Saga Living in the Shadows (Ramble/Diary-style Empire-era AU). Various Characters. Entry #3 UP!

Hello everyone, this is Specterace here. It's been a long time since I wrote any fanfiction (years, really), and the stuff I did write I never completed (Maybe I will complete them, one day). But given that I've started getting back into Star Wars (both from playing TOR and from knowing there will be new movies coming), I decided to try and write some stuff from the inspirations and bunnies still floating around in my brain. I don't know how much time I'll have to dedicate to writing, or if I will ever complete the stories I once planned, but I at least hope to give it a try and see what I can do. This diary-style thread will hopefully help with that, as maybe in doing smaller entries on various things from time to time, I can work through the writer's block I tend to suffer a lot.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. On to the writing!. I hope you enjoy it!

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Title: Living in the Shadows
Author: Specterace
Timeframe: post-Clone Wars, between ROTS and ANH
Genre: AU, drama, diary, action
Characters: Too many to name, both canon and OC
Keywords: AU, Dark Times, Purges, Empire
Summary: As the Galactic Empire consolidates and expands, the peoples of the galaxy have one of three choices: to stand with it, stand against it, or just stand in the middle and hope to survive. These are various tales and thoughts taken from snippets of the lives of some of them...
Disclaimer: All characters and the Star Wars universe belong to Disney and Lucasfilm; I am just playing in their sandbox

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Entry #1 -- Bail Organa

Time -- Year 2, A.E.D (After Empire Day)
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At the risk of sounding like one of those self-congratulating idiots my wife often takes to task, I have always hoped that the people who see me as their leader would be proud to call me such. That the people whom I serve can have no qualms with the effort and manner in which I govern them, despite the fact they effectively had no real choice in the matter.

I always hope that my people see me as one of their own, as much if not more so than if I would have been a democratically elected ruler as opposed to the hereditary monarch I actually am.

Maybe that is a foolish hope. But it is a hope nonetheless. One I am proud to say seems to run in the Organa blood I carry itself, if my father and the history of the House of Organa are any guide.

Some would perhaps think that being born into a royal family automatically entitles me to an easily led life filled with comfort and pleasure. It is, I must admit, an assumption that is not without reason, given the lives led by many families in the galaxy who claim royalty over planets or territories.

While I cannot speak for those families, I can speak for my own. And both my father and mother, despite all their love and support (or perhaps because of it), went to great pains to teach me that my position does not entitle me to a life without responsibilities, both to Alderaan and the Republic which we were a part of.

And if I was hoping that these responsibilities would lessen or disappear the day I took my father's place as head of House Organa and leader of Alderaan, then I would have been disappointed.

Thankfully, I can say that my parents raised me better than that, may the gods rest their souls.

In fact, I can honestly say that the very day I was crowned Viceroy of Alderaan was the day I most felt I permanently lost any chance of a life filled with ease and comfort.

After all, one only has to look upon the motto of the House of Organa to see why:

"May heavy lie the head that wears the crown".

It was a motto adopted nearly four millennia ago, when House Organa first rose to royalty in the days of the ancient Sith Empire. Indeed, it was a rise from the ashes of the most bloody and destructive civil war Alderaan had ever known. A time when my people, a people renowned for our love of peace, beauty, and the arts, descended as deeply and lustily into war and battle as to rival the martial appetites of the legendary Mandalorians themselves, if not quite their prowess.

In the end, my ancestor Charle Organa survived the challenges of both House Thul and House Ulgo to claim the Chalcedony Star, and with it the right to rule Alderaan. But Charle never forgot the words of the legendary Jedi called the "Hero of Tython", who aided him in his most desperate hour of need:

"If you truly wish to restore and maintain peace on Alderaan, you must learn and understand the weight of the crown you seek to wear."

As the years went on, Charle realized more and more that the weight of the crown of Alderaan lies not in its aurodium, but in the souls that are touched by each and every decision he made as he wore it. Mindful of that weight, Charle changed our family motto, as a warning to each and every one of his descendants that would wear the crown after him.

To rule Alderaan is to serve her people, not the other way around.

To serve her people is to do whatever is best for them, regardless of your own feelings and opinions.

To do whatever is best for them is to take their collective struggles as your own, both great and small.

It is a weight and warning that has been passed down to hundreds of heads of House Organa before being passed to me.

And one that I have learned does not lessen one fraction if I ever find myself away from Alderaan. In fact, these days, I feel I bear it greater still outside of my home than inside it, in many ways.

For it is a weight and warning that I bear in my soul every time I must report to the Imperial Ruling Council and appear in the Imperial Senate. I bear it every time I visit Coruscant and witness how deeply and thoroughly Emperor Palpatine has gutted the pillars of a galactic democracy that had stood for over twenty-five thousand years.

I bear it every time I see the ruins of the Jedi Temple, and remember the horrible lies and half-truths that Palpatine and his cohorts used to reduce an once-proud Order of defenders into a collection of renegades in hiding. This after exhausting them ragged in a war he himself orchestrated to gain the very position he now holds.

But for the sake of my people, I bear it. I bear it whenever I approve the latest amendment that strips even more power from the regional governors and directs it to the Moffs. I bear it when I decline to oppose an order that allows the Imperial Army to draft the best and brightest soldiers from Alderaan's own defense forces. I bear it each day I allow the lies and deceptions that forged this New Order we now live in to crystallize into accepted historical fact.

In short, I bear it whenever I do something that makes me look like a "good little Senator", as Padmé puts it during our holo-calls.

Because to not bear this weight would be to sentence hundreds of millions of Alderaanians to untold suffering and widespread death. And that is simply not an option for me.

So bear it I must, even as I ache for the ghost of a democracy killed by popular demand. A democracy discarded by choice, uninformed and falsely presented though it may have been.

It is in these times that I am most thankful to the gods for the love and support of Breha, my beloved consort and partner in all things. She does not let me bear the weight of my burdens alone, no matter how much I try to spare her from them. She deals with dignitaries that I am not able to, and insists on being at my side no matter where I go.

She is my closest confidant, and the greatest, most loyal partner a man could wish for.

As a matter of fact, she may be the only person on Alderaan I trust implicitly enough to confide my deepest secrets. She knows everything about me, and is my trusted confederate through it all, including keeping those deepest secrets and helping me deal with the dangers of them.

You see, though I may bear the weight of the crown of Alderaan, I have another weight I bear. But this one was not given to me by birth, but rather one I took up by personal choice.

I, Bail Prestor Organa, am a high-ranking member of an alliance that seeks to restore the Galactic Republic.

Which makes me an unrepentant active traitor to the very Galactic Empire I am forced to serve. A traitor who faces the surety of an Imperial Death Sentence if his secret were to get out. A surety I can confirm carries the weight of the will of the Emperor himself; I had to "vote" it into Imperial Law, after all.

But even the pain of potential torture and surety of death cannot contain my convictions. Nor can they contain Breha's, either. We both believe in the idea that the mandate of a ruler is the will and well-being of the people he rules. The people governed should by right have a vote as to who their leader should be. And if their leader no longer heeds the voice of his people, those people should have the means to remove him for someone who does.

That may seem strange to sound coming from a hereditary monarch, but then again, I govern alongside the elected and hereditary members of the High Council of Alderaan and the elected Vizier. Unlike Emperor Palpatine, I do not have, nor do I want, absolute power.

Because after all, absolute power corrupts absolutely, no matter who has it. Though in Palpatine's case, he was corrupted a long time before he ever obtained absolute power. And maybe even longer still, if the findings Master Yan Dooku and ex-Chancellor Finis Valorum uncovered before their untimely deaths are to be believed.

Regardless, a man such as that cannot remain absolute ruler of the galaxy. And this Empire he has created cannot be allowed to remain, either.

Yet even knowing this, we also know that there is currently very little we can do to change any of this. We have not the strength to openly stand up and challenge Emperor Palpatine at this time. No one truly does. Not when he has an army numbering in the hundreds of billions at his beck and call that grows even larger with each passing day. Not when he has that "pardoned" war criminal Asajj Ventress acting as his left-handed sword, and that abomination who calls himself Anakin Skywalker (or Darth Vader, as he much prefers) acting as his right handed one.

As if an army nearing a trillion souls is not enough, he has what amounts to two Sith Lords as his personal lackeys, one of whom was a galactically feared Jedi killer in the Clone Wars, and the other is currently the most feared Jedi purger in the galaxy.

(As an aside, how the peoples of the former Republic can accept Palpatine's pardon of Ventress, I'll never know. And how in the world Palpatine procured Vader, I'll also never know. Especially given that Darth Vader can't be Anakin Skywalker, no matter what his face looks like, for obvious reasons).

But most of all, we cannot challenge Emperor Palpatine for one simple reason: by and large, the denizens of the former Galactic Republic want him as their Emperor. They were, and still are, willing to sacrifice the power of their voice and the freedoms they should be entitled to as sentient beings in the name of the "peace" and "security" Palpatine has promised them. He has promised them a stable, war-free era of prosperity, free from the so-called "manipulations and lies" of the Jedi, in return for them making him the absolute ruler of the galaxy.

And they cheered him on with celebrations and applause as they did so.

The fact of the matter is that for the most part, the peoples of our galaxy do not want a Republic. They want an Empire.

That, above all, is what we currently cannot hope to win against. For even if it were possible to dispose of Palpatine and his servants, the people would still reject us. Which would make the next would-be dictator's rise even easier, and lead to even more suffering and death on this galaxy.

We would be fighting a pointless war with no possible chance for success. A war that would render each and every loss we suffered up to this point in the Clone Wars and the wars after futile. All the lives of the Jedi and Republic patriots who opposed this "New Order" of Palpatine's, and were killed or imprisoned for it, futile as well.

And not just the faceless ones, but the people who had become my dear friends and close allies also.

Yan Dooku. Kitster Banai. Mace Windu. Siri Tachi. Palo Maldrian. Shaak Ti. Quinlan Vos. Adi Gallia. Gaignun Tepes. Ferus Olin. Commander Cody.

We cannot allow the lives these men and women sacrificed for the sake of freedom and democracy be lost in vain.

So for now, all we can do is go into hiding, keep to the shadows, and gather our strength. Rebuild our forces. Find out who we can trust to help us and how. Rally all our allies, friends, and other fellow survivors to our cause, and do whatever we can to ensure the safety of all others who share our dream to see democracy restored. And if we can pick up any current Imperials who come to see the Empire for what it really is, so much the better.

In that sense, I suppose we will act much like the Jedi, as they too seek to rebuild. Or "rediscover their purpose", as Padmé tells me. Palpatine's machinations may have ruined Padmé Amidala's reputation and destroyed any political career she may have had left, but that woman is still one of the most able and intelligent sentient beings I know. I'm sure she'll take well to the challenges she's taken upon herself, both for her sake and for the sake of her family. And though they can no longer help lead our rebellion or be part of our leadership due to their situation, I know that she, her husband, and the rest of the Jedi will help us out however they can.

My greatest and most fervent hope, of course, is that we will all be able to have the strength and conviction to rise up and overthrow this "New Order" when the peoples of this galaxy finally wake up and cry out for someone to do so.

 

Hi, welcome back. I'm err, one of those new people you don't know and I was wondering what are the main aspects of this AU and when, approximately, is this first diary entry taking place? Thank you.

 

Superb! Eloquent and insightful! I will watch this thread.

 

So, I was intending to write about someone completely different for this next entry (an Imperial, actually, given that I wrote about the Rebel Bail last time), but as I sat down to write, it was this entry that just flowed from my fingers to the screen. Maybe I'll write about the Imperial for the next entry. This collection is basically all about writing what comes to me, after all, so it may go in ways not originally intended at times. Still, I hope the overall image and galaxy they build is coherent and understandable.

Anyway, some replies before the next entry:

Ewok Poet: Thank you very much for the welcome back, it's most appreciated . The main aspects of this AU, at least the ones I'm willing to reveal here (and not let the stories reveal them, are these): It is a collection of entries that virtually all take place about two to three years after the declaration of the Empire/the fall of the Republic and the fall of the Jedi Order. The Battle of Naboo took place 16 standard years before this event, with the Clone Wars beginning 11 years afterwards. The Clone Wars themselves lasted a total of 5 years. Given that this is an AU, it will mine Canon and the continuity now known as "Legends" for elements and characters, though there are absolutely no guarantees that any relationships between those elements will remain in this AU.

I hope that answers your questions.

Nyota's Heart: Thank you very much! I'm glad you were able to understand where Bail was coming from and his thoughts at this time. I hope you like what will come in this thread, and thanks for following!

Now, on to the next entry.

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Entry #2: Boba Fett

Time: Year 2, A.E.D.

(Note: For the purposes of this AU-galaxy, Boba Fett is currently 18 standard years of age)

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Another day, another job done. Everything clean and by-the-numbers, even down to the disintegrations.

Especially down to the disintegrations.

Some people can't stand them, but to me, disintegrations are great. Great for business, great for my reputation, and great for my future prospects. You see, when it comes to certain jobs, a disintegration means one thing: a guarantee to your client that they got their credits' worth. Or truguts' worth. Or aurodium's worth. I'm not all that picky about what they pay me in, as long as they pay me in something valuable I know I can use later.

In the business I'm in, being known as someone who's worth what he's charging does wonders. It's how my dad got ahead, it's how I got ahead, and it's how I plan to stay ahead.

And for certain kinds of problems (as in, the ones people just can't afford to have bothering them anymore), nothing shows you're worth your fee better than a clean and total disintegration.

It leaves no body to find, and no trail to follow back to me or my client. And the best part about it? It leaves no chance of the target coming back and doing something about it.

My clients love that last part. And so do I.

Take this last job for example: My client, who works for this big marine salvage firm on Aquilaris, was once really thick and close with a certain group of "associates" she'd worked with in the past. They helped her secure the best salvage sites in the Sunken City, and she let them get a piece of the goods and the profits without anyone knowing. A cozy little under-the-table deal.

Problem is, when she made it big and took over the firm, these "associates" of hers suddenly stopped being worth the trouble to keep them around, if you get me. They started hounding her for more stuff, wouldn't give her as much in return, and even started threatening her personally.

Their last threat was really good: they threatened to hang her mutilated corpse from the top of the firm's building, loaded with all kinds of data sticks and holo-vids showing all the deals they'd done together over the years.

That last threat was what got her to personally go to Nar Shaddaa and hire me to clean up her mess. Or as she put it, "take care of her problem". Permanently.

That was her first mistake. You see, there's a reason why most bounties get set up and paid off anonymously. Or at least, why client and bounty hunter don't actually meet personally. Aside from there being nothing to connect the two if the job goes wrong, it makes it so that neither can use the other's situation and take advantage of it to stack the deal. A bounty hunter who sees a desperate client knows they can ask for way more than the job's worth. And a client who sees a bounty hunter in a bad way can get them on a job for way less. It's a time-honored truth. One you learn quickly in this business, or get forced to, anyway.

The only time you ever do a deal face-to-face is either if it's too big and hot to do over a comm, or if it's so small that it shouldn't even be posted on a bounty board. Well, there's also the ones that get done as personal favors, but I tend to avoid those. Not only do those never pay well, but they can go real bad real quick. I mean, I saw my old man die because of one of those, so I would know.

Anyway, my client's first mistake was to come hire me personally. A bit annoying, but nothing big. Her second mistake, though, almost cost her the job before she knew it. Almost cost her her life, actually.

You see, after I quoted my price, she tried to get me to lower it by trying to flirt with me.

Scratch that, flirt ain't enough for that. She tried to seduce me.

As if she could make up the difference between what she was willing to pay and what I was going to take by batting her eyelashes a few times and doing her best voice imitation of a cantina girl.

Maybe on another bounty hunter, it might've worked. Stars know there's plenty of beings in this business who'll take a pound of flesh in place of a stack of credits. But not me.

If I quote a fee, you can bet your life that I'm not moving one credit from it, no matter what you do. I may have my price for just about everything, but the key there is that it's my price. If what you're offering's more than that, well, that's your business, but you're not getting me for less than what I'm gonna work for.

And trying to give me favors for money won't help you one bit. All you're gonna do with that is insult me. Not because I find people propositioning other people to get something is insulting, but because I find the thought of you wanting to get my services for less than what I'm actually worth really insulting.

Hey, if you want the best, you've gotta pay for the best. You get what you pay for, ya know?

Yeah, I know that's me being stubborn, and maybe a little cocky. Call it something else that runs in the blood.

Anyway, after I shut her down by telling her that she could go find someone else who'd work for what she was paying, she panicked and suddenly offered to pay me what I was asking for. I was about to go back and work things out when she made her last and maybe most expensive mistake: She offered to pay me double my price.

A bit of advice to all you clients out there: Don't EVER offer a bounty hunter one credit more than what you're actually willing to pay us. Because we'll hold you to that price no matter what. And if you try to go back on it by saying that you were joking or weren't serious or whatever, well, we may just decide to go after you and take every last credit you've got.

So when that last offer came in, I went back and settled the deal with the woman. With the price sorted, the deal went down quicker and easier than a rancor eating a womp rat. I may have hated her idiotic guts, but she was offering me a job that paid really well. I wasn't going to say no to the credits on offer just because I thought she deserved what she was trying to get out of.

See, if there's one thing my old man always tried to teach me, it's this: Keep your feelings out of the job, because feelings are bad for business.

The job itself wasn't all that hard. It mostly involved me tracking down a few small-time low-lives and using them to find the bigger scum I was paid to do away with. It's amazing what the lowest of the low will give up when you give them something to be really scared about. Or more scared about than the stuff that usually scares them loyal, anyway.

Another thing that's amazing? How almost no one ever really tries to snoop around and find me after I do some shady scum in. Then again, I guess when you live your life looking out for no one else but yourself, people tend not to really miss you when something happens to you. Makes things easier for guys like me, really. It's only when I take out someone who's not a total sack of Hutt dung that I run into, well, complications on that score. Complications of the "bonus target" variety, as I like to put it.

But hey, it's all part of the job, like blaster burns and Tarisian ale. You take the bad with the good.

In any case, some of my targets didn't see me coming and didn't know their time was up until they were little molecules scattered in the air. Those were the easy ones. They were also the most boring ones.

The more interesting ones read the signs on the duracrete and tried to run to a safehouse or some other place where they thought I couldn't find them.

Idiots. Every last one of 'em.

I learned to track down and chase people pretty much from the day I could walk. My old man found and took out professional assassins and Jedi for a living, for stars sake. And he always took me along to show me how it was done. If assassins and Jedi couldn't hide from a Fett, what chance did these poor dregs have?

About as much chance as what was left of them after I was through, that's what.

Anyway, I must have spent the better part of two standard weeks taking out my client's "associates" piece-by-piece, being by being. The last guy I took out was the leader, and he was easily the highlight of the whole bunch.

For one thing, I cornered him on his private submersible about ten clicks from the nearest sunken ruin on Aquilaris. It took a bit of doing to get on that submersible, but I managed to get in with a diving speeder, a plasma laser, and a little effort. Which turned out to be the only effort I actually had to use on this part of the job, but that's beside the point.

The point is that once I cornered this scum and it dawned on him that this little water trip of his would be his last, he tried the one thing you can always count on a target resorting to if he has the means.

He tried to buy me off.

Offered to pay me triple what I was getting paid for by whoever my client was, no less.

Now, I'm not an idiot. I know an opportunity when I see one. Aside from his points about feelings and the job, my old man also always tried to train me to always be aware of any opportunities that open up as a job gets done. Just because you're getting paid something from one person for a job doesn't mean that that's all you have to settle for. Nothing anywhere says that you've got to ignore anything else you can get out of a job as you finish it.

Basically, if you can pick up a case of tandgor gems or orichalum who's owner won't be needing anymore, then you should always do it.

In this case, my target was offering me a large sum of credits. One I would be a total fool to ignore.

So I kept him alive a little longer, or at least enough to make him tell me about this little underwater cave he'd carved out of a ruined section of the old podracing track that used to be here on Aquilaris. A place where he'd stashed all his wealth after he'd liquidated it when he realized his fellow salvagers were all going down faster than mynocks in an asteroid field.

Once he led me there and showed that he wasn't lying, I didn't need him anymore. So as a show of thanks for my newfound wealth, I disintegrated him in his little treasure room.

Or, well, what was his treasure room. I guess you can't really call it a treasure room anymore when the treasure in it's all gone.

Now, people might think that killing a guy after he offers you everything he has to spare him is a cold and dirty thing to do. The way I see it, it was a lucrative opportunity for the taking, in a business that's cold and dirty by nature.

Whoever else this guy was, and whatever deals he may have tried to make with me at the last minute, the simple fact of the matter is that he was my target. I had a deal in place to kill him already, a deal I made way before he ever offered me a single trugut.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't kill him out of any sense of loyalty, or because I thought my client's cause was any better than his. I'm not about causes, and I never choose sides in anything. It's bad for business. No, the reason I didn't take my target's offer and spare him was because I was already working for another client, and the deal I made with that other client needed him dead.

And anyone who knows me by name also knows this much: I never go back on an official job or bounty contract. It's not just bad for business, it's downright terrible for business.

But on a better note, at least that treasure was the last thing he saw before he didn't exist anymore. He died seeing what he seemed to value most in life. At least I gave him that much.

Of course, I didn't tell my client any of the details about how any of her enemies died, or about any of the treasure. All she needed to know is that I did the job she hired me for and that she needed to send the other half of my fee to my account in the Inter-Galactic Banking Clan.

And if she didn't, then I'd be coming after her to collect that fee, and maybe more. I've got the whole job documented, like I do every job. Call it my "insurance policy", in case someone tries to play me dirty.

Like I said, I have my price on just about everything. I don't do anything for free, and won't have anyone trying to trick me to do something for free, either. The only job I'd ever do for free is something personal, and since the only thing I got a personal problem with is that damn Naboo who took out my dad, that makes it not a job anymore. Besides, it's off the table anyway, since that Naboo got killed by that Jedi buddy of his two years ago, or so the story goes. Kinda funny, really, that a man who was good enough to kill my dad apparently wasn't good enough to kill a single Jedi. This after my dad made his name by killing dozens of Jedi.

Kinda funny, and kinda sad, too, thinking about it.

Maybe it was the whole "best friends" deal. Or maybe that damn Naboo let that "Liberator" nickname he got get to his head. Whatever it was, he's gone now, so killing him's out, too.

Damn shame.

Anyway, I've got no time to worry about that. I hear that there's a couple really nice jobs on offer on Balmorra. Probably from some power-hungry Imps who want something handled somewhere they can't get to, by someone they can't be linked with.

If the money's right, I might even throw in a good disintegration. Unless they're paying me not to, of course.

At the end of the day, it's like my old man once said:

"In our business, the customer's always right. Until they're the ex-customer, or the target."

 

Wow, you got the Fett pragmatic tone just pitch perfect. Such a contrast to the first entry too! Excellent crisp no-nonsense writing!

 

Nice job of capturing two nearly-polar opposites in Bail and Fett. Now I'm curious who's next and whether there will be regular POV characters or a series of different ones as we move through the timeline. It's interesting that this Bail feels there is little popular support for a Rebellion -- an intriguing change from canon. But Padme's alive? Now that's interesting!

 

Okay, this next entry took longer than I thought. First I had problems with who I wanted to be the next guy. I eventually did choose an Imperial, but I found that the situation I put him in and his relationships with certain people in this AU-verse gave him a hell of a lot to say, unlike maybe the first two. So this entry's longer than the other two. Still, I hope you guys enjoy it and find it interesting. But first, replies!

Nyota's Heart: I love that you appreciated it! I'll admit, I came from a different place for Fett than I did Bail. But then again, they're two wildly different people, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I had to write them with different voices.

Kahara: Thanks a lot! The plan for now is to keep the characters different, but there may be repeats as we go along. There are certainly some characters who would justify it, I'd say . And yeah, this Bail doesn't really feel like a Rebellion is all that feasible right now, for a lot of reasons. Some of those will hopefully become clear over the course of the entries. And yeah, Padme's alive. But I'll say this right now, to get it out of the way: In my mind, that is not even remotely close to the most interesting thing about this AU-version of the former Queen Amidala...

Anyway, on to the next entry...

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Entry #3: Crix Madine

Time: Year 2, A.E.D

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Today, we celebrated the second anniversary of the official formation of the Galactic Empire.

Or as Emperor Palpatine put it over the Holonet, today we celebrated the completion of our second year of galactic peace, the second of what will be over ten thousand years of order and security. In the Emperor's words, we celebrate "our second year of living in the new, vibrant, powerful society we have formed out of the ashes of the old, feeble, corrupt Galactic Republic and the two-faced, manipulative, power-hungry Jedi Order which was allowed to grow at its heart like the deadliest parasite".

(Or something along those lines, anyway. It's kind of hard to remember the exact words when the speech goes on and on for almost two kriffin' hours. Sometimes I think the Emperor likes to hear himself talk way too much these days. Maybe it's something that comes with being an Emperor and not a Chancellor anymore. I dunno.)

But to many of us, today is not about celebrating the formation of the Empire. Or at least, that's not what it's completely about, no matter how much the Emperor and a lot of other people like to tell everyone it is.

For a lot of us, today isn't just about the beginning of something, but rather the end of something else.

See, today also marks the second anniversary of the end of the Clone Wars. It marks the end of a conflict that dominated just about everything in our lives for 5 years. And for guys like me, for all the soldiers who actually fought in it, the Clone Wars were basically our lives from the day we started serving to the day it was over. We didn't just fight the war. We woke up to the war, we ate it, we breathed it, and we slept with it. We even dreamt it.

Kriff, I bet a lot of us still dream it, even two years later.

I mean, I know I still do. On any given night, no matter if I'm sleeping on a military bunk on a base or on a four-poster in a hotel room in Coronet, I've got a good chance of shutting my eyes and finding myself back on Saleucami, hearing the Separatists' artillery trying to blast our bunkers into dust. Or on Naboo, blasting aquatic droids while me and the rest of my unit hop from island to island, cleaning them all out. Or even on Corellia itself, but in one of those countryside camps where those Anzati monsters took as many of us Corellians as they could find to make that disgusting "soup" of theirs from our brains.

And if I'm really unlucky, I shut my eyes and find myself back on Korriban again. Korriban, where it felt like you couldn't take a single step without your foot bumping into a wrecked droid or a dead soldier. Korriban, where we slogged through so much blood and dirt a lot of us couldn't stop tasting it for weeks after. Korriban, where we lost more than three-quarters of our fielded army and called it a victory only because the Seps lost just about all of theirs. Korriban, where Gaignun, Siri, and gods know how many other friends and fellow soldiers of mine met their deaths.

The war may be over, but the wounds are still fresh. The scars haven't really healed. Maybe some never will.

So I guess it's hard for me not to think about what we went through on a day like this, and about what all our sacrifice actually won us. And when I do that, I tend to think a lot about everything that's changed in the last two years, both big and small.

When the Empire was first formed, we promised people (and were promised) a new era of peace and tranquility, an era where order and security would be the cornerstones of galactic life. An era where the future didn't have to be scary anymore. Basically, we were going to build the kind of future that in the end would be worth all the fighting and all the losses we took in the Clone Wars.

And so far, the promises were mostly kept. Nowadays, we all know that the Emperor and the Imperial Ruling Council are in charge, the Moffs are below them, and the Regional and Planetary Governors are below them. Imperial law is a lot stricter than the old Republic law, with bigger punishments and far less holes for people to take advantage. The army, now known as the Imperial Army, has replaced most planetary security forces as the main peacekeepers on Imperial planets. This means that the Imperial Army is not only everywhere, but it's also allowed to go anywhere the Emperor needs it to go, whether it's a being's home or a corporate building. Any disturbances that disrupt order are dealt with quickly and strongly. All travel to and from worlds is far more strictly checked, with people being scanned a lot more often in spaceports to see if they're a criminal or a terrorist or a Jedi. Basically, anything that could be a potential problem gets handled way before it can ever actually be a problem. And sometimes even before it happens at all.

Maybe people don't feel like they can do as much in the Empire as they used to in the old Republic, thanks to all the security and the laws. Or maybe they feel like they're not as important as they used to be, now that they can't elect anyone in government anymore. But it's worked well so far. Crime is way down, travel's a lot safer, public projects get finished quicker, and a lot less money and time get wasted for everything. Maybe the New Order's colder and not as free as things used to be, which is regrettable, but it's very effective and efficient. In the end, that's a good thing. It's one of those rare trade-offs that's actually worth it, at least to me.

I know it sounds weird to have a Corellian talking about how good order and law are and how it's better to give up freedom for safety. I mean, it's no secret that we Corellians have a reputation for being independent and for hating it when other people tell us what to do. Right or wrong, we like to march to our own beat no matter what.

But look where that got us. "Being independent" is what led Garm Bel Iblis to withdraw us from the Republic just before the Clone Wars, and that left us completely alone when the Separatists and all those Anzati monsters invaded. Thanks to that damn Contemplanys Hermi clause, we lost all our military agreements with the Republic, so we couldn't get anyone to help us when the Seps took our system and let the Anzati start exterminating us. And if people like Kitster Banai hadn't been there to "tell" some of us "what to do", we wouldn't have ever gotten our hands on the plans to the Seps' Flying Fortresses, and we would've never kicked them and those Anzati bastards out of Corellia.

Being "Corellian" almost cost us everything, almost made our planet into one huge bowl of Anzati "soup". Or another dead droid foundry world like Hypori. If not being so "Corellian" means I can avoid that and instead get a planet like Coruscant or Kuat or Alderaan to go home to, I know what I'd pick.

At the end of the day, I just want this galaxy to be a better place for my kids and grandkids to grow up in. If that means not being able to do everything I want so that the rest of us can live better, then I can live with that. If it means some people get more power than others so they can get more things done quicker and easier, I say give it to 'em yesterday. We already had gods know how many decades or centuries of corruption and stuff not getting done with the old Republic, and all that got us was five years of galactic war. We don't need to keep going back to what didn't work. What we need is to go with something that can work better and be better.

That's the reason I stayed in the Imperial Army after the war was over, and why I keep staying. I want to use what I know and do what I can to build something better than we had before.

Even if that something brings other changes that aren't quite so easy to swallow for me. Both professionally and personally.

After the Emperor basically put the Army in charge of keeping the peace in the Empire, a lot of restructuring and reassigning had to be done so the Army could serve its new purpose better. People got promoted and demoted, units were formed, merged, and disbanded, and a lot of soldiers who stayed were reassigned to these new units, and even retrained if they needed to be.

At the end of the war, I was a Captain in the 8th Special Commando Unit of the GAR, the "Scarlet Sashes". I was part of one of the very best Special Forces units the GAR had to offer. I mean, we spent just about the whole war from Corellia on fighting side by side with Jedi like Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. You don't survive doing that unless you've either really lucky or really good. And we were both.

But after the re-shuffling of the Army, that all changed. I was still a Captain, but the Sashes were no more. Our unit and a few others were merged with Moff Kohl Seerdon's Vendeeni Force, and we were all reassigned to the Chommell Sector. So we went from being one of the elite units in the galaxy to being a Moff's personal trooper force in pretty much the blink of an eye. Looking back, it doesn't sound all that great, but it made some sense to me at the time. I mean, it's not like the Sashes were much of a commando unit after the end of the war anymore.

Hell, we weren't much of a unit at all by the end of the war, really.

Even two years later, it's still hard to believe just how quickly everything fell apart for the Sashes at the end of the war. Especially after Kitster died. He was our commander, our leader, the Okashira. He was the one who brought us all together, kept us together, inspired us all to do the impossible together. Whatever decisions he made later may have cost him his life, but no one can take what he did in the Sashes away from him. Or from the fact that the man was a hero to the people of Corellia and the Republic.

Still, even without Kitster, we could've survived. The Sashes still had enough men who were good enough to get us re-tasked as a special forces unit after the re-shuffle. But any hope there was of that quickly died when we started losing people left and right after the war was over. I mean, I knew we were going to lose some people. I just didn't think that in the end, pretty much everyone would be gone.

Kuja Navoir was always a lock to leave at the end of the war, so I wasn't shocked when he resigned. He's the last living male of the Navoir family of Kuat, which meant he had to go back and take care of his family and their huge shipping business. I know he'd rather be hunkered in a bunker than sitting behind a desk, but his family and their company need him now more than ever. Plus, Dormé was already over 6 months pregnant with their son at that point, and he always said he didn't want to miss watching his kids grow up. So I get why Kuja left. It's really not that complicated.

Or at least, it's no more complicated than why Roos Tarpals left. Tarpals used to be an officer in the Gungan Army on Naboo, and only joined the Sashes when the Gungan leader asked him to after Otoh Gunga fell to the Seps. When the war was over, Tarpals resigned and rejoined the Gungan Army. He felt his duty was to the Gungans first, to Naboo second, and the galaxy last. I can understand that, even if I don't really agree with it.

Same with Wald Woden. Wald was a good friend of Kitster and Anakin when they were little, and was just as good a pilot as they were. Or at least, he was just as insane. Probably why everyone called him “that crazy Rodian” so much. Anyway's he's a guy who was there in the GAR from the beginning at Geonosis. He was there at Korriban, he was there at Naboo, and he was there at Coruscant too. So it's not like I could blame him when he told me why he was getting out.

He told me he'd had enough fighting, enough death, enough of the soldier life. And after Kitster died, he found he just couldn't take seeing anymore of his friends getting hurt or getting killed. With the Seps beaten, he didn't see any point in staying in the Army anymore. I tried to tell him that the galaxy still needed us to stick around to help keep the peace, but it didn't work. And when he told me he wasn't going to change his mind and go back, I didn't keep pushing. Again, I don't agree with him, but after everything he's been through, he's earned the right to choose what he wants and live his own life.

The same goes for Rabé Typho. I get that she joined the Sashes mostly because of Kitster and her other friends, and that she had no plans to stay after the end of the war. Especially after she married Gregar. So when Queen Apailana offered them both jobs on Naboo, they both accepted, and Rabé resigned from the Army that same day. Again, I can see why she did that. She already had plans, and something came along that fit her plans better, so she took it. Nothing really complicated or mysterious or anything.

Which is not something I can say about a lot of the others.

People like Sabé Orllize, who just disappeared off the face of the galaxy after Padmé Amidala and the rest of the Jedi tried to arrest the Emperor and take over the Republic. I know Sabé was really close to Amidala and Kitster and Rabé and the rest of that whole group from Naboo, so I'm not surprised she's gone. Nor am I surprised she never came back. Hell, I doubt she would've had it all that good in the Army anyway after everything came out about her friends. But where she vanished off to, or who she's with now, I have no idea.

Or people like Drebin Calrissian, who pretty much just resigned without a word. The last time I saw Drebin was a few days after the end of the war, at our unit's debriefing at Coruscant HQ. After it was over I ran into Drebin in the lobby, where he told me he was getting out. Said he had "other things he had to do", or something like that. I remember trying to lighten the mood a bit by telling him not to go slicing anything illegal, but for once he wasn't up for any jokes. More than anything, I got the feeling he really didn't want to stick around on Coruscant anymore, that he had someplace else he really wanted to be. So we said goodbye, and I haven't seen or heard of him since.

Just like I haven't seen or heard anything about Chewbacca since that day, either. Chewie was one of the bravest, most honorable, and most loyal beings I've ever met. So it shocked me when he said that he wanted no part of being a member of the Imperial Army. Said that it wasn't what he signed up for, that he didn't feel like he had a future here anymore. I tried to ask him what he meant by that, but he really wouldn't say anything else. Maybe he thought he wouldn't be treated all that well in the Imperial Army, with all the changes and everything. Or maybe he didn't like how Kohl Seerdon was put in charge of our unit, because I know he didn't care for Seerdon one bit. Or maybe he didn't like where the Empire was going, though he never struck me as a huge Republic patriot or anything. And last I heard, he wasn't on Kashyyyk or anywhere nearby. So I don't know what happened with him. I just hope he's doing okay, wherever he is.

Then we have people like Ann'gella, who never even got a chance to stick around. Ann had to deal with two things: she was a Twi'lek, and she used to be an employee of the crime lord Sebulba. For good or bad, the higher-ups in the Empire tend to see non-humans with more suspicion than they do humans. So I guess Imperial Intelligence dug really deep when they looked into her past, because they found some stuff they didn't like. What that was, I don't really know, and no one who knew would actually tell me. All they would say is that they thought her loyalties couldn't be trusted, so they discharged her from the Army. I can't imagine what they could've found to do something that harsh, but I do know that Ann never did anything to try and come back. So maybe there was something wrong somewhere. Still, it's not like she's actually done anything since then to make anyone think she would've been a traitor to the Empire.

Unlike, say, what Palo Maldrián did.

Now, I can't say I ever really understood Palo all that much. I liked him, and I respected him as a soldier. For a guy who used to be an artist on Naboo, he turned out to be one hell of a fighter. I swear, no one had a quicker draw or used a pair of blasters better than Palo. I would've trusted him to have my back anytime. But still, I never really got the guy sometimes. Maybe that's why I'll never get what he was thinking when he told us he wouldn't ever stop fighting for everyone in the galaxy, only to resign later that same day. Or worse, what he was thinking when he helped lead that anti-Imperial protest march on Naboo a few months back. A protest that got violent enough to where Seerdon had to call in the Army to shut it down. Now Palo's going to spend gods know how many years or decades rotting away in the isolation ward of the most secure prison in the Chommell Sector.

To think, the man was once a symbol of pride for the planet of Naboo. Now, he's just another example of what happens when people make bad decisions that only hurt the rest of us. It's a damn shame.

Just like it's a damn shame that the rest of the unit didn't stick around longer. People like Birkin Eversong, maybe the greatest damn medic I've ever seen. Or like Nave Vengaris, one of the best field engineers in the galaxy. T'resk Shin'gala, Jenssar SoBilles, good men and women all. It was a special group. A weird group for a Special Forces unit, people told us, since we had all kinds of species and no clones. But that was our thing, I guess. Unity in Diversity. It worked for us.

At least, it made for a unit that was a hell of a lot better than the one I'm in now.

Nowadays, my unit doesn't have a single non-human member in it. That's because Seerdon wants the Vendeeni Force to be a symbol of everything he feels the Empire stands for. Which means it's absolutely one-hundred percent human, from top to bottom. It's not the fairest way to build an army, but the fact that everyone's a human isn't really what's wrong with it. No, what's wrong with it is, well, a lot of other things.

First of all, we've got Seerdon himself. Kohl Seerdon's a great soldier, and his service record in the Clone Wars was impressive. He's been decorated many times, some by the Emperor himself. And unlike some military guys who made it to Moff, he never actually stopped being part of the Army. He doesn't just check in with us every day to see how things are going, he actually likes to come in and help run the unit himself. He doesn't just stay fit, he actually stays combat-ready, taking his gear everywhere he goes. On flimsiplast, Kohl Seerdon's about as good a commander as anyone could want.

Problem is, that's pretty much where all the good things about Kohl Seerdon stop. On flimsi.

His record and his fighting skills may inspire respect, but his attitude and his way of leading people sure don't. He tends to be really cold and hard on people, even when they really don't deserve it. His way of communicating comes in two forms: browbeat or humiliate. He expects way too much, too soon, from guys he knows have got no chance in the seven hells to deliver. And if something not going the way he wants it to go, his first answer's always to try and make someone pay for it.

This all wouldn't be so bad if he had a purpose to it. We're soldiers, we know what we're getting ourselves into. It's not like anyone came in here looking to get babied or anything. And we've all served under at least one leader who made our lives a living hell. It's what we all signed up for. But there's a point to it all, a good reason for it, whether it's to jell our unit together or to prepare us all for what's out there in the field.

A lot of the time, though, I get the feeling that there's no real point or reason to a lot of the harsher stuff Seerdon does.

I mean, I know he's not here to make friends, but does he really have to treat everybody like they're scum at the bottom of his boots? What's the point he's trying to prove? That he thinks he's the only one out there who's earned the right to wear the uniform?

And I know we've got to keep up high standards, but what's the point of him humiliating soldiers every time they do something wrong or need help with something? To punish them? Isn't that what reprimands and disciplinary action are for? To make them better? How are you going to make people better when you shoot their confidence to scraps and never do anything to build it back up?

It's one thing to be strict and demanding. It's another thing entirely to be cruel and abusive. There's a line there you don't cross, even in the military. It's the difference between being a disciplinarian and being a despot. The first makes a great commander, the second makes a terrible one. Seerdon wants to think he's the former, but he's really the latter.

Maybe his ways worked well on clones, who came ready-made with all the training and only care about following any order you give them. Or droids, who can learn whatever you want in a flash and don't care if you bang them in the head. But they're terrible for humans and other sentient beings. Sentients can be better soldiers than clones or droids, but there's a lot of issues you get with sentients that you don't have with the other two. Morale and attitude matter.

I've tried to tell Seerdon this. More times than I can count. I've tried to ask him to be more realistic about what he asks, and more careful in how he talks to people. That if he'd treat everyone with a little more respect, things could go better and smoother all around. That there's a better way to let people know you're in charge than just shoving it down their throats.

Thing is, he doesn't want to listen to a word I say. And since he's a Moff who has the Emperor's favor, if he doesn't want to do something, there not much anyone not named Emperor Palpatine, Darth Vader, or Asajj Ventress can do about it.

If I'm lucky, he ignores me. If not, he starts telling me that I don't know what I'm talking about and how I'm too soft to be a real leader in the Empire. How I'll never move up in the galaxy if I don't start being more aggressive, or more ruthless, or whatever. Point is, he doesn't care about what I have to say, and he refuses to change a single thing. Doesn't see the need.

And since Seerdon won't change, nothing else does either. He doesn't foster any camaraderie in the Vendeeni, so there's barely any of it in the ranks, either for him or for each other. He favors bullying over encouraging, so a lot of men with potential get worn down or shipped out before they can get any better. His habit of singling out and shaming the weaker soldiers pushes other guys to get better, but they do it because they're scared of being the next guy he goes after. So instead of helping each other improve, they only care about making themselves look good, even if it means letting the guy next to them sink. Or worse, if it means actually sinking that guy themselves.

But since he runs the unit with an iron fist, no one ever actually tries to do anything that'll get them in trouble, so there's no dissent in the ranks. And since he's pretty much got his pick of the soldiers in the Empire, he can go through as many men as he needs to get what he wants, so the losses don't hurt him any. And since the Emperor likes him, people tend to stick with him in the hopes that he'll help down the line, so everyone just does whatever he wants.

Put it all together, and you've got a unit long on ability and ambition, but short on teamwork and morale.

Yeah, they're made up of some of the most talented soldiers in the Empire. But if they ever found themselves outnumbered or outgunned in a battle, they'd fall apart like a house of sabacc cards.

Seerdon can talk all he wants about how the Sashes had the wrong attitude to make it in the Empire. Or about how he's a better leader than I or Kitster ever were because he's got a bigger mean streak than both of us. And he can say what he wants about how the Vendeeni would crush any other unit in the galaxy. He does so all the time.

Well, I fought with and under both Kitster and Seerdon. I've been a part of both the Sashes and the Vendeeni. And I'll say this: Seerdon may have a point when he says he's Kitster's equal as a fighter. But he'll never hold a damn candle to Kitster as a leader. Not in a million years. And if the Scarlet Sashes ever would've fought the Vendeeni Force, the Sashes would've killed the Vendeeni down to the last man, despite being outnumbered. With barely any losses.

And that attitude we had in the Sashes, the one Seerdon calls soft and weak? Where we cared about each other and used teamwork to help each other get better? That would've been a big reason why.

The funny thing about it all is, Seerdon and the Vendeeni wouldn't have understood that at all. Not one bit. But then again, that's one of those things that sets apart a unit of soldiers from just another group of people with weapons.

And no matter what he or anyone says, Seerdon's Vendeeni Force isn't a unit of soldiers. It's a collection of selfish cutthroats that just happens to be called a unit of soldiers.

Then again, maybe that's by design. Because if I've learned anything over the past couple years serving in the Vendeeni, it's this:

Kohl Seerdon, more than anything else, is a man who's not interested in showing any respect to anyone, yet is really interested in seeing that he gets respect from everyone.

And whatever else they are, his Vendeeni Force reflect that, from the other officers on down. They say that a sports team takes on the personality of its coach. Well, the same is true when it comes to an army and it's commander. Seerdon believes in ruling by fear, so he leads a unit of thugs who try and intimidate everyone they can. He shows no compassion for anyone, so his men show none to anyone either, even to their own. He sees his men only as a bunch of ID numbers and rank patches, so they barely see anyone as actual sentient beings either.

In its own way, Seerdon's approach is very effective at keeping order. I can't deny that. I see way too many examples everyday to say it doesn't work.

But I also can't deny that Seerdon's idea of order can really weigh a lot on people. Just like I can't deny that it's tough to keep serving under someone who doesn't really care about his men. And that it's hard for me to keep serving with people I can't respect.

I wish it didn't have to be this way. I hate feeling like I can barely stand the people I take orders from. I hate that I can't vouch for the characters of the people I share a barrack with. Most of all, I hate how even though we all wear the same colors, there's times where I feel like we're not all on the same team.

It's times like those when I feel like I've got more friends outside of the Army than in it nowadays. Or at least, people I can actually trust enough to talk to about stuff.

I just wish a lot of those people felt the same way about talking to me. But they don't.

I know they don't, because I've been told as much. At least, by the people who still talk to me at all, anyway. People like Kuja and Dormé, and Gregar and Rabé. Bail and Breha Organa, too. Mon Mothma sometimes. Maybe even Carlist Rieekan if he's in a good mood. I don't see them much these days, or get as many comm calls from them as I'd like. But when I do, I always get the feeling that there's lots of stuff going on with them they don't want to tell me about. Like they're my friends, but they can't really trust me as much as they want to, or even used to.

It's a bit strange and sad. More strange than sad, though.

But the sad part really comes when I ask them about everyone else. About Wald, Ann, Tarpals, Burk, and any of the other Sashes they still keep in touch with. About Saché, Yané, Cordé, Versé, Panaka, or any of their other friends who we got to know back in the wars. I ask them how they're doing, and if they got any of my calls or my messages. Apparently they're alive and doing okay. But since I haven't gotten a single call back from any of them yet, I guess they're either too busy or they don't want to talk to me anymore.

From what Kuja and the rest tell me, I'd bet it's the latter. Especially for Saché, who flat-out called me a traitor the last time we talked two years ago at Kitster's funeral procession on Naboo.

I also ask them about Eirtaé. I always ask them about Eirtaé.

Even though I pretty much already know the answer, I don't care. I still ask anyway. I can't help it.

She's the love of my life.

Problem is, I don't think she feels the same about me. At least, not anymore.

If I had the power to talk to anybody I could in the galaxy, either living or dead, there's a lot of people I'd have some really long and interesting talks with.

I'd talk with Kitster, and ask him what the hell he was doing two years ago when he crashed his ship helping Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padmé Amidala escape from Coruscant.

I'd talk to Anakin, or Darth Vader I guess now, and ask him what the hell happened that day that changed him so much to where he's now a totally different person from the man I once fought with.

I'd talk to Padmé Amidala, and ask her if there was ever one thing about her that was actually real. What was she, a politician or a Jedi? Did she ever really give a damn about anybody, or were we all pawns in her little dejarik game? Hell, was there ever even a moment where she actually told anyone the truth?

I'd talk to Obi-Wan Kenobi, and ask him how he had the audacity to serve those five years with us in the Republic Army, only to then turn around and be in on that plot to take out Palpatine and put Amidala and the Jedi in charge. Hell, I'd probably talk to all the Jedi, like Yoda, Mace Windu, Yan Dooku, Qui-Gon Jinn, and all the rest, and ask them all the same thing.

I'd talk to all of the Sashes, especially the ones who I haven't seen in a while. I'd ask them how they're doing, and what they're up to these days. I'd tell them I miss them, how I wish we were all in the same unit again serving the galaxy. Yes, even that traitor Palo. And I'd talk to Gai again and tell him that Kuja and Dormé are still waiting for him to give that speech he always said he'd give at their wedding.

I'd talk to Asajj Ventress, and tell her that I don't buy her little act one bit. That she can tell all the lies she wants to whoever she wants, and that maybe the Emperor and a whole lot of other people might believe her, but she'll never convince me that she belongs anywhere but in the middle of a black hole. Or a few feet underground in a plasteel casket. Her pick.

I'd talk to all the people in the CIS, from Chairman Revan to Nute Gunray to General Grievous and everybody on down, and tell them that they never would've beaten us in a thousand years. That all they did with their war was prove to everyone why nobody should ever let big business or Dark Jedi take over the government.

I'd talk to Saché, and do my best to tell her that I'm not trying to insult Kitster's memory by staying in the Imperial Army, even if it means serving under Seerdon. I'd tell her that I miss Kitster too, and that I really wish they'd been able to marry each other like I know they wanted. But also, I'd tell her that I'm still in the Army because I want to protect people, like I did when I joined the Sashes to fight the Separatists.

But the one person I'd talk to most of all, the one person who'd be at the top of the list before any other, would be Eirtaé Calarés.

I'd tell her that I still love her, that I'll never stop loving her. I'd tell her that I miss sneaking off with her somewhere to talk for a bit or to just kiss her brains out. That I miss those times when we'd lie in bed at night or on the comm and just tell each other how our days went, or how the war's going, or what's been going on with our friends. That I miss taking her out somewhere to eat, whether it's a dinner at a fancy restaurant on Coronet, a quick lunch at Dex's Diner, or even just one of those little ice cream stands near her family's estate by the river on Naboo. That I even miss playing pazaak with her, even though she always cleaned me out with that insane side-deck of hers full of plus-minuses and tiebreakers.

I'd tell her about how much I hate Kohl Seerdon, how I wish I could strangle him with my bare hands every time he opens his mouth to talk trash about the Sashes or about any of our friends. Or about how I hate the Vendeeni Force and everyone in it so much that I've asked for three transfers out of it in two years, and that I only stay and do the best I can because of my sense of duty and because I keep getting denied.

I'd tell her that there's nothing I want more than to sit down and work things out between us. I want us to understand each other again, like we used to. I want her to see that there's honor in the Empire and what it stands for. I want her to see that Palpatine's a good leader who only compromises on things when he has to for the good of the galaxy. I want her to see that just because there are some bad people in the Empire doesn't mean that the rest of us are all bad too. I want her to see that just because we're no longer living in a democracy doesn't mean she still can't have the freedom and liberty she believes in.

Most of all, I'd tell her that I want her back. That there's nothing that hurts me more everyday than seeing that hologram of us on my desk and knowing it's the last bit of her I've still got.

But obviously, I don't have any powers like that. Hell, I don't even have the power to send her a damn holo-card for her life-day. She's cut things off with me so much that I can't even get her address. And no one who knows it will tell me. Hell, the only thing I've got is a comm number for the firm she works at on Corellia, and every time I call the secretary tells me she's in a meeting.

That's been the most painful change of all for me these last two years, by far. The fact that the woman I love, a woman who once snuck aboard a smuggler's freighter to come see me, now hates me so much that she's giving me the oldest excuse in the datapad when I try to call her.

It's all enough to make me want to drink. And I have. More than half a bottle of Whyren's Reserve now. The last bottle from that case Eirtaé gave me for my life-day 4 years ago, actually.

Well, Happy Empire Day to me, I guess.

Maybe when I finish the bottle I'll keep celebrating with a case of some of that cheap whiskey I've got lying around. Or maybe something stronger, like that rum from Kuat I've still got.

Yeah, that sounds good.

 

Brilliant I love the slice of life feel of a soldier who still dreams about the war after it's finished and bravo on conveying that Imperial order is effective and efficient. Great stuff contrasting how the two teams differed, the one in the Republic versus the Imperial army. The sense of personal estrangement and losses of trust and friendships and a deep true love - these are portrayed very realistically. I am looking forward to more of Madine's entries, truthfully. I want to see how his ideas change as the Empire wears on.

 

Okay, I know it's been like half a year, and a lot of stuff's happened since I was last on the boards. I had lots of stuff to deal with that totally put this to one side (school being one, an accident another), and I haven't been able to get back here at all. I don't know how often I'll be able to get on here, but I'm always working on stories and stuff from this AU-verse I've created, and I do plan on posting what I come up with. Hopefully I'll get the time and inspiration to do so more often.

Nyota's Heart: Thanks for the kind words! Truthfully, I feel like I may have written too much about Madine from his perspective... but let's chalk that up to how he is when he gets too much alcohol in him and he has a datapad nearby . I also hope to write something else featuring his perspective... but we'll see what happens going forward...