CT Let's have some fun with "Star Wars, Twisted Logic"

Then Lucas would have had to change the saga from the The Tragedy of Anakin Skywalker to The Awesome Life of Dak!

Does Vader have to inform everyone about everything he does?

 

Yes -far fewer imp officers and troopers soiled themselves when he came around if they were alerted to prepare for his arrival.

So what's the real reason GL started in the middle of the story back in 77?

 

He hadn't yet perfected the Anakin Puppet.

Did Obi-Wan tell the truth from a certain point of view or is he suffering from desert insanity?

 

Neither. Obi-Wan's a big ol' liar!

What does "oII" on the back of the stormtrooper uniform mean?

 

That they're all employees of Ziro the Hutt's convenience stores 0-11

Did Luke attack Vader on the DSII because he didn't want him to find out about his real thoughts about his sister?

 

Yes, it's a Skywalker thing.

Why was the Mos Eisley Cantina anti-droid?

 

Droids can be assassin droids, and even if they are not assassin droids they can help in a fight.
Why was Lando a general when he should have been an admiral,since he was in a flight battle?

 

He was promoted after receiving laurels of his victory at the Battle of Taanab. Did not receive enough recognition to top Admiral Ackbar yet.
Why didn't Chewie get a medal?

 

Co-pilots should get Co-medals. But since those don't exist, he'll have to stare longingly at Solo's.

Why was Force Ghost Obi-Wan able to sit down in Return of the Jedi?

 

Dagobah is so strong in the Force that even logs get Force Ghosts - that's what Obi-Wan was sitting on.

So where's the, er, 'other end' of the Sarlaac?

 

Ahem, uh, the end, is currently enjoying itself somewhere over Coruscant.
Why did they wipe c3po's memory? Why not just the facts pertaining to Luke and Leia?

 

They were under the impression that wiping 3PO's entire memory would also make him less whiny.

Why did Padmé stay with, then marry Anakin after he confessed to the mass murder of an entire tribe of Sand People?

 

Genocidal Fetishist. One can only imagine the "celebrating" she would have done with Anakin after his Youngling slaughter.

Was Greedo murdered?

 

Yes, Han shot him first.

Why didn't the wampa kill Luke before Luke's tauntaun?

 

Cuz wampas like the way tauntauns smell.

How did Cliff get from Hoth to Cheers?

 

Galaxy to galaxy express mail. When you absolutely, positively have to be there overnight.

Why did it take 19 years to complete the first Death Star?

 

Because Vader was so mad he blew it up
Why didn't they have a vent over the exhaust port on the Death Star?

 

The grille-making company went out of business during the Clone Wars.

Why does Han want people to "never tell me the odds"?

 

Because he only likes evens.

With all the medical technology in the galaxy, like being able to replace lost limbs and hands, why is Mace Windu bald?

 

It was a mishap resulting from a Nair prank Qui-Gon pulled when they were teens.

Why didn't Padme tell Anakin that he needed a haircut?

 

Anakin had rage issues; when she did, he said, "Make a motion in the senate where that belongs," and that was the end of it.


Why didn't the Death Star come out on the side of Yavin where the Moon was?

 

It was piloted by a bunch of men who got lost and refused to stop and ask for directions.

If the Republic had no army, who supplied the warships for the clones? And how did they get them so quickly for the Battle on Geonosis?

 

The United States, in return for a huge loan.

What's Lobot listening to on the those funky-pumpin' headphones?

 

Just what do mouse droids do?

 

They get into the walls and breed.

Lando broke his promise about "not a scratch". How did Han take it?