Lies and promises Read Or I'll smite you

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Darth Jigglypuff, Jun 3, 2000.

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  1. Darth Jigglypuff Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2000
    star 1
    ack! I 'm so nervous!
    *steps onto soap box* Okay this is my first fanfic its a basic AU Ep3
    I hope you enjoy
    *****************

    A lone figure stood on one of the many balconies of Theed Palace, who ever she was she was inwardly wrapped up in her own thoughts as she stared into the night?s sky.
    The only thoughts she had for the past sixth months were ones of betrayal, pain and above all confusion.... Tonight was no different
    "How could he just leave, I mean after all we've been through it comes to this?"
    She couldn't have seen it coming, I mean all those late nights out *training* and the more distant he became?the pieces all fit now but then she had assumed that he was having an affair and didn't want her any more because she was *older* than him. She reflected bitterly that that had been the problem that kept them apart for years, and had been her only concern about getting involved with him in the first place.
    She took a shaken breath as the memories hit and sobbed "Oh Ani, why did you do this to us? To our baby's?" she whispered in pain, no answer came for her or the tiny lives that grew inside her womb, in painful reflection she realised a long time ago that they would never know their father. A man who would have cradled them in his arm's and chase away any fears and nightmares and listen to they're dreams and inspire them to be the best they could possibly be and have loved them no matter what ?but that would never happen now. She would have to do it all herself "but then again I've always been alone in the end haven't I?" she shouldn't have thought it would be any different should she? Sometimes she would feel his presence in her mind yet never acknowledge it, no matter how she wanted to, simply because he was to far gone to do anything...
    "Your highness, come inside you'll catch your death of cold? Rabe?s voice stopped her line of thought as she wrapped a woollen shawl around Amidala then whispered softly so only the queen could here "Its time Ami"
    The Queen turned round and went inside as a rain storm began outside

    In the middle of the night a small, undefined speeder left the palace to a classified location


  2. jedi jaffacake Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 12, 2000
    star 1
    I think you've got off to a good start. My only criticism is it's too short! I know how you feel... my first fic went up a few days ago and I was nervous too. But I don't think you have anything to worry about, it's fine so far. The only thing people might tell you to do is leave a line space between paragraphs. I missed that with my first post too.

    Good luck!

    I love your name by the way!

    [This message has been edited by jedi jaffacake (edited 06-03-2000).]
  3. Anakin's Angel Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2000
    star 4

    Well, DJigglypuff, I would not like
    to be SMITED! (Is smited a word?!)
    This is good...Amidala's pain is real
    and I can't wait to see what happens
    next.

    KEEP GOING!
    Or I'll smite you!

    aa
  4. belberbex Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2000
    http://www.cyberantix.com/ubbcgi/Ultimate.cgismite me

    [This message has been edited by belberbex (edited 06-03-2000).]
  5. Darth Jigglypuff Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2000
    star 1
    Sand?.nothing but sand

    Obi wan glowered at the heat waves rises in the horizon and shifted on a the rock that he was perched on, The sun beat down on him and parched his lips and burnt his skin but he refused to move until he found some kind of peace.

    It had been three weeks since he left the Queen on Naboo, against all his instincts and feelings he left for hiding?hiding from the monster he had helped shape and mould. The man who had been his best friend in another life time, the man whose wedding he was best man at, hell he?d even helped him get ready for his first official date, But now because of his own pompous Arrogance everything?everyone was in a state of disrepair

    It was then he realised he wasn?t meditating he was punishing himself .
    At times he hated Anakin with such a fierce intensity it scared him to his inner most core. There were times he felt that if he could only have been a better master that Anakin would have been the greatest knight ever to bear such a title, other times he cursed Qui gon for ever taking him from this force forsaken planet.

    His stomach churned as he felt another force strong die, A Padawan healer if he wasn?t mistaken
    ?My, my Ani aren?t our standards dropping? He thought bitterly as he pushed himself from the rock and shuffled towards his hovel.

    He could still the musical laughter of his love as he touched her heavily pregnant stomach, He had to her and his child the day Anakin declared himself loyal to the Empire and a sith. He had begged her to come with him, she alone could make everything seem all right and vindicate him completely but she had another life to lead, other lives to protect
    And with her name on his lips he fell into a sleep filled with images of his Sabe and their dearest Mara
  6. Darth Jigglypuff Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2000
    star 1
    Wow! three posts already !!!!!! *does happy dance* glad you like it, I was so scared no one was going to *lol*
  7. Jedi Pikachu Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 27, 2000
    star 1
    Well, I *suppose* it was okay....

    Just Kidding!

    I can't wait for more Darth Jigglypuff!
  8. General Zanthew Trekkan Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2000
    Excellent job! I could feel the emotion in the characters! I really am eager to see more of your work! cool.gif
  9. ami-padme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 19, 1999
    star 4
  10. RebelMom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 20, 2000
    star 6
    I was nervous on my first one also. I survived; so will you.
    Now, you have to write more.
  11. Alderaan21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 24, 1998
    star 4
    You've kinda got a problem with typos-- other than that, it's great!

    More. NOW.
  12. Mistress Sudafed Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 27, 2000
    star 3
    eek.gif eek.gif eek.gif Careful everyone, Darth Jigglypuff has an army to smite you all with tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif Excellenté, magnifiqué,write or I'll smite YOU!
  13. Darth Pipes Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 1999
    star 5
    I'm glad to see you've posted the story Darth Jigglypuff!

    I think it's great. It is very well detailed and really gets into the mind of these characters. A great start! I'm looking forward to more.

    Darth Pipes

    [This message has been edited by Darth Pipes (edited 06-04-2000).]
  14. Darth Pipes Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 1999
    star 5
  15. SithAbigail Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    star 2
    Ooooh, Obi-Wan's daughter is Mara Jade! Cooooool!
    Post soon or I'll have to turn evil and stab you with my blow pop.
  16. Darth Jigglypuff Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2000
    star 1
    Thanks everyone I'll post later tonight
    and I'l watch out for typos redface.gif

    Empress sudafed - If you don't post soon on Skinny pimp Vader and Ami (aka the seamy lives) I'll smite Burt Renalds *lol* then who would be your evil villan
  17. Darth Jigglypuff Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2000
    star 1

    ************
    Drip?drip?drip
    The slow incessant tapping of rain on the palace roof was driving her half-mad
    Drip?drip?drop
    And the paper work she was doing covered the other half quite nicely

    How on Alderaan does Ami cope with this?this? junk! She thought angrily as she threw the papers to the floor and sighed in defeat, She would have to get Sache to help her with this sort of stuff if she was going to at least try to Naboo in any semblance of the way it was normally?

    What if she doesn?t come back after the birth of the twins? Will I be stuck here for the remainder of my life?? I shouldn?t be doing this I have a daughter to look after and Ami needs my protection if her husband might look for her what would happen?
    So this is it? I?m to take the throne to leave my daughter in the hands of the one that needs the most protection; Light years away from Obi wan?I do not get paid enough for this!

    With her mind in its occupied state she hadn?t noticed a group robed figures enter the room

    ?Your Highness?

    The use of that couldn?t take her from her thoughts

    ?Handmaiden Sabe Kendara?

    ?What? she snapped irritably ?I mean??

    Oh frack!


    ?Allow me to introduce myself, I am Master Healer Ethoaran Niree and this is my Padawan, Kyla Threnin, We come to seek asylum from the tyranny of the empire?

    Despite the calm demeanour both Master and Padawan held it was obvious that they had been on the run for many days?also that they had been turned away
    ?Your kind shall always be welcomed on Naboo?


    No matter what we shall never forget what we owe

    ************



    [This message has been edited by Darth Jigglypuff (edited 06-05-2000).]
  18. Darth Jigglypuff Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2000
    star 1
    I hope the mara issue didn't seem to contrived....
  19. Darth Pipes Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 1999
    star 5
    I wouldn't wory about it DJ. The story is still great!

    Darth Pipes
  20. Anakin's Angel Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2000
    star 4

    I have to agree with Pipes on this one!
    Mara had to come from somewhere,
    didn't she?! Keep posting, and stop
    worrying!

    aa
  21. jodiwent Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2000
    star 4
    Isn't it smite The? Good story. Others have thought the same thing about Mara, and it's your story so go for it.
  22. Darth Pipes Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 1999
    star 5
  23. Alpha_Ferdante Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 28, 1999
    star 2
    Found it! Thanks for referring to this in the Skywalking egroup!

    You took a step I haven't been willing to yet, DJ. You posted your own story.

    Nice job.
  24. Darth Pipes Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 1999
    star 5
  25. Darth Jigglypuff Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 9, 2000
    star 1
    I'll post tommrow
    sorry for the wait redface.gif
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