Before - Legends "Legends of the Force" (OCs), book 1, Ch. 28: Grianán is back at court

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by AzureAngel2, Jan 7, 2016.

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  1. AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    Title: Book 1:Serpent-spawn”

    Time frame: The framework of the story is set during the Clone Wars, but the story itself is played out long before even the Old Republic existed.

    Genre: drama

    Summary: Anakin Skywalker, enraged about fellow Jedi General A’Sharad Hett, touches a snippet of the past. He gets on an unwanted mind trip into the past.

    Author: AzureAngel2

    Original editors: @SWpants

    New editor: @WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    Muse: @DarthUncle

    Special inspiration for a re-load: I was tempted to re-post my fanfic even before watching the movie “The Force awakens”. Nyota & @Kahara embraced that idea. But real life & some stuff made me post-phone my idea.

    Then I saw Kylo Ren in his rage. That rose old questions in me again: Are hate & anger a Skywalker family inheritance? Does the dark side of the Force really push somebody away from beloved ones? Or is it more about ones own choices? Pondering on that, I changed some of the names and I altered slight bits of my original plot. I also asked some of the most brilliant minds of the fanfic thread for help.

    Disclaimer: SW is owned by Walt Disney, George Lucas and Lucas Lt.!!!

    Notes: Wookiepedia articles helped with research and inspiration. Thanks for all the hard work by all the different authors who enrich the internet with their knowledge.


    Prologue:

    The confession of his dark deeds on Tatooine has not been easy. But Anakin is not prepared for the wordless answer, that General A’Sharad Hett gives him. Without haste, the older Jedi removes his maskand reveals himself to be Human. Just like that.

    A mixture of shame, hatred, confusion, and curiosity runs through Anakin. To focus on the Living Force, on this very moment, is not an easy task. In the blazing midday sun of Aargonar his burning eyes focus. They are drawn to the Tusken’s tattoos. There are lines that move like snakes over hollow cheek bones, tiny spots where darkness seems to gather into a mighty force. Other lines lie still, like a predator waiting for a victim. Those tattoos in particular remind Anakin of something, or better to say, of somebody: Asajj Ventress, one of Count Dooku’s Force-sensitive Dark Acolytes.

    With a shiver Anakin, shrugs that thought away. He does not wish to be reminded of his first duel with her on Yavin 4. Nor does he intend to call an even older memory back into his mind: the Sith apprentice Darth Maul attacking Qui-Gon on Tatooine. The face and body of the Zabrak also had been tattooed with ancient symbols which gave evidence of his complete dedication to the discipline of the dark side of the Force.

    Anakin sighs as bad memories that rise to the surface like a Gouka Dragon. With wobbly legs he walks over to Hett, sits down next to him. He tries to clear his dry throat a bit. Despite that gruesome sound, Hett does not look in his direction at all. He seems to be lost in his own thoughts while his fingers play with a leather chain that Anakin has not seen before.

    A dark shadow skirts the edges of the Force,” Hett mutters to himself, clutching on to something that looks like an amulet.

    The wind brings the stench of war. Anakin shivers.

    This token was given to my mother K’Sheek by her adoptive mother,” Hett says, barely audible. “It has been in the clan for ages. It once belonged to a warrior queen who led the Tusken into great glory.”

    The wordqueen’ makes Anakin’s heart flutter. It reminds him of his beloved wife Padmé and all that is still good in the universe.

    We Tusken have not always been living on Tatooine, and we had a different name before that,” the Jedi Master tells him in a very soft voice. “Our people have always been warriors and herders though, living together with their flocks and respecting the ways of the desert.”

    Anakin does not care for the history of the monsters that led to his mothers demise. Nor does he care for the desert and its cursed heart. I don’t like sand,” he hears himself admitting for the second time in his life. “It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.”

    Soft chuckling fills the air. “Yet you are desert-born like I am.”

    I was born in the depths of space. On a slave ship. I am sure of it.”

    Hett looks Anakin deep in the eyes. And with whom was He angry for... years? His words sound like a reverent quote. Was it not with those who sinned, whose bodies fell in the wilderness?”

    The past is a place dangerous place to visit. Anakin will not stand it for a second time today. Instead he lowers his head and concentrates more on the amulet at hand. It is a very simple yet elegant thing. Very much like the Japor snippet that he gave Padmé so many ages ago.

    Hett continuous talking, but Anakin pays no heed. He gets lost in the curves of the amulet.

    Time loses all meaning as he is sucked into a past that is not his own. His fingers cramp closer and closer around the amulet.

    Suddenly, there is a sand dune. And standing on it a girl with a staff, all by herself.

    (And yes, I quote from Hett himself & Hebrews 3:17 in this update!)
    Last edited by AzureAngel2, Dec 11, 2017 at 2:53 PM
  2. Sith-I-5 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 14, 2002
    star 6
    That was a good read.

    One question. There are lines that move like snakes over hollow cheek bones. Does that mean there are inked tattoos that move of their own accord, independent of Hett's facial movements?
    Kahara likes this.
  3. gaarastar58 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2010
    star 2
    An intriguing start to the story. Inability to deal with emotions does seem to be ingrained into the Skywalker brood. The only thing that threw me a bit was not knowing how he and Hett ended up together and why he admits his past actions, although overall it didn't make me enjoy the story any less so perhaps it doesn't matter.

    Looking forward to finding out what Anakin sees in his vision. Don't know whether it is intentional but the last line makes me think of Ray.
    Last edited by gaarastar58, Jan 7, 2016
    Kahara likes this.
  4. AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    That is a jolly good question.

    *is just back on-line from a "Downton Abby, Season 5" DVD marathon with her mom

    It just seems to Anakin that the lines move all by themselves. But it is just a trick of the light.

    *suddenly has a song from Mike Oldfield in her head

    See, when I first posted the original story so many years ago (= 12th January 2008), I was interested in finding parallels between the sith culture & the Tusken. You see so many sith with tattoos. And when I got my hands on a "Clone War" comic, introducing me to the character of A'Sharad Hett, I tried to spin connections between those two cultures.

    When re-writing the prologue and having it re-edited, I was somewhat reminded of the tattoos the shadow hunters have in the book series of Cassandra Clare. But I can assure you, the tattoos do not really move around. But after reading about the Heinsnake cult recently, I was more than keen to stick to the idea of Hett having more unusual tattoos.

    Because later on there will be a reptile race playing a very great part in my fanfic. But the rest is spoiler alert.

    * has the voice of River Song in her head, saying: "Spoilers!"

    Anyway, may I put you on my update list, @Sith-I-5?



    @gaarastar58, originally that bit was in the story, but my husband @DarthUncle found it too confusing & so poor @Kahara had to edit the text again. Let me give you a very short summery from the kind folk of Wookiepedia on this matter:

    Following the Second Battle of Jabiim, Anakin Skywalker and A'Sharad Hett were on New Holstice helping at the Republic military hospital established there. During one traumatic experience in the trauma ward, Anakin used the Force to massage the heart of dying Master Sora Mobari, in an effort to try and keep her alive—however, his efforts only increased the pain that Mobari was suffering. A'Sharad confronted Anakin about this, and realized that Anakin was having a difficult time accepting that death was a natural state of life, and essentially, the Force. To demonstrate his point, he took Anakin to a monument near the hospital which was dedicated to the memory of fallen Jedi. Upon seeing the monument, Anakin could hear a memory moth whispering to him—he reached into the soft glowing light of the monument and grabbed the memory moth, holding it to his ear. He listened to it as it continually whispered a name in his ear—Oss Wilum. A'Sharad showed Anakin how to use the memory moth to remember the names of the fallen, thus allowing Anakin to gain some closure over the many friends he lost in the killing fields of Jabiim.
    Following their much needed break from combat together with Bhat Jul, the three led the Republic defense of Aargonar. During the battle, the three Jedi became marooned behind enemy lines after their gunship was shot down—A'Sharad and Anakin found themselves alone after Bhat died of injuries received during the crash.
    Unaware of Anakin's dark feelings towards Tuskens, A'Sharad pointed out to him that the two of them shared many qualities. He even remarked that, had the chance presented itself, Anakin would have made a good Tusken. A'Sharad intended the comment as a compliment, but Anakin took it as an insult, which was influenced by the death of his mother at the hands of Tusken Raiders.[3]
    The differences in rank prevented Anakin from expressing his prejudice and anger towards Hett, and instead he projected his hatred on a group of enemy soldiers. Imagining them to be the Sand People who had kidnapped and tortured his mother, Anakin slaughtered them without pity. In the heat of his rage, Anakin even tried to attack A'Sharad, but the elder Jedi defended himself, and managed to disarm the younger Jedi. Shamed over his loss of control, Anakin confessed himself to A'Sharad regarding his deeds on Tatooine. In an effort to try and cure the boy of his anger, and knowing it the only way that they would be able to work together, A'Sharad removed his Tusken clothing and revealed himself to be Human—just like Anakin. After sharing the private moment with Anakin, he vowed to keep Anakin's secret, hoping that Anakin would resolve the issue himself. Hett also decided to discard his Tusken mask, and decided to be simply a Jedi, rather than Human or Tusken.

    I hope this makes more sense to you know. My husband asked me to write only about what happened after the discarding of the mask & not to tell the whole story that had gone before.

    Do you also want to be on the update list? I intend to update once every week in small updates. A lot of fellow fanfic writers & keen fan fic readers that I know around here prefer short texts.
    Last edited by AzureAngel2, Jan 7, 2016
    Darth_Furio and Kahara like this.
  5. Sith-I-5 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 14, 2002
    star 6
    Thank you for a great explanation.

    I don't review stories much, in fits and bursts, as most of my time online is spent in the Role Playing Forum.

    However, yes, you may add me to your update list, and I will respond to an alert when I can.
    Kahara likes this.
  6. gaarastar58 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2010
    star 2
    Yes that does make a lot more sense. I think you did the right thing starting the story where you did, its just difficult to imagine a situation where Anakin would confess one of his deepest darkest secret without any back story. Absolutely stick me on the update list.
    Kahara likes this.
  7. AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    Thanks, @Sith-I-5. I will hoop off to bed more happily now. :D



    @gaarastar58: This is why I always cherished the comic that much. It showed me an Anakin that I wanted to read more about, for I am one of those who was not 100% happy with the PT. I feel in love with Vader when I was a 7 year old elementary-school child. I felt a bit betrayed with the characterization of Anakin, but many brilliant fan fics around here helped me to overcome that upsetment. And humorous youtube clips like the ones from TEAM TEDDIE! also started somewhat of a healing process.



    Please DO follow them on youtube! They are hilarious and very talented!

    Anyway, since watching their videos & reading a lot of gorgeous fanfic on these boards, I am much cooler and relaxed. Must also be the fact that J.J. Abrams & Disney conciliated me with new SW movies. And my husband @DarthUncle recently hooked me up with the "Rebels" series.
    Kahara and gaarastar58 like this.
  8. AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    Okay, in so far I have 3 people tagged:

    @Kahara, who is so kind to be my beta
    @Sith-I-5
    @gaarastar58

    I wonder who else will come along. From now on I will try to update every weekend, but just 1/4 of a chapter or 1/2 chapter maximum. RL is so busy, also for those who try to catch up with fanfics. @SWpants told me once, the shorter, the better.

    And there are folk like @Lady_Misty, @Darth_Furio & @Chyntuck writing on their own fanfic projects or developing new stories. That also takes time & concentration.

    Well, let us see how this fares.



    Chapter 1:

    The dune sea is beautiful to behold at sunset. No sand dune is identical to another. Time is meaningless here and change subtle. The sand makes everything equal. Even strong individuals are humbled by it. The circle of life and death is rapid.

    I hold on to my trusty bamboo staff.

    My step-brother chuckles next to me. His full name is Vicomte Luçien Ankoù , but I just call him Luc.

    I just love to be out in the open desert, especially here in the sanctuary of our favourite oasis. With a smile I close my eyes.

    Carefully, I begin to listen to the stories that the wind carries with it.

    The never-ending intrigues of the serail are very far away. So is the ducal pride, all of my five step-mothers. They are the meat-bringers, the killing machines of House Ankoù .

    I open my eyes again and watch the invisible hands of the desert wind stroking over the surface of the salt lake. The feathered leaves of the date tree tremble in the evening air.

    At full daylight, the Lœil du cielmirrors the caramel coloured sky beautifully. In the weak light of the twin moons, that are already rising in the East, the lake will look more like drop of spilled lamp oil.

    I lean my staff against a rock and raise my arms high above my head. A soft mewlescapes my throat as I stretch my body lustfully. Then, I dip a foot into the tepid salt water. “Are you coming?” I ask, looking around. Of course, Luc is hiding to tease me.

    For many, many heartbeats I wait for a satisfying answer, but only hear the sound of the wind.

    Finally, I shrug and go straight into the lake. “Well, as you wish, my brother.”

    His lean body hits the water next to me. I scream out with joy and surprise. “You scoundrel!”

    Yes, my beloved desert rose?” Luc purrs.

    Giggling softly, I try to hit him. But, as usual, he is too fast for me. With the lightness of a belly dancer, he whirls around me. “Be gone!” I say with a grin.

    It is very hard to please you, my sister,” Luc starts to swim around me in circles. “First you are desperate to get me into the water and now you wish me out of it again. And people call me moody!”

    Full of love, pride and admiration I look at him. Even relaxed there is so much raw power emanating from him.

    In height Luc towers over all other guards. He is a giant. When I stand face-to-face with him, my nose fits comfortably into the small hollow of his chest. He is broad shouldered, yet lithe and graceful. Unbound, his hair reaches until his chin. It is glossy and pure black, resembling rich silk. My fingers flex with the urge to touch it. Even in the dim moonlight, his tanned skin has a golden gleam about it.

    Since the rites, Luc has to hide his face under the war mask of a gardien, a protector of the homestead. I miss his warm smile, even though it is still reflected by his impressive eyes. Their blue colour is very unusual, almost hypnotic. But it is his voice that holds the greatest power of all. Though it is as rough as the crumbled face of the hamada, the stone desert, it is more melodious than a sitar can ever be.

    Playfully, I splash water into his face. “I am a woman. Therefore it is my right to change my mind quickly.”

    Luc laughs out heartily, a sound that makes me tremble all over my body. “If you were a woman yet, I would have to treat you like a sacred goblet. We could not make such a night trip any more.”

    It is unfair of him to remind me of the rigid rules of our people. Physical contact even between siblings is forbidden once a girl turns into a woman. I never understood why that is, even though Luc tried to explain it to me over and over again. The Holy Scriptures contain so much nonsense. Perhaps when they were written down their laws were essential to the survival of our people, but times have changed. And so have our people.

    I want my womb to be as infertile as the Outer Regions.” I smirk. “Nothing shall ever change between the two of us.”

    A frown mars the space between his brows. “Never ever say something so silly again,” he states, a reprimand in his tone. “It is a blessing to be able to have children.”

    I think of our common siblings and shake my head. “No, they are just loud, annoying and greedy.”

    His lips tighten and he stalks forward. The frown turns into a scowl.

    Instinctively, I back away. His gaze burns a path on my skin until I shiver from its intensity.

    Oh, Isabeau!” he says in a quiet, angry voice.

    Most of the times Luc calls me by my given name, he is about to lecture me. I hate that.My spine stiffens.

    In the dark ages, chaos and murder ruled our world,” he scowls. “Without the Holy Scriptures, we neverwould have survived. Make no mistake about that.”

    I do not like religious talk like this. Nor do I like Luc to be so serious. Since he has been made chef de la sécuritéhe has changed so much. Even his visits in the serail have become as rare as the fairy-tales he used to tell me at bedtime. It is a miracle that he is out in the open desert with me tonight.

    Please spare me!” I beg him. My nerves tingle. He can be so rigid when it comes to history and religious issues. “The silly Star Wars with the Ophidiae are over since centuries. But this is our only common night out this month.”

    His gaze hardens at the name of the reptilian race of our neighbour planet. They are his sore point, always have been. If he could, he would kill them off one by one. “They are still out there, misusing the gift of the Living Force.”

    The Living Force, that ancient energy web which holds the treats of the universe together. It is not that I doubt its existence, but it means nothing to me. I am self-sufficient and bow to no one, except to Luc who deserves my love and respect.

    Behold,”I mumble, my eyes cast down.I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.”

    Luc loves the Holy Scripts, sees them as his sole guide line in life. My spontaneous quotation seems to please him. When I look up again a smile twitches the corners of his mouth. “At least you are not an infidel or a complete heathen, little sister.”

    Very gently he reaches out for my face, takes it into his large hands. The heat from his palms is slightly irritating. It seems as if they are on fire. His scent taunts me. As usual he wears a touch of spice that is not overpowering. It complements his natural scent, gives a tantalizing hint of his virility and outdoors activity.

    Lately, Luc is lethal to my senses. It is not that I am smitten by him, but he turns my world upside down for some reason. Most of the time I do not understand me or my feelings any more. That angers me. He is my big brother. Just being near him gives me a measure of comfort, of protection even. He is my touchstone, my favourite shoulder to lean on. It has always been that way.

    Of course, I honour papa Alezan the way that I should. But I do not love him with all my heart.

    The ducal pride and their offspring do not interest me in the least. They are shallow, dishonest creatures. Many of them would smile sweetly at you while slowly drilling a knife into your intestines. They smell wrong to me, in their perfumed robes.

    In the desert you do not trust your eyes. You rely on your nose to navigate, especially during the prevailing winds at day time.

    ********************************************************************

    While standing close to the flames, Luc dries me with a blanket. He neglects himself as usual. I wish he would take better care of himself. Very often I have witnessed how he fails to meet his own needs completely. He works too much, is completely absorbed in being there for others. This cannot be healthy.

    His fingertips dance over my skin without really touching it. He also does not look at me, while he is busy. His expression is blank, his eyes indifferent.

    The past is never dead, Isabeau!” His eyes glitter with a fierce light that I cannot interpret. “The Tjiehenet family will pay for all the war crimes they committed.”

    The Tjiehenet family. All of them children to the Plumed Serpent. Mighty Force benders, most of them. I have seen them in historical illustrations. Fierce she-warriors, dressed to kill. In military costumes, tunics made of spiny oyster shells, they trampled over cowering prisoners. I cannot help but to admire them for their efficiency, their skills in battle. It is not that I am in love with the enemy, but I respect them.

    For a moment Luc simply stares at me, his eyes burning. I start to wonder what I have done to offend him so much. I am so confused by his mood and demeanour. The past seems to be a dangerous place to go to, especially in a conversation with him.

    Please get dressed now!” he bites out. “You should not get a cold. I will make a decent cup of coffee for us in the meantime.”

    Quickly, I rush towards my clothing, checking it for scorpions and other unwanted invaders. Then I dress myself layer by layer.

    My entire garments are wine red, my favourite colour. It is also the colour of Clan Riwalan, my mother’s people. She died when I was very young. I hardly remember her or my other blood relatives. The only memories of my early childhood, that I have, circle around Luc.

    You tend to forget these on purpose, don’t you?” he muses, interrupting my thoughts. In his hands rest a small wooden box that I knew too well. Slowly, he opens the lid.

    With unhidden distaste, I stare at my jewellery set of white gold. It consists of a large number of bangles, ankle bracelets, rings, two ear plucks and a necklace with diamonds. Even though I do not care about such riches, my five step-mothers have made it quite clear to me that it is my duty to show off the wealth of the family. Yet for me all those jewels feel like restrains. They belong to a world that I dislike pretty much: the serail of the Ankoù homestead.

    Would you mind putting them on for me?” Luc begs me so nicely, that I can not resist his plea.

    If you are willing to lend me a helpful hand, I certainly can.”

    His hands move with certainty and speed. Within no time I am wearing the entire jewellery set. “You look beautiful,” he compliments me.

    I usually do. Even without those… chains,” I point out.

    For a brief moment, I see his face in the bright moon light, ashamed and sad, before he pulls me against him.

    Isabeau,” he murmurs, sounding choked. “These are gifts of recognition and love. You are not a household slave, that needs chaining. You are my sister, always will be.”

    My voice is thick with emotion when I find the right answer. “Just because it pleases you.”

    He throws his head back and laughs. A deep, throaty sound that vibrates over me, sending pleasure up my spine. I wrinkle my nose, giving my best to look miffed.

    ********************************************************************

    Our two loyal pack animals are tied to a date tree at the edge of the lake. They have been bred in papas own stables. He has the finest eopie under the twin moons. They are as fast as the desert winds.

    Gracefully, Crépuscule bends her milk-white neck down when she sees me approaching. I return that very favour and bow in recognition. Eopies are proud creatures, easily offended. Dealing with them is always a question of fine manners.

    When I look up again the mare is on her knees. Now I can easily mount her. The leather of the saddle creaks slightly when I reach out for it.

    I actually hate to ride Crépuscule with a full harness, but papainsists on it. He calls it a matter of security. I find it more annoying for the mare herself. Even though she has not been born under the free sky, I feel ashamed to let her carry the burden of a leather saddle and a holster.

    Luc passes by casually, bends and kisses me lightly on the cheek. “Silly me, I always thought you enjoyed riding!”

    At times I find his ability to spot my thoughts frightening. “What?” I gasp.

    He searches me with that vivid blue gaze without touching me. “It is not the nature of your lovely face to hide what you are thinking. You should practice in front of a mirror. Our honoured mothers do and they are mistresses of deceit.”

    Bah!” I exclaim. “Mirrors are instruments of vanity and in some cases… vain. Have you ever come across a mirror in the dune sea? What need should I have for it? I cannot ride it. I cannot eat it. I cannot drink it. See, it is an unusable item after all.”

    He bows courtly. “You truly belong to the desert, my wild and beautiful sister.”

    I raise an eyebrow. “Beautiful. Me?”

    Well, I spot a girl of fourteen with skin like shimmering bronze. The proud way she holds herself makes her bigger than she actually is. She has a lovely face with high cheek bones and a very small nose.” A ghost of a smile touches his lips. “Amazing, as nosy as she is, this nose should definitely be as big as the snout of a eopie.”

    Crépuscule makes a neighing sound as if she understood each single word that Luc just said.

    Your slanted almond eyes – set in humanoid features – show clearly that you are a Lidérc with a trace of human blood. There is no white in those eyes and your pupils are almost round due to night time. Your hair has the colour of a chestnut tree. Normally it falls down your back in soft waves, yet at present it is towered up with the clasps I gave you as a birthday present.”

    Argent, the brother of my own mount, suddenly moves behind him. The dark-grey animal pushes Luc slightly forward with his entire head. The impatience of the hot blooded stallion does not seem to bother my step-brother too much. He moves on with a casual tone.

    And there is a bindu on your forehead – a red crescent moon – showing that you have a very high position in the ducal homestead.” His mouth twists ruefully. “This very high position also comes with a lot of duties. Duties which you dislike as much as your hair dislikes to be held up by clasps. Yes, you should indeed waste no time in front of the mirror to look like a presentable lady. It is pointless.”

    Before I can blink, Luc is in his saddle and strides past me like some sand devil.

    With a raised fist I get my bamboo staff, quickly fasten it to the saddle and mount Crépuscule. “You will regret your words, brother. Wait until I get hold of you!”

    ****************************************************************

    (To be continued!)
    Last edited by AzureAngel2, Nov 4, 2017
  9. mrsvos Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 18, 2005
    star 5
    I read the first one and I really liked it. I liked the painting too. Thank you!
    AzureAngel2 likes this.
  10. Lady_Misty Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 21, 2007
    star 4
    She is right about how some things no longer as important as they were when Holy Scripture was written. The Jews were commanded to not eat pork because if it's not cooked at a high enough temperature and long enough you will get parasites in your digestive tract. In that day and age they didn't have a way to reliably to cook pork properly but now we have stoves that can keep the temperature where it needs to be.

    Some people prefer freedom to choose their own path and not be bound by superficial rules of wealth and privilege.

    If you wanted to if you changed a few details you could probably published this work and make a little money off of it. It's pretty good and better than some of the stuff I've seen offered on amazon.


    Sent from my iPadd from another galaxy using Tapatalk
  11. earlybird-obi-wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Yes, another very nice beginning
    AzureAngel2 likes this.
  12. AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    @mrsvos: Be prepared for witches. Because I have written Force witches into it at one point! O:)


    @Lady_Misty: Thanks for the praise, but I am not good enough for that, I fear. Fanfic & fanart are just humble hobbies of mine.


    @earlybird-obi-wan: Did you notice all the changes I did?
    Lady_Misty and mrsvos like this.
  13. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 7
    I love the vividness of emotion and the description of where Isabeau and Luc are. =D= There is a richness to the very words.
    Kahara, AzureAngel2 and DarthUncle like this.
  14. gaarastar58 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 19, 2010
    star 2
    I loved the image of Isabeau's jewellery being chains to cage her. There is an intensity to this story which is great and I enjoyed the idea that their culture is based on scriptures which have become less relevant over time.
    Kahara, AzureAngel2 and DarthUncle like this.
  15. DarthUncle Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 20, 2005
    star 5
    Good to see you posting this - I thought it a very strong beginning, and looking forward to where it will end; no, I didn't find all your changes since I last read bits of this story, but I think it has probably grown even better, since that is what happens with most of your stories (though as always, and as you are well aware, I am skeptical when you tell me how and wher you put specific references and bits relating to the canon - usually they work surprisingly well once I read them in the story ;)
    Kahara and AzureAngel2 like this.
  16. AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    @Nyota's Heart: Well, this can happen if you watch too many documentaries on National Geographics. And if some of your favourite authors are Marion Zimmer Bradley and Frank Herbert. [face_blush]


    @gaarastar58: Fanatics are a danger to every religion. I want to make it clear in my story that the heritage of our ancestors can be twisted beyond recognition by some individuals. And here you also have the dark side as an invisible protagonist.


    @DarthUncle: Thanks for the hot chocolate, my dear husband. And that we are not going to the theatre tonight. Those tickets can wait for us since we know the theatre director personally. My migraine is so weak by now that I can post my update:



    ********************************************************************


    When I had been but a wee kitten, Luc had told me that the slow love making of the sun and the wind created the hamada. That was of course long before any pure blooded Lidérc ever set his paw on Sapuhru. Some of those giant rocks are more than three hundred feet high. Pink and lilac sandstone have mixed with countless shades of brown. But at present nothing can be spotted of this stunning beauty. Only the starlight and the face of Sodalith herself guide us and our steeds home.


    When we reach the small tunnel like canyon that leads into Montségur, I let out a little hiss. This blasted tunnel makes me claustrophobic each time Luc and I return from the dune sea. It is not that I fear the tunnel itself, but all what lies behind. Only Luc’s earlier jest makes me ride on.


    The fifty feet high façade of Montségur suddenly rises out of the semi darkness. Symmetric ornaments, mostly squares and concentric circles, have been carved into the stones in the time of the foundation. Hundreds of salt crystal lamps, as big as my clenched fists, produce a homely orange glow on the monument. The crystals, nested in niches, get their energy from the sun reflectors that surround the city.


    Nomads never leave a trace on their journeys; if they do, they want to mislead their enemies. They would ride behind one another in order to hide their true number. City folk is by far too eager to leave proof of their existence behind. I believe that which you do not need will kill you and that luxury begins with a Lidérc wearing a robe.


    My fingers play with the bridle.


    During day time, an energetic defence shield guards the entrance. But at this time of night, only two gardien of the Night Watch are present. They greet me and Crépuscule politely. I bow back graciously, wondering over the unmistakeable hint of fear in the air.


    Why was it that people are always afraid of my noble and clever step-brother? His fame for being a merciless teaser and a boring lecturer must have spread throughout the city.


    I ride into the widely stretched marketplace of Montségur that is overcrowded with citizens.


    Argent stands at the edge of the plaza all by himself with no Luc in sight.


    I am about to dismount Crépuscule when a gloved hand presents a salt rose to me.


    “If you want to be a good huntress, you need to be faster and have better instincts,” Luc sniggers. “Your prey might escape you otherwise. Or even worse, outwit you.”


    I grip his left wrist as hard as I can. “And I feel like making you swallow this present.”


    “That’s the spirit.” He grins, carefree. “But if you could let go of me for now, the people are watching.”


    Actually everybody is trying to avoid looking in our direction, but before I am able to point that out to Luc breaks off the physical contact between us. He mounts Argent again.


    Respectfully, folk make way for us, bowing as deeply as they can. Luc nods here and there, and greets some folk by name.


    ********************************************************************

    (To be continued!)
    Last edited by AzureAngel2, Apr 17, 2016
  17. DarthUncle Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 20, 2005
    star 5
    It is great to read the rapport between these two, and the hints of how dangerous "Luc" is, though Isabeau doesn't fully seem to grasp yet how twisted he is (but she's young and kept out of the loop by him, I suspect?) Still, she too can feel the tension when he's around. Did you enhance that aspect of the story, or did I just not notice it when I read the earlier version, I wonder?
    Kahara and AzureAngel2 like this.
  18. AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    Last edited by AzureAngel2, Jan 15, 2016
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  19. Lady_Misty Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 21, 2007
    star 4
    'Leave no trace' is a good rule to live by and it worked well for some indigenous people many years ago.

    Don't sell yourself short Azure, you might be surprised.
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  20. earlybird-obi-wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Sure
    I noticed the changes and it is a very nice story to read. Luc (Lucien) is always scheming but I love him
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  21. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 7
    Layers of conflicted tangled emotions between Isabeau and Lucien. Like their personalities, there's quite a bit going on under the surface. [face_thinking]
  22. Kahara Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 3, 2001
    star 4
    It’s been fun to get a preview of this! :)

    The new prologue adds a neat parallel to Rey in TFA, with Isabeau and Rey having that same “girl in the desert with a staff” imagery!

    One thing that I’ve really appreciated is the amount of intricate detail that goes into the background of Isabeau and Luc’s world. Their culture is really well-developed and it’s interesting to see how they’ve both developed against that backdrop. (The origin stories of the various geographic and celestial features are so cool -- the whole Hour of the Last Dance thing is such a cool invention. =D=)

    Isabeau seems to be an eternal stranger to the community, and we get a feel for that from the beginning. She sees the ducal pride and the settlement where they live as something that she is caged in and tolerates, mainly for lack of options and the bonds she has to a few people like Lucien.

    That is one awkward situation, with the step-siblings element. It’s set up believably that they’d feel that way with the background that is revealed for them, but one can see the drama coming from miles away. Sooner or later in this lineage-obsessed environment one assumes that those in charge are going to want Isabeau to have children, and definitely not with Lucien of all people!

    And Lucien already has the hints of something off that I know will play out in later events -- he’s much too rapid and absolute in his emotional switches from caring and playfulness to rage; you can tell something is unstable there. [face_worried]. Others seem to be well aware of it even if Isabeau chooses not to see, or to forget those glimpses of viciousness.

    Isabeau too has a temperamental tendency that makes me wonder how far that will go wrong in time -- or if she’ll just be the collateral damage to whatever happens with Lucien. Hett’s introduction of the story to Anakin hints that there’s something more to her destiny, though. [face_thinking]
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  23. AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    @Nyota's Heart: I have a constant overdose of movie soundtracks in the back of my head that helps writing scenes like this one.




    @earlybird-obi-wan: This time I dug deep into caporeia. An older episode of the "Kung Fu" series with David Carradine is to be blamed for that. I am also fascinated by the Cathars. Seen how religiously fanatical Lucien can be, I also changed a thing or two here.


    , post: 53108137, member: 1140098"]I love the vividness of emotion and the description of where Isabeau and Luc are. =D= There is a richness to the very words.[/quote]

    @Nyota's Heart again: I hope that you like my new painting of them, which I added to the text.


    @Kahara: Back in the 80ies I used to have the German version of a brilliant Fantasy book called "Tailchaser´s song". I did cherish that book very much until it vanished during moving places so many times. The term in which the cats describe the dawn was "last hour of the dance". Isabeau & Lucien are feline and therefore nocturnal beings, which is also healthy on a desert planet.

    Anyway, thanks for so much praise! Soon more!

    I also decided to rewrite a lot from chapter 4 on, which should make @SWpants very happy. I can not leave Lucien out of the story at all, but Kylo Ren also gave me some ideas. But that would be spoilers!
    Last edited by AzureAngel2, Apr 17, 2016
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  24. Darth_Furio SWC Jedi Draft Commissioner

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 2008
    star 8
    I agree that Lucien is about to blow. His love for Isa is only matched by his hate for his enemies. I don't like how Isa blames herself when Luc gets suddenly mad. That tears people apart. Great story Azure, again it's a rich world described in only a few lines with two great characters. Well done and I'm glad you're back. :)
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  25. earlybird-obi-wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Another lovely painting showing the feline features of your characters
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