Before KOTOR: An unlikely heroine

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Padawan4687, Jul 18, 2010.

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  1. Shillani Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2011
    star 1
    This is getting more and more interesting! I wonder what Bastila's visions mean? I have a suspicion as to who the third child is, but we'll see whether I'm right or not. Keep up the good work!
  2. Padawan4687 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2010
    star 4
    OMG! I thought Part 14 and 16 were long! 19 is the definate longest! I don't think I can make my parts any bigger then that!

    Part Twenty

    Ahead of them, Raven could see a light in the distance.

    We must be near the Training Grounds... she thought.

    Nalana continued with her story. "Once we were near his estate, we could sense something powerful there. We were certain that we would find them."

    Raven smiled, thinking of her time on Tatooine. "The Dark Jedi almost got to you two first." Nalana said. "We're lucky we caught them in time."

    By then, they reached the Training Ground. Bastilla was with Koi, and they seemed to be battling, but not with lightsabers. They were using long wooden sticks. When she and Nalana entered the Grounds, Koi looked up. "It's about time!" he greeted her. "I thought you wee going to sleep forever-- ACK!"

    He was interrupted when Bastilla's stick sword struck his feet, and swept them away. He let out a gasp as he fell on his back. "Hey!" he shouted to Bastilla. "That's not fair!"

    Bastilla chuckled, and replied, "In a real fight, can you expect an enemy to stop and let you say hello to your friend?"
    "...no..." Koi grumbled as he got to his feet. He took another fighting stance, and swung his stick at her. Bastilla blocked it, and as the two sticks were locked, Koi stole a few seconds to talk. "You'll never guess what Master Bastilla told me earlier!"

    "Did it have to do with her visions, and how she and Master Nalana found us?" Raven asked. Koi blinked in surprise. "Yeah..." he replied, as he launched another blow for Bastilla's shoulder. "Did Master...Nalana tell...you?"

    "Yes..." Raven replied. She could see Koi struggling to block Bastilla's steady stream of attacks, and she didn't want to disturb him anymore. She glanced in Nalana's direction. "We train like that?" she asked.

    "Actually, this is only the beginning of what you can learn." Bastilla answered. She had stopped the battle, and was walking toward them. "I was showing Koi the basics of the lightsaber. The Council had decided that Nalana and I are responsible for training the two of you." Nalana took two other sticks, and tossed Raven one. "Shall we begin?" she asked.


    I hate to have to leave it here, but I have to go for now. I'll continue this once I get more time.


    EDIT: I finally have time now! I can't wait to continue this training.

    Raven dove to catch the stick that Nalana threw to her, and managed to nab it in both hands. She slowly nodded, and she followed the Jedi to the inner circle of the training ground. The smooth wood felt distant yet familiar in her hands, and thoughts of her old light saber games with Peter seeped into her mind.

    She was jolted back to the present by the sound of Nalana's footsteps as she made the first lunge...

    Raven proved to be no match for the Jedi, even with her past experience with a stick--sword. It was all she could do just to keep up with her flood of blows, and soon, she, like Koi, was flat on her back. "Not bad." Nalana said as she held a hand to pull Raven to her feet. "That's enough for one day. I want you to have enough energy for the next lesson."

    I'm already worn out! Raven thought. What else is there?
    The Force...
    she answered herself.

    The two walked out of the circled Training grounds. and walked toward another circle, marked with a ring of large stones. "Watch." Nalana ordered. She stretched out a hand, and as Raven stared, all of the stones began to rise in the air! They spun and twirled around each other, as though in a dance, but as Nalana lowered her hand, the stones dropped to the ground. Raven glanced at Nalana, wide--eyed.

    "I need you to focus on a single stone." she said. Timidly, Raven took her place in the center of the stone--ring. She kept her gaze on the small rock directly in front of her. "Concentrate..." Nalana's voice was more breath than sound as Ravem stretched both hands toward the stone. She closed her eyes, and tried as hard as she could tp lift it, but nothing happened. She tried harder, bu
  3. The_Nerfherder Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 19, 2010
    star 1
    What's wrong with long posts, anyway? Long is fun, long is good. Takes more time to write and longer to read, but it's fun. Nice update. :D
  4. SoA Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2008
    star 3
    Wow! Looking great. They have to train to become the heroes of Bastila's vision and find their lost friend. I bet he's the third young Jedi! Now that's destiny coming to smack you in the face. ^_^

    I'm not sure if you've found this yet, as you were looking for the Jedi Masters' names, but Wookieepedia is the best resource ever for Star Wars Fanfic writers. I'm constantly running searches on it for stuff like that.
  5. Shillani Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2011
    star 1
    Nice start to the training! I imagine Raven and Koi still have a ways to go to progress from sticks to lightsabers, but so far they seem to be doing pretty well. Plus Raven already has at least some use of the Force, if I'm right in my assumption that that was what she and Peter were using to throw each other backwards in Chapter One.
  6. Padawan4687 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2010
    star 4
    Not, bad of a guess, Shillani, but they weren't using the Force at all in Part 1! Peter and Raven were only playing, by jumping backward when they would reenact a Force Push
  7. Shillani Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2011
    star 1
    Oops, my mistake then! I knew that they were playing, but I thought the Force Pushing part was for real.
  8. Qui-Gon_Reborn Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2008
    star 6
  9. Padawan4687 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2010
    star 4
    I sent a quick reply. I just edited my first post.
  10. Shillani Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2011
    star 1
    Great update! I like how you wrote Raven's frustration with not being able to move the stone. It felt very realistic and believable.

    I hope your idea comes back soon!
  11. Padawan4687 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2010
    star 4
    I've got it back! Actually, I've had it for a few days, now. I'll start Part 21 tomorrow. (or Saturday)
  12. Padawan4687 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2010
    star 4
    I would have started this Part yesterday, but I missed the first showing of the Clone Wars, and I had to wait till 11:30 for it to come on again! Oh, whatever, I have plenty of time now!

    Part 21

    Stop. Go back...

    Raven froze. Was someone talking to her? Or was that just in her head? Go back... the voice repeated.

    Curious now, Raven slowly retraced her steps back toward the door of the Sleeping Quarters, but the voice urged her to keep going. She continued following the voice until she discovered she was back outside--in the Training Grounds. Good... came the voice again. You're a good listener... Raven turned around wildly, determined to find out who was talking. "Who's there?" she asked. "Who are you?"

    I'm right behind you... Raven instantly whipped around...to see a man. He was seated in the middle of the large ring of stones. The whole Training Area was deserted. How did he get there? He had a very pale gray skin, with two arrow-shaped marks above his eyes. He opened them, to reveal a deep black color in his eyes. As for your second question... he spoke, My name is Alak...

    Raven had never seen this man before, so she remained wary, as she asked, "Why did you tell me to come here?"

    To help you, of course... Alak replied. "...help me...?" Raven repeated bewildered, "Why?"

    I have been watching you... the man said softly, ...your frustration during your first lesson with the Force... Raven was still confused. Why would this stranger want to help her...when they never had met before...? She jumped at the sound of a chuckle. Alak was laughing at her! No, I'm not. he instantly said, You may not know me...but I know your Master... "You mean Master Nalana?" Raven asked. "How? Did she train you before?"

    Yes...and no... Alak replied. Raven figured he wouldn't tell her anything else, so she decided to ask about him helping her. "You said you wanted to help me earlier....you never exactly said why..."

    The man stood up, and began to walk toward Raven. I believe you have potential...much of it... he began to slowly circle around her as he continued, You may one day surpass your very mentor in power! Raven was mesmerized. The idea of being more powerful then her Masters..."...how...?" she asked softly. Alak was behind Raven by now, and he held both her shoulders in his hands. All you have to do... he whispered in her ear, ...is trust me...

    "...I do..." Raven murmured softly, her voice more breath than sound.

    Probably going to sound weird, but I was saying bits of this Part to myself as I typed it! I really enjoyed doing this one in particular, and I hope it's not too small! Bye for now!
  13. Qui-Gon_Reborn Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2008
    star 6
    That's not weird at all! The best kinds of stories are the ones where you can actually hear the characters speaking to you in your head. And that's not nearly as insane as it sounds. :p

    Great stuff. :D
  14. Padawan4687 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2010
    star 4
    Heh-heh! I can hear them, Master! And I can see them...

    Oh! Come to think of it, I don't think I ever really gave many descriptions on how the characters looked!
  15. Qui-Gon_Reborn Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2008
    star 6
    You're scaring me, Padawan. :p

    Character descriptions: Some authors do; other authors don't, or do very little. It's a matter of preference, really. For me, it depends on the context of the story.
  16. SoA Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2008
    star 3
    Now that's mysterious! You really are taking this for a twist. I can't say I trust Alak myself...
  17. Padawan4687 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2010
    star 4
    Wow! I am really lucky if I can post two parts in two days!

    Qui-Gon_Reborn== Ha! I'm scaring you? Wait till you see what other parts I have in mind! Then you'll be really scared!
    SoA== Well, you'll see later if Alek is really meant to be trusted...

    Part 22

    ...good.... the man slowly said...

    =====================================================================================================

    It was five days after Raven had first met Alek, and every night, she would go to him. He would always be there, and just like he promised, Raven's strength with the Force and in lightsaber training doubled. Both Nalana and Bastilla were rapidly impressed. But the training came at a dangerous risk...

    "Try again. Harder!"
    Raven groaned aloud. Alek was showing her several new lightsaber strikes, but she could scarcely defend herself at all from his many blows.
    Raven could not afford to let even one attack strike; they were using lightsabers. She leapt away as Alek swung a surprise attack at her feet. But she landed right in his trap, because right when the blade swept past her feet, Alek switched the blow, and the blade raced upward...

    "Ahhh!" Raven let out a painful cry as Alek's lightsaber blade cut into her side. She dropped her own blade hilt, and clung to her wound. Alek walked toward her. "Get up!" he ordered. "The strongest of Jedi can handle this and more! Get up!"

    He's...trying to...make me stronger... Raven thought to herself. But...Nalana...never taught me...how to defend...against this...it's...to much...

    "Too much?" Alek asked, mockery in his voice. "I know of Jedi who lost limbs, and still fight!" Raven felt her head begin to spin. "I...can't..." she managed to whisper as she crumpled to the ground.

    ====================================================================================================

    Sunlight shone bright into Raven's face. As soon as she lifted her head, she could feel a throbbing pain in her side. Oh-no... she thought, as she lifted the edge of her shirt to see how badly she was hurt. She held back a gasp. A deep, red angry slash was spread from her lower chest, down to the edge of her stomach. She gritted her teeth, and seeing that Koi was not awake yet, rushed out of the Sleeping Quarters. She took out a med-pac, and placed a bacta patch onto the injury. I...I should be okay, now...

    "Come on, Raven! Focus!" came Nalana's voice. She was back in the Training Grounds, in lightsaber practice. Bastilla and Koi had finished their duel, and settled down to watch. It was a struggle for Raven just to hold her stick up right, forget deflect Nalana's attacks. Eventually, Nalana stopped the duel. "Raven, are you alright?" she asked, concern on her face. "You seem a bit...absent-minded today."

    Raven squinted slightly against the pain at her side, and tried to answer her daylight Master, but no words could come out of her mouth. Instead, a cry came out. She dropped to her knees, clutching her side. Nalana, Bastilla and Koi raced to her. Raven kept her jaws tightly shut, as she did before when she had first seen her house, and refused to let go of her side. Nalana gently pried her hand off, and lifted Raven's shirt slighty.

    She let out a slight gasp at the sight of the bacta patch. Bastilla reached for it, and slowly peeled it off. Both women stared in shock at the ugly wound. It was swelling, but not bleeding. "Raven!" Nalana instantly asked. "What happened? Who did this to you?" Raven could not answer. The world around her was beginning to spin, and she could no longer distinguish one face from another. She heard one voice risen in alarm, but the pain was blinding. She could not focus on a single thing, until at last, she was surrounded by darkness...

    Sorry I had to leave it here. I have been stuck on this one for a while, now! I have been trying to make it a bit longer, but it is not easy with this idea, let me tell you! Anyway, I have the next Part planned out a bit better, so it should be longer (and or better...) Heh-Heh! Bye
  18. SoA Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2008
    star 3
    You really are cranking up the action again.

    Alek is it? Hmm. I can think of an Alek in the KotOR era who would not be so friendly. I guess I'll have to wait and see if they're related.
  19. Qui-Gon_Reborn Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2008
    star 6
  20. Shillani Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2011
    star 1
    Good chapters! Alek stinks of Sith to me, though I suppose he could just be a Gray Jedi who uses rather harsh and unorthodox training methods.
  21. Padawan4687 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2010
    star 4
    Wow...some of your guesses are amazing! I wish I could give you an answer, but you'll have to find them yourself in this next Part. I have a lot of ideas for this one, so it may be kinda...very...really...long...

    Part 23


    "What did you do to her!?"
    "Nothing! I swear! We were still training with those stick-swords!"
    "Clearly you must have done something. Look at her!"
    "Our training session had just started when she collapsed. How could I have injured her on that scale, when we just started, and we weren't even using lightsabers??"

    Two female voices woke Raven. She recognized Nalana's voice, but not the other. It sounded like they were arguing about something. Suddenly, the talking stopped, and her Master poked her head into the room. Raven could plainly see the relief on her face. "How are you feeling?" she greeted her apprentice. Raven still felt a dull pain in her side, but it was nowhere near as bad as that morning. "I...I feel better," she said. Raven's voice sounded oddly hoarse, and she quickly cleared her throat.

    "I'm glad." Nalana said. Suddenly, her face was serious. "I need to talk to you." She walked to Raven's bead, and sat down. She looked right into Raven's eyes as she said, "I need to know: Who injured you like that? Did someone attack you?"

    Raven bit her lip. She wanted to keep Alek a secret! ",,,No..."
    "Than how did that happen?" Nalana asked, gesturing to the slash at Raven's side, where a fresh batch patch was placed. "Well...um.."

    Nalana let out a gusty sigh. "Raven, listen to me. I'm not trying to scare you, and you won't get into trouble if you tell me." Raven said nothing, so she continued."Whoever did this was obviously intending to harm you, and I'd like to keep you in one piece."

    "He didn't mean to hurt me!" Raven said, in Alek's defense, "He's only trying to make me stronger!"

    "Who;s trying to make you stronger?" Nalana instantly asked. Raven froze. She broke what little cover she had....

    "He...his name is Alek..." Raven watched, as her Master repeated the name softly over and over. Her eyes suddenly went wide, and her face was utterly serious. "You should not have trusted him with training you!" she instantly said. "He is very dangerous!"

    "How?" Raven asked. "He said he knew you, too!"

    Nalana looked right into Raven's eyes and said, "Alek is a Sith Lord."

    It's getting really late, so I have to leave it here. I'll edit it when I get more time over the weekend.


    EDIT: I have some time now, and this part is NOT nearly as long as I had in mind. This bit should help.

    Raven stared at Nalana blankly. "A...a Sith Lord...? How is this possible?" she asked. Nalana paused for a moment. "He must have been trying to corrupt you."

    "Wait a second!" Raven blurted out, interrupting her Master, "If Alek really is a Sith Lord, why couldn't I sense anything? Whenever those Dark Jedi were near me, I always got a chill! I couldn't sense anything at all!"

    Nalana laid a hand on her chin. "What I'd like to know is, how did he manage to get in the Training Grounds, without any Jedi noticing?"

    Raven lowered her head, deep in though. "I don't think he was really there. Physically, at least. I would wake up in the Training Grounds, and he'd be there. But how couldn't I sense him? I've never even heard of a "Darth Alek."

    Nalana sighed softly. "Of course you haven't...Alek is his birth name...his Sith name...is Darth Malek..." Raven stared, her eyes wide, With all the games Peter and I used to play about him, I should have known that! Why don't I notice anything???

    "Wait a second..." Nalana suddenly said, "A Sith was training you in your dreams...? I've never heard of..." she gave her head a quick shake, and turned her attention back to Raven. "What did he...train..you to do?" she asked. Raven thought back to the lessons "Alek--no, Malek, would give her. "He taught me how to do this Force move called "Whirlwind" and he also showed me several light saber strikes and defences."

    Nalana looked visibly troubled. "He may have been teaching you Dark Jedi techniques. Whe
  22. The_Nerfherder Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 19, 2010
    star 1
    Nice update, Padawan4687. :D
  23. SoA Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2008
    star 3
    So it is Alek Squinquargesiums after all! I wonder how he was sneaking in there under all the Jedi's noses all that while.
  24. Padawan4687 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2010
    star 4
    Alek Squinquar...what...?

    ((I am sorry, but I never even heard of that looooong last name!))
  25. Shillani Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2011
    star 1
    Good update! I could visualize the scene in my mind as I read it, and hear the characters talking. I'm looking forward to the next bit!
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