CT Let's have some fun with "Star Wars, Twisted Logic"

Easily the worst is the entire premise of the prequels.

Palpatine orchestrates a war that he drags out for three years all the while playing both sides -- it was all him.

For the purpose of corrupting one single person.

WHo was sent to battle and at any moment could have been killed.

and yeah, everyone was just an innocent victim, even the good clone troopers.

Mod edit: I don't think this is the thread you're looking for

 

Lando was not going to out pimp Darth Vader. His main intention was to have a better cape than Boba Fett.

What do you think Han had to say to Lando after RotJ, when the Falcon had a few scratches and a missing satellite dish?

 

"It's not the years, it's the parsecs."

Obviously wampas eat tauntauns, but what do tauntauns eat?

 

Yellow snow

What do Jawas eat?

 

Other Jawas.

Why wasn't Mon Mothma at the celebration on Endor?

 

She was enjoying the Mon Calimari at the restaurant.

Do you think that Aunt Beru would tell jokes and Blue Milk would shoot out of Luke's nose?

 

No but Tank did before he left.

Why do Jedi and Moisture Farmers were similar clothes?

 

Farmers are poor, Jedi are just cheapskates.

So what poor sod has the job of cleaning up severed arms and dead Rodians in the Mos Eisley Cantina?

 

Look at my avatar. I look grouchy for a reason. I do it all. And all Ackmena has to worry about during night shift is what song and dance number to do. I swear, one day she's dancing around with Panda Baba, the next I'm picking up his severed arm and tossing it in the grinder. I said no blasters, dammit! An hour later I'm peeling scorched Rodian carcass off the table and- you guessed it- tossing it in the grinder. Never ends.

What happens to you if the blue milk you've drank has turned bad?

 

You hiccup uncontrolably until your insides explode. That was the true reason for the death of Beru and Owen.

Do you think C-3PO would have changed the odds of anyone surviving, had of known better?

 

No but he would've changed his plating to another color to avoid being called "Goldenrod".

What caused Tarkin to have a foul stench?

 

Tarkin loved to relax in the trash compactor unit.

What kind of mayhem would have happened if droids were allowed in the Cantina?

 

Fire and brimstone coming down from the sky! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes!
The dead rising from the grave!
Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats, living together! Mass hysteria!

Why did Palpatine think Lukes 2nd lightsaber was much Like his fathers when it really was a copy of Obi-wans?

 

Because while Palpatine was a powerful Sith, he had weak eyesight and needed glasses.

Why did the Emperor decide to build the second Death Star at Endor?

 

Because the second one didn't have an exhaust port.

Why do Jawa's eyes stay lit even in the daylight?

 

Jawa safety regulations require daytime running lights for everyone. It was supposed to be for every vehicle, but there was a typo in the document that was notarized and passed into law.

Why are Jawas such lousy proofreaders?

 

Because they can only program in Jawa, not Java.

Just what was Vader doing in his "Meditation Chamber?"

 

Uh, nothing! He'll be out in a minute!

Why didn't the Millennium Falcon have a TV, instead of just some crappy holo chess set?

 

Cuz reception is crappy in hyperspace, even with a dish antenna.

Where can I get a TV cable 12 parsecs long?

 

Why, on Kessel, of course.

If Han was a smuggler, how did he earn those honorary red stripes on his pants?

 

Han was moonlighting as a Chipandales dancer, those are stripper pants, he earned those stripes.

Was Luke a punkass kid for bullseyeing whomprats?

 

Yes, he was. But he was not full of hate when he was doing it. Which would make him pretty sadistic.

If R2 had not have turned off all the trash compactors on the detention level, just how thin would Luke, Leia, Chewbacca and Han have been?

 

Pretty thin!!!

How much fuel was in Luke's Land Speeder when he sold it?

 

None. Unbeknownst to Luke, Artoo & Threepio had siphoned it all out for a binge earlier on and filled the tank with sand. That's why the stormtroopers were after them in Mos Eisley, had nothing to do with the DS plans at all.

Why do Ewoks wear elaborate headgear when they don't bother with pants?





(And thanks Sith-Mullet for bumping this thread)

 

That "headband" was their pants , they were wearing it on their heads as a fraternity prank. They also cracked open a can of tuna and placed it in Chewbaccas bandolier.


Just how many Bothan spies does it take to change a light bulb?