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Beyond - Legends Just Another War (L/M, post-NJO, vignette)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Lady_Moonbeam, Jun 23, 2003.

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  1. Lady_Moonbeam

    Lady_Moonbeam Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2002
    Okay, this is my first L/M story ever, not to mention my first Mara story, so please tell me if I've gotten any characterizations wrong, since I'd really love to improve! Tell me what you think.

    _______________________________

    Luke Skywalker lay awake and listened to the whispery sound of the water hitting the beach. It was the first time he could ever remember being close to the ocean, and the one thing he was discovering was that the sounds were hypnotic. The steady rise and fall of the waves mesmerized him and kept him awake, listening for the continuous silk-on-silk noise. He stared at the ceiling, hands folded across his chest, wrapped up in a cool black veil.

    Once, Malastare would have glowed like a torch at night, with signs and advertisements glittering above the soft beach and reflecting off the vast mirror of the water. That was how he remembered it. Once, there had been enough light to disguise the darkness, and enough noise to hide the sounds of the sea. There had been trillions of humans instead of only hundreds, millennia of knowledge instead of only decades, and a temple-full of Jedi instead of only two. The name they had given to all of it was civilization, and Luke thought it had been nice. Better than nice. Beautiful.

    Civilization hadn?t died until its greatest lights were extinguished. Leia was assassinated shortly after she took control of the underground communities, the twins had died alone, on separate missions, and Han had been taken down in a suicide run against a Vong stronghold. The Jedi Order fell and the New Republic peeled away at the edges until there was nothing left.

    Nothing left but Luke, Mara, and Ben, escaping from the wreckage, unable to fight against the Vong because there was no longer anything to fight for. Everyone Luke cared about was sealed up in this beach-side apartment after three years of running and temporary stops on deserted planets. The road had led to Malastare, and that was where Luke had just stopped running. The Vong were holed away on Coruscant?they had ignored Malastare?s small store of resources after the initial fight for purity had driven the original inhabitants away.

    Besides, Luke liked Malastare. He had the sounds of the ocean at night, Ben could start a seashell collection, and the nearest town was only half a kilometer away?walking distance. Easy walking distance. It probably had salvageable food and water supplies, enough to get them through until they could find an alternative method of getting nourishment. Farming, maybe. Life was one large cycle, after all. He had started as a farmer, and that was how he was going to end. Moisture to vegetables. Aunt and uncle to wife and son. The changes were only external.

    ?Stop it,? Mara murmured next to him, the sound muffled where her lips were pressed against his arm. Luke propped himself up on one elbow and turned to her with a smile tweaking at the edges of his mouth.

    ?Stop what?? he asked.

    With a small sigh, Mara pulled her face back from him and sat up, horizontal bars of moonlight streaking her. ?Thinking like that. We?re safe now.?

    ?Since when do you want to be safe?? Luke lifted up his hand and touched her hair, weaving his fingers through the heavy locks. She leaned her cheek into his palm in an unusually tender gesture.

    ?Since I got a family,? she said brusquely. ?And since the galaxy went to hell.?

    ?Better safe than dead,? he said aloud in nod to her statement, but part of him wondered if he really agreed with that statement. Jedi weren?t supposed to fear death, they weren?t even supposed to view it as the closing of a circle. They were just supposed to accept it as something natural, like adolescence, something designed to move them on to another state of being. Luke thought he had reconciled himself with his own death, but lately, he found himself wondering about that, too. If he despised the perpetual secrecy and stillness that his life was now founded upon, would a few moments of light and activity compensate for the
     
  2. Jedi_Liz

    Jedi_Liz Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 24, 2000
    oh wow, for someone who has never written Luke and Mara, I think you did really well. :)
     
  3. Puggy

    Puggy Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 1, 2002
    Wow! This was the first L/M story I've ever read, and I thought you did a wonderful job!

    Civilization hadn?t died until its greatest lights were extinguished.

    That was such a pretty line... A perfect way to describe what you said in that paragraph.

    Beautiful work, Lady_Moonbeam! I enjoyed the L/M interaction. :)
     
  4. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    HA! I knew you could do it. ;) Lovely, Moon, but you SHOULD already know that! I think you wrote L/M very well. See? ;) Stretching gooood. :p

    *huggies* Nice job. :D
     
  5. Jedi-2B

    Jedi-2B Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    Excellent job! I think you got L&M's characters just right, including the part about how Luke would go on fighting, instead of hiding, if it weren't for Mara and Ben needing him.

    Hope to see more M&L stories from you.
     
  6. JediMasterKobe

    JediMasterKobe Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Apr 10, 2003
    :_| Noooooo! You killed Jaina! Not only that, but she was pregnant too! :(
     
  7. RebelMom

    RebelMom Jedi Knight star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 20, 2000
    You did a fine job with the characterizations. I too hope to see more from you.
     
  8. Knight-Ander

    Knight-Ander Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 19, 2002
    Yep, excellent job, Moonbeam. You're one of the writers on the boards that I find intimidatingly good. You hit the nail that is L/M characterization right on the head.

    Now, if you can do something a little more upbeat... :D
     
  9. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade Fanfic Archive Editor Emeritus star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Oh, my stars, Mooné. This is fantastic. The writing is so eloquent and evocative, and the characterization is flawless. I would never have guessed that this is your first L/M venture.

    I love the description of the ocean sounds as 'silk-on-silk'. Perfect. And Luke's reflections about beginning and ending as a farmer were perfectly in character, as was Mara's sensing his thoughts and chastising him before he ever said a word.

    ?Since I got a family,? she said brusquely. ?And since the galaxy went to hell.?

    Again, perfect. As Jedi-2B said, Luke would go on fighting if Mara and Ben didn't need him. Likewise, Mara would begin to value safety and security as never before for the sake of her family.

    Years later, he still remembered it as one of the most touching expressions he?d ever felt. He gave it to Mara now, his hand against the silky beginning strands of her hair.

    I don't think I even have words for this bit. So incredibly true-to-life, perfectly Luke, and very vivid.

    ?You,? she said bluntly. ?Ben. Life. Freedom. And stop begging for affection, Luke. It?s a bad habit.?

    LOL! :D Utterly Mara.

    ?Now who?s begging for affection?? he retorted, smirking. He loved getting Mara fired up, and he knew that if anything was going to make her turn around and face him again, that would be it.

    You've captured a very important aspect of Luke and Mara's relationship here. I've heard many say they don't understand how Luke can stand Mara's abrasiveness and quick temper. They don't realize that Luke loves that part of Mara. It's a game they play. They wouldn't be themselves without it.

    ?I?ve been selfish before. It?s just a matter of getting back into the habit.?

    Definitely Mara. As analytical about her own character traits as she is everything else.

    ?You think so?? Mara murmured. Luke could tell that she was sliding off into sleep by the soft, drowsy tone in her voice. He kissed the top of her head gently, and didn?t answer until he heard her breathing become slow and steady?she was asleep.

    ?I don?t know,? he said.

    Everything was quiet.


    That's one of the best endings I've ever seen for any story. Seriously. This vignette is so poignant, I could just cry. I'm assuming the NJO won't end with the Vong winning (it had better not :mad: ), but if it did, this would be it. Phenomenal, Mooné. Please write more Luke/Mara stories! [face_love]
     
  10. Lady_Moonbeam

    Lady_Moonbeam Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2002
    Wow! Thanks for all the replies, everyone!

    Jedi_Liz--Thanks! It was pretty hard, but I've read a lot on Mara and Luke's relationship, so I kept trying to keep that in mind.

    Puggy--:D Since this was your first L/M story, I'm glad you liked it! That line was one of my favorites, too.

    obaona--Yes, I did kind of promise you an L/M, o greedy taskmaster *cough* beta. *huggies*

    Jedi-2B--You don't know what a relief it is to hear that I've gotten the characters right! I was scared I had gotten them completely wrong.

    JediMasterKobe--Sorry :(

    RebelMom--Thanks! It's very cool to have L/M critiques from you, since you're famous for the genre.

    Knight-Ander--:D I'm intimidating? I could definitely get used to that! And I do write upbeat pieces (sometimes), they just aren't nearly as fun. My idea of a good day is if I kill the universe... twice. ;)

    *marvels over Gabri's reply*

    I'm flattered! Really, if there's anything good in this vignette, it's probably because I was reading your Infinite Possibilities at the same time. (And it was absolutely wonderful, by the way.)

    I love the description of the ocean sounds as 'silk-on-silk'. Perfect. And Luke's reflections about beginning and ending as a farmer were perfectly in character, as was Mara's sensing his thoughts and chastising him before he ever said a word.

    I love throwing in interesting descriptions, and I have to admit, the "farmer cycle" was the one thing in this that I was a little self-consciously proud of. I'm glad someone else liked it, too!

    I always see Luke as mellowing Mara and Mara as being able to keep her husband from being too inwardly focused (ie, long morbid thoughts are a no-no).

    Since Mara is a mother, I thought that even with her Jedi duties, her family would probably be what is most important to her--and so it would be the one reason she could stop fighting. Or direct her fighting in a different direction, anyway. Same with Luke.

    I don't think I even have words for this bit. So incredibly true-to-life, perfectly Luke, and very vivid.

    It was a Luke moment! And who doesn't love Luke? [face_love]

    See, again, I see Luke and Mara as complementing each other, and I think that Luke would like seeing her fired-up, especially considering the depressing circumstances they're living in.

    That's one of the best endings I've ever seen for any story. Seriously. This vignette is so poignant, I could just cry. I'm assuming the NJO won't end with the Vong winning (it had better not ), but if it did, this would be it.

    Aww! I knew I had to try for a good ending to stick with a reader, and if I pulled that off--that makes me happy. Definitely. And I agree with you about the NJO ending--destruction is more fun if it's just an AU.

    (This reader-reply thing may actually be longer than the vignette! :D)

    Up!

    (For everyone who asked, I will definitely be writing more L/M! I loved this experience and I don't quit easily!)
     
  11. Sash

    Sash Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2003
    Your first fic?? Wow.. thats quite a good attempt.. great infact. now theres an outcome that I dont even want to think about. *shudder* it would be pretty awful having nothing left to fight for....the line;"?I?m fighting because Han and Leia never got to see their daughter get married. I?m fighting because Jaina was pregnant when she died. Because Anakin died so others could live..." was just i dunno... made me feel awful :( it is soo sad. :_|
     
  12. Sash

    Sash Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Jan 11, 2003
    Your first fic?? Wow.. thats quite a good attempt.. great infact. now theres an outcome that I dont even want to think about. *shudder* it would be pretty awful having nothing left to fight for....the line;"?I?m fighting because Han and Leia never got to see their daughter get married. I?m fighting because Jaina was pregnant when she died. Because Anakin died so others could live..." was just i dunno... made me feel awful :( it is soo sad. :_|
     
  13. Bri_Windstar

    Bri_Windstar Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 27, 2002
    I loved it Moon. I just love your writing in general. You have such a talent for putting thoughts and words together to form just the most amazing tapestry of stories. It's a talent i envy.

    I cant believe every Solo died! :eek: I loved how Luke remembered them, that he's still fighting, even the most basic levels, for them and for their memory. It's very in character.

    I loved it Moon, i really did :)


    ::Windstar Out::
     
  14. LadyPadme

    LadyPadme Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 26, 2002


    Wow! Is blown away by this beautifully rendered depiction of life if the Vong war was lost.

    * LP takes a moment to compose herself as she thinks of a galaxy without H/L...and poor Jaina dying pregnant! *

    That was WONDERFUL! For someone who never wrote L/M before I have to say you've done a beautiful job with their characterization. Brilliant! Please write more!

     
  15. rogue11lovesjag

    rogue11lovesjag Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 13, 2002
    *cries*

    That's so sad!!!! Especially the part about both twins dying, and Jaina being pregnant, and having completely lost the war...

    *cries*

    ~Rogue
     
  16. Lady_Moonbeam

    Lady_Moonbeam Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2002
    Sash--Thanks! Luckily, Luke and Mara did find something to fight for, after all--it just wasn't what they had always thought it would be. And I'm glad the story was so sad... [face_evil]

    Bri--Woah, thanks so much! [face_blush] That's beautiful praise--I'm not sure I deserve that! I'm grateful to have gotten Luke's character right--I always worry about that when he's in my stories. I wanted him to have something to fight for--because without that, he doesn't seem like Luke.

    LP-- :D Spectacular praise. I have a fondness in my heart for "post-apocalyptic" stories--there just isn't much in the genre, so I thought I'd write one myself. Jaina dying pregnant and getting married was sort of my nod to Jaina-shippers--I haven't read much NJO, so I'm neutral on that. So at least, before she died, she was married and happy.

    Carr--*adds point to cry-rating* See above for the Jaina being pregnant issue--it seems to have sparked several reactions! And where's the fun of being a writer if I can't be controversial? ;) Thanks a lot for your feedback.

    And here's another up!
     
  17. Lady_Moonbeam

    Lady_Moonbeam Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2002
    Upping this...

    (I just got back from a county fair and my head is still spinning from all those rides!)
     
  18. JainaPadmeJade

    JainaPadmeJade Jedi Youngling star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 2002
    That was great!! I absolutely loved that!! It was very sad though, but I definatly could see soemthing like that happening. U got their characters perfect I think.

    I wish my first fic had come out that well, even my fic that I'm working on now isn't as good as that!!

    *JPJ applauses L_M*
     
  19. JediMasterJaina

    JediMasterJaina Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    May 19, 2003
    [face_shocked] Wow.

    I don't know what to say. It was so good...so awesome, actually....

    I'm in shock. For once, I'm speechless....

    ~JMJ
     
  20. Lady_Moonbeam

    Lady_Moonbeam Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2002
    Thanks, JPJ. It's amazing to hear that I did well with the characters, since this is the first time I've tried to write Mara, and I've never really felt comfortable with Luke. And that I made the depressing situation seem plausible is also good to hear--but hopefully we won't see it really happening!

    JMJ, I've struck you speechless? That's quite a compliment. I'm happy that you could get enough speech up to let me know that you liked the story! :D Thanks!
     
  21. joy_noel

    joy_noel Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2002
    I liked this. It's so sad though. Everyone dead. The New Republic gone. :( You did a marvelous job for this being your first L/M fic. I look forward to your future fics.
     
  22. Lady_Moonbeam

    Lady_Moonbeam Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2002
    Thanks, Noel. I know it's sad, but I really wanted to let what was left (Luke, Mara, and Ben) shine by showing all the darkness that surrounds them.
     
  23. DesignSith

    DesignSith Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 12, 2000
    That was very, VERY good. And I'm generally against the whole pathetic begging thing, but I really want to know what happens next.

    No pressure. ;)
     
  24. Lady_Moonbeam

    Lady_Moonbeam Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Aug 4, 2002
    DesignSith--Thanks! I have vague ideas for a companion piece that tells what happened beforehand, including how Luke and Mara end up on Malastare. How does that sound?
     
  25. Jedi-2B

    Jedi-2B Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    I'll be greedy -- I'd love companion pieces showing both what happened beforehand, and what happens afterward. :) You have a wonderful talent for writing.
     
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