Before - Legends Lions and Tigers and Padawans, Oh My! (JA Humor: repost) *updated 12th May*

Thanks Miana.

*********

Posted by Jemmiah:


By some miracle, neither Jemmiah nor Jay Abran had fallen right to the ground.

The lowest branches had caught both of them on the way down, breaking both their falls to a certain extent. Abran had put out his arms to help slow him down, and had been impaled in the hand for his trouble by a sharp twig. Jemmiah had gotten herself jammed between a sharp fork in a branch, but close enough to see the little Sith hounds of Abran?s suddenly come back to wakeful bloodlust in a matter of moments. They already had her boots, how much more did they want?

She didn?t want to admit it, but she was scared. Heights were never her thing. More than she hated heights, she hated the idea of falling from them. When the branch had creaked under the combined weight of herself and Master Jinn, she had become momentarily petrified with fear. This time, she didn?t dare move. Her ribs felt as if they were on fire.

?Owwww!? Abran yelped as he examined his injury. ?Gods, I?m bleeding!?

?Quit bleating, will ya.? Jemmy replied weakly.

?But my hand has a hole in it!?

?It?ll match the one in your head, then.? She muttered.

?I could be scarred for life!?

?If you don?t shut up, I?ll do it personally!?

?Keep still, both of you.? Master Jinn shouted from above.

?He says the most idiotic things at times.? Jemmiah groaned. ?What does he think we?re going to do, play a game of Bolo ball??

?There?s a big piece of wood the size of Master Yoda?s cane sticking out of my hand!? gibbered Abran.

?You men. Always like to over-estimate the size of things.? Jemmiah retorted, craning her neck to see. ?Show me.?

He held his hand out, supported by its trembling counterpart.

?That?s nothing more than a spail.? She sniffed dismissively.

?What sort of woodwork classes did you go to?? Abran wailed. ?My hand?s hanging off!?

Below, the initiates that were once in Jay Abran?s charge circled the tree once more. Odd, thought Jemmiah, that the only time they had calmed down was when they were playing those silly word games. It was almost as if they had been listening?

She had an idea.

?Hey, doggies!? She shouted down to the initiates.

?GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR!?

?We?re going to play a little game. Would you like that, huh??

?GGGRRR.?

?How about this. Master Yoda says, ?Play dead.??

To the astonishment of everybody in the tree, each one of the initiates joined in Jemmiah?s game. Master Yoda Says was a well-known game amongst the initiates in the crèche. As long as Master Yoda gave the command, his order was to be carried out. If, however, Master Yoda did not give the order, the command was to be ignored. Anyone who didn?t ignore it was disqualified from the game.

These little darlings played the game very well, Jemmiah observed, as she called out instruction after instruction.

?Master Yoda says beg.?

The five initiates sat on their haunches and begged. Qui-Gon watched, open-mouthed. He began to climb down from the tree, and indicated that the others should do the same.

?Master Yoda says, SIT!? Commanded Jemmiah sternly.

Again, the children obeyed.

Qui-Gon was just about prepared to take back anything he?d said about Jemmiah that might have been less than complementary. It became obvious to him that she knew instinctively how the children?s minds worked. Perhaps his doubts about her parental instincts would prove to be misjudged.

?Jump up!? Jemmiah instructed. The children remained as they were.

?Well done,? Kylenn said, ?If I had to spend another moment in that tree I'd have gone right round the twist.?

?What about my hand?? Moaned Abran, lowering himself down.

?I think you?ll live.? Qui-Gon replied. ?Until An-Paj gets his hands on you, that is.?

?Fantastic.? Mumbled Abran.

He looked down at the mutilated flesh. ?I?ll never play the Gurolia Harp again.? He said mournfully.

?You don?t even play it now.? Kylenn smiled, helping the Wookie down from the tree.

?But I might have in the future.? Abran sighed. ?Do, or

 

Posted by Jemmiah

***********

?She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me??

Bai was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He thought his luck had taken a turn for the better when he?d finally persuaded Master Windu to say something other than ?quack!?

He?d been wrong.

?Master, please can we get??

?Shhh!? Windu huffed at him. ?Nobody moves until I find out if she loves me.?

?Who?s that, Master Windy?? The Alderaani kid asked.

?Master Billaba, of course.? He sighed. ?She?s gorgeous.?

He looked down at the small semi-denuded flower in his hand, squinting in concentration as he tried to use his mathematical skills to see if the three remaining petals would give him a favorable outcome. When he realized that he?d lost again, he grimaced.

?Oh, Sith!? He said crossly. ?It?s a fix!?

He groped round with his hands to find another of the small flowers.

?You?ve already had thirty nine attempts Master Windy,? The initiate stated with great solemnity, ?And the result has been the same EVERY time. I think you have to face up to the fact that she probably hates you.?

Windu looked surprised. ?How does such a small fry get to say such big, long sentences??

?I?m precocious.?

?Hi, I?m Master Windu,? the Jedi stretched out a hand of welcome, ?But you can call me Betsy.?

?Master, the other initiates are alone in the speeder??

?Who are you?? Mace asked suspiciously

?I?m Bai. You remember,? he pointed at his chest, ?Bai. BAI.? He emphasized.

?Hello, Bai-Bai.? He seemed to find that amusing. ?Just as well it?s not Bye-bye, Bai-Bai!?

?Can?t you do something?? pleaded the padawan to keeper Dylan.

?I could put him out of his misery,? Dylain shrugged, ?Other than that, no.?

?Don?t tempt me.? Muttered Bai. ?I think I preferred it when he was quacking.?

?AH-HA!? Shouted Windu as he spied another flower on the lawn. ?This time it?ll work.? He started plucking the little plant. ?You guys make yourselves useful. Collect some more and continue making that chain.?

?There aren?t any left.? Bai folded his arms. ?You?ve had the whole lawn up looking for the damned things. Between you and your love charms and us,? he indicated the flower chains adorning the heads of himself and his two companions, ?looking like something from Yaddle?s? flower arrangement classes, I?ll be surprised if there?s a single one left in the zoo!"

?But it looks so fetching woven through your padawan braid,? cooed Mace, ?You know, Qui-Gon used to wear his braid like that all the time. Wouldn?t thank me for telling you though, so shush!? He held up a silencing finger to the Alderaani kid.

?Master, we?re stuck in a zoo full of dangerous, wild animals and you are pulling petals off defenseless woodland flowers. Haven?t you got ANYTHING worthwhile to say??

Mace paused.

?She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me??

**********

It had grown very cold.

Qui-Gon looked at the miserable huddle of children and the equally miserable padawans. He had to do something. Behind him, he caught sight of Kylenn and Abran exchanging peculiar looks when he?d put his arm around Jemmiah?s shoulders. He didn?t quite understand what the look meant, except that it hadn?t been intended for him to see.

?M-m-master Jinn?? Jemmiah asked. ?Do you know where we are??

He squeezed her shoulder, again catching another look from Abran.

?I?ve a fair idea, yes.?

?B-b-but it?s so dark. How can you see??

?Jedi have exceptionally good night vision.? Qui-Gon replied, reaching out to touch the back of her hand.

She was freezing.

//Sithspit//, thought Abran. //They?re holding hands now!//

?We have to keep warm.? The tall master said after a while.

//I don?t think I want to know what he had in mind//, Abran grinned to himself!

?Perhaps we should jog the rest of the way back to the others.?

That idea went down like a lead balloon.

?How about a game?? Abran suggested, still smarting from all the bite marks he had accrued f

 

I'd all but forgotten this story! Man, I loved it. Laughed so hard I think I hurt myself.

 

Hi Shadowen! I remember you from the first time around!

***********

Posted by Jemmiah



?Zzzzzzz.?

?Shut up!? Growled Kenobi, holding his head.

?Zzzzzzz.?

?Some of us are trying to sleep.?

?Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.?

?Oh, give us a break!?

?Zzzzz?.Zzzzz?Zzzzzz.?

?Simeon.?

?Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.?

?Simeon!?

?Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.?

?Stop snoring.?

?Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.?

?Do you hear me??

?ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.?

?SIMEONWILLYOUFORTHELOVEOFMASTERYODAPLEASESTOPSNORING!? Screamed Kenobi in his fellow padawans? ear.

?Wha?wha..huh?? Simeon woke up in terror. ?What was that!?

?Nothing.? Said Kenobi, using his arms as a pillow and closing his eyes.

?I heard something.? Cates felt his heart pounding in his throat.

?We all heard something.? Muttered An-Paj dryly from nearby. ?Go back to sleep. On second thoughts,? he reconsidered, ?cancel that order. That way WE might get some sleep.?

?Eh?? Simeon rubbed his bleary eyes.

?You were snoring.? Kenobi growled.

?I don?t snore!?

?Yes you do.?

?I DO NOT.?

?In that case we have over a dozen witnesses who heard you NOT snoring.? Kenobi mumbled into his cloak. ?Now kindly shut up. We?ve only about four hours until daybreak and I want to celebrate that fact by not being awake to see it.?

?So, you?re saying I snore.? Simeon demanded.

?Catch on quickly, don?t you?? Obi-Wan began to drift off.

?What, and you don?t??

?Nope.?

?I?ll just have to ask Jemmiah. SHE doesn?t snore.?

?How do you know?? Obi-Wan demanded.

?Ha, that would be telling!? bluffed Cates, wearing an artificially bright grin.

?Simeon??

?Yeah??

?Shut up.?

Something about that remark disturbed Obi-Wan. He thought about it for a while, but his exhausted brain couldn?t take the strain. Not cut out for night thinking, he realized. He?d just have to tackle her over it tomorrow.

No wait a moment. Not tomorrow. Today!

She was going to Corellia.

Without realizing it, he let out a groan.

?Are you OK, young man?? An-Paj asked, concerned.

Obi-Wan considered. He shook his head, and although it was dark, An-Paj caught the gesture.

?Nevermind, my lad. We?ll soon have you back safely reunited with Master Jinn. And then we?ll have you checked over by the healers??

This time the groan Kenobi gave was even bigger.

Just when you thought that nothing else could possibly get worse, it invariably did.

***************
?I?m telling you, there is!"

?Garbage!?

?There IS!?

?Cut it out! There is absolutely nothing going on between Jemmiah and Master Jinn.? Kylenn was adamant.

?Oh, is that right? How do you explain the fact they?re on such good terms?? Abran retorted.

?She?s got cracked ribs, for Siths' sake. Master Jinn is just being a gentleman.?

?He keeps hugging her!?

?Is there a law against that??

?They?ve not spoken in over two months.?

?Lucky them.? She replied sarcastically, staring at him. ?You don?t half come out with some drivel, you know.?

She stopped open mouthed as she saw Master Jinn pull his heavy cloak back over his soaking tunic, and then gather Jemmiah to him in a careful hug, an arm round her waist.

?Ha!? Abran crowed. ?I told you there was something going on between them!?

?They?re just trying to keep warm.? She replied lamely.

?It?s poor Obi-Wan I feel sorry for. Just imagine how he is going to feel when he finds out his girlfriend?s been carrying on with his master!?

?You don?t really think??

?It?s obvious.? Abran said with conviction.

?It?s disgusting!? Kylenn said in astonishment. ?She?s just seventeen and he must be fifty four or five!?

?Maybe it?s the beard.? Abran said.

?Pardon??

?Some girls like beards. I read it somewhere.?

?You're joking! After she went to all that trouble to shave it off during the cantina crawl?? Kylenn countered, trying to give Jay's theory as little credence as possible.

?He probably just likes the idea of having something young and attractive

 

Posted by Jemmiah:

**********

?Master Windu, I can?t drive!?

?Sure you can.?

?I CAN?T!? Bai shrieked as the speeder packed with six kids and three adults winged it?s unsteady way across the terrain, trees and bushes whipping past at an alarming rate despite the number of bodies upsetting the aerodynamics.

?What. Really?? Mace asked, fingering the daisy necklace and matching hooped earrings he?d made for himself.

?No! I?m lying!? yelled Bai, as he swerved past a decorative boulder marking the pathway. ?Of course really!?

?Well,? Mace replied, ?There?s nothing like on the job training. You?re doing just fine and dandy!?

?I?m going to crash!?

?Garbage! Have some confidence, man.?

?I didn?t expect to die like this!?

Mace put his feet up.

?Are you feeling relaxed, Master Windu?? Bai asked indignantly.

?Yeah, thanks.? He frowned. ?Apart from this spike sticking out the top of my??

?Sorry about that. ?Dylain said. ?I thought you were a Krayt Dragon.?

?S?okay,? hiccuped Windu. ?It?s a mistake anyone could have made.?

Bai had forgotten the keeper was there. ?Can?t you drive this thing??

Dylain held out shaking hands. ?Sorry son. Nerve?s gone.?

?YOUR nerve?s gone!? Bai?s mouth had become very dry.

?Yeah. It?s that rotten Krayt Dragons? fault. I?m a nervous wreck.?

Bai couldn?t believe what he was hearing.

?You look fine to me.? He said, sparing a millisecond glance at the grizzled keeper.

?No really. I?m falling apart.? He looked about. ?You haven?t got any cigars on you, have you kid??

?No, I?m sorry?? Bai began. Hang on a moment. What the hell was he apologizing for?

?Someone else can drive this thing!? He screeched, letting go of the controls.

?Watch out for that Ankula, padawan Bai.? The little Alderaani boy piped up.

?What? Where?? Bai sat up rigidly. ?What Ankula??

There was a large bump from underneath the speeder.

?The one we just hit.? The kid said.

?I?M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE!? Bai shouted.
Master Windu was half-asleep. The kids were drugged, and the keeper had the shakes. There was only one thing left to do.

************

?Master Jinn!? Jemmiah slapped his face a couple of times. ?Hey, I?ve always wanted to slap a Jedi Master in the face and get away with it!? She grinned, whilst holding her ribs with one hand.

?Hello, Prince Charming. Time to wake up!?

Abran snorted at her choice of words.

?Is that Ms Gleshan, by chance.? Came a voice from above.

?It is, yeah?? She replied, staring up into the night. ?Who wants to know, the angel of darkness??

?Jemmy?? Yelled Kenobi.

?Ben? What are you doing up there??

?Our transports been damaged!? Obi-Wan shouted down. ?And if Simeon dares go back to sleep, I?m going to damage him!?

?Tsk, tsk!? Jemmiah frowned. ?How un-jedi like. I suggest you get down here, Ben, and look after your beloved master like the good little padawan you are. He?s been struck on the head by a falling Yoda.?

?Ah!? Came a gleeful reply. ?Sounds like a job for An-Paj, super healer. Let me at him!?

A brief clambering sound ensued from the tall tree. ?Ben, how are you and Simeon doing??

?Shaky.? Replied Kenobi, ?All highs and lows. How about you??

?The same. With the added bonus of trashed ribs.?

?How?? He asked in concern, pushing Simeon down the tree in front of him.

?Long story. Some big snake thing tried to eat your master, and it didn?t take very kindly to my intervention.?

?What did you do, take out a flute and try and charm it??

?It took us girls to sort out a problem made by you boys. Again.? She stared at Abran and Qui-Gon. ?Although I admit that it?s stretching all credibility to call him a boy.? She pointed to the stricken Jedi.

?What, gone off him so soon!? Abran muttered. ?Poor old Master Jinn.?

An-Paj bounded down from the last branch and made his way towards Qui-Gon. He turned to stare at Jemmiah. ?Cracked ribs, you say.? He muttered. ?Well, under the circumstances I shall make you my next priority, after seeing to this,? he pulled a face wh

 

?Master Jinn, we must stop meeting like this.? Jemmiah spoke through gritted teeth as the pain from her ribs and the considerable weight of the Jedi master lying across her began to take effect.

?Are you OK?? Qui-Gon asked, anxiously making a quick check for further broken bones. The now familiar snicker of Jay Abran accompanied his gesture, and Qui-Gon shot the padawan a look from out one eye that silenced him in his tracks.

?I just want to go home.? Jemmiah closed her eyes in weariness.

?I know that.? Qui-Gon nodded. He glanced about to see if anyone else had been hurt. It was still very dark, but the sky had lightened a shade or two. Frightened initiates and stunned padawans littered the grass as if on a battlefield.

?Is everyone unscathed?? Jinn levered himself up, dread beginning to filter into his mind. Mace Windu was lying in a heap with what appeared to be a garland of flowers round his neck. A man, as yet unknown to Qui-Gon, sat clutching a rather deadly looking projectile weapon, wearing a very surprised expression on his face. Surrounding him on all sides were a group of comatose initiates, all deeply asleep. And somewhere amongst them should be?

?Obi-Wan!? Jinn couldn?t believe it.

?Urghh!? Jemmiah groaned. ?What?s he damaged this time??

?Padawan?? Qui-Gon hastened to Obi-Wan?s side, much as the apprentice had done only five minutes earlier.

?Master?? croaked Kenobi. ?I?m in need of a LOT of sympathy this time.?

?You?re in need of a nice hospital bed, son.? An-Paj replied, placing a calming hand on Obi-Wan?s head. Qui-Gon squatted down beside the young man.

?What have you done now?? Qui-Gon asked worriedly. Obi-Wan would have shrugged sheepishly, except that his sprung collarbone was making that extremely difficult.

?I?m not entirely sure, master, except that the bits of my body that should bend don?t, and the bits that shouldn?t do?? He grimaced. ?And it hurts.?

?Is there anything he HASN?T broken yet?? Simeon asked.

Jemmiah thought about making a witty remark, but then decided that perhaps now was not the time. She watched as Qui-Gon helped An-Paj try to relieve Obi-Wan?s pain through the force. Whilst Kenobi?s mind was occupied, An-Paj routed around in his bag for a hypodermic?

?I?m going to publish your life story, young Kenobi, and make medical history.? He frowned, as he stuck the needle into a tiny bottle. ?I?m wondering how much of you left is the original Obi-Wan. I think that over the years we must have patched you up more times than an inflatable rowing boat. You are a series of patches, my boy.?

?Whatever they are, they still hurt.? Kenobi whimpered.

?Do they.? An-Paj muttered.

?SIIIITTTTHHH!? Screamed Obi-Wan. ?What was that??

?Injection.? Replied the healer. ?Even the force needs a little nudge, now and again.?

?You never said!? Kenobi yelled.

?Didn?t I?? An-Paj blinked. ?Oh, well.?

Qui-Gon tried to comfort his stressed padawan as best he could. ?What was in it?? He asked.

?Painkiller. It?ll make him a bit more relaxed. Not much else. I couldn?t give him too much, considering that he has some rather dubious substances floating round his body as it is. Isn?t that right, Master Yoda??

?Hmph!? Came the muted reply.

An-Paj reached into his bag for another hypodermic. ?Your turn, missy.? He smiled politely at Jemmiah, who promptly turned several shades whiter than before.

?I?ll keep the pain, thank you.? She gulped.

?It?s your choice.? An-Paj replied carefully. ?But all you?re doing is putting off the inevitable. Here or at the healers, it?s no odds to me.?

She gave her reluctant consent with a nod. ?But I want to know about it.? She pointed an indignant finger at the healer, ?No taking me by surprise.?

?That?s not what she normally says.? Abran grinned.

Kylenn hit him.

?Wait, An-Paj.? Qui-Gon walked over to the healer and pulled him to one side, well out of earshot of the others.

?What is it??

Qui-Gon hedged a bit before deciding that the best way of saying the thing was to just tell his friend

 

I wonder if you snuck up behind Obi-Wan and yelled 'NEEDLE!' how high would he jump? Or would be just disappear in a Force run??

I love this Jem! An-Paj's diary always cracks me up. As well as the 'hextinguisher'

 

Posted by Jemmiah

***********

Somewhere in the undergrowth, something stirred.

Something BIG.

Attracted by the noise, the screaming and chattering and whimpering of young and old voices alike and the scent of living bodies, human or otherwise, it could sense the vibrations of their speech in the air. The feeling of movement carried along the ground up to its feet. Hooded eyes watched as shapes danced in ghostlike fashion amidst the dark.

Still it waited.


*********************

?Master?? Obi-Wan grimaced. ?Please tell me there?s nothing else going to go wrong. Please!?

?I wish I could, padawan. It?s just that with your track record, I can?t bring myself to say the words in case I should jinx you further.?

?I really needed to hear that, master.? Kenobi whined.

Qui-Gon fixed his stare on An-Paj. ?What?s your view of the damage?? He hesitated, not really wanting to hear the answer.

?For your apprentice? Fracture of the collarbone. Hairline fracture of the right ankle. Dislocated right knee. Fracture to lower left leg. Severe bruising to lower back. Probable Giromalthic infection and alcoholic poisoning. Oh, and he has a broken nail on the third finger of his left hand. Apart from that, I?m almost tempted to say that I?ve never seen him healthier.?

Qui-Gon closed his eyes.

?What about the others?? He enquired warily.

?Five initiates drugged to the eyeballs with Sith knows what. How you?re going to explain that to the crèche masters I really don?t know.? He mused. ?Simeon Cates has severe Sandolomide poisoning caused through a combination of greed, stupidity and incompetence. Not all of it his fault.? He glanced over at Yoda.

?Padawan Kylenn has a slight concussion. Nothing to worry about, really, but I?ll have to keep her in for observation. Rules, you know.? He tutted.

?Apart from being a nervous wreck, Bai looks fine. Jay Abran has a medium sized piece of wood sticking through his hand, which is going to have to come out. I wouldn?t want him catching Corellian Elm disease or something nasty.? He grinned.

?We have a further eight or nine initiates who have overindulged on the candyfloss??

?I KNEW it.? Qui-Gon hissed. ?I told Mace not to give them all that stuff, but would he listen??

??And are pretty sick as a result.? An-Paj continued.

?Your former ward,? the healer indicated Jemmiah with a nod of the head, ?Has five cracked ribs, and extreme bruising to the torso. She also seems to be having some sort of reaction to the alcohol she drunk. Under the circumstances,? An-Paj smiled at Qui-Gon, ?She?ll get seen to pretty quickly when we get back to the temple. You?ll have to contact her guardian and let her know what?s going on. I would say that there?s absolutely no way she?s going to be fit to travel anywhere for a little while, so she can cancel her trip to Corellia for starters.?

?Hmm.? Qui-Gon was wondering what in the name of Coruscant he was going to tell Evla.

?You know Evla?s not been well.? An-Paj said, breaking into his thoughts.

?Yes.? Jinn nodded. ?It?s serious, isn?t it??

?Could be.? Was all the answer the Jedi got in reply.

?Master Yoda?s having a bad skin day. I am tempted to say that it?s no more than he deserves, but that would be very un-temple like in philosophy.?

?Phew.? Qui-Gon breathed. ?Is that everyone??

?Not quite.? An-Paj couldn?t help but grin. ?We?ve forgotten Master Windu.?

?Mace?? Jinn frowned. ?What?s up with him??

?Well,? An-Paj?s? face almost glowed, ?It seems that fate has taken a bit of a dislike to a certain part of Master Windu?s anatomy.? He indicated the somewhat spaced out zookeeper, sitting on a log, cradling his faithful old projectile rifle. ?Your fellow Jedi has received a kiss on the backside by a tranquilizer gun, and once more it will be my dubious honor to remove said device from aforementioned rear.?

?Permission to laugh.? Qui-Gon said.

?Denied. That?s my job. At least, after the emergency is over.? An-Paj remarked. ?I?ve sent for reinforcements from the temple. They sho

 

Posted by Jemmiah:

***********

?I think that was the sound of something very big? Simeon gulped.

?And very hungry.? Kenobi groaned.

?There speaks the voice of experience.? An-Paj muttered. ?I don?t know what that thing was, but I sure wouldn?t want to meet it on a dark night.?

A dozen eyes fixed themselves upon the healer.

?Sorry.? He apologized. ?I forgot where I was.?

?The keeper seems to have passed out.? Jay Abran noticed. ?If we could get his gun away from him, perhaps we could use it to tranquilize that?that thing.?

?I saw what it did to Master Windu,? Bai rubbed his hands nervously, ?I?d sooner take my chances with it as it is.?

?I don?t know.? Kenobi joked weakly, ?I don?t think I?d be scared of a twenty-foot, flower wearing monster that thought it was a duck.?

?Healer An-Paj, sir. We have to get the kids away.? Kylenn?s earlier fears came back. ?Start by evacuating everyone we can??

?What about me?? Kenobi demanded, biting down the waves of pain.

?Sorry, Obi. You?ll just slow us down.? Abran replied.

?And whilst it?s munching on you, we can leggit out of here. So you see, your sacrifice won?t have been in vain.? Simeon pointed out in a reasonable tone.

?It?s at times like these you find out who your friends are.? Kenobi grimaced.

?Survival of the fittest.? Abran shrugged. ? I?m no creature?s dental floss!?

**************

Mace lay on the ground, looking up.

The Krayt dragon, towering high above, returned his stare.

This is NOT good, thought Windu. Not good at all. The last thing he remembered, he was bending over to pick some flowers. He couldn?t even remember why now, except that Depa Billaba?s future happiness depended on it. And then he?d heard this roar?

For some strange reason, Mace felt that it wasn?t actually him the dragon was after. It regarded him with a condescending curiosity, but Windu was in no mood to test his theory up close. In the back of his head, he heard Qui-Gon.

< Mace, are you OK? >

<Aaaggggh?> was all that Windu?s mind could come out with.

<Mace? >

<Aaaggh> He gurgled. This thing was BIG!

<Are you hurt? >

<Aaaarrrghhh! >

<Hold on! >

*****************

?I don?t want to die!? Bai muttered nervously. "I'm not ready!"

?We could draw lots to see who stays behind to help distract it.? Jemmiah suggested by way of a joke.

To her amazement, everyone took her seriously.

Jay Abran picked up a series of long stemmed-grasses, breaking off one of them about half way down.

?We all pick, so that if it comes down to it, one of us will make the supreme sacrifice and stay behind to fight it along with Master Jinn.? He looked at the others.
?Ladies first.? He said, offering the grasses to Kylenn.

She swallowed. ?That one.? She said curtly, reaching out and pulling out a long stem. The relief on her face was clear to see.

?You don?t have to pick.? Obi-Wan scolded Jemmiah as she prepared to select her stem. ?You?re not a padawan.?

?I?m just as capable of being eaten as the next person. Oh, maybe not,? she amended, realizing that the next person to her was Ben. ?Here goes.?

She pulled out a long stem. Obi-Wan breathed out.

?Your turn, Simeon.? Abran murmured. ?And if it?s you, can I please have my twenty Republic Credits back??

?Thanks,? grumbled the very green looking Simeon, stretching out a shaking hand and missing the blades on every occasion.

?He?s useless.? Muttered Kylenn.

?He?s drunk.? Retorted Jemmiah.

?Here,? Abran picked for him.

It was a long straw.

?Obi-Wan?? Abran offered.

Kenobi concentrated, then pointed at the grass stem he wanted. Abran pulled at it.

It was short.

?Oh, Ben!? Jemmiah grimaced. ?How do you do it??

?Sith!? Kenobi snorted. ?I can?t even run!?

?It might not come to that.? Simeon pointed out hopefully.

?But if it does?? Obi-Wan asked, quaking?

There was another loud growl from out of the darkness.

?Anyone fancy an Obi-Snack?? Abran joked.

*************

?I don?t believe it!? Qui-Gon nearly jumped out of his

 

Posted by Jemmiah

*********

Qui-Gon and Mace Windu ran faster than they had ever gone in a long time. By the time they actually stopped running and had dared to look back, they were extremely out of breath.

?I hate being old.? Mace groaned, bent double in the need for oxygen.

?Me?too.? Gasped Qui-Gon, breathing in exaggerated fashion. ?But at least we?ve outrun it.?

?Thank the force.? Mace said reverently. Still struggling to calm their breathing, they turned round slowly.

It was infront of them.

?How?? Croaked Windu.

?It?couldn?t have got past us.? Jinn was awe-stricken. ?Nothing runs that fast. Not even Obi-Wan with the healers after him!?

?Well, it?s here now!? Mace scowled. ?What do we do??

?I suggest we revert to my plan A of not moving a muscle.? Qui-Gon offered.

?What, we just sit here and wait for it to work up an appetite?? Mace snapped.

?It?s just watching us.? Qui-Gon was confused.

?Yeah. It was doing that before.? Windu frowned. ?Just watching.?

The creature growled.

Qui-Gon had a strange, nagging feeling that he couldn?t quite place. Something about the situation didn?t make sense. The lack of aggression, for one. The way it had mysteriously just appeared before them for another. He had the vaguest notion that something was having a laugh at their expense?

?I?m going to try and walk towards it.? Qui-Gon told Mace.

?Are you mad!?

?Just be ready. I don?t want to orphan my padawan unless I can help it.?

?I?ll make sure they call their kid after you.? Mace joked, still not taking his eyes from the Krayt Dragon.

So Mace DID know.

?What if it?s a girl.? Qui-Gon said dryly, creeping slowly towards it.

?Then she?ll be the only female in the galaxy to be called something as ridiculous as Qui-Gon Kenobi!? Windu kept up the nervous banter.

?Poor child.? Muttered Jinn. He felt a subtle change in the creatures? feelings and tensed himself.

?Look out Qui!? Windu yelled, running forward with his lightsabre, but Qui-Gon was already prepared.

The creature lunged, and this time Jinn didn?t even bother with the force: he slashed out with the green blade of his laser sword and smote the Krayt Dragon in half.

Except that he didn?t.

Gone! It was gone, thought Windu. Vanished! Into thin air! Not even the proverbial puff of smoke to herald its departure.

?Where?? Yelled Windu. ?Where did it go??

Qui-Gon looked about, incredulity once more becoming his favorite companion in time of crisis.

?It was an illusion.? He stated.

?But how? Why??

?More to the point, who?? Jinn frowned. Things were beginning to fall into place.

?What do we know about Krayt Dragons?? He asked Windu.

Mace blinked. ?They attack most things. But especially vulnerable creatures. Wounded prey, smelling of blood. Easy targets, that kind of thing.?

Qui-Gon swallowed.

?We?ve been outmaneuvered by a giant lizard. It?s force sensitive, don?t you see? It manipulated our minds to get us to think what it wanted us to think and see what it wanted us to see!?

?Then those images were??

?Phantoms. Illusions.? Jinn hissed. ?That?s why it didn?t attack. It was never here.?

?Then where IS it?? Mace asked, fear spreading from his feet upwards.

?It could be anywhere, watching. It moved us away from where you crashed that speeder, quite deliberately.?

?Yes, but why??

The nagging thought that had been bothering Qui-Gon for sometime burst forth into bloom.

Vulnerable creatures.

The Initiates.

Easy targets.

Jemmiah wasn?t armed.

Wounded prey, smelling of blood.

Obi-Wan!

?Padawan!? Jinn turned on his heel and ignored the protest of his aching limbs. He had to get back to his padawan before?

Before HE became an orphaned Jedi master.

***************

//I am NOT leaving him there. I am NOT! If I so much as turn my back he ends up getting near hacked to death. He can?t take a shower without fate giving him double pleurisy. If he so much as looks at the sky to admire the clouds, you can be sure a big bolt of lighten

 

Posted by Jemmiah

************

?Right.? An-Paj crossed his arms. ?I demand to know what is going on!?

?Where?s Master Qui-Gon?? Bai looked frantically. ?I saw him?in my mind. Right here on this spot!?

?So did I!? Jay Abran was shaking. ?Maybe it?s got him.?

?If anything like that had happened to Master Jinn, we would have felt it.? An-Paj was adamant. ?Something funny?s going on here. My mind is being plagued with confusing pictures. It?s not even real.?

?It was very real to me!? Jay Abran deactivated his lightsabre.

?Your mind can play tricks on you. It?s all a matter of perception.? An-Paj replied. ?Sometimes the nastiest looking wounds are infact the easiest to heal. I say the whole thing is a waste of time.?

?But An-Paj, sir, what about that terrible roar!? Bai trembled.

?It?s all an illusion.? The healer decided.
?Then what?s that!? Squawked Abran, pointing at a towering, red-gold colored Krayt Dragon some twenty yards away.

?Ignore it.? An-Paj said simply, walking towards it. ?It doesn?t exist.? He stopped as he got within feet of the creature. ?Good morning, Mr. Krayt Dragon. As illusions go you?re really very impressive.?

He walked towards and then right through the object of the padawans? terror.

It disappeared.

The two young men stared agog. ?It?s not there.? Abran stated.

?You?re a very observant young man.? An-Paj smiled. ?I think we could make a healer out of you. Hells teeth, if Simeon can become a healer, anyone can.?

?But, sir. How did you know?? Gasped Bai in astonishment.

?Instinct. You need a lot of that when you have to rely on your wits to put Kenobi back together again every few weeks. And believe me, my instincts are finely honed as a result.?

?It could have been real!? Insisted the shaken Jay Abran. ?It could have killed all of us! Why didn?t you explain??

?In my experience it is always better to do first and question later.?

?And if you were wrong?? the padawan demanded.

?Then neither of us would be around long enough to find out!? He smiled ?Let?s get back to the others.? He wanted to find out where the source of the illusions was.

And he had a sneaking suspicion that he knew the answer?


*********

?I can?t see anything.? Kylenn looked at Simeon.

? Neither can I.?

?That?s because your eyes are shut.? She hissed.

?As a healer, I have learned to look after my eyes. I don?t wish to abuse them in any way, or wear them out unnecessarily.?

?You mean your too much of a cowardly Nerf to open them incase you see something you don?t like!?

?That?s it exactly.? Cates replied as she dragged him along.

?I don?t know how you ever got picked to be a healer.? She muttered. ?What did An-Paj ever see in your potential??

?I?m a good guy!? Simeon protested.

?And good guys go around getting people drunk, not to mention their girlfriends.? Kylenn criticized.

?I never forced either of them to have a drink.? Simeon sniffed. ?I?m surprised at Jemmiah, though. Seeing as how she?s?you know.?

?What?? She frowned.

?Er?what?s the correct term. Up the stick??

?What did you say?? Kylenn looked shocked.

?Breeding. Expecting a happy event. In an interesting condition." He paused in an attempt to further extend his vocabulary. "Preggers.?

?Thank you. I got the idea.? She said weakly. She thought about it. ?Sith. Whose is it??

Simeon looked confused.

?Is it Obi-Wans? or Master Jinn?s???

?Master Jinn?s!? Simeon was aghast. ?What are you suggesting? No. On second thoughts, I don?t want to consider what you?re suggesting. That?s disgusting.?

?I hope she?s OK. That snake thing half crushed her to death! And it?ll be all my fault!? Kylenn?s? mind was working overtime.

?Oh, well.? Simeon shrugged, eyes still closed.

?Is that all you can say?? She retorted in a clipped voice.

?I?m sorry. I?m still trying to get over the idea of Qui-Gon and Jemmiah playing mommies and daddies.?

Actually, Kylenn had a problem with that, too. She looked up, and then stopped.

Simeon ran right into the back of her.

 

I know you probably knew I would say this, but I can't help myself. I love Simeon's logic! Plus it seems to be working so far!

Now Obi id reaching for the Force to use the infamous Yoda missle. It will bring down Kryat Dragons as well as the brick wall bahind it!

 

Posted by Jemmiah

*********

?Jemmiah?? asked Sabra-Ni with her tiny, upturned face and large, solemn eyes staring at the Corellian girl.

?Hmm?? Jemmy answered in a flat tone.

?If you get married, can I come to your wedding??

Sith! That was one thing Jemmiah did NOT want to think about right now. The prospect of having to marry that idiotic cousin hung over her head like an invisible axe waiting to fall. The only good thing to come from the whole zoo fiasco was that she had been able to forget her predicament for a little while.

She prayed Qui-Gon would make good his promise to help her.

?I?m hoping it won?t come to that, sweetheart.? She ruffled the dark girls? hair absently.

?But why not?? She seemed disappointed. ?Don?t you want to marry padawan Kenobi??

Jemmiahs? eyes opened very wide.

?Marry Obi-Wan? Where did that come from? We?ve never even discussed it.? She frowned. The kid must have seen them together and assumed, like all young kids do, that was the way things were heading.

?But I?m sure he?ll want to marry you.? She insisted.

Isadora snorted in the background.

?That?s very nice of you to say, kid.? Jemmiah smiled a faint smile.

?And when you have a baby we?ll be able to see it at the crèche.?

A WHAT!

?That won?t be for some time.? Jemmiah said with conviction. Kids made her nervous. The fact she?d spent so much of today with a Sith load if them had done nothing to change her mind.

?Oh. Don?t you like babies?? Sabra-Ni asked innocently.

?Not really, no. They smell and they throw up all over you. And before you know it, you?re speaking baby talk.? She rolled her eyes. ?Forgive me, but Goo-Goo-Goo is not my idea of a stimulating conversation.?

The little girl placed a reassuring hand on her arm. ?Don?t worry,? she said seriously, ?I?m sure you?ll get used to it.?

Jemmiah screwed up her face. This was weird.

?What names would you pick for a girl?? Kelda Rosset asked, trying to get into the conversation.

Jemmiah blinked. What an odd question!

?I dunno,? she shrugged disinterestedly, ?something instantly recognizable.? She grinned, thinking of all the really horrible names she could inflict on a child of her own.

Oh, the power!

?Somethin? sickly. Cup-cake, or Butterscotch.? She laughed. ?Could you imagine that! Butterscotch Kenobi!?

She was beginning to enjoy this game of make believe.

?Candyfloss!? suggested Toms, with a silly grin on his face.

?What, in honor of today?? She crossed her arms, thinking. ?Treacle pudding!?

?Takkini chip? giggled Kelda.

?Yeah, that?s a good one.? Jemmiah smirked. ?That?s a real blast.?

She thought for a moment. ?How about Butterscotch-Cup-cake-Candyfloss-Treacle pudding-Takkini chip Kenobi!? Jemmiah was bent double with laughter. ?Got a certain something, don?t you think??

?What would you pick for a boy?? The Wookie wanted to know.

?Oh, that?s easy!? Jemmiah nodded. ?I?d call it after Master Windu. Mace-The?Mighty-Murrit-Tamer!?

?You can?t have that!? Isadora sulked. ?That?s daft.?

?Well?how about Qui-Wan!? She snickered. ?Or my personal fave: Obi-Gon. Get it?? She looked at the puzzled children. ?Then I?d be able to say to the kid: OH, BE GONE!?

?Obi-Gon Kenobi!? Toms wiped his nose on his sleeve, reminding Jemmiah pointedly why she never wanted to have children, ?I like that.?

?What does your name mean?? Sabra-Ni asked, settling into Jemmiahs? lap, a move that left the teenager more than a little apprehensive. She remembered only too well Qui-Gon?s? tales of this ones? bladder problems.

?Careful of my ribs, if you please. They?ve been through a lot today.?

?Sorry.?

?In answer to your question, my name means ?Fire Storm? in ancient Corellian. Only you say it phonetically.?

?What?? Sabra-Ni asked.

?How it sounds, not how it?s spelled. J? MY-AAH.?

?Oh.?

? There?s an old Corellian tale regarding a young lady who shared her name with my good self. She lived in a palace. She was a courtesan.?

?A what??

?She?er?it was her job to make the Ki

 

I think we can depend on Isadora to make some sort of snippy comment at the wrong time. I certainly hope she follows Jemmiah's advice and goes out to see what's happening.

But it seems that the rest of the initiates are pretty intrested in the new addition to come along, even if Jemmiah isn't.

 

Posted by Jemmiah

********

?Has it gone?? Simeon asked, daring to open one lid ever so slightly.

Kylenn was shaking.

?I said, has it gone? All I can see is the back of my eyelids.? Cates repeated. ?Come on, the suspense is killing me!?

?I wish you hadn?t said that.? His companion said fearfully.

?Have a look.?

?YOU have a look. I don?t have a monopoly in the vision stakes.?

?I?m a cowardly Nerf, remember?? Simeon replied.

?I?m just as scared as you!? said Kylenn.

?No you?re not!?

?OK. I?m not.?

Pause.

?That wasn?t nice.? Simeon replied, stung.

?If you?re so courageous, how come you haven?t asked out Dimallie, when everyone can see you?re besotted with her??

?I am NOT besotted with Dimallie. She?s got Candyfloss in her skull.?

?That?s how you like your women.? Kylenn retorted. ?Fluffy and brainless. No, correction. As long as it's warm and breathing you'll be drooling over it...?

?What about you and Jay Abran.? Cates challenged.

?There?s nothing between me and Jay!?

?You?d like there to be, though. Wouldn?t you??

?JUST SHUT UP AND SEE IF THE DAMN THING?S STILL THERE!? Kylenn had to stop herself from screaming.

Simeon opened one eye fully, then the other one.

?D?you want the good news or the bad news?? He replied.

?Surprise me.? Trembled Kylenn.

?The good news,? Cates surveyed the area, ?Is that it has disappeared.?

She stood up, eyes open. She did a complete turn, searching for sign of the beast.

?It?s gone!? She whooped, throwing her arms round Simeon in delight. ?It worked! You are a genius!?

?Careful,? he smiled at her, ?I like my women fluffy and brainless, remember?.

?You know, sometimes you can be quite sweet.? She grinned.

?Is that right??

?So, what?s the bad news?? Kylenn dared.

?The bad news is, I?m going back to tell Jay Abran you?ve got the hots for him.? Simeon laughed, and began to run away from her as quickly as he could.

?SIMEON!? She screamed as she ran after him.

*************

?Master Yoda, are you ready?? Kenobi grimaced.

<Ready I am, padawan>

?After three, then? One, two, THREE!?

*************

Jemmiah sat strapped in her seat. Terrified. She didn?t see a way of any of them coming out of this alive. It had solved her marriage problems, though not in a way she felt gave a satisfactory solution for everyone involved. Through the gash in the roof, she saw what appeared to be a very large eye staring down at her and the group of children.

It roared again. This time, the noise of the initiates screaming was louder than the creature.

?Listen kids,? Jemmiah yelled to make herself heard, ?we?ve got one chance. You?re all good at this force thing. Join hands and picture some kind of barrier. Try and push it away. CAN YOU DO THAT?? She shouted hoarsely.

Some of the kids nodded, others just mutely took each other?s hands.

//Looks like a seance//, Jemmiah thought desperately.

If the kids couldn?t do their stuff with the force, they?d all get a chance to see what was on the other side real soon?

*************

?Mater Yoda! NOW!?

<Patience, padawan> Yoda harrumphed in Obi-Wan?s mind.

?Patience? It?s trying to get into the transport! Jemmiah and the initiates?

<Safe, they are. For the moment>

?But??

<Calm, Obi-Wan. Be calm. Concentrate. >

//Calm, he says//, thought Obi-Wan. Easy for him to say. It wasn?t his girlfriend that was about to get devoured by a monster sized Krayt Dragon.

Somehow, he forced himself to relax.

His subconscious took over. It was like he was no longer there in the zoo: Master Yoda had disappeared. The screaming initiates were gone; even Jemmiah?s predicament was temporarily banished from the reaches of his mind. He was back in the ?Hell?s Chance? Cantina. They were playing really silly games to help them unwind. Jay Abran was force juggling opened bottles of Corellian Scrumpi. Simeon Cates and Jodi Mullicar were singing some off-key rendition of the classic song ?Summer Knights.? Jemmiah was explaining her latest money makin

 

?Master Yoda, are you SURE your projecting the image of a Kulbarak?? Obi-Wan?s eyes were closed in rigid concentration.

Yoda said nothing.

?I can?t sense anything from the initiates.? Obi-Wan thought after a moment. ?I think it?s disappeared!?

<Gone, it has. > Yoda confirmed. <With them, it is not>

?Thank the force!? Yelled Kenobi.

He could sense many, many things happening at the same time. His master! His master was approaching them at a fair lick, and Master Windu lagging only a few paces behind. From the left, he sensed An-Paj, Bai and Jay making a more dignified return. Almost cautious. Obi-Wan felt an odd sense of- what was it? Suspicion? Distrust? - Coming from An-Paj. From the right, Simeon was haring back as if his tunic was on fire, with Kylenn in hot pursuit.

And above all this, the transport!

Saved! They were about to be rescued from what had to count as one of the most horrific experiences of Obi-Wan?s young life. He was so tired that he almost didn?t care what the healers did to him.

Almost.

He glanced through the trees to where he could just vaguely make out the outline of the crumpled transport where the kids and Jemmy were hiding. The creature definitely seemed to have gone. The relief was immense, but his joy was greater still.

?I haven?t been so scared since Master Qui-Gon caught Jemmiah and myself in that turbo-lift on floor eighteen.? He breathed deeply. He opened his eyes, and looked up.

It was there.

The Krayt Dragon was there. Standing only yards away.

Obi-Wan felt his breath catch in his lungs, as if his whole body had just switched off in shock. He?d never seen one of these things up close before. It was huge!

?M-mmmaster Y-yyyyoda!? He whispered.

********************

Qui-Gon ran towards the clearing where they had left the others with the wrecked speeder, and took in a sight that was worse than he had ever dreamed. The initiates were gone. So was Jemmiah.

And Obi-Wan and Yoda were being pinned down by the REAL Krayt Dragon.

?I told you it was trying to distract us!? Qui-Gon?s voice didn?t even bother to conceal the trace of panic he felt growing within him by the second. He activated his lightsabre and prepared to run forward, feeling rather than seeing Kylenn and Simeon running up behind them.

?Oh, Sith!? Yelled Simeon in dismay, and closed his eyes. Kylenn threw herself onto the ground and did likewise. Mace and Qui-Gon did not have much time to stop and ask them what they hoped to achieve by their actions, as they both lunged towards the Krayt Dragon.

The Dragon growled, and lunged right back at them.

?Alright.? An-Paj scowled, striding out from the bushes. ?Enough?s enough. Joke?s over.?

He walked right over towards Qui-Gon and Mace, who still stood in a classic defensive pose. ?As pranks go, this was really rather sick.?

Abran and Bai looked at each other and shrugged. Neither had a clue as to what was going on. They stared in disbelief as An-Paj continued his steady walk towards the Krayt Dragon, until he stood right beside it.

?Clear off, there?s a good fellow.? He said to the Dragon.

The image vanished completely.

?But...how? If that wasn?t the real Dragon, where IS it?? Qui-Gon was almost afraid to ask.

?I think you should address that particular question to Master Yoda.? An-Paj fumed.

?Sorry?? Mace asked.

?This whole thing has just been an elaborate practical joke, care of the small green one there.? An-Paj pointed at Yoda. ?There never WAS a Krayt Dragon. He?s just been trying to scare the Sith out of us all!?

There was a Seven-second pause.

?IT DAMN WELL WORKED!? Screamed Mace Windu as he raced up to Yoda.

?I don?t believe it!? Qui-Gon shouted.

?The kids were terrified!? Obi-Wan yelled.

?I WAS TERRIFIED!? Mace felt his voice go raw with emotion, before realising that such an admission of fear and lack of control was hardly befitting a jedi of his stature and reputation. "Well, nearly terrified!" He amended.

?I can?t believe you?d pull such a petty stunt

 

This is great!!!!!

 

Thanks Picciami

********?

Right! Walking wounded to the left.? An-Paj called. ?All cripples and such like form an orderly queue to my right. ? He looked about him. ?Oh, sorry. You can?t, can you??

?Will this take all night,? shivered Qui-Gon, still holding Jemmiah, ?My foot?s gone to sleep and my brain is anxious to join it.?

?We shall do our humble best, Master Jinn.? An-Paj smiled, directing children and padawans alike onto the transport. ?Your padawan is already securely aboard and awaiting his touching reunion with the healers. As will nearly everyone in this little party. Eh, Master Yoda?? He spared the taught form of the Jedi master a quick glance as Healer Leona appeared from the craft to help with the injured.

?Krayt Dragons,? he muttered to Qui-Gon, ?I?m never going to forget that in a hurry.?

?Neither are any of us.? Jinn replied as he followed the healer on board. He wondered, not for the first time, how An-Paj had managed to see Yoda?s little trick for what it was when the others had been truly convinced of the authenticity of the illusions. People had always claimed that the healer had unique intuition, and now Qui-Gon was beginning to see it first hand.

?How?s this one?? An-Paj nodded at Jemmiah.

?Sleeping. That shot you gave her seems to have knocked her out.?

?Probably just as well, considering the day she?s had.? An-Paj smiled fondly. ?I think they,? he pointed at Bai?s drugged initiates, ?are going to come out of today?s nightmare with the best memories of the lot.?

?I don?t know,? Qui-Gon stared at Jemmiah, ?It?s not been totally wasted.?

?No experience is wasted, not even the bad ones. I seem to remember someone not a million miles away from me once saying that.?

Jinn smiled.

?This is the worst day of my entire life since Qui-Gon and I slid down that banister.? Mace Windu groaned. His wounded posterior was giving him real pain.

?Surely that was years ago.? Healer Leona asked him.

?It was last year.? An-Paj replied. ?I should know. I was on duty at the time. Splinters can be very annoying things, isn?t that right, Mace??

?Two grown men sliding down a banister?? Leona tutted at Mace, whilst throwing a fond glance at Qui-Gon when he wasn?t looking, ?It?s disgraceful.?

?We didn?t so much slide as fall.? Mace mumbled.

?YOU fell.? Qui-Gon retorted. ?You pulled me down with you. Why I got billed for the damage to the railings I?ll never know.?

?You?re taller.? Windu closed his eyes in exhaustion. ?You took more of ?em with you when you fell.?

?Aaaaachooo!? sneezed Qui-Gon.

?Master Jinn, you?ve caught a cold.? Leona fussed.

?It?s nothing a hot bath and a dry robe won?t fix.? He smiled wearily, as she abandoned ministering Mace Windu and hurried to aid the taller Jedi.

?Hey, what about me?? Windu frowned.

?You can?t be too careful.? She insisted.

?I got soaked twice.? Mace said.

?You don?t want to get pneumonia.?

?Hello? I said, I got soaked?oh, what?s the point.? He gave up.

The transport began it?s journey back towards the Jedi Temple, most of it?s inhabitants asleep or well on the way to being so. Qui-Gon checked on his padawan. The healing trance would last until they were safely back home, so at least the pain he had been experiencing would no longer be a problem for him.

Until he woke up at the healers.

An-Paj was by his shoulder again. ?The trouble with that boy of yours is that I never know what piece of him to put together first. He?s like one of those puzzles the initiates are so fond of that you slot together.?

?Long may you continue to put him together again.? Qui-Gon said fervently. ?As long as my Padawan?s around, I have the feeling we?ll be needing the services of the healers on a regular basis.?

He felt a little hand reach up and tug him slightly on his cloak.

?Master Jinn?? The sleepy face of Sabra-Ni peered up at him.

?What is it?? Qui-Gon asked kindly, bending down to her height.

?I hope Jemmiah?s going to be fine. And Butterscotch. I hope I didn?t hurt her.?
?Butterscotch??

 

Posted by Jemmiah

**********

As the light began to bleed into the dawn sky at Coruscant zoo, Dylain Bonar felt himself gradually waken from what appeared to be the strangest dream he? ever had in his life. Something really freaky; with Jedi, and children and animals being loose and running around wild, terrorizing the visitors. He shook his head in an effort to clear the cobwebs. Must?ve been the pepper in the Durnebi fry-up he had last night. It always made him have strange dreams?

Shouldering his gun, he wondered briefly how he had no knowledge of the night before, or what he was doing here. He also noticed that one of his shots of tranquilizer had been used.

Well, back to another day of noisy tourists and animal dung.

And that horrible Krayt Dragon.

As he staggered his way back towards the path, he could have sworn that somehow he was being watched?

*****************

When Obi-Wan woke, it was as if a blinding white light were being shone in his face. He blinked to try and clear his vision, but everywhere was filled with that all-pervasive brightness. Briefly, he wondered if he were dead. There were many tales told of people who had left their bodies and drifted towards a powerful light source, peacefully floating away to the next existence.

Except that he felt as if he were rooted to a table, not peacefully drifting anywhere.

He screwed up his face, and gradually became aware of a voice calling his name.

?Obi-Wan?? came the concerned voice, sounding as if it were under water. ?Obi-wan? Can you here me? Time to wake up.? A blurry figure failed to come into focus, and tapped him strongly on the side of the face. ?Still pretty much out of it.? Mumbled the voice.

?You think he?s bad? You should take a look at the other one.? Rejoined a second, female voice.

?Come on, lazy. We have to start on those other injuries of yours.? The first voice came back.

Was he dead then? Surely not. If he were dead, he wouldn?t feel as if his throat had been burned away by a lifetime of drinking cheap Corellian Brandy, or his head full of Master Yoda?s porridge. The voices seemed familiar to him, though. If he managed to pay attention long enough perhaps he could work out where he was.

?I should let him sleep if I were you.? A third voice put in.

?Is it true?? The second female asked. ?About a certain person in our care??

?I haven?t been able to establish the facts of that particular case.? Admonished the first voice.

?If it is, he?ll not be getting much in the way of sleep for a very long time!? The second voice replied.

There was a small pause, followed by the sound of small heels clipping against a floor of some kind. A warm hand descended upon Obi-Wan?s head, brushing the spiky hair backwards in a comforting gesture. ?Poor boy. He doesn?t know what he?s in for.?

Kenobi wondered briefly if he?d been captured whilst on some mission with his master, and his captors were devising some new and horrific torture for him.

?All that screaming in the morning.? The male voice sounded sympathetic, rather than sadistic. ?Having to get up at all times of the day. Suddenly, you no longer have a life. It?s all Master Jinn?s fault. I WARNED him what would happen if he chose to brush this aside, but he never listens to anyone.?

Was that amusement in the voice, wondered Obi-Wan blearily. What was all that about his Master, anyway?

?That?s unfair.? The third voice sounded defensive. ?Master Jinn?s a very good man. You?re just??

?Stirring, yes. I am.? Replied the male. "Anyhow, you wouldn't happen to be just a touch biased, would you?"

The third person did not reply.

The bright light began to fade a touch, and the blurred shapes began to take form. Something about this whole situation gave Obi-Wan a very bad feeling?

?We?re almost ready for Master Windu.? Another voice, much younger and feminine entered the fray.

?Good,? replied the male, ?I?ll have the holo-cam ready to take some close ups. Master Jinn made a special request on that matter. It?ll be good to f

 

Posted by Jemmiah

*********

?I am NOT having a baby.? Jemmiah was adamant. ?I mean, I?d know.?

?Then you won?t object to being checked over.? An-Paj replied. They?d carried her into a small cubical with a privacy curtain. Jemmiah had a long memory when it came to those things?

?But I can?t be.? She almost wailed.

?I?m sure Obi-Wan will stick by you.?

Jemmiah closed her eyes.

?You?ve been feeling sick recently, haven?t you?? An-Paj asked.

?It was Simeon?s drink! He put Cherryblade in it. That stuff makes me chuck up like a volcano.?

?Delightful.? The healer said dryly. ?Have you been feeling tired??

She frowned. ?Well, yes. A little.?

?Strange food cravings??

She looked really uncomfortable. ?Yes.? She swallowed.

?Take the test. Put your mind at rest.?

?This is ridiculous!? Jemmiah was getting really angry. ?Who told you this, anyway??

?Simeon.?

?And you?d take the word of a man who looks like he?s been floating in a pond for over three weeks?? Her voice was starting to rise.

An-Paj was looked doubtful again.

?All I?m saying is that there are certain rumors flying about as to your welfare. How they came about is not my concern. You are my patient, and as such I cannot make an accurate assessment on how to proceed without this information.? He folded his arms. ?Take the test. Please.?

She stared at him.

?Fine.? She said. ?I?ll take the stupid test. And then I?m going to find out who?s been spreading these tales about me and then there?s going to be a bloodbath.?

?I?ll have Dimallie on standby with a mop and bucket.? He handed her the small testing kit. ?Here you go.?

****************

Qui-Gon looked at An-Paj.

?She says she?s not pregnant.? The healer said.

?Really.? Qui-Gon shook his head. ?That?s not what she said to me earlier today.?

?Did the word baby ever come up in conversation?? An-Paj asked curiously. ?When I mentioned it to her she was so shocked that she blacked out. That seems to be a rather dramatic reaction to news she already knew.?

?Obi-Wan didn?t know, either.? Jinn frowned. ?And yet I??

?I think we?ve possibly got a case of crossed wires here.? An-Paj smiled.

?You think so?? Qui-Gon didn?t look particularly reassured. ?It was that little blonde haired initiate that you?ve got in for blood poisoning that told me about Jemmiah. When I saw them together in the barn I rather assumed the worst.?

?Well. Let?s just hope we?ve all made a little mistake.? An-Paj joked, ?as opposed to your padawan making one big one.?

?The funny thing is,? Qui-Gon said softly, ?this whole thing has helped to bring myself and Jemmiah back together again. I was so furious when I heard, to start with. And then??

?Then what?? An-Paj prompted.

?I sort of got used to the idea.? He shrugged. ?It?s probably for the best.?

?Probably.? An-Paj nodded.

Jemmiah stalked out wearing a look of utter disgust.

?Here,? she said, thrusting the kit back at the healer, ?it?s not going to tell you anything I couldn?t.?

She looked at Qui-Gon. //Well, that explains why he?s been fussing all over me//, she thought. //Poor Obi-Wan! I hope this farce never gets back to him!// In a way, she was sorry that she wasn?t pregnant. If she were, she would have a legitimate excuse not to marry that spineless grease-stain of a cousin. Nobody would want second hand goods. Especially something that had obviously been tampered with?

?I?m sorry.? Qui-Gon held up his hands. ?Really. I always jump to the wrong conclusions where you?re concerned.?

?That?s because you NEVER listen to me.? She half smiled. They regarded each other for a moment before Qui-Gon embraced her in a gentle hug.

?Mind the ribs.? She growled. As she straightened up, something metallic tinkled on the ground. Qui-Gon bent down to retrieve the shiny, metal object.

Jemmiah frowned at it. ?Ohhhhhhhhh! That?s where it went.? She laughed quietly. ?I was wondering where that had got to.?

Qui-Gon held up what appeared to be an old fashioned key for closer inspection.

?Jemm

 

?You know Evla?s not been well.? An-Paj said, breaking into his thoughts.

?Yes.? Jinn nodded. ?It?s serious, isn?t it??

?Could be.? Was all the answer the Jedi got in reply.

*Adds another point to the tally*

Too great!! The pin, and the healers, and the end... LOL!!!!!!

Up!!

 

heehee.....fun...more?

 

Yes, Jem, I can't remember... Is there more??

 

There is indeed more, but it's not finished, lol! I'm going to finish 'It takes one to know one' before tackling the epilogues to LTP and TLST.

Sometime this year I might get the new RR up and running!

 

WOO HOO!