Before - Legends Laughter and Nightmares (vignette, pre-JA)

OMG, dj is posting in the Before the Saga forum?!
Never written anything set before ANH before (and only one thing set before NJO, actually) but this just doesn't fit within the Saga time period.
There's no exact date for this; any time before TPM (and probably before the Jedi Apprentice series, too)
Apart from Yoda, these characters and situations all belong to me, so don't use 'em in case I feel like using them again later and hate your version.
Jeik, by the way, is pronounced "Jake".

Title: Laughter and Nightmares
Author: djcati
Rating: PG (violence and angst)
Genre: angst?
Inspiration: Boredom during Maths, and Radiohead - Karma Police (specifically the lines "this is what you get get when you mess with us" and "for a minute there I lost myself")

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I'm sitting in the corner of the rec room, watching them. Laughing, joking... they haven't seen me.

That's what I tell myself, anyway. If I let myself think they know I'm here, then I'll let myself think they're laughing at me, joking about me.

I don't know why that's any different to usual, though.

A Rodian head lifts up and turns my way. Large, black eyes consider me for a moment, then grin. I can't decipher the grin. "Anndi," the Rodian Padawan calls, "why don't you join us?"

My heart jumps even as my head tells me it's a trap. They have seen me, they do know I'm here, and they're not making fun of me. I let myself give them a small smile, I let myself push up onto my feet, I let myself take a few treacherous steps forward. My brain's screaming at me, telling me it's a trap, it's a trap, but like always, I let myself believe.

"Or," he continues slowly, just as I approach, "are you too busy talking to yourself and crying like a baby? We're big kids, you know, we don't hang with babies. Are you a baby?"

So it's that grin.

It's not fair. It's not, it's not. I'm a year older than any of them - I think that's why they do it. I can't help the nightmares, I can't help that they know about them. I can't help the muttering sometimes, or the tears that threaten to fall whenever I think too much. They're doing it right now, as I stare at the group of other Padawans in betrayal.

Most of them are laughing with the Rodian now, at me. Always at me.

Not all, though. To the left of the group, Kayli - a fellow human, someone else with troubles that haunt her sleep, though she has better control than me - frowns at the laughter. She looks over at me, smiles sympathetically, then shrugs and turns back to the group.

She always smiles, and it always makes a tiny piece of my heart feel better. But she never dares to speak out, she never dares to talk to me in front of the others, to defend me. She's just like all the others, a little voice in my head tells me. She's not worth your time; none of them are. Wait it out and then they'll be sorry; then they'll be sorry.

I'm scared of that voice. It's grown stronger in the past few months; grows stronger with every insult, every jibe, every tease. I can't control it anymore. It feeds off my resentment towards the other Padawans; turns it into hatred and anger. Hatred and anger. Master Yoda always talks about those emotions, about how we must control them; about how they lead to the dark side. I try to control it, I do, I really do! But it's stronger now. It's harder.

And sometimes, like now - I don't even want to try.

"I don't want to wait," I whisper to myself, and the voice laughs, laughs a cruel, insane laugh that fills my mind. I can't think now, not properly - the laughter is all I hear. It's a twisted, mad version of the Padawans' laughter; lower, louder, harsher. Yes, it hisses, why wait? Show them now.

"I'm not a baby," I tell Jeik firmly.

He stops laughing and stares at me blankly for a moment. Then he smirks, he sniggers and he laughs again. "Oh, the baby has a comeback, does he? What a comeback! Oh, I'm hurt, baby! I'm hurt!"

"I'm not a baby!" I insist, louder this time. Frustrated at

 

I really liked this. Your OC was full-bodied, rich in characterization and I felt so sorry for him. To feel that he couldn't tell his Master about the voice and that he couldn't control his passions was awful and wonderfully done. I especially liked the flashback - great job in explaining his reasons for his choices.

Great job. You should come to the BTS more often!

 

Oh my gosh, that was beautiful! Your OC was incredibly characterized. Even the minor OCs, like Kayli, were gripping. The flashback almost had me in tears - and I don't cry easily.

I'm scared of that voice. It's grown stronger in the past few months; grows stronger with every insult, every jibe, every tease. I can't control it anymore. It feeds off my resentment towards the other Padawans; turns it into hatred and anger. Hatred and anger. Master Yoda always talks about those emotions, about how we must control them; about how they lead to the dark side. I try to control it, I do, I really do! But it's stronger now. It's harder.

Oh, that's wonderfully real. I admire your ability to get into your character's - an OC, even harder - head. And the little voice... Creepy, but very interesting. I believe that something like this could happen. The Jedi couldn't have been loved by everyone, even discounting the Sith 'n' people like that...

I'm just as shocked, and I stare at the mess with a tiny sense of horror. Now you've done it, the normal voice tells me. That was a rare import, Nubian wood. Valuable. And you've hurt him.

Another perfect insight into his mind. Details like the child noticing that he broke the table are what separates good OCs from mediocre OCs.

His mother screams, an anguished cry to the night, and the small boy's voice joins her. No, no, they can't leave him! Not to the soldiers! Anyone but the soldiers, the terrible soldiers with their scary voices, their loud guns, their uniforms oh-so-clean and tidy. The soldiers aren't nice! They killed his daddy! He doesn't want to be left to the soldiers.

I love this passage. So morbid, but the almost disjointed style of writing fits the mood perfectly. Excellent. It's the way (I imagine) that someone would think in a panic, and it really heightens the mood.

My Master bites his bottom lip again, nervous. I hate that habit. Every time he does it, I want to punch him. Doesn't he know how childish it makes him look?

Yet another instance of the detail making the story perfect.

They say revenge is not the way of the Jedi, but how many of them have had to watch their mother die? Knowing that if the Jedi had only gotten there sooner, if they had heard the mental plea and paid attention, that everything could be different? I'm only here to learn enough to fight properly... Eight years has been long enough. I don't want to stay. The way of the Jedi is not for me... If they don't throw me out, I'll leave.

Sad, but wonderful. The beauty of OCs is that you can show the other point of view - in this case, that not everybody loves the Jedi.

Tomorrow will be a new life for me. Not a Jedi, but a fighter.

The voice laughs.

Very fitting ending - haunting, but subtly eloquent.

 

dianethx - Thanks! I don't tend to like reading or writing OC's, but this story just ate away at me during class, as did the character. Glad to see he's OK. ^^
More often? Well, maybe I'll stick around and read a few other fics...

Tekli_theInsane - Thanks to you, too! ^_^' I love writing characters, basically, and I think that normally my fics suffer plot-wise because I concentrate on dialogue and characters too much. Well, I tried not to have too much dialogue here, did it help? heh...

I love this passage. So morbid, but the almost disjointed style of writing fits the mood perfectly. Excellent. It's the way (I imagine) that someone would think in a panic, and it really heightens the mood.

^_^ Writing the nightmare was something I hadn't planned, but just happened (the way things do in my fics)... I'm glad I got the atmosphere right (or something).


Thanks again, you guys. I wasn't sure whether this'd be too random, or if people wouldn't like it cause it had no canon characters (I haven't read any pre-TPM books except for the first four JA... heh), but I'm glad you did. ^_^

 

OCs stories always have a hard time finding readers. It has nothing to do with the writing, just that most people want the characters that they already know and love. This was a wonderful story and I'm very glad you did it!

What you might do next time is put in your header only that it's a pre-JA fic and a vignette (no random vignette!). That way, they are more likely to click on it. Let them discover that it's an OC story only after they start reading. I know that when I did, I was hooked (and I usually don't read OCs either).

 

Yeah, people usually like reading fanfiction for their favourite characters... heh.

ooh... sneaky... *does so*
hehe, thanks.

 

Hey! There's no more?! Why isn't there any more?! That was so compelling, so sad, so gripping. I want to know more. DOes he really leave, does he go sith on those soldiers and wipe them all out, or does he realize his mistake and break free of the voice? *Sigh* You really do need to write more on this.

 

^^ Thanks!
At the minute... no, there's no more. I do know what happens with Anndi afterwards, though, or most of it... maybe at some point, I'll write it.
'Til then, I have to concentrate on the fics I'm writing just now... 0.o;

 

Wow! This was amazing and I'm so glad I clicked on it. You did a marvelous job of making me feel empathy for your OC even though he reacted in a negative way. It's clear that he has a lot of issues that carry over from his childhood that are affecting his actions. It was disturbing the way he heard the voices but written so well. Excellent!

 

Hey. Liked your fic a WHOLE lot! Yeah, I admit to usually skipping OC stories, but I really enjoyed yours very much. It was well written and I felt sorry for the kid...being picked on isn't a great feeling, but adding that to being able to wield the Force...problem. But as stated before, wonderful job

 

WOW! I must echo obi_ew's word! This was simply amazing. I loved your OC, he was so complex and tormented. I love that in a guy, LOL!

You did an absolutely incredible job with this!

The soldiers hear him; he knows it. One of them looks through the gap in the rubble and sneers at him. He sticks his tongue out at the man, the only insult he knows, though with his tear-streaked face it's not worth much.

I loved this because it rings true for a child, he is simply a boy who doesn't have the experience of an adult. Too many people write kids like little adults and they aren't! Great work.

 

... the ATN obviously messed up again...

obi_ew - thanks! I did? hm... I liked writing Anndi... I figured he's different, in the way he thinks, to most SW characters I've read... Strange.

JediVegeta - heh, I tend to skip OC stories as well... >>;
but I'm glad you enjoyed mine. ^_^;

DreamOfKenobi - he was so complex and tormented
He is, I know... that's what I get for writing a story inspired by Karma Police... XD;

But thanks! I'm glad he seemed like a real kid.. cause he is.. he's just a kid, who hasn't figured out the adult world properly yet...

Healer_Leona - he is pretty strong.. but he doesn't like that he has to be a Jedi because of it. :\ silly Anndi...

I may well write a full story from this, because I really feel like writing more about Li... but that could also be made into a vignette... hm. Now you've given me ideas.


ah... I'm glad more people have read this, lol... I know OC stories don't tend to be read much. ^^'

 

Wowza bowza... that was really good.

His mother screams, an anguished cry to the night, and the small boy's voice joins her. No, no, they can't leave him! Not to the soldiers! Anyone but the soldiers, the terrible soldiers with their scary voices, their loud guns, their uniforms oh-so-clean and tidy. The soldiers aren't nice! They killed his daddy! He doesn't want to be left to the soldiers.

That's great, it's the way a small child would think... I tried writing that way once, it didn't work very well for me.

The emotions were awesome. The voice was menacing. Very nifty.