Saga Lord Darth Vader and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day--Short Vader Viggie

Title: Lord Darth Vader and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Author: VadersMistress
Timeframe: Pre ANH
Characters: Darth Vader, Mara Jade, Palpatine
Genre: Humor
Keywords:
Summary: Vader has a very difficult time. It was one of ?those? days.
Notes: I asked Layren for permission before this was ever written. Thank you so much for allowing me to write this! Yours was brilliant and inspired me greatly. I could really relate to his woes! Also, thank you to Zonoma for betaing! I also borrowed a line from the fanfilm "A Lost Hope".

Qui-Gon and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Layren. It?s truly magnificent work! I highly recommend it!

*~*~*~*

Lord Darth Vader and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day



Have you ever had a day that, from the moment you woke up, you wished you hadn?t? Well, today was one of those days. One of those days that you wished you had just stayed in bed and slept your way through it? Unfortunately, I couldn?t. I had a kriffin war to run. *sigh*

I woke up a whole hour late. That?s an hour I?ll never get back. I could have destroyed whole fleets in that time! However, that was just the beginning. I get up and Palpatine has the gall to accuse me of looking ?tired?. That?s just a nice way of saying I look terrible. Thanks, really, I appreciate it. No one could ever compliment me the way he did. And it?s not as if he can exactly see the circles under my eyes. I?m wearing a mask for Sith?s sakes!

Whatever. The day moves on.

I went down to breakfast to discover all the Fruit Loops had been eaten. Do the men know how many Earthlings I had to kill to get that stuff? It?s not easy to come by. But did they bother to take my feelings into account? Noooo. They never think about what I want!

By that time I was sure I wanted to crawl back into bed and snooze. Right around the time I was considering it, Tarkin approaches me.

With a suppressed sigh, I asked him what he wanted. He tells me we lost Lamtag to the Rebels. Force. Great, the Emperor is gonna looove this. As if he really needs another reason to be disappointed in me.

So, I choke Tarkin for a few minutes just to get some aggression out and then let him go. Wouldn?t want to kill him, as he?s the best--unfortunately--that we have. I knew I should have used Monster.com.

I go to tell the Emperor the joyous news of losing a key planet and who do I see with him? That frelling red head, Mara Jade. I?m telling you, if a son of mine ever brought her home, I?d spit jawa juice. I can?t stand her.

On her way out, she throws me a nasty look as if she knew something I didn?t. I hate that.

I tell him the news and I get sent to my chambers for an hour. With no X-Box! How unfair is that? I can?t control what the frelling Rebels do. It's not like they?re not my kids or anything. Sheesh.

When I was finally released from my chambers, I had already missed lunch. All that was left was piece of muja fruit and it was turning brown. Ick.

Yeah, today was just swell.

Deciding to go hungry, I made my way to the bridge. Sometimes seeing death and destruction relaxes me a bit. Unfortunately, the view was calm and silent. Stang. Another thing that didn?t work out for me.

Go figure.

Today, even my armor feels tighter. I think I?m bloated. And my helmet is chaffing my eyebrows. I swear! And someone starched my codpiece. I need chocolate.

I sent an order to the quarter master for aspirin, chocolate, and heating pads and they laughed me. They?re dead now, but I still feel miserable and insecure. Don't look at me, I'm having a fat day.

Today sucks.

When I brought my battle plans to the Emperor, he laughed at me and asked if I was stupid. He then told me off for not thinking and told me to redo them. The pile of dust. He?s lucky I don?t throw him down a shaft or something.

On my way back

 

I loved the glimpse of whiney Ani stuck inside Vader. Amusing.

 

I was on my way to bed...then I decided to browse through the boards instead...and I'm glad I did. This is great!

But did they bother to take my feelings into account? Noooo. They never think about what I want!

For some reason, this line made me think of screaming RotS Vader.

And I loved the part where he puts in an order for aspirin and heating pads and chocolate.

Great job!

 

Who knew Vader was so sensitive! Great job!

 

I need to go to bed and turn on Judy Garland. She always understands my woes.


His 'woes'. That was great, VM.

 

Oh this was awesome Baby Vader!! Loved the fruit loop reference and the Monster.com! Great! Juz hilarious!

Thanks for the laugh, dear!

 

I went down to breakfast to discover all the Fruit Loops had been eaten.

The image of Darth Vader eating Fruit Loops killed me

So, I choke Tarkin for a few minutes just to get some aggression out and then let him go.



That frelling red head, Mara Jade. I?m telling you, if a son of mine ever brought her home, I?d spit jawa juice. I can?t stand her.

Good to know he's really pissed about that in the Jedi nether world

I tell him the news and I get sent to my chambers for an hour. With no X-Box!

Was he going to play Star War Battlefront?

And someone starched my codpiece.

LMAO!

Don't look at me, I'm having a fat day.



That was great, VM Sorry my reply was mostly just laughing, but that was hilarious You have a definite talent for writing humor, nicely done

 

Today, even my armor feels tighter. I think I?m bloated. And my helmet is chaffing my eyebrows. I swear! And someone starched my codpiece. I need chocolate.

I sent an order to the quarter master for aspirin, chocolate, and heating pads and they laughed me. They?re dead now, but I still feel miserable and insecure. Don't look at me, I'm having a fat day.

That absolutely kills me. Poor Vader. Some days are just like that. Great job!

 

I loved the crack about Mara and a son of his bringing her home.

Also loved the comment about throwing the Emporer down the shaft.

Very good, VM

 

Hee Hee Hee!

Really funny work Master. Fruit Loops -

" Today, even my armor feels tighter. I think I?m bloated. And my helmet is chaffing my eyebrows. I swear! And someone starched my codpiece. I need chocolate. "

 

So, I choke Tarkin for a few minutes just to get some aggression out



This was too funny! I loved Vader's reaction to any kid of his bringing Mara Jade home

Brilliant job!

 

Fruit Loops.
The Emperor laughing at Vader's plans.
Hilarious work.

 

Awww that was really cute Meg! Poor vadey Who knew he liked fruit loops so much

 

LOL! Hilarious! Somebody get him some chocolate!

 

This is twisted and warped! So, it's right up my alley!

Loved the line about Mara and the jawa juice!

 

Great job, sis!

Yesterday Layren mentioned that you had asked to use the bunny for a fic with Vader, and today I find that it's up. Very happy about that. *grins*

Loved the Mara line. Oh Vadey, how little do you know...

And the fruit loops! Who knew that he was such a fan? *pats him on the head*

 

Loved the Lost Hope reference! He can be as evil as he wants to be, but inside, Vader is still just a big ol' kvetch.

 

This is hilarious VM! I love it, especially all the references you put in here and there! Very well done!

 

I sent an order to the quarter master for aspirin, chocolate, and heating pads and they laughed me. They?re dead now, but I still feel miserable and insecure. Don't look at me, I'm having a fat day.



Brilliant!!!

 

Oh, that was so great, VM.

Brilliant!

 

LOL--this almost had an Office Space feel to it--guy is just fed up with his humdrum job and can't get a break!

I loved the sarcastic comments. Great job--you should expand it to cover some of the other characters.

 

Thanks everyone for their support!

Zonoma-- Thank you, oh wise beta!

amidalachick--And I loved the part where he puts in an order for aspirin and heating pads and chocolate

Well, we've all had those days. Thanks!

WynssaStarflare-- Hey, real men aren't afraid to show their emotions! Thank you for reading!

LuvEwan-- Heehee. Thanks!

Kynstar-- Thank you, Kyn. Shucks.

YodaKenobi-- Was he going to play Star War Battlefront?

How did you know? Thanks!!

Gabri_Jade-- Some days are just like that

*sigh* Too true! Thank you for clicking!

Jedikma-- I loved the crack about Mara and a son of his bringing her home.

Also loved the comment about throwing the Emporer down the shaft

Fathers can be very particular about who their sons date! Thanks!

cdmcc-- Fruit loops make the world go 'round, didn't you know? Thanks, Chris!

KELIA-- Well, Mara can be very saucy. Thank you for reading!

Palpy560--The Emperor laughing at Vader's plans.

Poor Vader. Thank you!

Layren-- Thank you for giving me permission! I appreciate it greatly!

Jedi-2B-- Dark chocolate! Thank you for stopping by!

VaderLVR64-- Heheheh... Thanks, Mom! I love you!

Alethia-- Danke, Sis!

Discorpor8-- He can be as evil as he wants to be, but inside, Vader is still just a big ol' kvetch.

Aren't all men? Thanks for the kind words!

SapphireBloom-- Thanks, Saffy!

DarthBreezy--Thanks, Breezy!

Princess_Arulmozhi-- Thank you, P_A!

Anakins_Force--this almost had an Office Space feel to it--guy is just fed up with his humdrum job and can't get a break

That's what I was going for! Yay! [face_alien_1]

you should expand it to cover some of the other characters.

I really needed that today! Well, ya never know...

Thank you for the comments!



Thanks, everyone, for their kind words and thoughts! I greatly appreciate them!

 

Yeah Vader, your kids are NOT rebels!!

More please!!

 

That was great. Judy Garland... Can't you just see Vader singing along with Somewhere Over the Rainbow?

 

VadersMistress,

I really needed this post today. Next to "Healer Record of Anakin Skywalker" by Layren & VaderLVR64, this has to be one of the most outrageously funny pieces I have read.
I had to close the door so no would hear me snickering like a fool.

Have you ever had a day that, from the moment you woke up, you wished you hadn?t? Well, today was one of those days. One of those days that you wished you had just stayed in bed and slept your way through it?

Yep, this was one of them. I see Vader has them too!

I go to tell the Emperor the joyous news of losing a key planet and who do I see with him? That frelling red head, Mara Jade. I?m telling you, if a son of mine ever brought her home, I?d spit jawa juice. I can?t stand her.

On her way out, she throws me a nasty look as if she knew something I didn?t. I hate that

Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah! What a spiteful twit.

Thank you for making my day. Misery loves company