main
side
curve
  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Lions and tigers and padawans, oh my!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jemmiah, Feb 16, 1999.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. HealerLeona

    HealerLeona Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 18, 2000
    Jemmiah - I can't begin to tell you how awesome this thread is. I agree with Jedi Igraine the quality of this story would be hard to equal.
    A great big thanks for posting as often as you do. I can't wait for more!
     
  2. Princess Jedi

    Princess Jedi Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Mar 8, 1999
    Wooohooo! It really gets better and better. I look forward to your posting everyday. Great job, Jemmiah!
     
  3. Jedi Kylenn

    Jedi Kylenn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 2, 1999
    One, two, three, four...hmmm...we're missing a padawan here. I think I'll toss the last one in...

    ********************

    ?JAAAAY-EE-DEE-EYE! It?s fun to train with the JAAAY-EE-DEE-EYE-YI!!??

    Oh, Abran is reaaaaly gonna get it this time!

    Padawan Kylenn rolled her eyes and put her head in her hands as Morlan-Doric and Fabbac launched into their 32nd rendition of ?J.E.D.I.? while a third, an E.T. called Runa, bobbed his head and pulsed his finger-light along to the rhythm.

    I?m never going to forgive him for teaching these little sithlings that hideous song! Alright, just for this I?m going to freeze his underwear in carbonite!

    She and her close friend Abran were near opposites of each other; he was the consumate showman while 17-year-old Kylenn was among the more reserved members of the Temple. While his antics often raised concern among the other Jedi, particularly Master Jinn, she found him rather amusing and, admittedly lived vicariously through him. She wasn?t necessarily shy, she just preferred to watch and listen rather than jump immediately into the thick of things; a trait she had, at least in part, picked up from Yaddle. The Jedi Master had rescued her as an infant while on a mission to negotiate a dispute between a band of smugglers and the regency of a small Outer Rim planet and had always maintained a motherly relationship with her.

    Kylenn smiled wanely as a passerby chuckled at the little Jedi dance show going on in the middle of the walkway.

    She could use some of Yaddle?s patience about now.

    Or a big THUNK on the head.

    She looked over at the remaining child, a 5-yr-old wookie named Zibacca sitting on the ground next to a bench with his legs curled up underneath him. He was quietly playing with a set of Corellian Fighter Pilot action figures he had pulled out of his Happy Hutt lunch box.

    *sigh* At least one child isn?t behaving like a crazed wampa on stim.



    [This message has been edited by Jedi Kylenn (edited 05-10-2000).]
     
  4. Jedi Kylenn

    Jedi Kylenn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 2, 1999
    O.K. It's not much but at least it's a start.
     
  5. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    Master Jinn hurried Jemmiah gently but firmly back towards the errant group consisting of his padawan and Simeon Cates, along with their group of ten initiates. He remained quietly concerned. She had composed herself admirably, wearing a mask of calm that would have fooled anybody.

    Except Qui-Gon.

    Well, his padawan too, he amended ruefully. The last seven years had fled at such an alarming rate that the Jedi master didn?t know where they had disappeared to. He couldn?t pin down a specific time when the young lady by his side had turned from being the undernourished, scrawny little child his apprentice had rescued into the attractive woman that he now saw.

    He?d missed her birthday; he realised, amidst all the trouble his silent rebuke had caused. She would be seventeen now, maybe not so much a child after all. But her pallor and general behaviour made him feel worried on her behalf. He sensed relief from her; relief that they were now speaking again. Apprehension for what he might do to Obi-Wan. Well, she had every right to be concerned on that score. He hadn?t even begun to think what he was going to say to him. Overriding all these powerful emotions was fear. It was not usually something that could be sensed from her. He saw her pull her shawl around her for warmth, and in return he tightened the grip on her shoulder.

    She looked up in gratitude at the small gesture of comfort, but it was a cautious, wary smile that she returned to him. She?d always found trust a problem, possibly why she had few, if any friends other than Obi-Wan. And considering her life on Nargotria, Qui-Gon thought sadly, it was hardly a surprise.

    He remembered so many of the incidents, or ?scrapes? as he had called them, that had helped to forge a bond between them of sorts. The floor-scrubbing escapade, when Obi-Wan had been wrongly accused of causing a fight in the temple between himself and master H?darri?s padawan, and had been set the onerous task of washing the walls outside the jedi?s apartment. Not to mention all the adjacent apartments as well. Jemmiah had known full well that Obi-Wan had not been even remotely guilty and had refused to abandon him to his punishment, helping him with his chore. ?Make a good job of it,? master H?darri had said in a threatening tone to them.

    Well, she certainly DID make a good job of it.

    Whilst Obi-Wan worked on the walls, Jemmiah worked on the floor. She paid special attention to the patch of floor directly outside H?darri?s door. She?d got a real shine to it, reflected Qui-Gon with the merest hint of a smile.

    The master had walked briskly out to inspect the work and had gone sliding down the corridor like a Gabali puck against ice. He?d gone crashing into master Yoda on the way, and when their momentum had stopped, Yoda had simply said ?Hmph!? and rapped him hard on the knee with his stick.

    Qui-Gon had caught up with Jemmiah the next day, and found her to be in a distinctly un-repentant mood. She was re-washing the walls that Obi-Wan had been cleaning only the day before.
    ?What in blazes are you doing, child?? He?d asked in puzzlement.
    She didn?t so much as look at him, instead her eyes seemed to be fixed intensely on a single speck of dirt on the wall that wouldn?t budge.
    ?Punishment.? She sighed in her lilting accent.
    Qui-Gon?s frown had grown. Had master Yoda set her this task? Surely not, she had Yoda well wrapped round her little finger. Everyone knew that the troll was especially fond of her.
    ?Punishment?? Echoed Qui-Gon?s voice.
    She nodded, still not looking at him. ?When you do something wrong, aren?t you s?posed to pay for it??
    Jinn?s bafflement extended further. ?I don?t understand. Who set you this punishment??
    ?Nobody.? She replied.
    ?You?re not making a lot of sense.?
    Jemmiah had smiled. ?I?ve been up since early this morning cleaning these walls so that I can honestly say that I have atoned for my sins.?
    ?Why, what have you done?? Qui-Gon asked uneasily.
    ?Nothing.? She smirked. ?Yet.?

    The door to H?darri?s apartment slid back once more, only this time it revealed the smaller, peti
     
  6. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    Master Jinn hurried Jemmiah gently but firmly back towards the errant group consisting of his padawan and Simeon Cates, along with their group of ten initiates. He remained quietly concerned. She had composed herself admirably, wearing a mask of calm that would have fooled anybody.

    Except Qui-Gon.

    Well, his padawan too, he amended ruefully. The last seven years had fled at such an alarming rate that the Jedi master didn?t know where they had disappeared to. He couldn?t pin down a specific time when the young lady by his side had turned from being the undernourished, scrawny little child his apprentice had rescued into the attractive woman that he now saw.

    He?d missed her birthday; he realised, amidst all the trouble his silent rebuke had caused. She would be seventeen now, maybe not so much a child after all. But her pallor and general behaviour made him feel worried on her behalf. He sensed relief from her; relief that they were now speaking again. Apprehension for what he might do to Obi-Wan. Well, she had every right to be concerned on that score. He hadn?t even begun to think what he was going to say to him. Overriding all these powerful emotions was fear. It was not usually something that could be sensed from her. He saw her pull her shawl around her for warmth, and in return he tightened the grip on her shoulder.

    She looked up in gratitude at the small gesture of comfort, but it was a cautious, wary smile that she returned to him. She?d always found trust a problem, possibly why she had few, if any friends other than Obi-Wan. And considering her life on Nargotria, Qui-Gon thought sadly, it was hardly a surprise.

    He remembered so many of the incidents, or ?scrapes? as he had called them, that had helped to forge a bond between them of sorts. The floor-scrubbing escapade, when Obi-Wan had been wrongly accused of causing a fight in the temple between himself and master H?darri?s padawan, and had been set the onerous task of washing the walls outside the jedi?s apartment. Not to mention all the adjacent apartments as well. Jemmiah had known full well that Obi-Wan had not been even remotely guilty and had refused to abandon him to his punishment, helping him with his chore. ?Make a good job of it,? master H?darri had said in a threatening tone to them.

    Well, she certainly DID make a good job of it.

    Whilst Obi-Wan worked on the walls, Jemmiah worked on the floor. She paid special attention to the patch of floor directly outside H?darri?s door. She?d got a real shine to it, reflected Qui-Gon with the merest hint of a smile.

    The master had walked briskly out to inspect the work and had gone sliding down the corridor like a Gabali puck against ice. He?d gone crashing into master Yoda on the way, and when their momentum had stopped, Yoda had simply said ?Hmph!? and rapped him hard on the knee with his stick.

    Qui-Gon had caught up with Jemmiah the next day, and found her to be in a distinctly un-repentant mood. She was re-washing the walls that Obi-Wan had been cleaning only the day before.
    ?What in blazes are you doing, child?? He?d asked in puzzlement.
    She didn?t so much as look at him, instead her eyes seemed to be fixed intensely on a single speck of dirt on the wall that wouldn?t budge.
    ?Punishment.? She sighed in her lilting accent.
    Qui-Gon?s frown had grown. Had master Yoda set her this task? Surely not, she had Yoda well wrapped round her little finger. Everyone knew that the troll was especially fond of her.
    ?Punishment?? Echoed Qui-Gon?s voice.
    She nodded, still not looking at him. ?When you do something wrong, aren?t you s?posed to pay for it??
    Jinn?s bafflement extended further. ?I don?t understand. Who set you this punishment??
    ?Nobody.? She replied.
    ?You?re not making a lot of sense.?
    Jemmiah had smiled. ?I?ve been up since early this morning cleaning these walls so that I can honestly say that I have atoned for my sins.?
    ?Why, what have you done?? Qui-Gon asked uneasily.
    ?Nothing.? She smirked. ?Yet.?

    The door to H?darri?s apartment slid back once more, only this time it revealed the smaller, peti
     
  7. HealerLeona

    HealerLeona Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 18, 2000
    I have to admit my days of chaperoning my children's field trips to the zoo were never so exciting.
     
  8. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    Thanks for all the kind words regarding this story. It's always nice to get feedback, particularly as this is my first attempt at this sort of thing, and I wasn't sure if I could do it! Thanks also to everyone who's contributed in someway, too. And now, the story continues...

    Padawan Kylenn stared. There?s something funny going on here, she thought?

    She looked all about her. There was nothing different. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just that feeling; the one that said ?I don?t know what?s wrong, but something nasty is gonna happen any second? persisting and tugging at her. Abran would call her an over-imaginative idiot. But then again, that was a particular criticism that had been levelled at him on numerous occasions.

    Well, the idiot part at least.

    Still her force sense screamed at her, and every passing moment heightened her anticipation of possible lurking dangers. The kids were still singing, still dancing and making altogether too much noise. Stars, this particular group must have thought they?d touched lucky when they had been assigned to her, because there was no way that Master Jinn or Master Windu would have let them get away with this kind of din. She watched the Wookie initiate enjoying himself, clapping in time to that silly song of Jay Abran?s. If she never heard it again it would be too soon. It was forever ingrained in her brain, she feared, and as for those silly actions?

    What is wrong? Why am I so nervous?

    Was it because of the children? She could never understand how people could dare have offspring. The fear she felt for the initiates was overwhelming, and they weren?t even hers! Certainly, there was no way she could pass the Wookie off as her own. Jay Abran would no doubt have something to say about that, some sort of obscene joke.

    She wished he were here.

    I wish I were like him, sometimes, she thought. I know there?s a time for diplomacy and tact, skills I have been told I possess. But what I wouldn?t give to have his confidence! How does he do it?

    Padawan Kenobi?s friend had that same, easy-going charm, too. She had so much vivacity and wit, singling her out from any number of people. Jemmiah could walk into a cantina and turn heads.

    Padawan Cates had been known to turn stomachs. Perhaps she had been lucky after all. He had that horrible thing he did with his toes?

    STOP WORRYING!!!

    She couldn?t help it. The urge to contact Master Jinn was overwhelming, and her hand fell instinctively to her comlink. But there was no reason to, and Master Jinn had said only to do so if it were urgent. She swallowed.

    BUT I KNOW SOMETHING?S WRONG!

    Get a grip of yourself, she chided. What on Coruscant could go wrong at a zoo, for Sith?s sake? The kids were safe, having the time of their lives away from the discipline of the temple. None of that disgusting so-called nutritious gloop they served initiates as food. Nothing but happiness at being with their friends. Just one look at their cheerful faces told her she was right. They trusted her completely.

    And that was why they were able to enjoy themselves. Free from harm, secure in her capable charge.

    She didn?t feel capable.

    She made up her mind, and thumbed the comlink. ?Master Jinn, it?s padawan Kylenn here. I..I know you didn?t want us to contact you unless it was a dire emergency but I have this awful feeling that??

    Looking upwards, Kylenn froze. The comlink fell from her grasp and onto the ground.
    Watching her from amongst the trees was an extremely large eye.
    **************

    Master Windu was tempted to utter a string of expletives for not the first time that afternoon, as he looked at the semi-concious form of padawan Kenobi. He was fairly unresponsive, even after they had forced some lukewarm caff down his throat.

    Well, actually most of it had gone down his chin.

    The spectacle had drawn a crowd of curious initiates, all circling Obi-Wan for a better look.
    ?Is he dead?? asked Toms as he wiped his nose on his sleeve.
    ?Of course not!? muttered Isadora, standing on her tiptoes. ?If he were dead they wouldn?t be making him drink that caff, wou
     
  9. Jedi Kylenn

    Jedi Kylenn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 2, 1999
    Jemmiah!

    You must be psychic!! This is exactly how I imagined padawan Kylenn to feel not only about this expedition but her thoughts on the other characters as well...and you wrote it much better than I ever could!!



    *settles in and eagerly waits to see what happens next...*
     
  10. Opie Wan Cannoli

    Opie Wan Cannoli Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Jun 10, 1999
    I've just gotta throw my two credits in...

    Boy, that little guy can drive, An-Paj thought as he clung to the dashboard of Yoda's airspeeder. Beside him, Yoda dodged a slow-moving skiff, downshifted, and made the small engine scream with full throttle.
    "Almost there, we are. Enjoying this, I am, hehe, hm", Yoda said as he swung the steering wheel, and somehow made the speeder go even faster.
    An-Paj's jaw dropped. Impossible! This model- the aptly named Incom Padawan- only has a 350-klick top speed. An-Paj should know. That gearhead initiate who broke a leg last year could bore to galactic standard on the topic of airspeeders.
    An-Paj's reverie stopped when Yoda pulled into the zoo parking lot, abruptly stopped, and just as abruptly spoke.
    An-Paj became the only human alive who had heard Yoda swear- and what a swear! But with good reason, An-Paj thought as he looked at the scene in the lot. Police cruisers were everywhere, some on their sides or roofs. Animals were wandering around, dazed by the flashing lights. Others were chasing assorted sentients. And he didn't even want to think about what that bantha was doing to the Temple hoverbus. Well, the bus is big and brown. Not furry, though. Much more of this, and the bantha won't be, either.
    "Our work, we have cut out for us."
    Once again Yoda had brought An-Paj back to the moment.
    "No poodoo!", An-Paj said.
    As if on cue, a pikobi that had decided Yoda's speeder hood was a nice cozy spot to watch the mayhem issued an odd squishy noise, followed by an odder smell.
    "Poodoo," Yoda stated flatly as they started toward the gates.

    [This message has been edited by Opie Wan Cannoli (edited 03-24-2000).]

    [This message has been edited by Opie Wan Cannoli (edited 03-24-2000).]
     
  11. Princess Jedi

    Princess Jedi Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Mar 8, 1999
    This is so funny! What more could go wrong? (I'm sure we'll find out!) Good job everyone!
     
  12. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    The eye blinked.

    Padawan Kylenn felt as if she had grown roots. The urge to run conflicted strongly against the equally powerful urge to stay completely frozen to the ground on which she stood. As both hidden creature and padawan observed each other, the initiates played not so very far away, completely oblivious.

    That, thought Kylenn, is one monster eye. And monster eyes usually came attached to monster beings. She didn?t know what that thing was, but she would give any odds it wasn?t a Corellian tree squirrel.

    OK. Think.

    It?s big. Not all big things are necessarily carnivorous. But her force sense was telling her that it probably was. And anyway, why would it bother watching them with such interest if it was a vegetarian? What sort of creature would be that big? It would have to be something taller than a Bantha?about the same size as, say, a Rancour.

    A RANCOUR?!!

    She felt her blood turn into a river of ice. Did Coruscant zoo have a Rancour? And if it did, WHAT THE HELL WAS IT DOING OUTSIDE ITS ENCLOSURE?

    Probably got bored of the all-keeper diet and thought it would try padawan for a change, her inner voice mocked. She glanced up at that big, dilating eye. It was looking towards the children. No doubt, the loud noise, dancing and cavorting was proving highly interesting to the hidden observer.

    She HAD to stop them.

    Inching backwards, step by painfully slow step, Kylenn did not remove her eyes from the trees.
    **************

    ?Master Jinn.?
    ?Hmmm??

    Qui-Gon did not stop for a moment. If he?d been in a hurry to reach Kylenn before, his pace most certainly did not slack now. Infact, his concentration had never seemed stronger. Jemmiah noticed how he kept his eyes fixed upon the ground as he walked. He must be doing something with that force stuff of his, she thought. Either that or he was trying desperately not to notice all the half-naked people that suddenly seemed to line the pathways.

    Jemmiah?s eyebrows quirked upwards.
    ?Forgive me for saying this Master Jinn, but haven?t you noticed the number of undressed beings that we keep running into??
    His step became brisker. ?I had, yes.?
    ?There?s an awful lot of them.? She frowned, staring at yet another one of the long coat brigade. ?Sith on a stick! You could hang your laundry out to dry on??
    Qui-Gon caught hold of her arm and started to pull her along. ?Just keep moving.? He said under his breath.
    Jemmy complied, but kept looking around her. ?There?s women amongst them as well.? She puzzled as she stared at the figures.
    ? Are there really.? Qui-Gon continued not to notice like the dutiful jedi he was.

    A devious smile spread upon Jemmiah?s face. ?That one looks just like Master Depa Billaba!?
    ?Hmm...er..what??
    Qui-Gon?s head snapped up in surprise.
    ?Ha, ha!?
    Jinn responded by pulling her even more quickly along the path. ?Very amusing, Jemmiah.? He growled. ?Although I can?t put you over my knee, don?t think I?m not tempted.?
    Jemmiah snickered. ?Padawan Abran said that to me once.? Her expression sobered. ?I hit him.?

    Pity you didn?t hit my padawan, thought Qui-Gon, then we might none of us be in this mess.

    ?I don?t see what?s wrong. If these people want to ditch their clothes, why not let ?em. It must be a very liberating experience.? She continued after a while.
    ?I?m sure it is,? replied Qui-Gon, ?except that there?s a time and a place for everything, and this doesn?t strike me as either.?
    ?Perhaps.? Jemmy conceded, seeing that Qui-Gon was about to lecture her about staring at the convergence of naked people. Out the corner of her eye she saw that one of them had a sign strategically placed over a rather personal area. It said: NAKED AND PROUD OF IT. And right next to him was a small, pear-shaped woman, holding a similar placard which read: IT?S GOOD TO BE NUDE.
    ?I know,? grinned Jemmiah. ?It?s a perverts convention.?

    Qui-Gon was thinking furiously. Somewhere at the back of his mind he remembered that there had been a recent dispute between the zoo and a group of so called naturists over neighbouring land. The zoo had wanted to extend further onto this gr
     
  13. The Musical Jedi

    The Musical Jedi Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 13, 1999
    *laughing very hard* I can't imagine stoic Qui-Gon Jinn anywhere near the nudists, let alone being welcomed by them into their group!! This is hilarious!!!
     
  14. Jedi Kylenn

    Jedi Kylenn Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jul 2, 1999
    *~oof* Up!
     
  15. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    ?What you really need is a long chain.?
    Jemmiah was trying to explain her master plan to the naturists gathered around both Qui-Gon Jinn and herself. ?Publicity.? She went on. ?How do you expect to get support from anyone if they don?t know anything about you. I mean,? she indicated the list of names on the petition, ?Senator Palpatine may be a worthy member of the cause and all that, but how is anyone supposed to hear about it? Do you see him chaining himself to the railings??

    Qui-Gon was hoping the ground would open up and swallow him. Jemmiah?s condition stopped him from making good his threat to give her a thrashing. That and the fact that Evla would in turn probably thrash him for chastising her. Which she probably would anyway when she got to hear about the ?happy event? that was awaiting her ward and his padawan?

    ?Manacles. And a key, of course.? Jemmiah added.

    ?My brother Mitch has a long chain that might work,? mused the balding man, ?I could contact him and get him to bring it over.? He fished into his pockets and brought out his comlink.

    Sith, thought Jemmiah. I?m glad he kept that in his pocket!

    ?He doesn?t live very far away. He?s an escapologist. He works as a children?s entertainer. I?m sure he?d lend us his chain, if I asked him?he could be here within half an hour.?
    ?You do that!? brightened Jemmiah. ?Tell him to bring the key as well.?
    ?What do you think you?re playing at?? Qui-Gon hissed.
    She looked at him. ?I?m making sure our group of nature lovers all stay together in the one place, rather than wandering round the zoo frightening the kids and offending the parents.? She paused. ?And having a laugh.?
    ?At other people?s expense?? Qui-Gon asked pointedly.
    ?Relax.? She smiled at the group. ?I?m doing this for the cause. By the time I?ve finished with them they?ll have so much publicity they won?t know what?s??

    She shivered suddenly. That stuff of Simeon?s was doing really strange things to her, she decided. One minute she felt as if she could fly, and the next she just wanted to curl up in a ditch somewhere and die. The extreme swings were catching her between joyous hyperactivity and crashing sickness.

    Qui-Gon saw the swift change in her, and caught her by the arm. ?Sit!? He commanded. ?And stay quiet.?
    Reluctantly, she sat down once more. ?I knew it,? she muttered, ?That nerf-brains has poisoned me.?
    ?If you?re no better in the next half hour or so, I?m calling the medics.? He took off his robe and placed it over her shoulders.
    ?Cccareful, Master Jinn,? she said, shaking again. ?Thhhese pppeople wwwill thhhhink yyyour jjjoining thhhhem innn thhhheir ppprotest ifff yyyou ttttake offff annnything elsssse.?
    ?Just keep quiet.? He said, not unkindly, wondering how he had suddenly become so protective of her. ?There?s not just you to think of, is there??

    Jemmiah frowned. What was that all about?
    ?I?m wwworried about Ben..I mmmean Obbbi-Wan. I dddidn?t hhhave tttooo mmmuch bbbut hhhee??
    ?Shush.? Qui-Gon said.

    Although if he was honest, he was pretty worried about his padawan, too.

    An-Paj cast his eyes around the grounds, concentrating. The intuition that everyone so complemented him on did not seem to be serving him very well at this moment. Too tense, he realised, and not focused enough. Looking for padawan Cates was going to be like looking for a Jawa amongst a heard of Banthas. He glanced across at Yoda, who was sitting on a hillock not far away, eyes closed and ears as flat and low as they could get in sheer concentration.
    ?Do you see anything?? An-Paj eventually asked.
    ?Hmmmm.? Muttered Yoda. ?Not far, padawans Kenobi and Cates?both sick, they are.?
    ?And the others??
    Yoda paused. ?Problems, I think we have.?
    An-Paj frowned, trying to capture his fleeting concentration once more. ?Master Yoda,? he shook his head in disbelief, ?I?m getting very strange pictures of Master Jinn surrounded by?well?a lot of naked people.?
    Yoda snorted. ?Surprise me, that does not.?
    ?The girl is with him.? An-Paj added thoughtfully.
    The diminutive jedi master opened his eyes, and An-Paj could have sworn he saw a de
     
  16. Jane Jinn

    Jane Jinn Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jan 12, 2000
    "The wheel is turning, but the Corellian Sand Hamster is dead." I almost fell out of my chair laughing! You always come up with something superior to anything I've ever read before. And "the patented Jinn look". And everything! Chaining the nudists to an ant hill in the sunlight! Oh, Jemmiah, words fail me!
     
  17. Jedi Igraine

    Jedi Igraine Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Dec 20, 1999
    You are just to funny. I applaud your sense of humor and I totally concur with Jane Jinn's comments.

    Igraine
     
  18. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    ?I can still smell burning.? Obi-Wan declared woozily.

    Simeon sniffed the air. There WAS something?

    ?Yes. Maybe you?re right.? He looked at his friend. ?Are you feeling any better??
    ?Nope.?
    ?Nevermind.? He bit nervously at his fingernails, a habit he seemed to have picked up from these little dark-force vipers playing around him. "When Master Yoda is through with us, we?ll look back on how we feel now as a happy and positive experience.?
    ?I don?t think so, somehow.?
    Simeon smiled a fraction, although the effort cost him some pain. His facial muscles were spasming every now and again, making him look like he had a nervous tick.
    ?That?s not that attitude.? Simeon frowned. ?Look on the bright side. When Master Jinn and Master Windu are finished with us??
    ?There won?t be anything left of us for Yoda to have a go at.? Obi-Wan interrupted.
    Sighing, Simeon agreed that it did seem a likely scenario. ?Alternatively, Yoda might kill your master first.?
    ?That?s meant to make me feel better?? Obi-Wan asked miserably, unhappy at causing Qui-Gon such embarrassment.
    ?No,? Simeon thought for a while, ?but it sure as hell makes me feel better.?
    ?Ohhh, sithhhhhh!? Groaned Obi-Wan, holding his stomach, trying to roll on his side. ?I wish I was unconscious.?
    ?I wish you were unconscious.? Simeon agreed. ?You?re doing nothing but moan.?

    Kenobi glared. ?Some friend you are. Call yourself a healer? You have the bedside manner of a sewer rodent.?
    Simeon raised an eyebrow. ?How many sewer rodents have you been to bed with? Hardly flattering your present young lady is it??
    ?Shut up.? Kenobi groused.
    ?Temper, temper!? Cates remarked, wishing that horrible taste would leave his mouth. ?I must put your current state of crankiness down to overindulgence and severe alcoholic poisoning.? He delved around in his robe. ?I have a thermometer somewhere?ah, yes. Here we are.? He dazedly grabbed hold of what he thought was Obi-Wan?s limp wrist. ?The bad news is, ? he said eventually, ?you haven?t got a pulse.?
    ?That?s your wrist.?
    ?Oh.? Simeon reconsidered. ?The bad news is that I don?t have a pulse.? He shrugged slightly. ?No worries. I?m making medical history as the first dead person to take someone?s temperature.?
    ?At least An-Paj knows a patient?s wrist from his own.? Kenobi grumbled.
    ?Just quit bleating, will ya.? Simeon hissed. ?I?m going to take an anal reading.?
    ?YOU?RE WHAT!!!? Kenobi felt himself come fully conscious very rapidly.
    Simeon looked surprised. ?It?ll only take a moment. It won?t hurt. Not like that time you let Jemmiah wax your chest with those strips of??
    ?No WAY!?
    ?Awww, c?mon. It?s a question of mind over matter.? Simeon reassured Obi-Wan. ?I don?t mind and you don?t matter.?
    ?You aren?t qualified to fetch the tea!? yelled Obi-Wan frantically.
    ?I?ve done one of these before.? Simeon said in his defence. ?I?ll admit, the patient was a Wookie. It?s not my fault we lost the thermometer??
    ?Keep away from me.? Obi-Wan tried to slither away.
    ??We got it back eventually. ? He grinned. ?An-Paj was on hand with his rubber gloves.?
    ?I AM GETTING OUT OF HERE!? Kenobi felt himself beginning to hyperventilate.
    ?Don?t be such a baby. The kids are staring at you.?
    ?They?ll stare a lot more if you go anywhere near me with that implement.? He gulped, inching backwards.
    ?Relax, will you? I?ve got it in hand.?
    ?That?s what worries me!? Obi-Wan began to feel ill again.
    ?You are such a coward. Just lie back and say ?Aaaahhh!?

    Simeon made a move forward with the thermometer just as Obi-Wan moved back. Neither of them got very far. Each fell backwards, clasping hands to their heads, eyesight blurred. Obi-Wan felt as if the top of his skull had been sliced clean off and his brain were making a bid for freedom.

    ?OK? Gasped Simeon. ?Bad idea.?
    ?You can say that again.? Kenobi said. ?I feel so strange. One moment I?m fine, and then the next it feels as if there?s an invisible Gundark sitting on my face.?

    They sat there, companions in misery, waiting for the world to end.

    ?I don?t think the sky should be that colour.? Obi-Wan said, after a while.
    ?Hm
     
  19. Princess Jedi

    Princess Jedi Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Mar 8, 1999
    heeeeeeheeeeeheeeeeeeeheeeeee!!!!!!!
     
  20. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    Obi-Wan lay sprawled on his back.

    Fire.

    There was a fire?somewhere.

    He could feel the heat. Smell the smoke reaching out to choke him with long, billowing grey arms. In a futile gesture, he tried to beat the smoke away with his hands.

    ?Padawan Kenobi?? Asked Toms in puzzlement. ?What are you doing??
    Obi-Wan?s fear began to rise. The children were in danger.
    ?Everyone get back!? He yelled, wide-eyed. ?Can?t you see the smoke??

    The children looked around. There was nothing.
    ?Err...I can?t see anything.? Isadora hesitated.
    ?Me neither!? Squeaked Sabra-Ni.
    ?Take cover!? Obi-Wan insisted. ?Down on the ground. All of you! It?s easier to breathe down there??

    The kids exchanged looks.

    ?Just DO it!? Yelled Kenobi.

    What the heck, thought Isadora. Humour him. Clearly, the thought of impending fatherhood had pushed him right over the edge. She waved her fellow initiates down.

    ?What?s wrong?? Kelda Rosset asked in astonishment.
    ?He?s reached rock bottom and started to dig, that?s what?s wrong.? Grumbled Isadora. ?I blame that stupid Corellian. He was fine before she turned up.?
    ?I think she?s pretty.? Toms said.
    Isadora stuck her nose in the air. ?You would. You?re only a BOY. I s?pose she?s alright, if you like the obvious look.?
    ?You?re just jealous, you?re just jealous!? sang Toms.
    ?I am NOT jealous of that?that THING!? Isadora raged.
    ?Yes you are!?
    ?You take that back!?
    ?Will not!?

    Isadora launched herself at the little boy, knocking him off his feet. Within moments, a chant of ?fight, fight!? had gone up amongst the initiates, and a circle was quickly formed amongst the two combatants.
    Sabra-Ni looked solemnly at Kelda.

    ?She doesn?t learn does she.? She said precociously.
    ?Learn? If she were any slower learning you?d have to water her twice a week.? Kelda agreed, before turning to watch what was on balance a very un-evenly matched fight. Toms was a head and a bit shorter than Isadora, but what he lacked in size he more than made up for in enterprise. He waited until she had him in a body hold, and then produced a pair of jack-scissors from his robe.

    When she had let him go, he was left standing proudly holding a mass of blonde ringlets in his hand no longer attached to their former owner.

    Isadora let out a scream that could be heard all over Coruscant.

    ?Who?s prettier now, then?? He asked innocently.

    An-Paj was beginning to wonder if they?d ever find their intended quarry. Yoda seemed to know where to head for. The number of times he?d been prodded in the side by that stick?
    ?Where to now, Master Yoda?? Enquired An-Paj in exasperation.
    ?Hmmm.? Yoda closed his eyes as the transport began to slow. He searched the currents of the force until he found the presence of the ones he sought.
    ?Right!? He exclaimed suddenly, hitting An-Paj on the arm with his stick. ?Right!?
    ?Thank you, Master. The instruction was perfectly clear the first time.?

    Rubbing his bruised arm, An-Paj sneaked a glance at Yoda. That gleam was back in his eye. And An-Paj didn?t think it would bode well for anyone.
    ?Over that hill.? Yoda thrust his stick to the side, nearly taking off An-Paj?s ear.

    I wish he wouldn?t do that, the healer thought.

    ?Far our padawans are not. Walk, we shall.? Yoda decided, after they had reached the hill. He poked An-Paj in the leg, wielding the wooden implement as expertly as if it were a lightsabre.

    If he goes on like this, I?m not going to be able to walk anywhere, An-Paj seethed quietly. He helped Yoda out of the transport. What did your last servant die of, he wondered morosely?

    Something infectious, hopefully.

    As they crawled along the path that led towards the Gurnaf enclosure, An-Paj found himself smiling.
    ?It?ll be a change not to have to deal with Obi-Wan, for a once. He?s been in my charge so often that we were thinking renaming one of the wards after him.?
    ?Hmmm.? Muttered Yoda. ?Spoken too soon, I fear you have.?
    ?What?s wrong?? An-Paj asked curiously.

    Yoda said nothing. He merely picked up his stick.
    ?Forwards.? He said. The blow missed An-Paj by the narrowest of margins.

    Sith, thought An-Paj, h
     
  21. HealerLeona

    HealerLeona Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 18, 2000
    Jemmiah this is the most hilarious story I've ever read. Can't wait to see what happens next, I hope days on Coruscant are very, very long.
     
  22. Jemmiah

    Jemmiah Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Mar 5, 2000
    The first indication that things were going even worse than Qui-Gon has anticipated came when he realised Jemmiah could no longer walk in a straight line. Her face was a mixture of intense concentration and confusion at her sudden inability to accomplish the mechanics of placing one leg in front of the other. Every so often, she would stumble, and Qui-Gon would do his best to catch her. She was looking more than a little glazed and he was getting more than a little worried?

    ?Master Jinn?? She sighed. ?My legs don?t work any more. Why is that, do you think??
    ?Because you?re ?Molassed? as you Corellians so quaintly put it.? Qui-Gon tried to get her to walk forwards instead of sideways.

    ?Oh. How did that happen? I don?t remember. I always remember when I get slammed.? Her eyes seemed to cross for a moment or two, before she steadied herself.
    ?Because you were drinking some form of alcohol. Is it all coming flooding back now?? Qui-Gon replied irritably.
    ?No.?
    ?Then let me refresh your memory.? Qui-Gon attempted to steer her to the left when she was about to veer off in the wrong direction. ?Simeon Cates had a flask containing Sith knows what. At some point not only you but my idiot apprentice both took a drink.?

    A huge grin spread across Jemmiah?s face.
    ?Simeon. Yeah, I remember. He?s a naughty boy, that one.?
    Qui-Gon blinked. ?Pardon??
    ?Hmm. D?you know, he turned up to my sixteenth birthday celebration last year wearing just a smile and a long, pink feather boa??

    Qui-Gon did not want to dwell on that image.

    ?At least Obi-Wan wouldn?t dare try that.? Qui-Gon said through gritted teeth.
    ?No. You?re right.?
    ?Pleased to hear it.?

    Pause.

    ?He wore a blue one.?
    ?What!?
    ?Uh-huh.? Nodded Jemmiah enthusiastically. ?He wore a bigger one to match his smile.? She grinned.

    Qui-Gon was stunned. ?Who else was at this party??
    ?Myself.? Jemmiah bit her lip, trying to recall the details. ?Ben? Simeon? Jay Abran? Bai? Welasa?Kristan?V?Aladee??
    ?All MALES.? Qui-Gon remarked, his tone acidic.
    ?Yeah.? She smirked.
    ?Anyone else??
    ?Err?let?s see.? She thought for a moment. ?Master Windu.?
    ?Mace!?
    ?He helped organise it. With Jay and Ben.?

    Qui-Gon shook his head. ?I?m beginning to see a new side to Master Windu.? He said archly.
    ?Yeah-so did we. He showed us that really weird tattoo on his??
    ?Keep going!? Qui-Gon almost swept her onwards.

    Jemmiah groaned. ?I feel so strange. I?m not sure if I can??
    ?Just try putting your left foot in front of your right.? Snapped Jinn.
    She looked at him; large rounded pools of copper staring up in optimism. ?I don?t s?pose you could carry me??
    He raised an eyebrow. ?You are just trying to take advantage of my good nature.?
    ?It?s a pain in the rear isn?t it? People are always trying to take advantage of me, too.?
    ?Yes, well in your case they succeed.?

    His meaning managed to sink through the Sandolamide-induced haze, and she looked at him, hurt. Qui-Gon regretted what he had said, but did not retract his statement.

    She glanced away. ?I hate myself.? She said.
    ?I?m sure you?ll get over it.? Qui-Gon replied.
    ?No.? Facing him once again, Jemmiah seemed to sober a little. ?I?ve always hated myself.?
    ?That?s the drink talking.?
    Glaring, she tried to stagger away from him. ?I?m going home.?
    ?Don?t be silly. You?ll never find your way back to your apartment in that state.? Qui-Gon made a lunge for her arm, but she tried to push him away. Instead, her elbow connected sharply with his other cheekbone.

    Sith, thought Qui-Gon as he put his hand to his eye. Now he would have a matching bruise to explain away. In that short amount of time Jemmiah had staggered several paces up the path, and Qui-Gon bounded after her.
    ?I?m going back to Corellia.? She spat. ?That?s what everyone wants, isn?t it? I?m just a problem that nobody wants.?
    ?That?s not true and you know it.? Qui-Gon replied.
    ?If you?d left me on Nargotria all those years ago then the problem would have gone away.?
    ?I couldn?t do that.?
    ?Why not?? She yelled, tears back in her eyes once more, ?I had to abandon everyone. I left them like a coward.?
    ?I could onl
     
  23. HealerLeona

    HealerLeona Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 18, 2000
    An oven glove? ROFLOL
     
  24. Lilith Demodae

    Lilith Demodae Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 1, 1999
    People have been telling me I should read this, but this as my first chnace and now I'm laughint spo hard I can hardly typ;e. Keep up the good work !!! I'm alughing do hard I'm crying/

    LD
     
  25. Frostfyre

    Frostfyre Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 1999



    ROFLMBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::gasping for air:: Oh, my, but that is funny. That's as hysterical as Lwy'nya's Two Jedi in a Bar!!!

    Keep it up!!
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.