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"Legacy" TPM AU fanfic

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Rhui Chatar, Sep 10, 1999.

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  1. Rhui Chatar

    Rhui Chatar Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 4, 1999
    Ok, I have either gotten foolish or brave, I'm not sure which yet but after several encouraging remarks I figured I'd post the silly thing.

    Here goes....

    1 - Tatooine
    Seeking visions is always hard work. Believing what you see is often harder. The Cynnar sat off by herself in the dark, on a small rock facing the open desert. She had been here since the suns had set and they would soon rise again. The flashes of images had been slow at first but had been coming faster as dawn approached. They were vivid and clear. She could see the faces, architectures, feel a presence but the flow was wrong, disjointed. Things were out of sequence yet there was nothing tangible to indicate this- just the feeling. She was frustrated and apprehensive. They had come to this place because of the visions. This is where they had to be to protect the future from the Other. This was the place they had to be. That was certain but the faces were strange and their meaning unclear to her.

    She rose and walked back to the transport, to the small camp outside of the ship where her companions waited.
    "Durgan stop! You do this out of anxiety, not need, it's beneath you." Rhayna scolded as she sat down near the fire. Durgan persisted in his practice. He was mindlessly going through the forms on the flat hard packed sand in the desert twilight. It was how he calmed himself and dealt with the waiting. Lohane, sitting on the sand, leaning on a rock, watched casually and offered quiet correction when he saw fit to. Durgan listened, made changes and continued. They had passed time this way for three nights now, waiting...

    The three had camped here next to their ship on the outskirts of the sprawling spaceport. During the daylight they would venture into the city to trade in rare minerals, metals and information. It was what Nafieri do. Except these were not true Nafieri. Just as much of what was seen in Mos Espa was not what it seemed, so too with these Nafieri. The Nafieri were an ancient race of mineral merchants that traded freely throughout the Republic. They were very well respected and in some circles feared for they had a reputation of protecting their merchandise at any cost. This quality allowed them to handle sensitive materials and gave them access to many of the established government exchanges. They also had established trading practices with the Jedi Council for among other things, high quality gems. So to see Nafieri heavily armed and in company of a Jedi was not uncommon. It was why they had chosen them for their disguise. They had been Nafieri now for a long time in this Republic, tracking an entity whose name they did not speak.

    "I've finished," sighed Durgan. "Lohane you should practice, it will do you good. You don't practice enough. Then I can find fault- I mean 'correct' you for awhile." Durgan chided and wiped his face with his end of his shabba and replaced it on his head. He sat down heavily on the sand next to Lohane who was staring into the small dung fire.

    "Your knee will need attention again soon if you keep working it that hard." Lohane remarked casually. Durgan just grunted as usual.
    "I think I'll sleep now", Lohane said. "The Cynnar can't sleep, she'll watch first as there are sand people just beyond the ridge to the west." Lohane yawned, got up and went into the ship.

    Rhayna, the last Kadwyri Cynnar of her people, stood watching to the west, sensing the raiders. They were always there in greater or lesser numbers. She could detect no trouble coming from them tonight. Yet there was something unsettling just at the edge of her senses. She reached out to the city and felt for a presence there. He was there, sleeping, dreaming, peaceful, not the cause of her uneasiness. She went and sat by Durgan on the sand. He sensed her agitation but kept his counsel, knowing that it was best not to press at times like this.

    After some time Rhayna stood and faced the sky to the east and said "They're coming, Durgan. The last thread to this knot. We must be in the city by morning".

  2. Jedi Eowyn

    Jedi Eowyn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 28, 1999

    Thanks!! I've been dying to see more of the three. I'm sitting here guessing how things are going to unfold... (What makes it worse is that I know I'm not going to guess successfully!)

    Your invented characters are very real & each individual. I'm already curious about the "Other" and how it will be faced.

    Keep going! JE
  3. Rhui Chatar

    Rhui Chatar Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 4, 1999
    Thanks JE, guess I'll keep going...

    2 - Mos Espa

    It was just past mid day when they came to the street were Lohane had previously arranged with a dealer in spice and potions to trade some of his wares for naga crystals. The haggling could take most of the afternoon. Lohane loved to haggle. The location gave the three Nafieri a broad view of the market courts that lead to the slave quarters on the east.

    There was housed a presence that Rhayna had been aware of as an integral part of the knot they were here to unravel. Rhayna had told them to watch there and what to expect to feel when the visitor arrived. No one would find three, armed Nafieri trading this way unusual, one haggling while two kept watch. They could settle in and become part of the background of an otherwise unremarkable day in the market. That was as long as another Nafieri trading party didn?t show up. That was what Durgan was watching for and would quickly alert Rhayna at once should he detect them in this vicinity.

    Rhayna was occupied following another presence that was far more important to their purpose. There was a Jedi about and some one else that was not quite Jedi but just as disquieting. They were some ways off yet and Rhayna was still calculating a means of precipitating an introduction to this new stranger that would not cause alarm on any ones part. She often wished she had Durgan?s straight forwardness. It would make for a lot less worrying at times. Of course, one always had to scramble to smooth ruffled feelings after Durgan had finished making his point.

    Lohane was getting on well with the bargaining which was just at well because Durgan had sensed that the party they were seeking was just entering the court. A probe droid appeared around the corner of the alley where Durgan was leaning keeping watch. He instantly reached out with his mind and disabled it?s power source and it abruptly fell to the ground at his feet. With a look of incredulity on his face he casually stepped in front of it and with his mind, sent it back into the alley where he could take a closer look discreetly. He stooped to examine it quickly recognizing the alarming technology and sent to Rhayna.

    //Probe droid, Druuk sensing tech on board, could have been seeking us but the roishul is active, it must be hunting Jedi!//

    Durgan wore a metallic torque around his neck under his robes.  It had several crystals imbedded in that could be activated with his mind and effectively mask any of them using the Force with in the  immediate vicinity.   To the casual observer it looked like Nafieri adornment.  The Roishul belonged to the Druuk who had developed the technology to allow them to move undetected among Force sensitive peoples.

    Rhayna tensed, Lohane casually looked up from his bargaining and looked around suspiciously. There would be no more time for niceties. This had given her the reason to approach the 'farmer' they'd been waiting for who was just now crossing the courtyard.
    Qui-gon Jinn walked casually into the market square. He was trying to put aside the more important things that had been troubling his thoughts of late and stay in the moment. And at this moment he was trying to be a Farmer. It took a conscious effort to convert his normal, graceful Jedi gait to the more restricted movements of your average farmer. He reinforced this by quietly muttering under his breath as he walked, "farmer, farmer, farmer".

    Rhayna walked briskly up to the man and announced she had something that he would be very interested in.  Qui-gon was not impressed by this and politely, but firmly refused and attempted to continue on his way.  The Nafieri did not relent but stepped directly in his path and with an all too familiar hand gesture stated that he would like to see it now.

    Qui-Gon Jinn was taken aback as he felt this person in front of him attempting to influence his thoughts. This bold Nafieri was somehow touching his mind with the image of a strange probe droid. It startled him and he was unaccustomed to being startled. He then cast is attention fully to this person
  4. Jedi Eowyn

    Jedi Eowyn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 28, 1999

    It's great. I still want to know how trustworthy the three are. I'm very curious about them. Revealing or Hiding? It's great!

    Keep going!

    (One small detail--if I were you, I'd let the story sit a day or two before reposting, just to have the chance to pick up more readers before you're through. Then again, I want to know what happens--ignore this statement.)

  5. Jedi Eowyn

    Jedi Eowyn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 28, 1999
    OK. I'm not as patient as I thought. So much for the waiting theory--post more Rhui! I want to know what happens!!
  6. Rhui Chatar

    Rhui Chatar Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 4, 1999
    Ah jee whiz, I have 1 very dedicated fan here!

    Well, I'm a push over, that's all it takes.

    Will have some more later... thanks Jedi Eowyn.
  7. Rhui Chatar

    Rhui Chatar Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 4, 1999
    Legacy Chapter 3 - Coruscant

    Rhayna caught Durgan up as they quickly headed for the outskirts of the city with Lohane close behind. "Durgan, can you slow him down, give them more time, there's been another droid about and although I can't feel it now he knows where they are."

    Durgan scowled as he turned to reply hurriedly keeping up the pace, "I can stop him more easily, but for you I will be subtle and only corrupt his nav logs."

    "Ooh, for You now" Lohane chided with raised eyebrows to Rhayna. He broke into a jog as he passed them and lead the others as they headed into the open desert. At a high point on the path Lohane stood scanning the horizon, his hand on Durgan's shoulder as he knelt, eyes closed, breathing steady and deep as he reached out with is mind to the target that Lohane was guiding him to. It was a small matter of changing the nav computer's readings.

    The more delicate issue, as always, was to do it undetected. Rhayna's part in all of this was to misdirect their position should they be detected. Durgan announced it was done and stood. They resumed the rapid pace in the direction of their ship. Rhayna continued the misdirection for some distance to be sure they were not discovered. But Qui-gon could now sense them and the fact that they were trying to buy him time as well as the other disturbance that he had been aware of and had warned Obi-wan about. He continued jogging and urged Anakin to keep up.

    Rhayna stood on the ramp of their ship and looked back one more time and willed strength to Qui-gon for the trial to come. More than that she could not do. It was forbidden.
    Lohane piloted the ship to jump and then left the controls to join his bahar, the Kadwyri word for family. Although not related directly by blood the three did share the genetic changes that had been forced upon the elite of their race during the enslavement. They had been bahar longer then they could remember now. Kadwyri/Druuk age very slowly. It was what often made them obvious if they stayed in one place too long. And where they had come from, being obvious could cost you your life as it had for most all of the Kadwyri/Druuk Coercers.

    Durgan was in the common area behind the bridge on the Nafieri transport that served as home now as much as anything did. He took off his shabba and ran his fingers through his hair releasing the braids that had held it in place under that headress.  His hair was mostly still dark but with a creeping mist of white now at his temples. This, the only thing that would betray his age compared to the others. It set off the broad streak of white that adorned the curve of the top of his head. He then turned to prepare some food while Rhayna was using the steam closet.
    Lohane came in and asked what he was "constructing" in the galley. Durgan's skills with food although quite adequate tended toward the heavy side. Lohane did not let him forget this.
    "Look, if you don't like it fix it yourself," Durgan uttered.
    Lohane replied, "I just might, I got some interesting spices to try while we were waiting down there. At least they smell interesting."

    They sat around the low pedestal that rose from the from the floor that served as a table at meal times. Rhayna emerged, damp and stretching from the steam closet. Gathering her robe about her she went and sat next to them on the floor and silently, brooding helped herself to what Durgan had prepared. Durgan looked at Lohane who shrugged. Durgan with the slightest nod indicated the steam closet.

    Lohane cleared his throat, stood and said, "I'll use the steam next Durgan if you don't mind?" Durgan had his mouth full so just waved his arm in the general direction acknowledging Lohane's request.
    "You haven't finished your food," Rhayna protested.

    "After the steam. It can wait." Lohane tossed his shabba on to his sleeping couch and headed for the steam. The soft clicking of the crystals on hanging from his wrist fading as he left. Durgan pushed his food away and leaned back on the cushions on the wall of the ship, his hand still resting on the table, and sa
  8. Jedi Eowyn

    Jedi Eowyn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 28, 1999
    Hi RC! Yea!! More Story!! (I feel like a kid at summer camp again, waiting to have the next installment read at bed time. It's fun to feel like a kid again.)

    There is some mystery going on...these three aren't perfectly above boards even with each other...I love it!

    If you get a chance--try out the new workshop this week--JE
  9. Rhui Chatar

    Rhui Chatar Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 4, 1999
    Chapter 4 - Consent

    First the boy, then Force wielding Nafieri and now what could only be a Sith. It was a lot to contemplate at once.

    Qui-gon sat in the cabin he shared with Obi-wan on the Nubian transport, meditating. Obi-wan was on the couch across from him, stretched out, his arms folded across his chest, just at the edge of sleep. Qui-gon had gone to great lengths to shield his thoughts from Obi-wan since his return from the city.
    The ruse of meditation had kept him from prying but Qui-gon was far from the peace his usual practice brought him. He had intentionally avoided Obi-wan's questions concerning the dark Jedi trained warrior and concentrated more on the issue of the boy and the droid control panel. Nothing had been said of the Nafieri. Obi-wan had accepted this as he knew Qui-gon would not allow idle speculation about things he did not need to know. And Obi-wan did not need to know how much this most recent encounter had cost him.
    He had been sorely tested today both mentally and physically. He was tired, feeling his age and all this on the same day that strangers ask if he has contemplated his mortality recently. It was enough to make anyone question  where this was all leading and doubly so for a Jedi who had devoted his life to interpreting such events as direction from the Force.

    It was not as if Qui-gon Jinn had never contemplated his own end, all Jedi must. It was just that he had not thought on it and avoided it all in the course of hours. He had tried in the past to foresee it but it was not one of his strengths. He was too closely tied to the living force for this. Life was his joy and he didn't care to dwell long on when he would have to surrender it to the Force. Now he was thinking on it again. Was he prepared to give himself to the Force if that's what was needed? A Jedi would ask this daily in the course of training but in the day to day course of events it could get easily overlooked. Obi-wan was a man now and greatly skilled in the Jedi arts. Qui-gon had great confidence in him but he still needed to put more trust in his own judgement. This he would only learn with more experience. Qui-gon had little he could help him with there. Then there was the boy. Anakin needed him, plain and simple, there was no one else. The Nafieri has sensed it and Qui-gon knew it to be true.

    The encounter with the female Nafieri trader kept coming back to him. Who were these strangers that had knowledge of the Force and yet could proposed to alter its direction? It was a dark concept to him. The Jedi, in Qui-gon's belief, must constantly yield to the will of the force, to surrender to it always regardless of the outcome. Neither the council nor Yoda had ever indicated that there were beings such as this within the realm of their knowledge. He could not recall any past historical reference to them in his research. The Sith with Force sensing technology that was another matter, a real threat. The council must get this information as quickly as possible.

    Immediately after the duel with the Sith, as he lay on the transport floor, he had felt her strength flowing to him. He had to at least admit that this might have helped him during the encounter. Another thought that did not give him comfort, for if she had been able to this perhaps the rest of what she had told him could only be true. He would have to make arrangements at the temple as soon as they arrived to admit them. He must hear what they had to say and get some answers. The next question was what to do about Obi-wan. Keeping this from him would be difficult at best but his knowing would be just as difficult. He needed time. Time to see how all of this was related because he knew it was. But time was not his for the wanting of it. It was certain that the Trade Federation dispute was at best a shallow attempt at hiding something much more dark and vast. Perhaps these Nafieri knew what.

    Qui-gon, Obi-wan and Anakin went directly to the council chamber to report on the situation and present the technology that had been retrieved from the probe droid. Qui-gon
  10. Jedi Eowyn

    Jedi Eowyn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 28, 1999

    Wow. You're making a credible extra plot to TPM.

    Your vision of Qui Gon is clearer than mine. I love the way you're making Qui Gon think about his own death. I'm even beginning to like Qui Gon. I love when Qui Gon is thinking about his love for life and what that means about him and the force. And I love at the end when Qui Gon actually comes up with an answer for the three. A brave answer. Wouldn't have been mine. So What Happens!!!!

    Where did you go over in PSA? I haven't seen you around recently! I really do miss the person who points out my errors!!

    Post more!!!! here!!!
  11. Rhui Chatar

    Rhui Chatar Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 4, 1999
    Jedi Eowyn,
    Thanks for the kind words. It's good to know that somebody 'believes' these characters besides me.

    "even like Qui-Gon"?
    Why, whatever do you mean?

    I will keep posting here in spite of the light traffic, as I am writing this silly thing for myself mostly.

    I have been out of touch with PSA due to being shipped off to do some training stuff at work- but I'm trying to catch up... never fear!

  12. Jedi Eowyn

    Jedi Eowyn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 28, 1999
    You know what I mean. My ideal TPM Qui Gon quit the Jedi, went off and started a home for troubled youthful force users, but only after rescuing their mothers and ending slavery everywhere. You have previously pointed out that this is, to say the least, unlikely.

    But your Qui Gon is a struggling hero. I like those kinds of heros.

    It was nice seeing you in PSA. Take whatever time you need, but I do want to know what happens. JE.
  13. Rhui Chatar

    Rhui Chatar Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 4, 1999
    Jedi Eowyn, you're still interested!!... Thanks of the ideas over in PSA, Now I've got a jumping off point for where I was stuck in this story!

    5 - Naboo

    Qui-gon used his newly acquired knowledge of what was to come to strengthen his dedication to the present. He spent more time with both Anakin and Obi-wan and resisted the urge to be alone with his thoughts. Obi-wan noticed the change in his attitude from earlier on the landing platform and wondered about it. Where had he gone after the intense meeting with the council that would have effected him like this? Qui-gon was one of the more higher ranking Jedi at the temple and Obi-wan was hard pressed to think of any other Jedi that Qui-gon would seek consultation with other than the council members. No matter, he was just grateful that the tension was gone between them and he could once again enjoy his company.

    Rhayna stood behind Lohane and watched as they approached Naboo. The ship was cloaked so getting in past the Federation control  was not an issue. Getting into the palace and finding the correct location would be more difficult.

    Rhayna had again shared her vision with both Durgan and Lohane so they would have an idea of when they had found the correct location. They would be posing as traders stranded on the planet since the invasion. They had previously made contact with the government and had quarters assigned to them inside the palace, ironically, under the premise of safety.

    Durgan had been practicing forms on the cargo deck for hours. Rhayna was concerned for him, as he would be their only protection if things went wrong.

    It was the risk of perceiving the future. By so much as looking at it, it could be altered, sometimes in subtle ways and sometimes vastly. If she had followed the threads of the visions correctly only minute changes would be effected. But if she was wrong it was possible to lose both Jedi and Durgan to things she had not been able to see.

    "Durgan please. It won't make that much difference if you practice now of not. I need you now."

    Durgan stopped and looked at Rhayna with a concern.  He sat on the deck recovering his breath and held his hand out to her.  She took it and sat by him.

    "What is it?" he asked.

    "I want your hear your thoughts on this man" she started. "He's important, not only to the boy but I've a feeling that he has meaning for us as well. I can't quite see it though. I tried to read him while we there.  He was sad but utterly committed to his purpose. It's as if he knows where he has to go but can't see how to get there. Do you trust him?"

    Durgan smirked and shook his head, "Do I trust him? Do you mean will he give us away? Who would he tell? Certainly not the Council. He has many doubts concerning their motives right now as do I.  He may tell his apprentice but that would go no farther.  I think he serves himself first if that's what you mean. I felt nothing deceitful in the man. I suppose you could say that I trust him.  I'll have to after the Bond won't I. You're worried about the Bond then?" he asked frowning.

    Rhayna looked away and sighed , "No, not worried, just afraid to let myself hope for too much."

    Durgan held her. It was rare that she was ever this unsettled over decisions like this and it made him anxious as well.

    When they got into the palace they accessed the data that told them where their quarters were. They also obtained a map of the palace infrastructure that gave them a general idea of where the power generators were located.
    They then quietly retreated to their quarters. They were only stopped once by a monitor droid who passed them with only slight hesitation.
    Once inside Rhayna took a moment to search for a presence that she could now readily identify and found him steady but distant. Durgan was doing the same but for different reasons. He'd already sensed that something was wrong. There was a Force sensitive in the palace, very strong and very focused.  He couldn't tell if they had been detected but under the circumstances  it was best to get where they needed to be as quickly as possib
  14. Jedi Eowyn

    Jedi Eowyn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 28, 1999
    Rhui, I don't have the energy to read tonight. I certainly am still interested! Sorry to wait so long on the last post.

    Tonight I'm too tired to read for real, and aol keeps dumping me out of the system. Go figure. I've downloaded to my machine and I'll read in the daylight tomorrow.

    If I actually have anything worthwhile to say of a suggestion nature, would you rather I post here or email? (I can't think of anything at this point--don't imagine that I'm planning some awful post or email as we speak.)

    And while we're at it, can I send you a chapter and get your opinion? I find I know how I want my Swrilla story to end, but I'm having a difficult time getting it restarted after she leaves the Jedi. How do you feel about file attachments?
  15. Rhui Chatar

    Rhui Chatar Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 4, 1999
    Jedi Eowyn: would be glad to help! send away!
  16. Jedi Eowyn

    Jedi Eowyn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 28, 1999
    This was the best chapter yet. I really cared. During some of the explanation previously I was blanking, but it was necessary. I don't know how to change that. (I even blank in Tolkien on occasion. Never tell Hernalt.) Chapter 5 was action. It was great.

    I'm rewriting my first chapter yet again. I will send in the next few days. I once read a Zelazney introduction when he said a short story was about an idea and a book is about characters. I'm discovering that that may be my issue. I can write about an idea, but stretching it out into characters isn't immediately easy.
  17. Rhui Chatar

    Rhui Chatar Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 4, 1999
    Jedi Eowyn;

    and when those Characters all of a sudden get up and run off with your story it's a magical moment! Has happened to me once which is enough to keep me going back to get it to happen again.
    Right now I'm agonizing over killing one of them off because he just won't shut up and need the others to be more central to the story.
    Look forward to seeing what you've got down so far.
  18. Jedi Eowyn

    Jedi Eowyn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 28, 1999
    Killing a character? KILLING A CHARACTER? You're joking, right? Whatever you feel necessary. But, Killing A Character?

    Poe once said great art is made by beauty, especially female, dying young. NOOOO...

    Now I'm wondering which one has the stop watch ticking over his head. This is a whole new way to up the suspense quotient. I'm surprised I've never seen it in a novel: the author dropping in a direct address to talk about decisions later in the text as to how to treat characters...

    The next chapter is the workshop chapter, I assume. I'm looking forward to it. It will be different reading it now that I know what's happened before.
  19. Rhui Chatar

    Rhui Chatar Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 4, 1999
    6 - Healing

    Durgan sat patiently waiting for Qui-gon to answer him. Thinking to himself that this was not going to be a pleasant discussion for either of them. Qui-gon was studying him, feeling Durgan's misgivings. Durgan was completely open to him. He held nothing back now, as if he still could. He let Qui-gon search his feelings.

    Qui-gon finally spoke softly, "I am curious about this," he said looking down at his own hand. "But more so about your reluctance to tell me how I'm still here talking to you. When you said you could change the outcome I didn't think it would be like this. There's more here than healing going on."

    Durgan smiled and nodded, "The Learner, Obi-wan, you called him, he had to slay the warrior. He had to learn that he could overcome his own pain. We couldn't stop things before that was done, believe me I wanted to. It certainly would have been easier that way for all of us", he said as he gestured with his chin towards Rhayna's sleeping form. "Rhayna has the gift of sight. She determines how the threads get pulled. But you're right, the wound was not healed in the sense that you understand. Rhayna moved flesh that would have been destroyed by the saber to the future where you were lying after Obi-wan destroyed the Khazak. It's called a Rahealian transfer. To move living flesh through time is not for the undisciplined and takes a great deal of energy. You understand what would have happened had she failed?" 

    He paused waiting for Qui-gon to acknowledge what he meant. Rhayna had taken the chance of being responsible for Qui-gon's death if she had failed. "It was a reasonable risk. But in order to keep you alive while Lohane could heal new flesh and old, Rhayna placed the Bond on you. It allows her to share her strength directly with you and you needed it then to survive."

    His meaning was clearly understood by the grave look on Qui-gon's face. He had first hand knowledge of bonds and their strange qualities. But the transfer was something completely outside his scope of experience.
    He needed to know more but not just now. He was too weak to think much on it. Durgan offered him more of the tea that Lohane had given him and helped him to sit up.

    Qui-gon sipped the tea and held out his wounded hand again. Durgan sighed, "Hmm, back to that. Well, in time it will be a bonding scar," he said as he held his own hand out again. "It's caused by a pyranth crystal being pushed through the palm of your hand and the Cynnar's to create the bond between you. The crystals absorb energy from both, combine it and then it dissolves into the wound. That's why it's slow to heal. The absorption takes some time." Durgan looked down at his own scar and rubbed at it with his thumb, reflecting back to the time when he'd received it. Qui-gon instantly felt the strange mixture of remorse and gratitude twisting in Durgan's mind.

    Durgan looked back at him and said, "She didn't tell me before she did it either and it saved me at the time too."
    Qui-gon searched his face and asked, "And you regret it?"

    Durgan traced the scar on his palm, "Not now, no, but at the time ... lets just say I had a hard time 'adjusting'."

    Qui-gon gave him a questioning look, "Adjusting? Durgan, why can I read you so plainly now when before ... ",
    Qui-gon's voice trailed off as he realized he'd answered his own question.

    Durgan just looked at him with a knowing smirk, "I can't keep you out now. The roishul dampeners don't work on the bond. That means you can't keep me out either. Like it or not we're about to get to know one another very well. It'll take a little getting use to, adjusting.  We try to be polite about it and not read one another directly unless invited to do so, but like shouting, sometimes we can't help but hear one another."

    Qui-gon leaned back on the cushions turning this over in his mind. He looked to Rhayna again and saw Lohane looking back at him. There was no smile there this time. He could feel Lohane's compassion and echo of the remembered words Rhayna had put in his mind earlier. He was not just bonded to Rhayna it wa
  20. Jedi Eowyn

    Jedi Eowyn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 28, 1999

    Qui Gon torture! This is good! OK. You gave me great comments on my story. I'm looking for something significant to say. I'll try again tomorrow. All that I think after reading it is that I liked it. I find I am "seeing" the room and the characters. I care about the three and Qui Gon. It doesn't slow down. And Qui Gon has real mysteries to figure out: what is this bond, who is the Jedi traitor, who are these people, who is their enemy. The whole idea of 4 adults trying to live peaceably while hearing mutual thoughts is fascinating. Is there a positive resolution? I'm looking forward to finding out.

    As of now, we're off the TPM script. I wish that Qui Gon had survived in th movie to mentor Anakin. Now I get that very senario.

    Don't kill Qui Gon! Don't kill Qui Gon! Please? JE
  21. Rhui Chatar

    Rhui Chatar Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 4, 1999
    Don't worry, he's not the one giving me problems.

    7 - Vergence

    The two Jedi and friend went to the quarters that the queen had assigned to them and bid them rest. Easier said than done. Qui-gon was weak, Obi-wan was bruised and exhausted but Anakin was only getting started in exploring his new surroundings.

    Food was brought to them and another healer was offered but Qui-gon refused politely stating that they would tend to themselves. They sat and tried to eat while Obi-wan related just what Anakin had accomplished with Anakin's added comments. It was clear that Obi-wan no longer doubted Anakin's uniqueness. Just as Qui-gon had said, the boy had surprised him. He now understood Qui-gon's stubbornness in the face of the council's decision. He could see that Qui-gon was fighting his exhaustion and he still wanted to talk to him about the Nafieri.

    Qui-gon asked Anakin, "How did you come to know the Nafieri on Tatooine?"
    Anakin replied casually, "They were there trading ionite for com parts for their transport. Watto didn't like them much. The young one liked to haggle too much. But they were always nice to me."

    Qui-gon just looked down at his plate and sighed. It was becoming all too apparent that the Force was pushing him towards these Nafieri as much as it was towards Anakin. Why did he want to resist it? They said they needed him. He would have to tell Obi-wan and trust that he would understand why he couldn't walk away from this.

    Qui-gon ruffled Anakin's hair and said "It's time you rested now, go clean up and let Obi-wan show you where you'll sleep. I'll come in and say good night when you're ready."

    Qui-gon looked pleadingly at Obi-wan //I don't mean to keep pushing him on you, but I'm so tired.//

    Obi-wan replied //It's all right, I don't mind, I'll see to him.//

    Qui-gon thanked him and carefully got up and moved to the more comfortable couch and put his feet up. When Obi-wan returned, he found Qui-gon sleeping. He hated to wake him but he did promise to speak to Anakin. So he reluctantly shook his shoulder to wake him and felt the unusual warmth through his robes. Qui-gon slowly opened his eyes and blinked the sleep from them. He heavily got to his feet and just stood for a moment getting his balance. Obi-wan didn't like the way he looked. He hadn't been this weak earlier.

    "Master, perhaps I should ask the healer to come back, I think you have a fever." Obi-wan offered.

    Qui-gon said, "I'll be fine with some rest, lets get Anakin settled and then I have to talk with you." He went and said good night to Anakin and with Obi-wan's help he went and sat on the couch but didn't put his feet up for fear of falling asleep again. He was beginning to think that Obi-wan was right. He did have a fever. He asked for some water.

    Obi-wan was becoming increasingly concerned. He'd noticed the bandage on Qui-Gon's hand when they were eating but hadn't asked what it was. He now looked down at Qui-gon's hand and asked to see it. Qui-gon gave it to him with a smile and said, "That's just what we have to talk about. But first, did you get a message to Coruscant? They must know what's happened here and Anakin's role in it."

    Obi-wan nodded to him and said, " Yes, Master Yoda is coming and bringing some of the council with him to investigate recent events." He unwrapped the bandage exposing the angry looking puncture wound that went through his hand.

    Qui-gon continued, "Good. The Nafieri that you met today, I've met them before on Tatooine and on Coruscant. They aren't what they appear to be. They're from a dead world on the outer rim. They're Force sensitive, very skilled and very strong, so much so that I don't know what they can't do or who they truly serve. They told me what would happen here and offered to alter it for Anakin's sake and mine. They asked my consent to do this and I gave it. This" he said looking down at his hand, " is no doubt the cause of the fever. It's part of a bonding process that I don't fully understand yet, but the woman, Rhayna, has the same wound."

    Qui-gon closed his eyes for moment
  22. Jedi Eowyn

    Jedi Eowyn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 28, 1999
    I don't want any of them to die. And the clock's ticking with Yoda et al about to arrive. What's Qui Gon going to tell them? This is very good!!

    I want to know what the vision was. That's a great detail, and withholding it is beautiful.

    [This message has been edited by Jedi Eowyn (edited 10-14-1999).]
  23. Rhui Chatar

    Rhui Chatar Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 4, 1999
    JE, for you... noboby gets hurt yet!

    8 - Visions
    Rhayna, Lohane and Durgan sat on cushions on the floor in their quarters with the lights dimmed. The rest of palace was long asleep now but they were still discussing the meaning of Lohane's vision.
    Lohane continued, "I saw all of us and Qui-Gon, we were in front of him, kneeling I think. I can't tell where we were, just that we were all together?"

    Durgan bristled at the thought and looked askance at Rhayna and said, "I don't think that very likely." Rhayna silenced him with a stern look.

    "Lohane, the towel, it seems to have triggered the vision, how does it fit? What did you see immediately after Obi-wan handed the towel to you?"

    "I saw Durgan handing me a towel. No it wasn't a towel. It was a white cloth, fine enough to see through, it was wet and I took it and I said some words," Lohane was struggling to bring the images back now. He looked at Rhayna with astonishment. " I wiped Qui-Gon's face and gave the cloth to you?. "

    Durgan suddenly stood and paced again. Waving his hand said, "No, this is too much, this can't be what it looks like, I'm there aren't I? Would I do what you're suggesting? I don't think so!"

    Rhayna pleaded, "Durgan control yourself please" then to Lohane, "Can you remember any of the words, Lohane? Don't try to put them together just try to remember them."

    Lohane closed his eyes and bowed his head trying to remember anything that would help. He shared what little of the memory he had with Rhayna but there was little the she could see that Lohane hadn't already told them. Lohane shook his head, "I see him sitting there, calmly, resigned to what's happening but I can't hear myself speak. I don't know what I said to him. I'm sorry Rhayna, if I hadn't panicked?if I had had the courage to look at it instead of running away?."

    Rhayna sat back and sighed, "Well, maybe it will come to you in a dream. Sleep now, Durgan takes first watch, then me, then Lohane. Durgan be mindful of Qui-Gon, he's going to want an explanation for all this."

    Durgan replied, "Let's hope he was too sick to see any of the vision, I don't want to have to explain any of this to him."

    "Durgan you should know that what Lohane saw, I've seen something similar. I don't want to be quick to claim that I understand the complete meaning of it but if its what I think it is, well, it's very important for the Jedi and us. I can't afford to be wrong about this. If you hear from Qui-Gon, I need to know, don't try to explain this without me." Rhayna fixed him with a look that brooked no discussion of the issue.

    That sent Durgan's thoughts off into clouded waters. Rhayna wouldn't have been so stern if she didn't believe that there could be truth in Lohane's vision. But how could there be? Qui-Gon didn't even like them, let alone trust them enough to be involved in what Lohane saw. He hadn't accepted the bond as yet although he hadn't denied it either and Rhayna was in no rush to push him into that decision, at least not yet.

    The next day the Jedi Council members arrived and the past events were recounted and discussed. The morning was mostly political formalities and serious discussions wouldn't take place until the afternoon. Qui-Gon took Anakin to a small ceremony with the queen where she presented him with symbols of her gratitude and the thanks of her people. Qui-Gon then excused himself to go and rest again due to his recent injuries and left Anakin with Obi-wan. He went to find Rhayna. He wanted to talk to her alone before the afternoon's formal meeting with the council. He was still trying to make up his mind about telling the council who the Nafieri really were.

    As he approached the door to the Nafieri quarters it opened before he got there.
    Qui-Gon slowed and then went in. Durgan was at a console with his back to him reading com logs.

    "Jinn,". Durgan acknowledged without turning around. Qui-Gon stood looking at him as the door closed behind him. Qui-Gon didn't say anything he just stood there accessing Durgan's mood, which was less than congenial.

    "Rhayna i
  24. JediGaladriel

    JediGaladriel Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 3, 1999

    I'm about halfway through what you've got so far -- I'll send nitpicky text stuff bt e-mail when I'm done (you know, the silly stuff about moving a comma here or there that no one wants to be bothered with on the board).

    You have an interesting story set up here, with a neat new alien species. I'm not sure what I make of your implication about Palpy's origins, but you're making it work so far. Looking human doesn't mean he is.
  25. Jedi Eowyn

    Jedi Eowyn Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 28, 1999

    This was wonderful. The Jedi are a bunch of ostriches with their heads in the ground--got to love them!

    breaking up the team

    If you need to kill a character, of course you should. But I like them. You're the artist, you've got to make the call. But I'm happy that there aren't any dead leads yet!
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