Saga - ST Kylo Has A Terrible Day

A "terrible" attempt at Kylo and Luke becoming Sith Lords. If you know any kids on here, they may be slightly entertained.
Sorry about the over-usage of screaming. Kylo is having a terrible day.

Kylo stood. If only he could listen to his past.
He had constant dreams about a girl, a girl that was one with the Force, who could master it with no training, who voiced Elmo for the new HBO Sesame Street. Now, it was time to find out who this child was.
He trotted down the nonexistent stairs and approached Hux. "I need constant access to the Archives," he signed. General Hux signed back, "Awaiting instructions. For now, approach Supreme Leader Plagueis."
Suddenly, Kylo Ren was confused. Plagueis? Who is that?
"Y-you mean Snoke, right?" he tried. To his dismay, Hux signed, "Snoke? No more coffee for you, Ren."
Kylo Ren Force-choked him for 0.2 minutes (you could say 12 seconds) and released him. "I NEED MY COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hux stutter-signed, "But I did nothing! I just told you that Plagueis wants you two minutes early because of Morning Routine."
Kylo scream-signed, "UGHHHH! Stop making up nonsense!!! Fine, what is Morning Routine?"
Hux stared at him. "You know, blow up five hundred eighty-two planets each day. You proposed that idea, Ren. Remember? Plagueis approved it yesterday!"
Kylo scream-signed, "WHO IS PLAGUEIS?"
Hux cackled, slowly, "Your new Sith master."
They walked down the hallway, Kylo bemused. "Wh-wha-what the hairball? Sith master? Wh-who are y-you?" he signed.
Hux laughed. "Quit that stupid sign language," he giggled. "You know. Mesa Darth Binks. Mesa Gungan. Mesa very angry with you. You a big doodoo."
Kylo screamed, "YOU'RE NOT A GUNGAN!!!!" and several stormtroopers stared at him.
Hux chuckled, "Just testing you. Now, tell me the main export of Alderaan." "It's exploded." "Good. Tell me who the Emperor was." "Sheev Palpatine." "Good. Tell me about the Rule of Two."
Silence.
"The Rule of Two is a Sith practice, one that Darth Plagueis failed to follow!" Hux said in a shrill voice. "He wishes you to be his apprentice, but there are two Sith already! And if you are to be a Sith he must be killed first!"
Kylo was blank.
"Who's the other Sith?"
"Me." Then Hux emitted his The Joker laugh and Kylo understood who he was. A grin dawned on his face, quivering at first, finally smirking at all of his failed attempts to find the map to the last Jedi.......or Sith.
"Luke Skywalker, ol' pal. glad you're back."
And they bumped fists.

 

YES, my friend's eight-year-old will be delighted by this, but he will also request to collaborate with you. The problem? The last time he tried to write a SW fic, it was about Tarkin and Vader on the planet of worms, whatever that may be...so, if you want to book a session with him, be aware of the worm obsession/delusion/fetish.

Now seriously...this amount of nonsensical surrealism in combination with blending so many elements of the actual SW and complete WTFs is something I always appreciate reading. Of course it's believable. Of course it's real.

There's a problem though: Kylo needs a coffee and he will NOT make it to Starbucks if he doesn't control his temper. And now that Hux Jar Jar Luke is telling him what to do, the count of the planets he's able to blow per day will inevitably go down to 543.

 

Thx for the feedback; yet I will only allow an 8 year old to collaborate with me if the story I'm writing about is Darth Sidious ordering Brazilian cheese puffs from FreshDirect.

 

That was a fun, crazy time! I didn't see that ending coming!

Poor Kylo, so confused. I feel him, I'm that way before coffee too!

Just a little recommendation for the future, if you double space your paragraphs it makes reading online stories much easier. Readers sometimes will skip something if they think it's going to be too hard to read.

 

K, thanks.
I'm sort of new to fanfiction on forums; I usually write it in Word and then paste it here.

 

One thing that helps: type enter twice before each new paragraph in Word and press the aA button on top right and enter your text in raw format.

 

Oh, and just so you know: Kylo gets his coffee at Starbucks. You know, STARbucks. Ewok Poet