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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Lions and Tigers and Padawans, Oh My! (Humor/JA)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jemmiah, Dec 16, 2001.

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  1. mouse2

    mouse2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 29, 1999
    "Hextinguisher hoam, dhried my skin hit has." Yoda replied.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
    *snort*
    ROFLOL!!!

     
  2. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 28, 2001
    OH BROTHER! That was funny Jemmy! Boy, I hope those initiates of Abran's get tired eventually!
     
  3. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    (posted by Jemmiah)

    **********

    Stop it!"

    Kylenn tried her best to control her small group of initiates, but it was proving exceedingly difficult as time passed by with all the swiftness of a speeding slug. The word games had long been exhausted, as had everyone?s vocal cords. The darker it became, the more tired the adults got. Conversely, the children were wide-awake and bouncing around. Not that long ago they had been terrified, not to mention nearly devoured during a rather too close encounter of the reptilian kind, but now it was seemingly forgotten in the excitement of being allowed out after dark.

    "I warned you before," Kylenn reiterated, "No swinging about on the branches. It?s dangerous."

    A small chorus of grumbles echoed in reply. She sighed in irritation. At the start of the day she would have been most people?s favorite padawan. A soft touch. Easily persuaded. Now, she had turned into a hard-brow ogre. So much for asserting ones self.

    Jay Abran was still asleep, snoring lightly. That had kept the initiates amused for the best part of ten minutes. Master Jinn was not asleep, but he had his arm round Jemmiah?s shoulder whilst he tried to help work on healing her ribs. What a cute couple they made, Kylenn laughed to herself. If only Obi-Wan could see her curled up in his master?s lap! Abran could roll his eyes and jump to all the conclusions he wanted, but Kylenn refused to read anything into it. Except that they looked a heck of a lot more friendly than they used to be?

    "Will you cut that out!" She hissed at the Wookie Zibacca. He looked shamefaced. "I can?t get comfortable." He complained.
    "I thought Wookies were used to trees." Kylenn responded.
    "You call this a tree?" Zibacca snuffled miserably. "It?s a stunted weed compared to where I come from. My bottom keeps hanging over the branch!"
    "Them you?d best stop jiggling around, hadn?t you?"

    Qui-Gon opened his eyes. He?d been listening to the strained conversation whilst concentrating on the healing, and decided that there were some frayed nerves that needed mending, too.

    "Why don?t we try a word association game?" He offered.
    "Yeah!" Chorused the little ones, trying to arrange themselves so that they could best see and hear to take part.
    "Right, then." Jinn said. "I?ll start first, shall I?"
    He looked about him. "Tree."
    "Kashyyyk." Answered the Wookie, whose turn it was. He then promptly burst into tears of homesickness.


    "Good call, Master Jinn." Jemmiah muttered, eyes still closed.
    "I?ll start." Kylenn said hurriedly. "Er?Grass."
    "Green." Replied one of the human initiates.
    "Yoda." Shouted the ET.
    "Stick." Drawled Jemmiah.
    "Wood." Qui-Gon smiled.
    "Tree." Kylenn repeated.
    "Kashyyyk." Bawled the Wookie, in tears of hysteria.

    Qui-Gon blew out a long breath.

    "Let?s try another, shall we? How about?water."
    "Rain." Jemmiah said.
    "Storm." Kylenn smiled.
    "Thunder." The Wookie snuffled.
    "Lightening." The Et said.
    "Tree-strike." Replied Jemmiah under her breath, a wicked tone to her voice. She didn?t have to open her eyes to know that Master Jinn was regarding her with disapproval.


    "Sorry, what was that?" Qui-Gon?s voice had taken on a slight edge.
    "I said electricity."
    "That?s what I thought you said." Qui-Gon nodded.
    "It?s your turn Kylenn."
    "Oh. Er...Steam."
    "Cloud."
    "Snow."
    "Hoth."
    "Wampa."
    "Eaten-alive." Jemmiah smiled.

    There was an uncomfortable pause.

    "Someone?s in a morbid mood tonight." Qui-Gon remarked.
    "It?s the company I keep." She groaned, as a stab of pain went down her ribs.
    "Try and keep still." He instructed her.

    "Let?s start that one again. Water."
    "Droplet."
    "River."
    "Flood."
    "Torrent."
    "Monsoon."

    One of the initiates who had been listening put his hand up.


    "Yes?"
    "I need to go to the fresher."
    "That?s with all your talk of water." Snickered Jemmiah.
    "Look, try and join in with our game. It?ll help take your mind off things."
    "You hope." Jemmiah said.
    "Where were we?"
    "Monsoon." Qui-Gon said.
    "Er... Waterfall." Kylenn stumbled.
    "Drownin
     
  4. Sarah_K

    Sarah_K Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 10, 2001
    Oops. Abran is SOOO dead. And so is my computer for eating my last post like that!

    LOL on Qui's 'grandfatherly' wonderings. *Please* let somebody tell him what's really going on before he does something dreadful! Well, then again...

    Sarah >^,,^<
     
  5. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 28, 2001
    OH NO!!!!!! Well, if Jemmy dies, Abran is in HUGE trouble with Qui!!!! That was funny about their game... ;)
     
  6. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    (posted by Jemmiah)

    **********

    "Can?t we stop him from doing that?"

    Bai tried to recall Mace Windu, THE Mace Windu, respected Jedi Master and Council member that everyone knew and admired. Then he tried to reconcile that memory with the image in front of his eyes, and found that he couldn?t.

    As he was speaking, Master Windu was running back and forth, arms bent into stumpy wings that he flapped vigorously up and down, making the most disturbing duck noises it had ever been Bai?s misfortune to witness. To add to the embarrassment, he had placed an enormous spray of fern in his buttock cleavage to represent a tail?

    "Master Windu?"
    "QUACK!"
    "Please say something other than quack."
    "QUACK?"
    "That?s not helping me."
    "Quack-Quack?"
    "No. It?s not."

    Pause.

    "It?s getting really dark. We need to find Master Jinn!"
    "Quack-Quack-Quack-Quack-Qqqqqquack!"
    "Sorry. I didn?t catch that." Dylain the keeper put a hand up against his ear.
    "He says he needs to preen his feathers." Bai translated.
    "Oh."
    "Quack-Quack?Quack-Quack-Quack." Windu added, trying to fan out his fern tail. "Quack."
    "This is getting ridiculous."
    Mace stopped flapping his arms and stared at Bai. "QUACK!"
    "Oh, shut your beak!"

    Suddenly, Windu darted towards a large patch of leaves, settling himself down with meticulous care. The caltrop-shaped device was still embedded in his rear.

    "Where does he think he?s going?" Bai was almost ready to tear out his spiky hair.
    "I think he wants to lay an egg." Dylain replied.
    "Quack!" said Windu.
    "Hope it?s a square one." Muttered Bai.


    *************

    By some miracle, neither Jemmiah nor Jay Abran had fallen right to the ground.

    The lowest branches had caught both of them on the way down, breaking both their falls to a certain extent. Abran had put out his arms to help slow him down, and had been impaled in the hand for his trouble by a sharp twig. Jemmiah had gotten herself jammed between a sharp fork in a branch, but close enough to see the little Sith hounds of Abran?s suddenly come back to wakeful bloodlust in a matter of moments. They already had her boots, how much more did they want?

    She didn?t want to admit it, but she was scared. Heights were never her thing. More than she hated heights, she hated the idea of falling from them. When the branch had creaked under the combined weight of herself and Master Jinn, she had become momentarily petrified with fear. This time, she didn?t dare move. Her ribs felt as if they were on fire.

    "Owwww!" Abran yelped as he examined his injury. "Gods, I?m bleeding!"
    "Quit bleating, will ya." Jemmy replied weakly.
    "But my hand has a hole in it!"
    "It?ll match the one in your head, then." She muttered.
    "I could be scarred for life!"
    "If you don?t shut up, I?ll do it personally!"

    "Keep still, both of you." Master Jinn shouted from above.
    "He says the most idiotic things at times." Jemmiah groaned. "What does he think we?re going to do, play a game of Bolo ball?"
    "There?s a big piece of wood the size of Master Yoda?s cane sticking out of my hand!" gibbered Abran.
    "You men. Always like to over-estimate the size of things." Jemmiah retorted, craning her neck to see. "Show me."


    He held his hand out, supported by its trembling counterpart.


    "That?s nothing more than a spail." She sniffed dismissively.
    "What sort of woodwork classes did you go to?" Abran wailed. "My hand?s hanging off!"

    Below, the initiates that were once in Jay Abran?s charge circled the tree once more. Odd, thought Jemmiah, that the only time they had calmed down was when they were playing those silly word games. It was almost as if they had been listening?

    She had an idea.

    "Hey, doggies!" She shouted down to the initiates.
    "GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR!"
    "We?re going to play a little game. Would you like that, huh?"
    "GGGRRR."
    "How about this. Master Yoda says, ?Play dead.?"

    To the astonishment of everybody in the tree, each one of the initiates joined in Jemmiah?s game. Master Yoda Says was a well-known game amongst the initiates in the
     
  7. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
  8. mouse2

    mouse2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 29, 1999
    Jay, I'm going to have to say that you deserved that! :D :D :D

    QUACK!!!
     
  9. Sarah_K

    Sarah_K Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 10, 2001
    "He never said 'Master Yoda says'." [face_laugh]

    I agree, though, he DID deserve that. Maybe while the initiates are mutilating him, the rest can make good their escape. Here's hoping that Qui or An-Paj can eliminate drugs easily...

    Sarah >^,,^<
     
  10. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    (posted by Jemmiah)

    ********

    Dear Diary, thought An-Paj.

    It?s been a strange sort of day. It started out routinely enough, you know, the usual thing. Dimallie managed to mix up a urine sample with a glucose solution, but that?s kind of routine for her. Caught padawan healer Cates playing the teeth switch game, which I believe was invented by one padawan Kenobi and a certain Corellian female of his acquaintance during a recent truth or dare episode. Poor old Master Quirida-Xac thought his gums had shrunk when he tried to put in Mistress Rozella?s false teeth instead of his own?

    I think Healer Ferdi Xadaani has developed a crush on me. This is understandable, but I can?t really be seen to encourage it. I don?t want to commit myself to a long-term relationship, not at this stage in my life.

    My six wives would have something to say about that.

    It?s now the middle of the night and I?m stuck in a tree with more initiates than Master Yoda could normally shake a stick at and two sick padawans in a very bad state. Cates is looking very green. So is Kenobi. Come to think of it, so is Yoda?

    Master Yoda had a brief argument with a fire extinguisher and, needless to say, he lost. He now looks like a piece of shoe leather. But one amusing thing has come from the whole episode; I managed to relate the tale about Qui-Gon setting off the water sprinklers in the temple to avoid one of Yoda?s initiate lectures without having Yoda poke me with his cane. In actual fact, it was one of many tales I?ve regaled the kids with today. Mostly involving Yoda. But of course, he?s not complaining. He?s frozen stiff as a carbonite block. The kid with the runny nose said it made Master Yoda look like some kind of puppet, whereupon there were attempts to shove grubby hands up Yoda?s back and various cries of "gottle of geer"?

    Yoda was not amused.

    I?m a bit concerned about Kenobi. He?s had less to drink than Simeon, that much is evident from the color of his skin, but he seems a trifle unwell. While this occurrence is far from unusual (believe me, I should know) I am a little alarmed by his state of wellbeing, or rather lack of it. Oh, well. Plenty of time to check him out thoroughly after he?s come round from the stomach pump. If he gets bored, we?ve got plenty of reading material. His case notes from the last eight years for starters. After all, it?s not everyone who gets to have a ward in the building called after them, even if unofficially.

    Qui-Gon has disappeared. So has Mace Windu and the other initiates and padawans. Bai?s a steady sort of chap, if a little easily flustered. I remember treating him during a botched attempt at "pin the tail on the Gundark" at the initiates? party last year. It was carnage. He got so dizzy with being spun round so many times that he managed to stab himself, six initiates and Master Berlingside with the pin before the game came to its blood stained conclusion.

    Jemmiah Gleshan helped out with the catering. I?m not sure she should have put the Best Brand Old Flame Corellian Gin in the Jelly. But the kids liked it. And the Masters did too?

    Kenobi did the music for the party. Very generous of him to help out. Not that his master gave him a choice. The kids went back to the crèche almost completely deaf. And Kenobi got electroshocked by the sound equipment. I would say that it made his hair stand on end, but you can?t really tell the difference.

    Simeon Cates helped out by winning every game going. He was most upset when he lost that final round of pass the parcel. The boy is ultra competitive. Dimallie, on the other hand made a lasting contribution by forgetting that she placed her plate of Jelly on Master Windu?s seat?

    Not surprisingly, the kids rated that as the highlight of the day.

    It was only to be topped by Menali Jay Abran?s classic rendition of that well known children?s party tale: "The search for the triple armed, knife-wielding, headless pirate and his man eating Ffarfalak."

    Complete with actions.

    The kids weren?t the only ones who were scared. Pad
     
  11. Sarah_K

    Sarah_K Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 10, 2001
    I hope and pray, along with many of my colleagues, that Master Yoda?s great campaigns to mix the padawans, masters and initiates will soon come to an end.

    Bacta?s in short supply, you know.


    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    At least An-Paj is having some fun. ;) Bai on the other hand... *sigh* I don't think there's anything for it but to let Windu wake up on his own. At least the poor padawan is living up to An-Paj's oppinion of him!

    Sarah >^,,^<
     
  12. mouse2

    mouse2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 29, 1999
    ROFLOL!!!

    I always think I'm going to get through that An-Paj diary post without spewing, but then I read this...

    Which reminds me, I got six calls from home today telling me I?d left my chrono on the bedside table.

    Now if you'll excuse me I need to wipe down my PC! :D

     
  13. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 28, 2001
    *giggle* Too funny! I loved that last bit...

    She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not.... ;) Defencless woodland flowers!!!!!!! HAHA!
     
  14. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    (posted by Jemmiah)

    *********

    It had grown very cold.

    Qui-Gon looked at the miserable huddle of children and the equally miserable padawans. He had to do something. Behind him, he caught sight of Kylenn and Abran exchanging peculiar looks when he?d put his arm around Jemmiah?s shoulders. He didn?t quite understand what the look meant, except that it hadn?t been intended for him to see.


    "M-m-master Jinn?" Jemmiah asked. "Do you know where we are?"

    He squeezed her shoulder, again catching another look from Abran.

    "I?ve a fair idea, yes."
    "B-b-but it?s so dark. How can you see?"
    "Jedi have exceptionally good night vision." Qui-Gon replied, reaching out to touch the back of her hand.

    She was freezing.

    Sith, thought Abran. They?re holding hands now!

    "We have to keep warm." The tall master said after a while.

    I don?t think I want to know what he had in mind, Abran grinned to himself!

    "Perhaps we should jog the rest of the way back to the others."

    That idea went down like a lead balloon.

    "How about a game?" Abran suggested, still smarting from all the bite marks he had accrued from the initiates.
    "What sort of game?" Qui-Gon frowned.
    "I don?t know?something that combines exercise and fun. How about leapfrog?"
    "Leapfrog?" Qui-Gon said flatly. He hadn?t played that since he was seven years of age, and he?d been too tall even then.
    "It?ll be fun!" Abran insisted.

    In the dark, he was met by over fifteen pairs of hopeful eyes. Faced with such enthusiasm, how could he refuse?

    **************************

    "She loves me, she loves me not?.SHE LOVES ME!"

    Windu kissed the bare little stem in his hand. "I knew it! I knew it! She loves me!""
    "Err?Master Windy; you pulled two petals out at the same time. I saw you just now." The Alderaani kid pouted.
    "Did not!" Windu said defensively.
    "Did too!"
    "Really?" Mace looked unsure.
    "Uh-huh. Cross my heart and hope you die." He said so seriously that Mace was forced to believe him.
    "SITH!" He bent down on his knees, looking through the grass. "Everyone start searching!"


    ***************************

    "UP and over. UP and over. UP and over?"

    This is ridiculous, thought Qui-Gon Jinn. I?m fifty-five years of age and I?m playing leapfrog, in a zoo, in the dead of night with fifteen kids and two padawans, and being watched by a pregnant teenager with broken ribs. This can?t get any more surreal.

    "UP and over."

    The kids were enjoying themselves, judging by the squeals of delight. True, Jemmiah didn?t seem too enthralled by the spectacle, but Qui-Gon had given her his cloak, so at least she?d be warmer.

    "UP and over."

    He was sure there must be a law against this sort of thing.

    "UP and over."
    "Let?s sing a song!" Grinned Abran.
    "Yeah!" Twittered the initiates.
    "I don?t think?" Began Qui-Gon.

    "With great big ears,
    Just like a paddle,
    Look out kids,
    It?s Master Yaddle!"

    UP and over.

    "What is THAT you?re singing?" Qui-Gon asked, nearly running into the back of one of the initiates.

    "Renounce the darkside,
    Double quick,
    or please watch out
    For Yodas? stick!"

    UP and over.

    "I?m not sure that?s entirely appropriate." Qui-Gon shouted to Abran.

    "To lie and cheat,
    Is not a sin,
    But then we?re talking?"

    "I THINK WE?LL SKIP THIS VERSE!" Kylenn said hurriedly.

    UP and over.

    "Why?" Qui-Gon queried.

    "Master Jinn, are you SURE you know where you?re going?" Jemmiah called out. "It?s just that I saw this notice that said?"
    "Don?t worry." Qui-Gon said. "I know exactly where we are."

    UP and?.aaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhh!

    "?Beware of the amphibian pond." Finished Jemmiah.

    All the initiates gathered round to see Qui-Gon up to his neck in frogspawn.

    "Urgh!" Jemmiah shuddered. "It looks like the Temple refectory?s "Gimache pudding.""
    "It tastes like the Temple refectory?s pudding as well." Qui-Gon spat out a mouthful of the stuff.

    He dejectedly tried to scrape the jelly-like substance from his beard.

    "Look on the bright side, Master Jinn." Jemmiah smiled ch
     
  15. Sarah_K

    Sarah_K Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 10, 2001
    Just when you thought that something could not get any worse, it invariably did

    Poor boy. ;)

    And Bai's gonna strangle that big-mouthed kid! If he's not already asleep, that is.

    When the cap finally comes of Jemmy's trip to Correlia... Let's just say it's not going to pretty, but it'll probably be drop-dead hillarious. That is, so long as nobody else gets erroniously (sp??) matched up with Jemmiah...

    Sarah >^,,^<
     
  16. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    (posted by Jemmiah)

    **********

    "I?m telling you, there is!"
    "Garbage!"
    "There IS!"
    "Cut it out! There is absolutely nothing going on between Jemmiah and Master Jinn." Kylenn was adamant.
    "Oh, is that right? How do you explain the fact they?re on such good terms?" Abran retorted.
    "She?s got cracked ribs, for Siths' sake. Master Jinn is just being a gentleman."
    "He keeps hugging her!"
    "Is there a law against that?"
    "They?ve not spoken in over two months."
    "Lucky them." She replied sarcastically, staring at him. "You don?t half come out with some drivel, you know."


    She stopped open mouthed as she saw Master Jinn pull his heavy cloak back over his soaking tunic, and then gather Jemmiah to him in a careful hug, an arm round her waist.


    "Ha!" Abran crowed. "I told you there was something going on between them!"
    "They?re just trying to keep warm." She replied lamely.
    "It?s poor Obi-Wan I feel sorry for. Just imagine how he is going to feel when he finds out his girlfriend?s been carrying on with his master!"
    "You don?t really think?"
    "It?s obvious." Abran said with conviction.
    "It?s disgusting!" Kylenn said in astonishment. "She?s just seventeen and he must be fifty four or five!"
    "Maybe it?s the beard." Abran said.
    "Pardon?"
    "Some girls like beards. I read it somewhere."
    "Yes, but even so?"
    "He probably just likes the idea of having something young and attractive hanging on his arm."
    "From what I?ve seen of Jemmiah, she does not hang on to anyone?s arm!" Kylenn rounded her eyes.

    They continued to watch the pair from the back of the group of initiates, as they wound their way down a path that should in theory take them back to where they left Obi-Wan and Simeon. They should not be very far away at all. The sparks were going to fly pretty soon, of that Jay Abran had no doubts.

    "Good on the randy old devil, that?s what I say." Abran grinned. "But he needn?t think he?s anything other than another notch on her bedpost."
    "Don?t be crude." Kylenn said.
    "In fact, she must be running out of bedpost."
    "That?s unkind." Kylenn admonished.
    "Hey. Maybe Obi-Wan does know! Maybe they?ve got one of those threesome things going on!"
    "I am NOT listening to this." Kylenn put her hands over her ears, but unfortunately the image Abran had out in her mind would not readily leave.

    Ugh!

    Qui-Gon turned round. "Is everyone all right back there? Not feeling too cold?"


    "We?re fine at the back, Master Jinn." Abran answered, before muttering to Kylenn, "Everything looks kind of cozy up the front as well?"


    **********************

    "Zzzzzz."


    Sith! Not again.

    "Zzzzzzzz."


    "Simeon."


    "Zzzzz?..Zzzzz?.Zzzzz."


    "Simeon!"

    Silence.

    "Thank the force!"

    "ZZZZZZZZZZZZ."


    "I can?t stand this!" Kenobi muttered, trying to stuff his padawan braid in his ear to drown out the sound of Simeon?s snoring.


    "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ."


    "He?s getting worse! How can he be getting worse?"


    "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ."


    "Shut up!"

    From somewhere nearby, a sudden tug at Obi-Wan?s mind sounded alarm bells. His master! His master was back! And he could also sense Jemmiah, albeit far more weakly. And Kylenn, and Jay Abran?

    Obi-Wan sat up slowly, trying to see if he could spot where they were.


    "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ."


    "WILL YOU SHUT UP!!!" Kenobi stretched right over and yelled in Simeons? ear.

    Simeon awoke with a start, panic written all over his features. He had forgotten where he was momentarily, and half stood up, banging into Master Yoda. "What? What is going on?" He yelped in fear.

    Before Kenobi could answer him, the frozen, stiff slab that was Master Yoda went flying over the side of the tree.

    "They must be somewhere around. " Qui-Gon frowned. "I can sense them. My padawan, Simeon Cates?his eyes widened. "And Master Yoda?"
    "Master Yoda?s here, too?" Jemmiah asked. "Why?"
    "I don?t know," Qui-Gon replied, "But I?m sure he?s going to kill me."

    The words were hardly out of his mouth when something came
     
  17. mouse2

    mouse2 Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 29, 1999
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

    "THHWUNK!"
     
  18. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    (posted by Jemmiah)

    ********

    "Master Windu, I can?t drive!"
    "Sure you can."

    "I CAN?T!" Bai shrieked as the speeder packed with six kids and three adults winged it?s unsteady way across the terrain, trees and bushes whipping past at an alarming rate despite the number of bodies upsetting the aerodynamics.

    "What. Really?" Mace asked, fingering the daisy necklace and matching hooped earrings he?d made for himself.

    "No! I?m lying!" yelled Bai, as he swerved past a decorative boulder marking the pathway. "Of course really!"

    "Well," Mace replied, "There?s nothing like on the job training. You?re doing just fine and dandy!"

    "I?m going to crash!"

    "Garbage! Have some confidence, man."
    "I didn?t expect to die like this!"


    Mace put his feet up.

    "Are you feeling relaxed, Master Windu?" Bai asked indignantly.

    "Yeah, thanks." He frowned. "Apart from this spike sticking out the top of my?"

    "Sorry about that. "Dylain said. "I thought you were a Krayt Dragon."

    "S?okay," hiccuped Windu. "It?s a mistake anyone could have made."

    Bai had forgotten the keeper was there. "Can?t you drive this thing?"

    Dylain held out shaking hands. "Sorry son. Nerve?s gone."

    "YOUR nerve?s gone!" Bai?s mouth had become very dry.

    "Yeah. It?s that rotten Krayt Dragons? fault. I?m a nervous wreck."


    Bai couldn?t believe what he was hearing.

    "You look fine to me." He said, sparing a millisecond glance at the grizzled keeper.

    "No really. I?m falling apart." He looked about. "You haven?t got any cigars on you, have you kid?"

    "No, I?m sorry?" Bai began. Hang on a moment. What the hell was he apologizing for?


    "Someone else can drive this thing!" He screeched, letting go of the controls.
    "Watch out for that Ankula, padawan Bai." The little Alderaani boy piped up.
    "What? Where?" Bai sat up rigidly. "What Ankula?"

    There was a large bump from underneath the speeder.

    "The one we just hit." The kid said.

    "I?M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE!" Bai shouted.

    Master Windu was half-asleep. The kids were drugged, and the keeper had the shakes. There was only one thing left to do.


    ****************

    "Master Jinn!" Jemmiah slapped his face a couple of times. "Hey, I?ve always wanted to slap a Jedi Master in the face and get away with it!" She grinned, whilst holding her ribs with one hand.


    "Hello, Prince Charming. Time to wake up!"

    Abran snorted at her choice of words.

    "Is that Ms Gleshan, by chance." Came a voice from above.
    "It is, yeah?" She replied, staring up into the night. "Who wants to know, the angel of darkness?"

    "Jemmy?" Yelled Kenobi.

    "Ben? What are you doing up there?"

    "Our transports been damaged!" Obi-Wan shouted down. "And if Simeon dares go back to sleep, I?m going to damage him!"

    "Tsk, tsk!" Jemmiah frowned. "How un-jedi like. I suggest you get down here, Ben, and look after your beloved master like the good little padawan you are. He?s been struck on the head by a falling Yoda."

    "Ah!" Came a gleeful reply. "Sounds like a job for An-Paj, super healer. Let me at him!"

    A brief clambering sound ensued from the tall tree. "Ben, how are you and Simeon doing?"

    "Shaky." Replied Kenobi, "Up and down. How about you?"

    "The same. With the added bonus of trashed ribs."

    "How?" He asked in concern, pushing Simeon down the tree in front of him.

    "Long story. Some big snake thing tried to eat your master, and it didn?t take very kindly to my intervention."

    "What did you do, take out a flute and try and charm it?"

    "It took us girls to sort out a problem made by you boys. Again." She stared at Abran and Qui-Gon. "Although I admit that it?s stretching all credibility to call him a boy." She pointed to the stricken Jedi.

    "What, gone off him so soon!" Abran muttered. "Poor old Master Jinn."

    An-Paj bounded down from the last branch and made his way towards Qui-Gon. He turned to stare at Jemmiah. "Cracked ribs, you say." He muttered. "Well, under the circumstances I shall make you my next priority, after seeing to this," he pulled a face when h
     
  19. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    So much to catch up on and now I'm exhausted from laughing so hard and long. :D :D

    Too funny Jemmy!! I really don't know how you come up with such hilarious ideas!! :) :)
     
  20. Sarah_K

    Sarah_K Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 10, 2001
    Why you? Because, silly boy, you started crowing too soon. You really should have known better!

    ROTFLOL!!! [face_laugh]

    Please, An-Paj, examin Jemmy and come out with a non-pregnant verdict soon before any more funny ideas starts circulating!!

    Sarah >^,,^<
     
  21. Sara_Kenobi

    Sara_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Registered:
    Sep 21, 2000
    Ahhh. :) Always a delight to return to a story after awhile and find a whole load of posts to read. :) UP!!!
     
  22. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 28, 2001
    ABSOLUTELY BALLY STIFFEN HUNKY DORY!! That was too funny JEMMY!!!!!! HA HA!!! So when are they all gonna get this Jemmiah thing figured out??? :)
     
  23. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    (posted by Jemmiah)

    ***********

    "Master Jinn, we must stop meeting like this." Jemmiah spoke through gritted teeth as the pain from her ribs and the considerable weight of the Jedi master lying across her began to take effect.

    "Are you OK?" Qui-Gon asked, anxiously making a quick check for further broken bones. The now familiar snicker of Jay Abran accompanied his gesture, and Qui-Gon shot the padawan a look from out one eye that silenced him in his tracks.

    "I just want to go home." Jemmiah closed her eyes in weariness.

    "I know that." Qui-Gon nodded. He glanced about to see if anyone else had been hurt. It was still very dark, but the sky had lightened a shade or two. Frightened initiates and stunned padawans littered the grass as if on a battlefield.

    "Is everyone unscathed?" Jinn levered himself up, dread beginning to filter into his mind. Mace Windu was lying in a heap with what appeared to be a garland of flowers round his neck. A man, as yet unknown to Qui-Gon, sat clutching a rather deadly looking projectile weapon, wearing a very surprised expression on his face. Surrounding him on all sides were a group of comatose initiates, all deeply asleep. And somewhere amongst them should be?

    "Obi-Wan!" Jinn couldn?t believe it.

    "Urghh!" Jemmiah groaned. "What?s he damaged this time?"

    "Padawan?" Qui-Gon hastened to Obi-Wan?s side, much as the apprentice had done only five minutes earlier.

    "Master?" croaked Kenobi. "I?m in need of a LOT of sympathy this time."

    "You?re in need of a nice hospital bed, son." An-Paj replied, placing a calming hand on Obi-Wan?s head. Qui-Gon squatted down beside the young man.


    "What have you done now?" Qui-Gon asked worriedly. Obi-Wan would have shrugged sheepishly, except that his sprung collarbone was making that extremely difficult.

    "I?m not entirely sure, master, except that the bits of my body that should bend don?t, and the bits that shouldn?t do?" He grimaced. "And it hurts."

    "Is there anything he HASN?T broken yet?" Simeon asked.

    Jemmiah thought about making a witty remark, but then decided that perhaps now was not the time. She watched as Qui-Gon helped An-Paj try to relieve Obi-Wan?s pain through the force. Whilst Kenobi?s mind was occupied, An-Paj routed around in his bag for a hypodermic?

    "I?m going to publish your life story, young Kenobi, and make medical history." He frowned, as he stuck the needle into a tiny bottle. "I?m wondering how much of you left is the original Obi-Wan. I think that over the years we must have patched you up more times than an inflatable rowing boat. You are a series of patches, my boy."

    "Whatever they are, they still hurt." Kenobi whimpered.

    "Do they." An-Paj muttered.

    "SIIIITTTTHHH!" Screamed Obi-Wan. "What was that?"

    "Injection." Replied the healer. "Even the force needs a little nudge, now and again."

    "You never said!" Kenobi yelled.

    "Didn?t I?" An-Paj blinked. "Oh, well."

    Qui-Gon tried to comfort his stressed padawan as best he could. "What was in it?" He asked.

    "Painkiller. It?ll make him a bit more relaxed. Not much else. I couldn?t give him too much, considering that he has some rather dubious substances floating round his body as it is. Isn?t that right, Master Yoda?"

    "Hmph!" Came the muted reply.

    An-Paj reached into his bag for another hypodermic. "Your turn, missy." He smiled politely at Jemmiah, who promptly turned several shades whiter than before.


    "I?ll keep the pain, thank you." She gulped.

    "It?s your choice." An-Paj replied carefully. "But all you?re doing is putting off the inevitable. Here or at the healers, it?s no odds to me."

    She gave her reluctant consent with a nod. "But I want to know about it." She pointed an indignant finger at the healer, "No taking me by surprise."

    "That?s not what she normally says." Abran grinned.

    Kylenn hit him.

    "Wait, An-Paj." Qui-Gon walked over to the healer and pulled him to one side, well out of earshot of the others.

    "What is it?"


    Qui-Gon hedged a bit before deciding that the best way of
     
  24. SiriGallia

    SiriGallia Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 28, 2001
    "Any pain, or stiffening round the jaw?"

    "Why?" Kenobi looked nervous.

    "Because, young man, when we get back to the healers I shall be testing you for Giromalthic Infection."

    "What?s that?" Qui-Gon asked.

    "Something you get when you?re stabbed by rusty brooch pins." An-Paj replied. "And wouldn?t you like to know what the cure is?"

    Obi-Wan swallowed.

    "More needles?"

    "Top of the class, that boy." An-Paj nodded. "Correct. More needles. LOTS of them."



    *giggle* TOO MUCH JEMMY!!!! Boy Isadora's not gonna get a civil word from Obi for a LOOOOOONG time ;)
     
  25. Sarah_K

    Sarah_K Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 10, 2001
    "I?m not entirely sure, master, except that the bits of my body that should bend don?t, and the bits that shouldn?t do?" He grimaced. "And it hurts."

    LOL! Why is it we derive so much pleasure from Obi's injuries? Of course, this batch was particularly amusing. ;)

    I've given up on An-Paj. He's as hopeless as Abran, though fortunately, not as vocal. *sigh*

    And as if things weren't bad enough...! Not to mention the fact that the only guy with a gun is, um, rather jittery.

    Sarah >^,,^<
     
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