Lions and tigers and padawans, oh my!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jemmiah, Feb 16, 1999.

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  1. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Jay Abran breathed a deep sigh of relief. It had taken over an hour, but he?d finally lost the little monsters.
    It occurred to him that the whole exercise in bringing the initiates to the zoo was that they stayed with their padawan?s and didn?t get lost, but he couldn?t bring himself to care. Despite being fit, he was out of breath, leaning as he was against the tiled wall inside a fresher cubical. Perspiration lay in beads upon his brow, which he wiped on his sleeve. Panting, he tried to recover himself with the aid of the force. Damn sithlings! It had been such a good day until then...

    He groaned, putting a hand to his ribs. A stitch was never a pleasant thing to have. Nevermind, he thought optimistically, the force would soon help him put that right. He breathed deeply, drawing on the living force, feeling the healing energy flow through him. He directed it to his painful side, and then breathed out noisily. The relief he felt at out running that pack of cannoid wannabe?s was immense, and he found himself shaking just a little. Phew! It had been close.

    He?d lost them in the park by relying on his superior reading of the force, and had taken shelter inside the nearest cubical he could find. He let out another groan. Qui-Gon would mince him for this.

    Still breathing heavily, Abran wandered out from his private stall into the wash area, and found his jaw hanging down in utter shock. There, facing directly opposite him was ?

    A large group of women.

    What?!!! Screamed Abran inwardly. What were these ladies, of mixed age and varying degrees of attractiveness, doing inside the men?s facilities? And then he got it.

    HE was in the ladies fresher room.

    The gulp he gave was audible.

    ?Afternoon, ladies.? Abran smiled shakily, ?I?m sorry to barge in on your?er?private facilities, but you see??
    ?He?s a sex pest!? The oldest pointed at him. ?Why else would he be in here? He?s waiting to pounce on unsuspecting women when they?re at their most vulnerable!?
    ?No, no!? Abran tried to reassure them, whilst trying to put as much distance as possible between himself and his opposition, ?I wouldn?t do that. I?m a Jedi.?
    ?I don?t care if you?re Chancellor Valorum! I still say you?re a sex fiend!?
    ?Yeah!? Chorused the four other women. ?He?s probably one of those stalkers you read about on the Holonet!?
    ?No, honestly,? Abran started to edge towards the door, ?I AM a Jedi. Really. You see, I?ve just come from the woods??
    ?The woods?!? Shouted old and ugly, her face contorting with outrage, ?The perfect place for an ambush!?
    ?You don?t understand,? Jay argued hoarsely, ?The children were??
    ?Children!? Shrieked one of the other women, ?He?s one of those molesters.?
    ?I AM NOT!? Abran tried to defend himself.
    ?Then why all the heavy breathing? We heard you in there, mister, panting and groaning away like a Bantha in the rutting season.? Growled one of the younger ones.
    ?Yeah. Weirdo!? Shouted another, preparing to hit him with her bag.
    ?No, I?ve been running!?
    ?From the security men, no doubt!? Hissed the old hag.
    ?Look,? retorted Abran, getting a little annoyed, ?Why should anyone want to attack you? Frankly, I wouldn?t molest you if you were the last human female in the galaxy, and before that I?d sooner take up molesting Nerf?s?

    It wasn?t the brightest thing in the world for him to say at that moment, he thought, as they descended on him in unison. As he fell beneath an onslaught of handbags and cuddly, stuffed Gundark souvenirs, Jay Abran pondered why ladies always seemed to retreat to the fresher in groups?
    *************

    Jemmiah blinked up at Qui-Gon. ?Are we at the hill yet?? She asked, disoriented.
    ?We passed the hill some time ago.? Qui-Gon replied.
    ?Oh. Better put me down, then.? She began to squirm in his arms, but he held on to her for a while longer.
    ?It?s been a good few years since I did this.? The Jedi muttered.
    ?What?? Jemmiah tried a smile. ?Held a beautiful girl in your arms.?
    Despite the dig at his age, Qui-Gon returned the smile. ?No, I meant this particular girl in my arms. The last time must have been when you were el
  2. Princess Jedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 1999
    star 1
    OOps!

    [This message has been edited by Princess Jedi (edited 03-30-2000).]
  3. Princess Jedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 1999
    star 1
    Please keep going!! This is the best story! I laugh so hard everytime I read your new posts!
  4. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    ?What in the name of all things sacred is THAT!?

    The voice was that of Jay Abran. A VERY scared Jay Abran, who found himself transfixed with fear.

    Staring directly at him, studying him with intense scrutiny was a creature of the like he?d never come across before. Smooth, well-muscled skin, sleek and shiny like that of a snake stretched from the tip of its nose to the base of its considerably long tale. It was indeed as tall as a Rancour, with similar prehensile arms hanging uselessly by its chest, finished off with long, retractable claws, which Abran hoped was more for show than for actual use. Vaguely chameleon like, it flushed suddenly with a tinge of dark red right across its body. If that was indicative of the creature?s mood, Jay Abran felt that they might very well be in for a rough time.

    Most impressive, however, was the gaping, hinge-like jaw. There were no visible teeth, but Abran?s force sense warned him that it was no less dangerous for all that. A forked, reptilian tongue darted forth from its mouth to taste the air, scenting the potential prey that stood terrified in its presence.

    The tail twitched in warning, swinging angrily from side to side, almost flexing like a fist.

    ?When I said Tramp-Freighter sized mandibles, I was only joking!? Jemmiah shivered.

    The sheer scale of the creature momentarily took Qui-Gon?s breath away. ?Big, isn?t it?? He remarked.
    ?You?ve really got the hang of this understatement business, haven?t you?? She swallowed, watching as the creature?s gaze alighted briefly on them both before switching its attention back to Abran and the initiates.
    ?I really have no wish to get further acquainted with it.?

    Qui-Gon made up his mind quickly as another throaty growl vibrated from the creature?s throat. ?I?m going to distract it with the force.?
    ?You can?t try that mind-trick rubbish, it NEVER works for you!? She hissed. ?Anyhow, look at the size of that thing, it?ll have a brain the size of a corn husk rattling about inside that overgrown skull. It won?t have a mind to trick!?
    ?Just stay back and keep out of sight.? Qui-Gon bundled her behind a nearby shrub, regretting that he?d brought her into danger. If anything were to happen to her..
    ?You are MAD!? Retorted Jemmy as he walked directly over to the creature, his body swamped by the huge shadow cast by the enormous being. Jemmiah found herself shaking her head. If there was one possible fault in Master Jinn?s overly noble personality, it was arrogance. Or extreme self-belief; she could never make up her mind as to which it was.

    Except that she was sure that it would get him killed one day.

    Fool, she thought to herself, digging her nails into the palm of her hands. Couldn?t he see that walking up and introducing himself was not the way to do this? What was he going to say anyway? Something along the lines of, ?Hello, I?m a Jedi. Mind if I just fiddle around with your mind for a bit?? He just couldn?t manipulate minds the way that Ben could. Probably not devious enough, she thought.

    It may not be a desirable trait in a person, but here and now it was a positive survival asset.

    It took a little time for the snake-creature to realise Qui-Gon was standing behind it. The flickering tongue caught the taste of him on the air. He could see the initiates frozen in shocked silence, whilst Abran and Kylenn exchanged frightened glances. It whipped its body round with such speed that Qui-Gon suddenly found himself staring directly into the gaping maw.

    Forgetting her own advice, Kylenn screamed. She saw the rapid advance that it made towards the Jedi master and realised that whatever it was he was trying to do with the force just was not working. Panic welled within her. ?Master Jinn, look out!!!? She shrilled.

    Just as quickly as it had swung to face Qui-Gon, the huge tail whipped round and batted her heavily in the face, swatting her as if she were some kind of insignificant insect. The impact sent her flying a good many yards, leaving her dazed and unable to defend herself, and Abran found himself yelling as he ran to her aid. The childre
  5. Jedi Kylenn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 1999
    star 4
    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>?DON?T-YOU-EVER-PICK-ON-MY-FRIENDS-AGAIN-YOU-WALKING-HANDBAG!!!?

    At the risk of sounding like a broken record - this is soooooo effing funny! I'm reading this at the office and I almost have to put my coat over my head to muffle my giggles so my coworkers don't think I've gone completely psycho!

    And I'm still wondering about that "horrible thing" Simeon does with his toes...

  6. Princess Jedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 1999
    star 1
    Well done again, Jemmiah!! It's so great that you post so regularly! Keep it up!
  7. HealerLeona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2000
    star 4
    You've managed to go from incredibly amusing to incredibly exciting. Awesome post.
  8. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
    Don't stop now!!! This is really great!!!
  9. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Yoda looked down in distaste at the unconscious form of Obi-Wan Kenobi. There was still a lot of residual foam in his long ears that he couldn?t quite shift, no matter how hard he tried, and it was making conversation between himself, An-Paj and the hyperactive initiates extremely difficult. His annoyance at the two padawans had abated somewhat. Punishment could wait. Besides, it appeared that this was proving to be a most valuable lesson for everyone, and Yoda did not think that either Cates or Kenobi would be in a hurry to repeat their mistakes.

    What he was going to say to the two missing Masters when he located them was ENTIRELY different.

    He prodded Obi-Wan in the ribs with his stick.

    ?Do something for this one you can, hmmm?? He asked An-Paj, who was checking Kenobi?s pulse.
    ?Yes, Master Yoda. I?m going to take him back to the healers in the temple and insert a large tube into his stomach and suck out the entire contents.? He flushed guiltily. Dimallie had said she used three spoonfuls to dose the alcohol. More like thirty-three?

    Yoda frowned. ?Pardon me, you will. Hear well I cannot.? He put his hand to his right ear.
    ?I said that we will have to insert?oh, nevermind.? An-Paj grumbled. ?As for that one,? he pointed at the sleeping Simeon; ?I?m going to use the biggest tube I?ve got.?
    ?Yes,? Yoda agreed sagely, ?getting hot it is.? He tipped his head to one side, allowing some of the foam to fall out of his ear. An-Paj sighed. ?I never said it was getting hot. I said?Master Yoda, can you understand a word I?m saying??
    ?No. Staying we shall not be.? He waved his trusty stick in the air. ?Move we shall.?
    The healer closed his eyes. ?We have to find Master Jinn. He wouldn?t just run away like that without a good reason.?
    ?Yes,? replied Yoda. ?Very hot for the season. But find Master Jinn, we should.?
    ?He?s with young Jemmiah, according to Cates.? He still refused to believe what the apprentice healer had told him. Qui-Gon was far too sensible to get mixed up with a teenage girl, not to mention that the girl in question was involved with Jinn?s padawan. And then there was that other unexpected piece of news that Simeon had let slip?
    ?Speak up you must!? Yoda prodded him hard in the leg.

    I won?t believe it until I hear Qui-Gon confirm it for himself, An-Paj thought silently. He?d known the Jedi for years. Mind you, Jemmiah had many admirers within the temple, not just Kenobi. An-Paj looked at his com-link.

    ?I could try and get him on this.?
    Yoda nodded. ?Go to them we shall.? He glanced at the initiates, appraising them all. He needed the strongest and oldest to help.

    ?You.? He pointed at the little group. ?Girl with strange hair.?
    Isadora pouted. ?Yes, Master Yoda.? She replied dutifully, fingering the step in her hair that had been caused by Toms scissors.
    ?Come. Need you, we shall.? Yoda proceeded to choose from the seven and eight year olds. ?Help us carry the padawans you will. Good exercise it will be.?

    There was a groan that even Yoda could make out. He regarded them mischievously.

    ?Carry the padawans you will, or extra helpings of temple gruel will there be.?

    Yoda noted with pleasure that even after well over eight hundred years, he still knew how children?s minds worked. Nothing changed.

    And sadly, neither did the food.
    **************

    The stunned Kylenn had never seen anything so brave. Or stupid.

    By attacking the creature with the branch, Jemmiah had almost certainly saved Qui-Gon?s life, except that her heroics had now placed her in the direst of situations. She?d finally stopped struggling as Qui-Gon had instructed her, but Kylenn thought that had more to do with prolonged constriction rather than obedience. From what she knew of Jemmiah, it wasn?t in her nature to give up, and her compliance worried Kylenn. She was breathing, but could get little in the way of oxygen, and Kylenn thought she could see her lips taking on a purplish tint.

    She watched Qui-Gon as he worked to release himself from his bondage. If something were to be done, it would have to be done now. They needed a distraction t
  10. HealerLeona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2000
    star 4
    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>"You want details at a time like this?", brilliant!
  11. L's angel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 28, 2000
    star 1
    Keep it up its damn hilarious.

    "never have i seen an angel fly this low"
  12. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Raindrops on roses
    And whikers on kittens,
    Tall Jedi master's
    With whom we're all smitten,
    Ewan McGregor all tied up with string,
    These are a few of my faveourite things...

    Sorry. This has absolutely nothing to do with the following story. Just thought I'd share it with you!
    ********************
    BANG!

    Bang, bang, bang?thump!

    Obi-Wan felt himself slowly coming to. He knew he wasn?t moving under his own steam, yet he had the vaguest of notions that he WAS in motion. His left eye opened a tiny crack. Yes, he thought. He was definitely moving, although his brain couldn?t quite sort out the specifics. Kenobi tried to persuade his right eye to follow the example of its twin but he soon gave it up as a lost cause.

    Why did it seem that the world was upside down?

    He felt damned uncomfortable as the sky above and the grass by his side moved by far too rapidly for his taste. Obi-Wan tried to speak, to tell the legs he knew should be there but could not see to pack it in and give him a break.

    ?Mmmhhwhassgoiiinnnonnnn??

    He wasn?t surprised when his rebellious anatomy did not respond to his question. Probably didn?t understand. Sith, he didn?t even understand!

    Bang, bang, bang, thump, bang, bang?THWACK!

    Ouch! Kenobi felt his head come in contact with something hard like a large rock. Which wasn?t too surprising, as the object WAS infact, a large rock.

    That shouldn?t have happened, he thought.

    Ah, yes, he realised. His head was being scraped along the ground. Not where it usually was, but it was there now. Which explained why his feet were absent without leave. He dared to risk a hasty glance upwards, and realised that he was in the undignified position of being dragged across a lawn by the legs, as if he were an old sack. By several small initiates.

    Obi-Wan extended a protective hand towards his head and then lay still. In the background he heard voices muttering.

    ?Oh, now look what you?ve gone and done! You?ve dropped him!? said one voice.
    ?Have not!?
    ?Have so. He was beginning to wake up but you?ve gone and killed him!?
    ?He isn?t dead.?
    ?Bet he is. I heard the crack his skull made when his head hit that rock. He?s dead, and you killed him! They?ll put you away for that.?
    ?Yeah, you?re not allowed to kill padawans. It?s against the law. And anyway, Master Yoda doesn?t like it.? Cut in a third.
    ?But he?s NOT dead.?
    ?We can find out.?
    ?How??
    ?Wait a moment. I?ve got something here that?ll help??

    There was a vague shuffling sound, as if someone was rummaging for something. Something told Obi-Wan he should be paying more attention than he was.

    ?He does look kinda dead, doesn?t he??
    ?That?s because he looks a bit green.?
    ?Master Jinn?s gonna be really mad if you?ve totalled him.?
    ?Then why didn?t you say something sooner??
    ?I was carrying his feet! I can?t do two things at once.? Grumbled a sarcastic voice.
    There was some more scrambling about.

    ?Ah, it?s OK. I?ve got it.?

    Got what, Obi-Wan wondered uneasily, desperately trying to persuade his eyes to open again.

    ?Right! This?ll prove it. I?m going to stick this in his side??
    ?EEEEEEEYYYYOWWWWWCCCHHHH! Yelped Kenobi sitting up instantly.

    Isadora looked surprised. ?We thought you were dead.?
    ?Carry on like that and I soon will be.? Obi-Wan growled, snatching away a long, sharp and extremely rusty brooch pin. ?What?s the big idea dragging me along the ground as if I were a mattress or something??
    ?You?re too heavy!? Isadora complained. ?Master Yoda said we had to carry you and padawan Cates back to the transport.?
    ?Master Yoda?s here?? Squeaked Obi-Wan in dismay.
    ?Yes. Don?t you remember??
    ?Should I?? Kenobi gulped.
    ?You opened a fire extinguisher on him.?

    Oh, hell, Obi-Wan grimaced to himself. This was not good. Extinguishing a Jedi master was an extremely serious offence.

    ?I don?t remember.? He held his head.
    ?Happy to remind you, I will be.? Muttered Yoda, who had suddenly appeared by his side. He seemed to be tipping his head to the right. ?Walk, you can?? He asked Kenobi.

    Obi-Wan looked round. His head was clearing, but his vision was still blurry. And the sky s
  13. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Jemmiah, that little ditty expresses my feelings exactly! And by the Force, you've done it again with another wonderful post! Dare I hope that the "rusty" brooch brings Obi-Wan into danger of tetanus--and shots--and infirmary--and An-Paj? Oh, dare I hope?

    Well, no matter! Keep up the good work here at the zoo. Superlative writing, descriptions, ideas, everything!
  14. Lilith Demodae Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    star 4
    ::claps hands in delight::

    This is one of the bright spots in my otherwise miserable life. Finals are cruel and unusual punishment if you ask me.
  15. HealerLeona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2000
    star 4
    nods her head frantically- I certainly agree with Jane Jinn's[/i] comments, especially on the song.

    Jemmiah, a most superior thread!
  16. Princess Jedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 1999
    star 1
    The quality of this story is impressive. I look forward to more!
  17. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Mace Windu, if pressed, would have to admit that this was not his lucky day.

    His dip in the pond had relieved him of the hair, if not the odour, that the over-friendly Murrit had left behind. Its other unfortunate legacy of tiny, blood-sucking ticks had shown a distinct reluctance to part company with him. His long, brown Jedi cloak had seen considerable misfortune already that day, and was now full of foul smelling pondweed. And to cap it all, a passing duck had managed to target his head with the sort of amazing accuracy the Republic?s best fighters would find hard to match with torpedoes.

    He emerged from the water looking soaked and tired. And not a little bit fed up.

    Bai decided it might be best to say nothing under the circumstances and so the apprentice shuffled over, taking off his own robe and holding it out to the master. Windu just kept staring ahead; lips pursed, and took the robe off the young Jedi without a word of thanks. Bai tried to think of something useful to say but couldn?t. Master Windu was considerably taller than he was, and the padawans robe looked extremely out of place kilted up high against the shivering Council member.

    Altogether comical! How Bai wished he could record this moment for posterity!

    One stony glance from Windu quelled any hint of a smile that had threatened to break forth on Bai?s lips.

    ?I think the ticks are dead.? The padawan offered lamely.
    ?They?re still attached, dead or otherwise.? Mace complained.
    ?An-Paj can remove them with some tweezers.? Bai replied. ?He?s really good at that sort of thing, but then I suppose you?d know that from when he had to remove that rake from your?? His voice trailed off.
    ?I?ve had enough excitement for the moment.? Mace headed towards the speeder where the unconscious initiates lay huddled in the back. As he started to walk, he felt as if he?d brought half the pond out with him. Every step was accompanied by a loud squelching sound. ?I?m getting out of here before anything else can go wrong.?
    ?I don?t think anything else CAN go wrong.? Bai offered as cheerfully as possible.
    Windu stuck out a hand at lightening speed and grabbed the padawan confrontationally by the front of his tunic.
    ?Don?t EVER say that. Do you hear me??

    The astonished apprentice could only nod.
    ?I?m not going to let you, or them,? he pointed at the initiates, ?or anyone else tempt fate. Got it.?
    Bai let his head waggle up in down in the affirmative.

    Windu let out a long breath. ?Good. I don?t like this one little bit.? He let go of the padawan and stopped to wring out some water from his tunic. ?You know, Master Jinn always says that history has an unpleasant way of repeating itself. Well, I?m not giving history the chance.?
    ?I?I don?t understand?? Bai frowned in confusion.
    ?It?s already happening.? Muttered Windu to himself. ?But this is as far as it goes.?
    ?Master??
    ?I mean, I?m a reasonable man. I work hard for the Council. I give to charity. I help old ladies across the road. I?m kind to children,? he paused, kicking the speeder in frustration, ? So how come the force is always having a laugh at my expense? Why is it always me??

    Bai looked about uneasily. He stared at the bushes, and was pretty sure he could see movement there?

    ?If ANYTHING goes wrong, it?s never Qui-Gon?s fault. Or Depa Billaba?s fault. Or Dex Berlingside?s fault. It?s always ME!? He waved his arms in the air.
    ?Master Windu, I think we??
    ?Shut up! I?m releasing my anger into the force!? Yelled Windu.
    ?But Master??
    ?I don?t care what happens now. This time I win! Nothing that happens to me is as bad as Qui-Gon having to face up to surrogate Grandfatherhood!? He laughed at that thought. Qui-Gon Jinn as a Grandfather!
    ?Excuse me?!? Bai asked, his mouth slackening in shock. ?What was that??
    ?It doesn?t matter.? Windu hastily covered his mistake. He felt better now, anyway, for having got all that off his chest.
    ?But..?
    ?I think we ought to quit this hanging around and get moving, don?t you?? Mace asked. He felt his nose wrinkle at the first onset of a sneeze.
    ?AAAAAACCCHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!?
    ?I thin
  18. HealerLeona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2000
    star 4
    ROFLOL-Windu's tirade was priceless. Jemmiah thank you for sharing your wonderful gift of humor.
  19. Jedi Gryph Grin Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 25, 1999
    star 4
    This is too hilarious!! Thank you for making me laugh after a crappy day at work!
  20. Jedi Kylenn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 1999
    star 4
    *LOL!!*

    After all this, I'm amazed poor "Windy" didn't banish _himself_ to Bandomeer. He'd be safer there!
  21. R2RUOK Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 1999
    Oh. My. Goodness!!!!!!! ::collapses on the floor and shorts a circuit laughing so hard::
  22. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Disastrous.

    That was the only word that Qui-Gon could use to describe the fiasco following their escape from the snake-creature. They?d spent the following thirty minutes trying to round up the initiates who had run away quaking at the sight of the giant reptile. They?d been so convinced that Master Jinn was about to be carved into so many portions of Jedi sirloin, he?d had to let them pinch his arms and body to reassure them that he wasn?t some sort of fearsome phantom. They?d taken refuge in the area behind the freshers that Jay Abran had fled from, but he had insisted that under no circumstances was he going back inside. Those cuddly Banthas left quite a scar?

    The Wookie was the first to realise that Master Jinn and the others had somehow pulled off the escape of the millennia, and his joy was so immense that he ran into Kylenn?s not out-stretched arms and flattened her. Great, thought Qui-Gon. If she didn?t have concussion before, she almost certainly will have now. Slowly but surely, Kylenn?s group of initiates were reunited with their padawan. Jemmiah hung back, watching. She kept feeling a sort of?pinching. Or perhaps it was her imagination.

    Her hands returned to her ribs. They hurt big time.

    ?Tired?? Qui-Gon asked.
    She nodded. ?Please let?s go home. I?m cracking up. Literally.?
    ?Believe me, Tangles, there?s nothing I would like more. But we have to find padawan Abran?s group of initiates.?
    ?That shouldn?t be too hard,? moaned Jemmiah, ?Just shout walkies and watch them come to heel.?
    Qui-Gon frowned. ?Excuse me??
    ?You didn?t know?? Jemmiah feigned surprise. ?Oh, well. I s?pose he wouldn?t have had the chance.?
    ?Chance for what?? Qui-Gon demanded.
    ?To tell you.?
    ?To tell me what?? He was getting rather irritated.
    ?About his wondrous party trick with the initiates that went hideously wrong. He mentioned it whilst you were in there trying to prize Kylenn?s little angels out the fresher.?

    He folded his arms and gave her his best ?tell-me-everything-or-else? Jedi master look.

    As she explained, she watched as the expression on his face changed from stunned surprise, to disbelief, then barely concealed anger. Abran was going to be in for it now!

    ?Don?t worry, Master Jinn. You?re always saying that all experiences are worthwhile, even the bad ones.?
    Qui-Gon blinked. ?The next time I start quoting rubbish like that, you have my permission to tell me to shut up.?
    ?But I?m sure even this little accident will have its benefits.?
    ?Like?? He groused.
    ?Well, if you ever need your slippers fetching, all you?ll have to do is whistle and one of the initiates will come running. And they already come toilet trained. Some of them, anyway.? She frowned.

    She paused. She could definitely feel someone pinching her on the backside, but when she looked around there was nobody.

    Am I going mad, she wondered?

    Qui-Gon considered his options. They HAD to get those initiates back. They couldn?t return to the temple without them, especially as there were Sith knows what kind of creatures roaming free in the park. Option one consisted of grilling Abran for his incompetence. Option two consisted of doing the same, then searching for the lost group of children.

    So did option three.

    He turned to Jay Abran and set his teeth sweetly.
    ?Come here, padawan.? He said in a honeyed voice.
    *********************

    ?Master Windu?? Bai shook the Jedi by the shoulders, trying to get some kind of response, but all he got in reply from Mace was a rather goofy smile spreading almost from ear to ear.
    ?Say something, please!? The padawan pleaded.
    The smile became a grin.
    ?It?s no use, son.? Dylain shook his head. ?There?s enough tranquilliser in your friend to flatten ten Rancours. He?ll be feeling pretty mellow, I should think.? He smirked appreciatively. ?It?s good stuff.?

    Bai ignored the keeper. He was now in as bad a situation as he?d ever been; stuck in a never-ending zoo with dangerous loose animals, drugged initiates, a wise-cracking runaway kid, a trigger-happy zoo keeper with the worst case of nerves he?d ever seen, and a lurking Krayt Dragon hid
  23. HealerLeona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2000
    star 4
    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>"Here boys!" He whistled. "Fetch!"

    I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants.
  24. Jedi Kylenn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 1999
    star 4
    Jay is quite the incorrigible padawan, isn't he? *LOL!!* This story is so funny!

    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Geneva,Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>?Just shout walkies and watch them come to heel.?

    Let me guess, a reference to Barbara Woodhouse's PBS dog training show from the 70's?
  25. Princess Jedi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 8, 1999
    star 1
    I loved the walkies reference!! Very cute! This is so funny it's killing me! LOL
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