PM list if you have one...Ill bookmark your story to check for updates
Done. I'm glad you stumbled across this, Rachel.



All: Chapter 3 will be up in a few minutes. I apologize for the lengthy delay. The next few chapters are nearly finished, though, so you won't have to wait so long for them.

 

Chapter 3


With waves of midmorning light glinting on their backs, twelve stern chairs hugged the seamless curve of the Council chamber. In them sat twelve Jedi Masters of varying ages, abilities, and backgrounds, all gazing at the couple before them with calm intensity. Countless specks of metallic shine hung motionless in the pensive air, as if the universe and time itself awaited the judgment of the Twelve. It was very quiet.

Whenever you're ready, Masters, thought Padmé. Sometime in this century would be great.

She was thoroughly ready for the day to end, though it had barely begun. She'd awoken in a puddle of tears, with her head pounding and her heart a fist in her chest?and things hadn't improved from there. After spending a standard half-hour fretting over which of her few simple garments flattered her most?Why? she'd kept asking herself?she had finally settled upon a fitted cream tunic with matching trousers under a robe of faded brown. After quickly dressing and answering her master's call, she'd made for the spartan dining area, suddenly ravenous. The steaming cup of herbed tea had been all right, but the half-bowl of grainmeal had been a mistake. She'd barely made it to the 'fresher in time.

Back in the Council chamber, Padmé mentally shook herself. Why do I always forget? I knew about the dream when I woke up. Wet pillow, aching head, and then vomit. It's always the same.

As surreptitiously as possible, she pulled her robe a bit closer in an effort to hide the stained tunic beneath. There hadn't been time to change. For at least the dozenth time, she reminded herself that her appearance was highly irrelevant to the situation at hand. For at least the dozenth time, it didn't help.

The young mechanic had dressed up, too, after a fashion. He wasn't exactly Senatorial, but he had starched his shirt, shined his boots, and combed his hair. Padmé again had to admit he looked handsome. But though she'd spent the greater portion of the morning dreading him being overly familiar, he surprised her by being strictly professional, almost drolly so. In fact, other than a brief bow of formal greeting, he studiously avoided looking at her.

Padmé grimaced at the faintly sour taste of bile stubbornly clinging to her mouth. If not for it, she could have convinced herself she'd only imagined the dream. Naturally, she couldn't remember any of it now; only that she'd had it, and that it had been terrifying. She stifled a sigh, feeling fatigued and irritable. What were they waiting for?

A soft clearing of the young man's throat startled her from her thoughts. From the corner of her left eye, she could just make out the slightest fidget. The Council's silent scrutiny was finally beginning to get to him, as it got to everyone, eventually. Still, the young man had lasted longer than most, and even now remained relatively composed. Each of the Jedi Masters nodded their acknowledgement in turn. The verbal portion of the interview would now commence.

"Your name, young man?"

The applicant started at the sudden question, but looked relieved to be invited to speak at last. "Commander Anakin Skywalker, Master Jedi."

Glancing at Padmé, Ki-Adi-Mundi raised an eyebrow. "We were not informed of your rank? Commander."

"I hold none. The title is an honorary gesture."

Another moment's pause, and Adi Gallia tipped her head to one side. "Then you must have powerful friends," she suggested, turning her hypnotic gaze upon him.

Anakin bowed.

"Yet you would spend your days toiling in the bowels of ailing machinery?" inquired Plo Koon.

He shrugged. "Rankless titles don't generally keep the synth-lights on, Master Jedi."

"Indeed," agreed Kit Fisto.

"Quite," concurred Yarael Poof.

Saesee Tinn gave a slow blink of his pale yellow eyes and said nothing. Favoring telepathy over the spoken word, the occasional subtle facial gesture was as far as he tended to go in the way of physical communication. Still, he appeared to have effectively transmitted his meaning, and Ki-Adi-Mundi nodded briefly at him

 

Like the way Anakin isn't intimidated by the Council - but an A/P romance still seems far away.

 

an A/P romance still seems far away.
So it would seem. But the best sort is the kind that sneaks up on a person, isn't it? Certainly more satisfying than most "eyes-across-the-room" scenarios.

Welcome, Toni, and thanks for replying.

 

Anakin seems to enjoy this little banter w/Padme. Hmmm.

I too am glad he's not intimidated by the council. But you're portraying him as confident, so there's no need for intimidation.

It'll be interesting to see how you progress this... And thanks for the PM update.