Chic, IL Lackluster Stroll on a Cold Winter's Morning Toward Post # 7,000

This was supposed to be Drunken Stumble Toward Post 7,000 but Saturday night ran a little long, leaving one flightless waterfowl in no condition to get down with his bad self Sunday night (effectively wasting my Monday off before it had even began. Curse you, Boone's Farm!!)

Anyway, in an attempt to keep things moderately interesting for the next 900+ posts, here are a few fun links...


Great useless fun, this site reminds me of why I took an intrest in the internet in the first place:
http://www.cockeyed.com/inside/howmuchinside.html

One of the more balanced essays on one the the great movies of the 90s:
http://www.criticism.com/md/fightclub.html

Do you love useless quizzes? Sure, we all do! What else are we going to do at work?
http://blog.ravenblack.net/quiz/videogame.pl

If C-3PO had big brass ones instead of questionable communication skills:
http://www.minimatchers.com/redrobot/

Look out! This link is actually Star Wars related:
http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/513.html

Is this useful to anybody? Who knows... It's two hours before McDonald's opens for breakfast. Thank Dog for memepool:
http://www.metronet.com/~nmcewen/telegram.html

I've had this conversation in real life more than I'd like to admit, and from both perspectives:
http://www.dieselsweeties.com/strips/sw32.shtml

OK, I'll save a few for the coveted "Post #6,351."

-Le Penguin
"Hey, Mikey. Nice seen' ya in men's clothing again."

 

Thief Opie, we hates it forever!!

 

"Lackluster stroll"


It's really sad we just don't try anymore.

 

ps - I am an asteroid.

Asteroid/Hemorrhoid.....what's the diff, eh?

 

Oh.....one more thing (for all that love cats):

According to a new study, more and more veterinarians are now prescribing Prozac for dogs. You know, unless Prozac can grow back a new set of b*lls, I'm pretty sure Scruffles isn't gonna be snapping out of his funk. Okay?

Prozac for dogs, huh? Well, why not? with all the lines in our wishy-washy culture being blurred uon a daily basis, why not convert man's best friend into man's best codependent partner?

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but lately it's become unfashionable to call your animal a "pet", because it implies ownership and unequal status. The politically correct term is "animal companion". Oh, shut up! I'm sick of this stupid word-parsing crap. It's a pet, all right? It's not an equal relationship, and we both like it better that way. Fido will be my animal companion the day he follows ME around with a Baggie picking up my ****. All right?

Dogs know their place and they have for eons. And don't forget, one of our eons is worth seven of theirs. Scientists believe that dogs were the first animals to share living quarters with humans, about forty thousand years ago. Cats and in-laws cam along much later. Different dogs are bred for different tasks. Hunting, herding, protections, fast-food pitchmen. Oh, the little Chihuahua is in for a big comedown when they don't pick up his option. I mean, what else is he going to do? Unless of course, Calista Flockhart decides to race in the Iditarod.

Domestic animals are continuing to evolve to meet man's needs and this process is being helped along dramatically by advances made in biogenetic engineering. Experts in this field say that in the future, the average family pet will provide the comradeship, the companionship, and the protection of a dog while retaining the less dependent, less needy personality of a cat.

Shortly thereafter, the unique animal of the future will possess udders that deliver high-quality prepasteurized 2 percent milk and hindquarters that yield a weekly supply of a lean, beeflike meat which can be easily sliced off with a minimum discomfort to your trusty friend. Now, once again, these goals are years away from being achieved, but you don't want to rush biogenetic engineering, something weird could happen.

But amid all this pet manipulation, there are many well-intentioned but mistaken notions about pets. One common error people make with pets is overgrooming. Your poodle shouldn't look like a topiary plant, okay? And your dog doesn't need a wardrobe that would make Joan Collins jealous. Trust me: No dog wants to wear a cowboy hat and chaps unless it's looking to bang Rin Tin Tin.

And don't overfeed your animal. My friend had a dog named Chickie that he used to feed ice cream every day until it looked like a furry watermelon. He would yell, "Want some 'scream, Chickie?" and the dog would waddle over for his daily ration. And Chickie finally keeled over after eating a big hunk of kielbasa and never had 'scream again. How do you go on? I don't know. I believe Edmund Hillary said you put one foot in front of the other.

Now, I myself am a pet person. Always have been, always will be. When I was a kid, my mother bought me a turtle. I named him Petey. Now, Petey was shy and for the first couple days, I noticed that Petey just stayed in his shell. Then I noticed Petey didn't like any of the lettuce I fed him and he really couldn't swim,. And finally it dawned on me...Petey was a rock. But I didn't care. Because he was my Petey.

You know, nowadays, my dog Kilborn is constantly scooting his @ss across the carpet. And you know something? I'm kicking myself now, because I should have never let him watch me do that in the first place.

But for the most part, I rule my pets with an iron chew toy. I'll be d@mned if I'm going to be p*ssy-whipped by some cat. Cats have a will of their own. That's why you never hear of a seeing-eye cat. Totally useless unless the blind guy does a lot of sleeping followed by a frisky scamper along the bookshelf.

I find mysel

 

Does anyone else get the idea that Jeff is NOT a morning person?

 

I have 2 cats and a dog but I must say I keep the house clean of odor. But I do know what you're saying, Jeff. I remember a stand-up comic once saying that there's always a neighborhood with the "Crazy Cat Lady" living on the block. How true that is because I swear everywhere I have moved there was always one house on the block with an infestation of cats, inside and out.

 

We've just translated the signal......it reads:



TATOOINE NEEDS WOMEN

 

"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,
But don't judge on what you see,
I'll east myself if you can find
A smarter hat than me.
You can keep your bowlers black,
Your top hats sleek and tall,
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat,
And I can cap them all."

 

This is FYI Penguin..

A Dack figure will be included with the crashed Snowspeeder Walmart exlusive.

 

"Dack?

"Dack!"

Man, that was sweet. I can't wait to re-enact that scene.

-Le Penguin
"Bring my shuttle."

 

Bob, skip the M-80 and go with the quarter-stick.

 

Ooh, Dak into the stratosphere is a tempting thought, it really is.

But it might be too quick for the loser who single-handedly did more to hurt the Rebellion than most Imperial Admirals. I'm thinking more along the lines of rubbing him down with catnip and unleashing my still-clawed and demon-fanged feline (Dewback) upon him...

...then if there's anything left this spring, I'll head outside on a nice sunny day with a bottle of root beer for me and a magnifying glass for him.

Talk about quality time.

-Le Penguin
"I can't surf."

 

You leave my little Dacky-Wacky alone!

 

"I'm thinking more along the lines of rubbing him down with catnip and unleashing my still-clawed and demon-fanged feline (Dewback) upon him... "

Who said cats are useless?




P.S. Two cats here. No odor. Impossible? No, I say. It's called cleaning the litterbox. How often? Daily. How often do you flush your toilet?

Many pet owners are simply mega-stupid individuals. (Surely no one on these boards however.) I worked for a veterinarian. Loved the animals, but frequently wanted to jump across the counter and strangle their owners. Please people, THINK before you acquire a pet. Think once, think twice, think for as long as you can without getting a headache and then think again.

 

St. Louis, Missouri
Mean temperature for January: 29 dF
Mean temperature for February: 34 dF
Currently: 45 dF, feels like 41

Chicago, Illinois
Mean temperature for January: 25 dF
Mean temperature for February: 29 dF
Currently: 37 dF, feels like 30

This message brought to you by weather.com

 

It was darn cold today. I had glass-fogging problems all day.
It's good to take a break from studying.

 

Will it still be cold and winter when we hit 6000?

 

Er.....7000?

 

Some words are fun to say because they define a fun activity or whatnot (holiday, puppy, dessert, sex) and other words are just plain fun to say regardless of their meaning (avocado, Boutros Boutros, fluffernutter, gyro.) There are, however, a few words that fit into both categories. Of those elusive words that do, easily my favorite is "chipwich."

Yes, I've had a lot of caffiene this morning. How'd you know?

-Le Penguin
"Oh, all right. If it'll end horror..."

 

Since NOT_JediJeff hasn't shown his ugly puss around here in a while, I figured I'd pick up his slack and post This Week's Horoscopes:

Aries: (March 21?April 19) Upcoming events will give you insight into the origin of the phrases "hog-tied," "beaten like a red-headed stepchild," and, "Well, I'll be dipped in sh**."

Taurus: (April. 20?May 20) Your misguided, hippie efforts to tie-dye a cat will finally see success, but at an unspeakable cost.

Gemini: (May 21?June 21) Nothing can match the humiliation you will feel next week when one sailor after another appears on your doorstep claiming to be your biological father.

Cancer: (June 22?July 22) You just can't shake the feeling that, homespun or not, that Bombeck lady sure knew what she was talking about.

Leo: (July 23?Aug. 22) You will combine a pair of novelty underpants and your considerable ventriloquism skills to give a certain special lady the worst first date of her life.

Virgo: (Aug. 23?Sept. 22) You'd quit your job telling kids about exposed power lines today if there were any other work options for a talking, hard-hat-wearing safety otter.

Libra: (Sept. 23?Oct. 23) This week, you will prove the binomia theorem, posit a rule of gravitation, and develop a new theory of color, only to find that it's all been done before.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24?Nov. 21) It is a sign of the degradation of academia that your opinions are taken seriously on many DeVry campuses.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22?Dec. 21) You passionately believe that modern society fosters political, intellectual, and spiritual repression, which is just fine by you.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22?Jan. 19) Thursday will find you talking to a walrus who urgently wishes to discuss cabbage, kings, nautical vessels, footwear, sealing wax, and possibly winged pigs.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20?Feb. 18) You're starting to realize why you live in a huge New York City apartment where the kitchen is part of a giant living room with a couch that faces a camera.

Pisces: (Feb. 19?March 20) Nothing will ever convince you that the Bon Jovi sh** they play these days is real country music.

 

Douglas Adams's hugely popular story, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has not only been a highly successful radio show, but also spawned a number one best-selling novel and a TV series. Now it's set to conquer the gaming world again.

A 3D 'towel'em up' arcade adventure game based on the comedy sci-fi classic will be released May 2002 on PC CD-Rom to coincide with the launch of Adams's final novel, The Salmon of Doubt.

The game, promising action, adventure - and of course, Douglas's inimitable brand of comedy, has been developed by the games division of his own former company, The Digital Village. Touting the new name Phase 3 Studios Ltd, they're now part of Swedish giant KF Media.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a cult trilogy (in five parts), has sold over 15 million copies worldwide, been translated into almost every language (except Vogon) and enjoys a universal audience of all ages.

This unique gaming experience will appeal to players who have never read a Douglas Adams novel, as well as to his many dedicated fans.

Launch date: May 2002
Developers: Phase 3 Studios
Publishers: Pan Interactive

 

Everyone grab a mental tomato:

I don't get Hitchhiker's Guide. At all. I think it sucks.

 

It's never interested me either.
But Terry Prattchet and the Discworld is the best author you're Not reading.
A lot of people recognize his name when I bring up Good Omens, written with Neil Gaiman, and say they really liked the book, but it's like pulling teeth to get them to read anything else by Pratchett And he has something for everyone.
Like Shakespeare? Try Weird Sisters or Lords & Ladies?
Like cop stories? Try Guards, Guards or Men at Arms.
Like vampires? Try Carpe Juglarum.
Like music? Try Masquerade or Soul Music.
Like to find out what exactly is the Death of Rats is, or what the Mona Ogg is? Read Terry Pratchett!!!!
It might not hurt, I promise.

 

Ok, I'm in need of some specific SW-themed images, and I can't seem to find anything worthwhile. Maybe my site-surfing abilities are hampered by the fact that I've been drinking Sprite instead of my usual Coke, but I digress...

A bunch of us here at the museum went out on our lunch yesterday to take advantage of one of the best days for sledding in the past two or three years. I brought along my digital camera, and I'm looking for some nice Hoth images to 'Shop into a few of the pics. Specifically, a snowtrooper or two to fit into a group shot, and maybe some snowspeeders to fit into the background, perhaps leading an assault on the Shedd Auquarium.

Anyhoo, if any of you freaks can point me to a nice SW-clipart site with an adequate supply of Hoth inages, I'd be eternally greatful (eternity, for penguins, being anywhere between 4-72 hours, depending on the cycle of the moon.)

-Le Penguin
"That Flower Power was great stuff, I mean, it's beautiful. But you can't be kind and gentle to people all the time... it doesn't work."