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Lions and tigers and padawans, oh my!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jemmiah, Feb 16, 1999.

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  1. Vexx

    Vexx Jedi Youngling star 1

    Apr 24, 2000
    If it were Sithly to do so, I would be rolling on the floor laughing uncontrolably, but it is not, so I will refrain in order to maintain my cool, calm, evil facade.
  2. Azeem

    Azeem TFN Staff, Manager Emeritus star 4 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Apr 12, 1999
    We do try to post the file size on the film pages. The estimated time would be difficult especially since everyone downloads at different speeds.

    TFN FanFilms
  3. darth_paul

    darth_paul Jedi Master star 5

    Apr 24, 2000
    I, having done some video compression work myself, understand why it is impractical to ZIP video files. But why not provide an alternate streaming server for each file? That way, we could watch them in streaming video and then choose to download them if we really liked them.
  4. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    I'm afraid we're galloping into the home straight, folks. A couple more posts will probably tie up all the loose ends. Although if demand is high I might just write a sequel of some discription. If I can come up with something equally mad!

    ?Right! Walking wounded to the left.? An-Paj called. ?All cripples and such like form an orderly queue to my right. ? He looked about him. ?Oh, sorry. You can?t, can you??
    ?Will this take all night,? shivered Qui-Gon, still holding Jemmiah, ?My foot?s gone to sleep and my brain is anxious to join it.?
    ?We shall do our humble best, Master Jinn.? An-Paj smiled, directing children and padawans alike onto the transport. ?Your padawan is already securely aboard and awaiting his touching reunion with the healers. As will nearly everyone in this little party. Eh, Master Yoda?? He spared the taught form of the Jedi master a quick glance as Healer Leona appeared from the craft to help with the injured.

    ?Krayt Dragons,? he muttered to Qui-Gon, ?I?m never going to forget that in a hurry.?
    ?Neither are any of us.? Jinn replied as he followed the healer on board. He wondered, not for the first time, how An-Paj had managed to see Yoda?s little trick for what it was when the others had been truly convinced of the authenticity of the illusions. People had always claimed that the healer had unique intuition, and now Qui-Gon was beginning to see it first hand.

    ?How?s this one?? An-Paj nodded at Jemmiah.
    ?Sleeping. That shot you gave her seems to have knocked her out.?
    ?Probably just as well, considering the day she?s had.? An-Paj smiled fondly. ?I think they,? he pointed at Bai?s drugged initiates, ?are going to come out of today?s nightmare with the best memories of the lot.?
    ?I don?t know,? Qui-Gon stared at Jemmiah, ?It?s not been totally wasted.?
    ?No experience is wasted, not even the bad ones. I seem to remember someone not a million miles away from me once saying that.?

    Jinn smiled.

    ?This is the worst day of my entire life since Qui-Gon and I slid down that banister.? Mace Windu groaned. His wounded posterior was giving him real pain.
    ?Surely that was years ago.? Healer Leona asked him.
    ?It was last year.? An-Paj replied. ?I should know. I was on duty at the time. Splinters can be very annoying things, isn?t that right, Mace??
    ?Two grown men sliding down a banister?? Leona tutted at Mace, whilst throwing a fond glance at Qui-Gon when he wasn?t looking, ?It?s disgraceful.?
    ?We didn?t so much slide as fall.? Mace mumbled.
    ?YOU fell.? Qui-Gon retorted. ?You pulled me down with you. Why I got billed for the damage to the railings I?ll never know.?
    ?You?re taller.? Windu closed his eyes in exhaustion. ?You took more of ?em with you when you fell.?

    ?Aaaaachooo!? sneezed Qui-Gon.
    ?Master Jinn, you?ve caught a cold.? Leona fussed.
    ?It?s nothing a hot bath and a dry robe won?t fix.? He smiled wearily, as she abandoned ministering Mace Windu and hurried to aid the taller Jedi.
    ?Hey, what about me?? Windu frowned.
    ?You can?t be too careful.? She insisted.
    ?I got soaked twice.? Mace said.
    ?You don?t want to get pneumonia.?
    ?Hello? I said, I got soaked?oh, what?s the point.? He gave up.

    The transport began it?s journey back towards the Jedi Temple, most of it?s inhabitants asleep or well on the way to being so. Qui-Gon checked on his padawan. The healing trance would last until they were safely back home, so at least the pain he had been experiencing would no longer be a problem for him.

    Until he woke up at the healers.

    An-Paj was by his shoulder again. ?The trouble with that boy of yours, is that I never know what piece of him to put together first. He?s like one of those puzzles the initiates are so fond of that you slot together.?
    ?Long may you continue to put him together again.? Qui-Gon said fervently. ?As long as my Padawan?s around, I have the feeling we?ll be needing the services of the healers on a regular basis.?

    He felt a little hand reach up and tug him slightly on his cloak.

    ?Master Jinn?? The sleepy face of Sabra-Ni peered up at him.
    ?What is it?? Qui-Gon asked kin
  5. Padawan Eden

    Padawan Eden Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 11, 1999
    Hey Paradox, your post made it sound like the no spoiler for Ep1 still holds... does it ? I thought that was gone a long time ago... Seeing how everyone has seen it and it's been released everywhere...
  6. Azeem

    Azeem TFN Staff, Manager Emeritus star 4 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Apr 12, 1999
    Quicktime 4 does stream (if it was compressed that way). Many of the films will stream if you have a fast enough connection. I do it all the team. If you are on a high speed connection, downloading these films takes only 15 mins at the most anyway.

    TFN FanFilms
  7. Sloth

    Sloth Jedi Master star 1

    Jul 8, 1998
    Zipping the files is an arachaic solution. The best way if you are going to go the route of compression is to make them into Ace files using WinAce (

    The best part is that it will split the file in the equal sized segments of 1.4 or 2.8 MB. That way you can have a massive movie file avaiable and people will not have to hammer the sever all day.
  8. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    When Obi-Wan woke, it was as if a blinding white light were being shone in his face. He blinked to try and clear his vision, but everywhere was filled with that all-pervasive brightness. Briefly, he wondered if he were dead. There were many tales told of people who had left their bodies and drifted towards a powerful light source, peacefully floating away to the next existence.

    Except that he felt as if he were routed to a table, not peacefully drifting anywhere.

    He screwed up his face, and gradually became aware of a voice calling his name.

    ?Obi-Wan?? came the concerned voice, sounding as if it were under water. ?Obi-wan? Can you here me? Time to wake up.? A blurry figure failed to come into focus, and tapped him strongly on the side of the face. ?Still pretty much out of it.? Mumbled the voice.
    ?You think he?s bad? You should take a look at the other one.? Rejoined a second, female voice.
    ?Come on, lazy. We have to start on those other injuries of yours.? The first voice came back.

    Was he dead then? Surely not. If he were dead, he wouldn?t feel as if his throat had been burned away by a lifetime of drinking cheap Corellian Brandy, or his head full of Master Yoda?s porridge. The voices seemed familiar to him, though. If he managed to pay attention long enough perhaps he could work out where he was.

    ?I should let him sleep if I were you.? A third voice put in.
    ?Is it true?? The second female asked. ?About a certain person in our care??
    ?I haven?t been able to establish the facts of that particular case.? Admonished the first voice.
    ?If it is, he?ll not be getting much in the way of sleep for a very long time!? The second voice replied. There was a small pause, followed by the sound of small heels clipping against a floor of some kind. A warm hand descended upon Obi-Wan?s head, brushing the spiky hair backwards in a comforting gesture. ?Poor boy. He doesn?t know what he?s in for.?

    Kenobi wondered briefly if he?d been captured whilst on some mission with his master, and his captors were devising some new and horrific torture for him.

    ?All that screaming in the morning.? The male voice sounded sympathetic, rather than sadistic.
    ?Having to get up at all times of the day. Suddenly, you no longer have a life.? The second female said.
    ?It?s all Master Jinn?s fault. I WARNED him what would happen if he chose to brush this aside, but he never listens to anyone.?

    Was that amusement in the voice, wondered Obi-Wan blearily. What was all that about his Master, anyway?

    ?That?s unfair.? The third voice sounded defensive. ?Master Jinn?s a very good man. You?re just??
    ?Stirring, yes. I am.? Replied the male.

    The bright light began to fade a touch, and the blurred shapes began to take form. Something about this whole situation gave Obi-Wan a very bad feeling?

    ?We?re almost ready for Master Windu.? Another voice, much younger and feminine entered the fray.
    ?Good,? replied the male, ?I?ll have the holo-cam ready to take some close ups. Master Jinn made a special request on that matter. It?ll be good to flex the old rubber gloves again, rather than attend ailing children who?ve overindulged on too many sweet things.?

    There was a brief, muffled conversation that Obi-wan didn?t catch. ?Could you give that Isadora child her first anti-giromalthic injection??

    Isadora? Why did that name sound familiar?

    ?Are you sure you don?t want one of the others to do that, in light of what she?s already managed to do this morning?? The second female said.
    ?She?s got to learn. And I can?t think of a better patient to learn on.? The voice was full of smug satisfaction.
    ?You?re in the wrong profession. You?re supposed to be caring and full of compassion.?
    ?I AM!? Came back the mock-indignant voice. ?Always!? He leaned over and started slapping Obi-Wan on the face again. ?Hello, young man. Wakey, wakey. We have your own special bed made up for you, and Leona?s just finished plumping up the pillows for you, haven?t you Leona??
    ?That?s right!?

    Obi-Wan tried to speak, but it came out like a dry squawk.

    ?Don?t try that yet, lad.? The male voice said.
  9. Jedi Gryph Grin

    Jedi Gryph Grin Jedi Padawan star 4

    Sep 25, 1999
    Oh, wow, this is just sooo funny! I'll be sorry to see it end. But, for the meantime, keep up the great writing!
  10. LadyHawke

    LadyHawke Jedi Youngling

    Feb 22, 2000
    I keep reading and having this thought. We all know Jemmiah isn't pregnant, but I keep thinking... what if she is... Now that would be true Obi-torture.

    Oh, and the story is so dang funny I don't know what to do. Everytime I read it, I make a fool out of myself laughting.

    Keep up the great work.
  11. Lilith Demodae

    Lilith Demodae Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Oct 1, 1999
    LOL, I just can't stop laughing!! Jemmiah, In case I haven't said thie before, you have a rare gift for humor!!
  12. HealerLeona

    HealerLeona Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 18, 2000
    Is it really the end? Say it ain't so.
    Jemmiah I'm already missing it.
    Thank you so very much for every time you lifted my spirits with this wonderful thread.

    I also feel very honored to be part of A night to (almost) remember.
  13. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    Here it is. The last post. Rounding off a few loose ends, but leaving some new ones, too. I?ve enjoyed writing this one immensely, especially as it was my first go at this kind of thing. Thanks to everyone who helped, added on or just encouraged. Posting every day was a nightmare! I?m going to get some sleep before I make a start on a sequel, or something just as daft!

    Jemmiah watched as Obi-Wan was shunted into the distance on his repulser lift trolley and heaved a sigh. It always ended here, she thought sadly. Unfortunately, this time fate had decreed they show him some solidarity and suffer with him. Much as she cared for him, she could really have done without that.

    ?Evla?s on her way over.? An-Paj said briefly as he past her on his way to see to Master Windu. ?Have you been attended yet??
    ?No.? she frowned. ?To tell you the truth, I kind of ran out mid-consultation.?
    ?Why?? He halted in mid step.
    ?Because Leona?s got cold hands.? She said sarcastically. ?It hurts. And I?m a real coward when it comes to pain.?
    ?It?s going to get a lot more painful if you leave it.? An-Paj pointed out reasonably. ?The sooner you?re treated, the sooner you can get home.?
    ?Yeah, next week if I?m lucky.? She moaned.
    ?That?s the spirit!? An-Paj beamed. ?I?m sure we?ll be seeing a lot more of each other over the coming months, so it?s probably just as well we start off on the right foot, wouldn?t you say??
    ?Sorry?? Jemmiah squinted at him. ?What do you mean??
    ?Well, what with you being an expectant mother I?d assume you?ll be down here quite frequently on the run up to the big event.? He thought he saw all the color drain rapidly from her face. ?Don?t worry,? he continued cheerfully, ?I?ll ask Leona to warm her hands up first.?

    Jemmiah looked as stunned as if she?d been hit full tilt by a speeder. Had he really said?expectant..mother??
    ?Oh. Sith.? She swallowed before she passed out with shock.

    ?And how are you padawan?? Qui-Gon asked.
    Obi-Wan pulled a sour face and then gestured despairingly to his throat.
    ?Oh. Yes, I forgot about that.? Qui-Gon mumbled apologetically. ?I don?t know how this sort of thing always happens to you.?

    Because there is some unseen agent at work who has nothing better to do than say ?I wonder what I?ll do today? I know, we?ll go and torture that Obi-Wan fellow. Let?s see what new variants of misery we can inflict upon him now.? Kenobi lay back on his bed, utterly convinced of the fact that the force had it in for him.

    ?Still, maybe that will teach you to play around with alcoholic substances, especially when left in charge of small children.

    Small children? Obi-Wan knew that the kids had been in charge of themselves right from the word go.

    ?But, that is the least of your misdemeanours, padawan. I think when you are better, we are all going to have to sit down and have a little chat.? He looked at his wrist chrono and groaned. ?Which is nothing like as bad as the talk I?m going to have with Evla in a short time from now.? He glared at Obi-Wan, forgetting for a moment that he was in a hospital bed. ?You have a lot to answer for. Believe me, you?ll be paying for it for the next twenty years or so. And that poor foolish girl. This is exactly the sort of thing I was dreading happening. Why do you think I tried to keep you apart in the first place??
    ?Because you?re horrible?? Kenobi managed to croak.
    Qui-Gon looked shocked.
    ?I have never been horrible to you. It?s a pity I hadn?t, otherwise you might not be in the position you?re in now.?
    ?In hospital?? Obi-Wan squawked.
    ?You know what I mean.? Jinn said coldly.
    ?No, master. I don?t.? The padawan rubbed at his throat, confusion showing in his eyes.
    ?I?m referring to your girlfriend who is having your child.?
    ?PARDON!? Obi-Wan sat bolt upright, not caring about the pain in his larynx or anywhere else for that matter.
    ?I thought you knew?? It was the master?s turn to be surprised. ?I thought Jemmiah said??
    ?No. She didn?t.? Obi-Wan?s jaw was in danger of hitting the floor.
    ?Oh.? Jinn squirmed. ?I?m sorry. This must com
  14. master obi-wan skywalker

    master obi-wan skywalker Jedi Youngling star 1

    Apr 26, 2000
    UH-OH.... The end of the story!?!?!?!??! in the immortal words of Obi-wan, Luke, and Buzz Lightyear, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!:-(

    (Sorry, way too many 0's in that No!...Lil Wookie.)

    [This message has been edited by Lil Wookie (edited 04-28-2000).]
  15. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    Okay, I'll come clean. I'm one of those unseen agents at work who has nothing better to do than torture that Obi-Wan fellow. Every morning I get up and ask myself what variants of misery I can inflict upon him now. That's me! I admit it!

    And this has got to be the funniest JA story I have ever read! Kudos to you, Jemmiah, and I can't wait for your next masterpiece!
  16. Lilith Demodae

    Lilith Demodae Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Oct 1, 1999
    master obi-wan skywalker please edit your post. I don't want to have to scroll back and forth to read this page!
  17. Lilith Demodae

    Lilith Demodae Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Oct 1, 1999
    Okay, Okay, now you have to explain An-Paj's last remark!!!! I demand satisfaction!!!!
  18. R U Sidious

    R U Sidious Jedi Youngling star 1

    Jul 17, 1999
    Your page 5 has a problem. The addminitrators can fix it for you if you contact them. I had the same problem they fixed it for me.

    Great story . Is Jemmy preggys
  19. RogueJai

    RogueJai Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 14, 2000
    *this is not the end of the story. this is not the end of the story. This is not the end of the story* Moorrrreee, pleeaaasse????
  20. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Mar 5, 2000
    Well, what do YOU think was the outcome? Or more to the point, what would you like to see happen? I'd like people's points of view on this one. I 'fess to being a naughty girl: I left it open ended on purpose to torment you all, but now I'm curious to see what you think should continue on from there. Would you like to see an unplanned "happy event"? Or has poor Obi-Wan been tortured enough?

    Any feedback welcomed. There WILL be a sequel of some discription...eventually, should the idea prove popular.
  21. Hiroko01

    Hiroko01 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Dec 14, 1998
    KUDOS to you Jemmy! I'm glued to A Night to (almost) Remember, just so you know. You're that much fun to read.
  22. Jedi Kylenn

    Jedi Kylenn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 2, 1999
    Nah, I don't want to see Jemmy pregnant. Overall, there seems to be a trend towards turning adolescent female SW characters (specifically the Handmaidens) into teenage mothers which I think is really sad. With all the strength, skill, intelligence and wisdom these young women possess (I'm inluding Jemmy's character in this) they deserve so much better than becoming irresponsible poster children for Planned Parenthood.

    [This message has been edited by Jedi Kylenn (edited 04-28-2000).]
  23. Jedi Kylenn

    Jedi Kylenn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 2, 1999
    BTW, I definitely would like to see the further misadventures of Obi-Wan, et al and the Jedi Temple of Doom!
  24. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Jan 12, 2000
    I'll bet the test really is negative and An-Paj just wants to tease Jemmiah and Obi-Wan a little before he puts them out of their misery!
  25. Shadowen

    Shadowen Jedi Youngling star 3

    May 11, 1999
    Story ruled. No pregnant Jemmiah if you continue, though.
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