Before Kenobi! Obi-Wan! -- mostly Obi-Wan waiting -- Complete -- 18-May-2009

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, May 16, 2009.

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  1. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Title: Kenobi! Obi-Wan!
    Author: ardavenport
    Timeframe: pre-Episode I, pre-TPM
    Genre: drama, mush
    Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, OCs
    Keywords: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi
    Summary: Obi-Wan waits for a rescue from his master in a very orderly place.
    Notes: Typo is my middle name, with missing words and errors that spell checkers do not catch being my speciality - if you see any, just post a reply or send a PM with the what and where and I will kill them with no mercy.
    Disclaimer: All characters and the Star Wars universe belong to George and Lucasfilm; I am just playing in their sandbox.



    "Kenobi! Obi-Wan!"

    Obi-Wan tensed, flipped over on his cot and looked up toward the Hailing Platform at the center of a nexus of metaloid walkways suspended from the vast ceiling above. He could see a cluster of colored specks gathered there, one of them tall and dark brown.

    Leaping up in one motion, Obi-Wan hit the hard gray floor and ran down the narrow aisle between the rows of cots. People hastily pulled in yellow-clothed legs and arms out of the young man's way. A few grinned and raised their arms in support, but he did not slow down to acknowledge them.

    At the end of the rows, he swiftly turned into the main aisle, running in the direction of the Hailing Platform Tower. Pristine pale blue, it rose high up above the sea of thousands of orderly rows of cots, the only tall structure in the vast, covered space. Except for the other Hailing platforms in the far distance.

    "Running is not permitted," the evenly-toned synth-voice of an Attendant Droid called from behind him. Obi-Wan heard a low whir approaching quickly.

    "Running is not permitted."

    Eyes still fixed on the Tower, Obi-Wan slowed to a jog, moving to the side of the aisle. He jumped on the small people transport as it caught up to him. His pale yellow boots thumped hollowly on the plasti-form.

    "For your own safety, please be seated," the droid instructed. Obi-Wan sat on the thinly padded center bench.

    "The nearest Hailing Tower, please," he requested, his eyes not leaving his goal.

    The droid nodded its boxy, bright green head, glowing yellow eye-sensors blinking. The transport accelerated, humming quickly past the long rows of cots that receded into the distance. The faces of people among them turned toward him, their curiosity a blur. But many others did not look or turned away, their uniformly-clothed muted yellow bodies going about their business, or just lying down passively among the cots.

    "Kenobi! Obi-Wan!" boomed throughout the vast empty space above. Days of uncertainty, of waiting and wondering why Qui-Gon was late retrieving him vanished in the excitement of the moment. He would soon know what had happened.

    The transport slowed, turned and accelerated again, heading straight for the Tower. Obi-Wan tilted his head back as they approached. Widest at the base, the tower reached all the way up to the catwalks and transport tubes suspended from the ceiling, like a pale-blue path pointing up to a false gray sky.

    Even before the transport stopped, Obi-Wan jumped off, ignoring the Attendant Droid's warnings about safety. He ran to the stairs. The tower had lifts, but his own legs and the Force were just as fast and he could see the people at the top of the tower as he approached.

    He flew up the stairs that wound around the outside of the tower, four steps at a time. The stair gratings clanged with each impact of the short pull-on boots he wore. He could not see the top of the tower until he was well past half-way up, but one turn finally brought the Hailing Platform and the people on it into view. There were the usual white-suited officials of the Charity Holdings, but also some persons in gold and dark reds and blues. No uniforms, but clean lines and rich colors defined the clothes of the people conversing amongst themselves. The back of a dark brown robe stood taller than the others.

    Obi-Wan slowed his pace on the next landing. He focused his atte
  2. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Please PM me when you update this one. I liked this! I always like stories that explore young Obi-Wan's life. :)

    =D=
  3. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Qui-Gon, not! I was as disappointed as Obi-Wan.

    What a beginning, all right. PM list!
  4. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    omg the orphanage from hell. please pm me when you update!!
  5. GuNgAnFaN3090 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 16, 2008
    star 5
    That was so great! Please add me to your PM list, I really need more.

    =D= =D= =D=
  6. dimyavie Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2006
    star 1
    Interesting! I can't wait to read more. I have to wonder what's going on with Qui-Gon though. Thanks for writing!
  7. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4

    VaderLVR64: This is probably not the best part of young Obi-Wan's life, but it will get better. Thanks for reading!

    Valairy_Scot: Obi-Wan definitely needs his master back. Thanks for the reply!

    ratna: It does sort of look like an orphanage doesn't it? Thanks for reading!

    GuNgAnFaN3090: Thank-you! :)

    dimyavie: Qui-Gon is only detained and will come along soon. Thanks for replying!


  8. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    oooooo ___ ooooo ___ ooooo ___ ooooo - - - Part 2


    When he heard the first warning gong of the night cycle, Obi-Wan got up and went to the nearest Needs Building and got a quick, light meal of boiled grains, plant proteins and vegetables. It was plain and bland. Not really bad, but all the selections seemed to be variations on the same thing.

    People in the Food and Drink Quarter sat in groups. Some talked. Most of them just went about the work of eating, the necessary refueling that their bodies required. A thin old man grunted to Obi-Wan about the good food he would eat when he got out in the morning, when his name was called.

    Another warning gong sounded.

    A couple of women with whom he had a passing acquaintance, Bremet and Heeli, passed by him on their way out and asked about his name being called earlier. Obi-Wan shook his head.

    "It wasn't the person I was waiting for."

    Obviously surprised, they looked at each other as if to ask why that could be important. But they nodded polite agreement back to him and moved on.

    After visiting the Bodily Wastes quarter he went back to his cot. He saw a few other familiar faces looking his way, clearly expecting him to be gone. But after the initial surprise they averted their eyes. No one said anything to him. They all returned to their cots; the droids walked up and down the aisles, watchful for any disorder.

    The final gong sounded. Soon after, the lights dimmed.

    Many people lay down on their cots to endure the passage of the night cycle. A few conversed. Groups of twos and threes were permitted for a short time. They always broke up as soon as a droid moved in their direction.

    Sitting alone, cross-legged on his cot, Obi-Wan's mind remained cluttered with the debris of despair. He had not been able to meditate the previous night and he would not reinforce this failure with another, along with the panic and sleeplessness that had followed.

    The contradictions of the Charity Holdings stifled him. No one here had any possessions or attachments. To enter they had to give up anything they carried to prove that they were truly in need and that they had no resources or support of their own. Obi-Wan had never imagined that this would bother him when he volunteered to go in to contact Treddius Owain who had taken refuge in the Charity Holdings.

    Neither Obi-Wan nor his Master knew why Owain's knowledge was so dangerous or why it was so important to the Republic. But his last message to his contacts in the Republic Judiciary had been where he was hiding from his enemies and that he would only come out if they sent a Jedi to tell him it was safe and that the person sponsoring him out of the Charity Holdings was a friend and not an enemy come to kill him. So Obi-Wan had removed all his outer clothing and given his things to his Master and presented himself to the evaluators as a person who had no home.

    After they accepted and processed him, he had gone down into the vast space and found Treddius Owain, the Force as much a guide to him as the mission briefing from the Judiciary. Owain had been suspicious, but Obi-Wan could call things to his hand with the Force and he knew the names of Owain's contacts in the Republic. That had convinced the fugitive. When Owain's name was called from the Tower, he went. Obi-Wan saw him meeting Qui-Gon at the top. They left together, but Qui-Gon had looked down at the ordered plain of cots below him and his eyes looked right at his Padawan. He would be back in a day, after he had delivered Owain to safety.

    That had been six days ago.

    The rustlings of a forest of people settling into their cots died down, but the pervasive waves of the huge volume of air being moved and refreshed by the overhead recyclers remained. In the twilighting, Obi-wan saw a few black shapes of bodies and heads still sitting up or standing in the distance, but most of the movements he glimpsed were bulges rising and subsiding under greenish blankets gone dark gray in the gloom.

    For the first day after Qui-Gon had taken Owain away, he h
  9. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5

    Obi-Wan wondered that he could be so disconcerted, so diminished by being stripped of his accustomed clothing and lightsaber, and then cast into a huge crowd where he looked no more or less like anyone else. One of many, almost invisible, in a vast cavern, as storage place for people who had no place to go. A Jedi had no attachments, no possessions. But he had felt his identity as a Jedi fading as the days passed, slipping out of his grasp like smoke.

    A Jedi had purpose, service. But the Charity Holdings subtly stripped that away from its inmates, offering only basic necessities, order, rules and abstract goals to aspire to. Obi-Wan knew his goal now. He would wait for his Master to return and retrieve him.


    He was in a place that stripped people of their unique personality - the already somewhat quiet ones probably less affected than the curious. I can see how that would get to Obi-Wan.

    Wonderful job as always.
  10. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    wow! what a lesson on so many levels.
  11. GuNgAnFaN3090 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 16, 2008
    star 5
    Fantastic finish! You do a great job of writing Obi-Wan. I loved the ending. Great work once again.

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  12. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Obi-Wan wondered that he could be so disconcerted, so diminished by being stripped of his accustomed clothing and lightsaber, and then cast into a huge crowd where he looked no more or less like anyone else. One of many, almost invisible, in a vast cavern, as storage place for people who had no place to go. A Jedi had no attachments, no possessions. But he had felt his identity as a Jedi fading as the days passed, slipping out of his grasp like smoke.

    This story was lovely and well crafted, and unique on SO many levels! =D=
  13. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Geez, your stories are just the best. I can never predict where they're going.

    I thought that Obi-Wan was younger in this story, but that's just a testament to how alienated he feel in this place, how much of his identity is stripped away without the trappings of the Jedi or his Master. The twist at the end was excellent too and very thought provoking. Of course I loved in particular when Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon reunite. Marvelous character study, and I love that you didn't leave us waiting very long for the conclusion. =D=
  14. Seremela Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 12, 2008
    star 3
    :eek: I missed this one at first! But I'm glad I now found it, because it's superb! The whole description of those Holdings gave me goosebumps right from the moment Obi-Wan saw it wasn't Qui-Gon on the Tower and he went back down to escape. Great fast action there, only to have it end in the slow, dull life of those Holdings he's in.

    And aren't droids just the thing to keep the order in such a place? With no emotions, no favoritism, but strength and firepower. Nothing to be gained or won from them. I can understand how it strips you away of everything on every level as you show so well in this.

    And then the contrast when Qui-Gon finally does come to take him out, loved how he was startled by his almost mistake when Obi-Wan's namesake was called forward, that was fun :D

    [:D] Thanks for taking me to a wholey different planet once again! I enjoyed the visit (much more than Obi-Wan did I'd wager [face_mischief] )


  15. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    ...... more catching up -- I think I'm only a year-and-a-half behind ........

    Valairy_Scot, ratna, GuNgAnFaN3090, VaderLVR64, LuvEwan, Seremela,

    Thanks all for reading!

    Jedi may give up possessions, but they definitely keep their individuality, but Obi-Wan might not realize how much unless he loses it. Surprising and depressing for him. If he's feeling a little trapped, he would seem younger. And that is definitely time for Qui-Gon to come and rescue him.
  16. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    I had read this on the other board several months ago..and it's one of my favorites of yours.
  17. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Thanks! I must admit that Obi-Wan can be most appealing when he's vulnerable.
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