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Before - Legends KOTOR: An unlikely heroine

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Padawan4687, Jul 18, 2010.

  1. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    Hey, everyone! I've been writing a KOTOR story in my head for a long time, and I finally have a chance to tell it! Please give feedback! Also, any suggestions would help, too. Oh, and my mistakes.Oh!I almost forgot to say, the "heroine" part doesn't start just yet, but it will in Part Two!
    (I decided to break the paragraphs, so this would be easier to read. Thanks, SoA!)

    Part One
    It was a warm day on Naboo, and Raven Shaire was racing through the lush forest with her best freind Peter, pretending he was Darth Malak. "You're mine, you puny Jedi!" Peter shouted as he swung a long, slender stick at her. Raven ducked the stick, and swung her own stick at her opponent's feet. "I'll show you who's puny!" she shouted back as Peter leapt in the air to dodge the attack.

    Peter shot his hand out at Raven, and, Raven was thrown off her feet, and she sailed through the air."Ahh!" she yelled as she collided with a tree. She slumped to the ground with a groan, and looked up to see he tip of a stick angled at her head. "You are finished," Peter said, in a victorious tone. Raven glared at her opponent, but then replaced her glare with a smile. "We'll see about that!" she said, shooting both hands at Peter. His eyes went wide, and, seconds later, was spiraling in the air. He let out a painful gasp as he hit the ground. Before he could recover, Raven leapt to her feet, and bolted over to Peter. She snatched her stick, jumped in the air, and swung it to make a strike at his chest. The blow connected, and Peter let out a loud scream. Raven landed nimbly on the ground, and turned to Peter, who had gotten up and was dusting leaves and grass from his shirt. "Darn you..." he muttered,"Again...she beat me again..." "You bet I did!" Raven said happily. "No Sith can defeat me!"

    The sky grew from light blue to dark purple. The day was ending, and evening was beginning. The two were walking down a forest path, headed for home. Raven, who felt so happy earlier, couldn't shake off a feeling of anxiety. No matter how hard she tried to relax, she couldn't stop feeling like somthing or someone was folowing them. She glanced behind her, to see two shadows moving silently toward her and Peter. Someone is following us!She thought in panic. She opened her mouth to warn her freind, but she was too late. Two men jumped out from behind the trees in front of them. Raven felt her throat go dry. Peter leapt backward in shock. "W-who are you?" she forced herself to say. "And what do you want from us?" The men looked at each other for a few seconds. The first man,who was burly, with an eyepatch over one eye, responded," Doesn't matter kid," he said. The second man, who was thinner, with many scars lining his bare arms, chuckled, as they began to back away. "Don't bother, you'll just get lost." he said, with some amusement. Peter and Raven steadily continued to back away. But with every step they took, the men would take another. When they took ten steps, Peter turned to Raven, a panicked expression on his face. "Run!" he shouted. The two twirled around and ran. Raven could barely feel her feet touch the ground as she ran at full speed through the darkening forest, Peter at her side. "What could they want?" Raven breathlessly asked. "Beats me!" Peter gasped,"But whatever it is, it can't be good!"

    Suddenly, Raven felt an hand grab her arm and held tight. Raven whipped around and shrieked in fear. She was staring into a one eye'd face.Oh no! She thought. He's got me! Peter spun around at the sound of her scream, and shouted,"Raven- Ahh!" his yell was cut off as a hand seized the back of his arm. Raven thrashed around wildly, desprate to get out of the man's vice-like grip. But it was hopeless. Soon, Raven was tied up, lying on the ground. Peter was still grapling with his attacker. Suddenly, the one eye'd man, ran behind Peter, and struck the back of his head. Raven gasped as Peter suddenly collapsed on t
  2. LaForzaViva

    LaForzaViva Jedi Knight star 1

    Jul 6, 2008
    Good start! I have an inkling Raven might be Revan... or you're cleverly throwing us off the path.

    My only suggestion is just to break up paragraphs with an extra space and to break dialogue out of paragraphs when necessary - that helps us read along better.
  3. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    Ok, thanks for the suggestion. I wanted to break up the paragraphs, but the laptop I was using has this weird problem: Once I went below the amount provided, the words would rise, and I couldn't even see what I was typing! It got really annoying, so I cut back on the space. As for your may be...or it may not... *Hee-Hee!*[face_laugh]
  4. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    With every part I post, I'll try out your suggestions. Let me know if you can read it any better. Here goes!

    Part Two

    After what seemed like seconds, Raven and Peter were thrown into the dark, cramped hold of the men's ship. But to Raven,all around her was shrouded in darkness. Raven heard a low groan next to her. Thank goodness... She thought, with relief.Peter's waking up. "Are you alright?" she asked her freind. "I...I think so..." Peter murmured," head is ...killing me..." Raven was about to breath a sigh of relief, when they heard a deep voice

    "Sit tight, kids,"it said. The voice probably was the one eye'd man. "It will be all over soon," another voice said, with a laugh. The men left the room chuckling, and Raven heard a voice ask,"What do you think he meant by "It will all be over?" It was Peter's voice. Raven looked in his direction and replied,"I really don't want to find out," Suddenly, Peter let out a shocked cry, before his voice was abruptly cut off. "Peter!" Raven said in alarm,"What happened?" Suddenly, Raven felt somthing shove in her mouth, and she almost gaged.

    "Keep your mouths shut," growled a voice, "Your giving me a headache," We have to get out of here! Raven thought. If I can just get this blindfold off...She thrashed in around her ropes, trying to find a bump in the metal, to pull the cloth off. But no luck. The whole hull of the ship was completely smooth. Raven groaned inwardly.There's no way out! She thought.

    After a few minutes, or maybe hours, Raven felt the ship roughly shake. We must be landing. She sighed at the thought. They could be any where in the whole galaxy! But wherever we's away from Naboo...away from home... Raven heard a low creak, and footsteps. They were heavy One-Eye. Raven heard a few more steps, then a muffled yell from Peter. She heard thrashing, and then One-Eye's voice,"You're coming with me, you little runt!" Peter! Raven fought against the ropes as hard as she could, to try and get to Peter, but it was useless. The men tied the ropes so tight around her, that it was a chore just to try to fight the knots. Raven heard a pair of footsteps leaving the room. One was heavy and steady. The other was lighter and uneven. Suddenly, the footsteps stopped, and Raven heard One-Eye's voice say," I'll come for you next," Raven felt a chill run down her spine at those words.

    Raven hung her head as the doors slid shut. What can I do? I have to get myself out of this! I'm not helpless! I have to think... With a sigh, she realized she'd need to see to be able to really think.I...can't get out of this... She thought sadly.It's over...
  5. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    Listen, I know Part 2 probably sounds as boring as heck, and a reader will probably want to fall asleep in the middle of reading it. But-don't worry. Part three will be a lot better. I promise.

    Part Three

    Raven felt a hand reach for her blindfold, and pull it off. A nanosecond later she felt a hot blast of air in her face. The cargo door in front of her was open wide, revealing a landcape of sandy dunes. Far off in the distance, were several adobe buildings. Raven raced through her mind, attempting to find the name of the desert planet. She knew she had heard of it somewhere, but she completely lost it. She was jerked out of her thoughts by a rough shove at her side. She turned fast to see the ropes around her were loosened, allowing her to at last move her arms and legs. She then looked up to see One-Eye, looking down at her. He roughly shoved Raven in the back and said,"Like I said," Raven froze at his next words. "I'll come for you next," He shoved Raven again, and said gruffly,"Come on, we don't have all day," Raven was herded outside, where she was immidiatly struck by the blasts of heat that flooded around her. A short distance away, she could see a small crowd gathered.

    There was a massive building ahead, that was the same color as the sand. From a distance, it would look like an odd sand dune. A massive slug-like creature heaved his body out of the doorway. That's a...Hutt. She felt another shove from behind. "Hurry up!" One-Eye growled in annoyance. She rushed forward, until the Hutt was a few feet away. One-Eye nodded his head and said, "We found the girl, Zorbon the Hutt" The Hutt spoke, in thick Huttese, but Raven was fluent enough in the language to understand what he was saying.

    "Ahhh...good work," Zorbon said, "Very good work," One-Eye pushed Raven toward the Hutt, and held out his hand,"Now for my fee..." "Oh, of course," Zorbon said instantly,"I will see that you are paid. And as for you..."He trailed off, looking down at Raven, "You now belong to me..."

    As Raven was led throuout a maze of corridors, she at last had some time to think. I'm now in the ownership of Zorbon the that means...that...I'm ... a slave... Suddenly, another thought burst in her mind.What if the same thing happened to Peter? It felt as if she was trapped in a cage with no way out...

    Suddenly, Raven heard a small sound. It sounded like a voice. A woman's voice... As she grew closer, Raven heard a second voice, it was loud and low, and sounded very angry. There were a few more words shared, then she heard the clicks of several blasters charging.Then a hisss was heard, then several yells. She tried to slow down to hear more, but the guards gave a rough shove for her to keep moving. As the sounds slowly grew fainter, she heard the woman say one final thing, then a second hiss was heard and then she could hear no more.

    A week later, somthing amazing happened...

    If you're wondering just what this "Amazing thing" is, then I'm glad I'm leaving you with questions. When I make the next part, Everything should be clearer. Well...maybe not everything...[face_shhh]
  6. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Apr 2, 2008
    Looks like the start of an exciting story here. Your Raven seems to be in her early teens? Or am I reading that wrong? Do she and Peter get split up here? I am suspecting that this hissing noise belonged to a lightsaber. Here is me hazarding a guess at the amazing thing is her being picked up by the Jedi. That would be pretty awesome for a girl just picked by slavers.

    Though one thing I noticed right off is Naboo... Sadly, that planet wasn't discovered and colonized until well after KOTOR II. I totally wanted to make one of my KOTOR-era OCs from Naboo and was heartbroken at that discovery. ;_; But, there is nothing wrong with claiming AU just to get that planet into your story. ^_^

    And don't let it get you down if you don't get a lot of readers. There aren't a lot of people these days that read KOTOR stuff, I can attest to that myself. Just keep writing with confidence! As KOTOR-era writers, we all need to stick together and be good readers otherwise none of us will have any readers at all.

    Please do add me to your PM list if you have one.
  7. LaForzaViva

    LaForzaViva Jedi Knight star 1

    Jul 6, 2008
    I must've missed part three, thanks for bumping this one up SoA! SoA's right, there's like a cadre of devoted KotOR writers and we all comment on each other's stuff.

    I'm thinking this sounds like a lot like Juhani's story, even though all those events happened on different planets - Cathar and Taris, not Naboo and this desert world (I'm guessing Tatooine or Sleheyron, the Hutt homeworld).

    Keep it up! I want to see what this 'amazing' thing is, because there's so little information my mind is going on a bunch of tangets as to what it might be!
  8. Commander-DWH

    Commander-DWH Manager Emeritus star 4

    Nov 3, 2003
    KOTOR writers definitely have to stick together. [face_peace] Welcome to the club! We don't come with t-shirts, but we do come with a whole lot of enthusiasm. :D

    I'm definitely interested in seeing where this goes. Keep up the good work!
  9. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    I'm glad to hear you like the stories! I had abseloutley no idea Naboo wasn't found yet, so please bear with me if I name more unknown planets. All of your comments are really appreciated! Now, let me answer some of your questions...
  10. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    I'm not sure if I know what the PM list is....can you explain it?

  11. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
  12. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    I tried to post part 4 earlier, but the computer froze on me! I'll try it again.

    Part Four

    The dim light in Zorbon's castle was different in every way to the blazing sun outside. Raven was moved inside a tiny hovel with two other slaves, a black haired boy named Koi, and his mother, Maria. Like all other slaves, they had to work outside, in the massive shipyard. There were pieces and parts from droids, swoop bikes, moisture vaporaters, and even blasters.

    Seven days after she was brought to the desert planet, she and Koi were busy cleaning sand and grit from an astromech droid's body. They were talking, and Koi brought up a very touchy subject. "You said you used to live on Naboo, right?" Raven soundlessly nodded. "So why were you sold into slavery?" he asked," My mom and I are here 'cause my Dad couldn't pay some kind of debt to Zorbon," Raven shivered as she thought of Naboo...the familiar forests...high waterfalls...and Peter... "Umm..."she ankwardly began, "I was...captured by slavers..."

    "You were alone?" Koi asked. Raven shook her head," I was with my best friend Peter..." she trailed off, and a tear ran don her cheek. "So... what happened to Peter?" Koi slowly asked. Raven's saddnes almost spilled over, "I don't know!" she almost shouted," They took him away first, then me. He could be anywhere in the whole galaxy!" She stopped working and ducked her head. As unhappy as she was about what had happened that evening, she wouldn't let herself cry. When she rose her head, Koi was staring at the sky, a shocked expression on his face. Raven looked up, and reflected his shock.

    Several ships were flying through the air, nearly over head! They were all identical, gray and long, exept the one in the lead. It was round, and had red markings along the sides of it. The round ship swooped downward to land neatly in Zorbon's courtyard. The other ships zoomed higher and higher in the air, untill they couldn't be seen by the naked eye. "What was that?" Koi asked, half to himself. Raven gave him a mischievas glance,"Only one way to find out!" she said. Without another word, the two left their work, and headed toward the courtyard.

    Minutes later, a horrible odor met Raven's nose. "I can smell Zorbon!" she gasped. "You could smell him a mile away!" Koi joked. The two continued to run and run, until they reached the edge the courtyard. They hid in the shadows of several broken down ships. If Zorbon saw them now, they'd be dead meat! They looked over at a wide clearing. The ship had landed, and the loading ramp was open. Nearby was Zorbon the Hutt, speaking with two women. Raven noticed somthing right away about them. On their belts were an all too familiar weapon. A lightsaber. "Hey!" she whispered to Koi. She pointed to the women's belts and whispered," They're Jedi!"

    "What?!" Koi whispered back," How can you tell?"
    "They have lghtsabers!" she replied," Just look at their belts!" Peter's eyes went wide and whispered," I can't believe it-"
    "Shh!" Raven interrupted, "I want to hear what they're saying,"
  13. SagaFanficAwards

    SagaFanficAwards Saga FanFic Awards Sock star 4 VIP - Game Host

    Jun 2, 2006
    Edit: Ah-ha. You know it's getting late when I forget that I'm logged into the awards sock. A mod can delete this.
  14. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Apr 2, 2008
    I'm glad Raven found a friend in Zorba's palace. Koi seems like a good kid too. These Jedi seem like they'll bring excitement for those two little slaves.

    A PM list, bascialy, is a list writers keep for each story of who wants to get PMs whenever the story is updated. Once you have enough posts, please do let me know when you've got a new update. In the mean time, I'll just keep my eyes open.

    If you want excuses to post, there are some fun threads over in the Fanfiction Resource.

    (And now here's SoA in the right account)
  15. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    I'll be sure to let you know, SoA. Here's the next part!

    Part Five

    Raven listened as hard as she could to the Jedi, but the hundreds of languages being spoken by everyone in the courtyard, drowned out all their words. Koi let out an annoyed groan, "I can't hear a thing!" he quietly complained. Raven sighed in agreement. She then turned her attention to the Jedi.

    They must have been arguing with Zorbon, because they looked impatient. One of them snapped somthing at him, and took two defiant steps forward, only to be pulled back by the other. "Hey..." Koi mumured softly. His voice rose in excitement, and he pointed to the Jedi," I...I think I've seen them before!"

    Raven stared at Koi in shock,"You know them?!" she was finding it harder and harder to whisper. "Well...I only saw them once before. They were in a cantina,"
    "What were they doing there?" Raven asked, barely keeping her voice down. Koi closed her eyes for a moment. Then, he opened them and said,"I was getting a drink for my mom, and I saw them talking to someone, but I didn't see who. It sounded like a woman, though,"

    "Did you hear anything?" she asked. Koi nodded,"The cantina was pretty noisy, but I heard the woman call one of them,"Bastilla,"

    Raven looked at the Jedi again. The one Koi called "Bastilla," was glaring at Zorbon; her patience was clearly running thin. As they watched, the other Jedi suddenly began looking around, a confused look on her face. Bastilla said somthing to her, and, in responce, she pointed at the shadows where they were hiding.

    Koi fixed a pair of scared eyes on Raven. "They spotted us!" he whispered. Raven stared at the Jedi. How in the world did she spot us? she thought. By now, both Jedi were looking their way. They exchanged a few words, and Bastilla continued to speak with Zorbon. The other began walking toward the shadows. Raven and Koi slowly walked behind several other wrecked ships, desprate to keep hidden. Suddenly, the ship they were hiding behind rose in the air, and dropped several feet away! The two stared, dumbfounded, as the Jedi lowered her hand.

    Raven remembered hearing stories about Jedi, and how they fought for peace, but she couldn't hide her scared look; that mangled ship the woman had lifted could easily have crushed them. At their scared faces, the woman gave them a kind smile, and said," You kids don't have to worry. -I'm not going to hurt you," Now, with her this close, Raven was able to get a better look at her. She wore the famliar pale robes of a Jedi Knight, covered by a dark brown cloak. The hood was down, revealing her black, braided hair.

    She looked around in the shadows, and gestured to the light," Why not you come out of hiding?" Koi instantly shook his head," If we go, Zorbon will kill us!" The Jedi glanced in the direction of the massive Hutt, and glared at him. "Oh no he won't," There was an unusual look in her eyes, like a words had a different meaning. "Come with me," she said. She gestured to Bastilla, who was still arguing with Zorbon, and said,"I think my partner will be interested to see you,"

    If this part sounds a bit confusing to you, I'm really sorry. I didn't want their exact words to be heard, but I wanted you to have a small idea of what they were saying. Let me know what you think!
  16. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    I know no one has commented yet, but I'll make another part!

    Part Six

    Raven and Koi slowly crept out of hiding. The Jedi gazed down at the two of them, and the slightest bit of confusion appeared on her face.

    "Arn't you two a little young to be in a place like this?" She asked. Sweeping a hand toward the whole shipyard, she continued," It can be dangerous..."

    Koi shook his head. "We work here, ma'am," The confusion left the Jedi's face in an instant. Surprise took it's place. "You work here? Then...where are your parents?"

    Raven spoke up. "Koi's mom is in the market, and my parents..." she trailed off. The Jedi seemed to sense her hesitation, and nodded in responce. "You're...slaves?" The Jedi softly asked. Judging by her tone of voice, she found the word distastastful. So did Koi.

    "We're not slaves," he snapped,"We're people!" Seconds later, he covered his mouth. "Sorry..." he mumbled behind it. Humor crept into the woman's gaze. "It's all right,"

    Bastilla came up behind her, and Raven got the feeling they wanted to talk alone. She and Koi backed away a few steps. Once the Jedi were out of sight, they matched amazed expressions.

    I wonder why the Jedi are here?" Raven said. Koi stroked his chin.

    "I think it may have somthing to do with us..." he began. Raven flashed him a doubtful glance. "Why would Jedi come here for two people?" Koi slowly nodded in agreement, and the two continued to brainstorm. Suddenly, Raven remembered watching the Jedi earlier, and their reactions especially.

    "Did you see how they were arguing with Zorbon?" she asked. When Koi nodded she continued,"They looked really frustrated...maybe they were trying to buy somthing, but Zorbon wouldn't let them,"

    "But why..." Koi began. "Maybe they didn't have enough credits," Raven replied. Koi shook his head. "If that was the case, they wouldn't have stayed as long as they did...maybe he wouldn't accept the credits they had..." Raven shook her head in defeat,"I don't know...I'm out of ideas..."

    Koi suddenly began staring at something behind Raven. She looked, and spotted two men, each in black cloaks, standing near the exit of the shipyard. They seemed to be watching them. " you know those guys?" Koi slowly asked. Raven shook her head, but gave the men a closer look...

    This is all for now. I've been stuck with this chapter for a while now, so I'll make sure the next one makes up! Spoiler Alert: You won't believe who those men are!
  17. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Apr 2, 2008
    Sorry I didn't reply sooner. Darth Real Life came and swept me away for a while.

    This is looking pretty exciting. Bastila! I wonder who else is with her, and who those two men are. It looks like these kids might have their ticket out of slavery. The Jedi are never a huge fan of slavery, in general.
  18. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    You don't know who the other Jedi is? I guess I should be a bit glad, since it's proof I can be mysterious with my stories.

    Part Seven

    Raven stared hard at the men. One of them was burly, and the other was thin. Because of their cloaks, she wasn't able to see anything. But, for a split second, the thin man turned around, and his face could be seen. Raven could see the man had fair skin, and-- Am I crazy, or does that man have...yellow eyes?

    She was right! Both men had an unusual amber glow in their eyes. She only saw it for a few seconds, but Raven could feel a sudden chill in the air. She shivered, and Koi saw it. "Are you ok?" he asked. His voice became teasing as he continued,"You can't possibly be cold!"

    Raven shot a mock glare at Koi as she replied stiffly,"I'm not cold, it's just..." She could not continue. One of the men was staring right at her. As he did, an overwhelming feeling of dread washed over her. Raven tried to tear her gaze from the man's but quickly found she couldn't. She held the icy yellow gaze until she discovered Koi was clapping his hands in front of her face.

    "Hello!" he said loudly as he kept clapping. Raven blinked, and the man turned around. Raven pointed at him. "Koi...there's somthing...weird about those guys..."she whispered. When Koi turned around, there was a shocked look on his face. "They're gone!" he cried. It was true. When Raven looked again, the men had vanished. But the chill in the air remained.

    By this time, Bastilla and the other Jedi returned. "Umm...may I ask you a question?" Koi asked, clearly hesitant. "Of course," the other Jedi replied. "What are your names?"

    "My name is Nalana," she said,"and this is Bastilla," As she said this, Raven couldn't help but notice that the Jedi were tense. " somthing wrong?" she slowly asked, "You seem a little...worried,"

    At the question, Nalana smiled, "I'm surprised you noticed! It's nothing really..." The Jedi then revealed a little information of why they were there. They, like all other Jedi, were against slavery, but attempts to reason with the owners went nowhere. Nalana timidly said how she had went to speak with Zorbon a week earlier, and had accidently used her lightsaber against him.

    Raven suddenly remembered the voices she heard when she was brought to the hovels, and realized that was "I was brought here on that day!" she burst out. Suddenly, the conversation changed to her. Nalana began asking her about where she was from, and why she was brought to "Tatooine," as she called it. Her voice grew cold and angry as she answered them. "They sent Peter somewhere else, and I have no idea where! I'd do anything to find him..." she finished ruefully.

    Suddenly, the familiar feeling of dread came over Raven again, and this time, the other seemed to feel it, too. Raven had a very strong feeling those two men were nearby. Suddenly, the Jedi whipped around, and Nalana gasped softly.

    I can't write anymore for now. Curse you Darth RL! (:p)
  19. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    I know no one has commented yet, but I really wanted to write another part.

    Part Eight

    Raven and Koi spun with the Jedi?to find themselves facing the two men again. Their black cloaks were flapping in the small breezes, and they each held blood-red bladed lightsabers. ?Dark Jedi!? Bastilla growled. Nalana gave Raven and Koi a serious look. ?You two need to get out of here,? she said. Raven stared at the men, fear clearly on her face. Koi tugged on her sleeve. ?Come on!? he shouted.

    Already, the crowds, at the sight of the men, began to flee. Even Zorbon looked worried! As Raven and Koi began to run, they could hear the sounds of blades clashing. Neither dared to look back.

    Soon, they were safe in the shipyard. ?What are Sith doing here?? Koi asked. Raven shook her head,?Like I said when you asked about the Jedi, I have no idea,? There was a short pause, and Raven recalled how the men kept staring right at them. ?One of them...? she slowly began,? ?was looking at me. I mean, he was staring right into my eyes!?

    ?They must have wanted something from us,? Koi decided, ?Otherwise, they wouldn?t have attacked the Jedi. But, the question is, what could we have that they want?? After brainstorming for several minutes, Raven heard the sound of footsteps, and just knew the Jedi came back. She peeked from the rubble they were standing behind to see Bastilla and Nalana, their faces grim.

    ?We were searching for you,? Nalana said. ?We discovered something about those Dark Jedi,? Koi and Raven didn?t say anything, but, inwardly, dying for her to finish.
    ?While we were fighting them, one of them mentioned something about three kids they were after,? Bastilla said, ?They said two of them were taken from Naboo, and the other was here. It was only safe to guess he meant you,? Nalana tapped her lip lightly and murmured,? We just don?t know the third child??

    It took seconds for Raven to guess. ?Peter! He was with me on Naboo when we were captured! If it is him, those Dark Jedi must not know where he is, either,? Nalana smiled at her, and said, ?Then we must find him before they do,?
    ?We?? Raven and Koi echoed. Bastilla chuckled at their shocked faces, and said,? Yes, we may need you to come along,?

    ?That would be amazing!? Koi cried out. But, suddenly, his face fell.

    UGH! I?m writing way too much! (Sadly, when it comes to Star Wars stories, I can get a bit obsessed writing them.)
  20. Qui-Gon_Reborn

    Qui-Gon_Reborn Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Dec 11, 2008
    I know the obsessed feeling. :p

    Great stuff, Padawan! ;)
  21. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Apr 2, 2008
    Keeping things exciting!

    I wonder what the Sith could want from those three kids? I'm still hoping they all become Jedi.

    And you can never write too much when writing is fun. ^_^
  22. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    I'm glad you think it's exciting! I can't wait to start writing again! I can rarely get near a computer these days!

    Part Nine

    ?What?s wrong?? Raven asked. Koi kept his eyes on Nalana and Bastilla, his face wistful.
    ?Well?My mother?she?s the only family I have?I..I can?t just leave her?? Koi ankwardly said.

    Bastilla smiled. ?Maybe?we can do something about that??

    Koi instantly knew what she meant. ?There is no way Zorbon will free even one slave, nevermind three!? he said.

    Raven stared at her friend. ?But, Koi, you heard Nalana! Those Sith are after us! If we stay here, that makes their job that much easier!?

    ?Is it possible for a slave to win freedom?? Nalana asked. Turning to Bastilla, she added, ?I had to win a Swoop Bike race to free you,?

    Koi shook his head. ?Even if there was a Podrace coming up, there?s no way a slave could stand a chance. Besides, no human has ever driven a Podracer and lived to talk about it,? He shivered at his own sentence.

    Nalana began to stare into space. ?There must be something we can do??

    Suddenly, Bastilla?s head shot up. ?Someone?s here!? she said. ?Can you sense that?? Nalana paused, and her expression was instantly serious. ?I sense it to,? she said softly.

    Raven and Koi listened as hard as they could. They could hear a faint shuffling sound, like footsteps. Bastilla took several steps toward the sound, and suddenly leapt back. Seconds later, she was deflecting the blade of a bright red lightsaber. ?It?s them!? she gasped as she leapt out of the way of a second attack. Nalana ignited her own blue lightsaber, and leapt over to join her. ?Get out of here!? she shouted to Raven and Koi.

    Fear shot down Raven?s spine, as she and Koi turned to flee. They barely took ten steps, when one of the Dark Jedi appeared right in front of them. ?Oh no you don?t!? he said, as he ignited his lightsaber. Mute with fear, the two began to back away, but, they knew it was useless.

    Raven shivered again, but not with fear. Suddenly, the bare sand and piles of junk melted away, and became flowing forest. The Dark Jedi faded, becoming a burly, one-eyed bounty hunter. Fear, and anger shot up Raven?s veins, as she shot forward to challenge the Sith.

    With a swift flick of her hand, the Sith?s lightsaber was knocked out of his hands, and spiraled in the air. It deactivated as it struck sand. The Sith reached out a hand, and the hilt began to rise. Koi leapt up, and snagged it, just before it was able to reach him. Koi began to toy with it, until his thumb found the switch to activate it. Koi stared into the blade, and grinned.

    It?s official. I am totally obsessed?
  23. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Apr 2, 2008
    Oooh. Now you've cleared up who Nalana is. I see. ^_^

    Looks like our kids are pretty natural at this Force thing.
  24. Padawan4687

    Padawan4687 Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 10, 2010
    The kids certainly aren?t natural at using the Force, but I plan to keep this story as exciting g as I can, so soon you could be at the edge of your seat!

    Part Ten

    After a few seconds of staring into the blade, Koi sprang at the Dark Jedi, his lightsaber flaring. The man nimbly leapt out of the way of every blow, and, after ten swings, thrust his hand in Koi?s direction.

    No! Raven thought, as she was reminded of the game she and Peter had played...but this time, it was real?

    Koi let out a shocked yell as he was knocked off his feet, and flew through the air. He collided with a small pile of ship parts, and slumped to the ground with a groan. The lightsaber flew out of his hand, and the Dark Jedi?s eyes went wide. He thrust his hand at it, and the lightsaber rose into the air.

    Raven leapt up and grabbed the flying hilt. She felt a strong tug on it, but she kept a grip. The pull grew more and more powerful until with one final yank, it escaped from her grasp.

    But, in mid-flight, the lightsaber began to shift. It trembled, and began to travel in the other direction! Raven stared behind her, and saw Bastilla, her hand outstretched. The two fought over the lightsaber through the Force, until Bastilla suddenly whipped around, and countered the attack of the Dark Jedi who tried to sneak on her from behind.

    Raven pulled Koi to his feet, and shouted, ?Come on! Let?s get out of here!? They began to run, but instead they ducked just in time for a bright red blade to fly inches above their heads.

    They turned to flee, and managed to get away from the battle, and ran right into Nalana! But Raven immediately noticed something wrong. She appeared unsteady on her feet, and was holding the back of her head. ?You?have to get out of here, now!? she said forcefully. ?We?re trying!? Koi cried out, ?But those guys keep following us!?

    Raven spotted one of the men creeping among the Junk piles toward them. ?Look out!? Raven suddenly cried out to Nalana. She spun around, and used the Force to lift a chunk of parts and throw it into the face of one of the Dark Jedi. As they fought, Koi grabbed Raven?s sleeve. ?Come on!? he said and he pointed at something in front of them.

    The Dark Jedi fighting Bastilla managed to get away from her, and was racing for them. Thinking fast, Raven kicked over a pile of rubble to slow him down, and the two began to run again.

    I have to go now. I?ll try to write more tomarrow!
  25. SoA

    SoA Jedi Knight star 3

    Apr 2, 2008
    They've got a rough escape ahead of them!