Beyond - Legends Lord Vader's Limpet (AU, humor/fluff; Vader/Ben Skywalker)

A/N: This oneshot is so AU as to defy description. It is a complete stand-alone, without any sort of story to back it up, and I have not the faintest idea what dark recess of my brain it evolved out of. That said, I thought it sounded like fun. I suppose I?ll leave it to you to evaluate.

This is a fairly long oneshot, best described as slightly fluffy humor.

Many grateful thanks to my lovely beta, Mathematica, over on ff.net.

For explanation?s sake: this is meant to take place something like twenty-five-ish years after ROTJ, which may or may not have happened in its full or partial entirety (how?s that for specific?) Vader, one way or another, got himself lost for quite a while out in the Unknown Regions a la Robinson Crusoe, and comes back to find that while there?s no more Empire for him to command, he has a new role to play: Grandpa.

?

Limpet: 1) a type of small, cone-shaped shellfish that fastens itself very firmly to rocks; 2) one that clings persistently.

?

Lord Vader had acquired a limpet.

This was a new ailment for him, heretofore foreign--and that was saying something, because over the course of his several decades of life, there were few physical afflictions that the Dark Lord had not experienced. His history of injuries ran the gamut from strains to sprains to dislocations to dismembered limbs to massive burns to headaches, and even included electrical shorts in his prostheses and life support systems. He had been beaten, trampled, shot, drugged, dragged, electrocuted, bitten, stung, lacerated, bruised, and concussed. He had yet to actually die, miraculously, but if this limpet remained attached much longer, that experience might be arriving sooner than expected. His strength was considerable, but it was not infinite, and his patience was even less so. There was no telling how much longer he could manage to drag it around everywhere he went.

He could not deny that it was a cute little parasite, cute enough to overcome a large portion of his own intimidating appearance. Every officer on his ship found him ten times more approachable than normal when it was attached. That, of course, was only one more reason for him to get rid of it.

Naturally, he had tried several techniques to remove it. Physical force, ignoring, abandoning, bribing?nothing would distract it for long. He had even resorted to terrifying the wits out of it, but that too was ineffective. The frightened little thing would dash off to be consoled and soothed, but it possessed a brazen spirit that he was forced to admire even at the height of his annoyance. Sooner or later, it would come creeping back and reattach itself, pestering him insistently until he could not ignore it any further.

When he had re-emerged from the depths of the Unknown Regions into a galaxy vastly different from the one he?d known twenty-five years previously, he had anticipated any number of trials. He had expected all sorts of opposition and enmity from the government, the populace, and his own children. Assassination attempts, political attacks, and universal contempt--he could take all these in stride. But this persistent attachment to him on the part of so small a thing, one he was powerless to prevent or even deter, he had not foreseen.

He felt a familiar tug on the corner of his cape. ?Gampa?? a small voice queried for approximately the fiftieth time.

With a resigned sigh, Vader reached down and hoisted the limpet up to chest-level with one arm. It immediately began trying to play with the life-support control panel that was now within its toddler-sized reach, just as it did every time, and Vader brushed the mischievous hands away, just as he did every time.

For reasons that remained securely locked within Ben Skywalker?s two-year-old brain, his grandson had decided the first moment they met that he, Darth Vader--mass murderer, fallen Jedi Knight and Dark Lord of the Sith--was the greatest thing ever to grace the universe. They had known each other for all of six months now. It was almost exactly that long since Vader?s ship had

 

I always wondered what Vader might have thought, felt, if he had surivived to encounter his grandchildren. I loved his interactions with Ben. Wonderfully done!

 

Oh, there are not enough smilies to show how much this made me laugh. I needed that laugh, too. I love how serious your Vader is, even when 'fying' Ben around. And that he wanted to keep the picture Ben drew... LOL!! And your Mamma Mara had me rolling as well. We know who is the King at the Skywalker house. Love it!

 

I loved that!!!

 

That was great

 

ROFL!!!!!!!! Vader as a "Gampa". I really liked this and couldn't stop laughing at some of the images this brought to mind. Vader changing a diaper. LOL. Although, that can be a daunting task as I have 2 nephews of my own. Both who are 5 and 3. Great story.

 

Between them, Ben got himself on all fours, bottom stuck precariously up in the air, and promptly fell over sideways as the loose helmet shifted.



I just about died laughing when I read that! This is great!

 

oh my goodness, i love this SO MUCH!!!!!!

everything about it---you nailed ben's two-year-old baby talk perfectly and i could feel vader's frustration...

we need more stories like these!!! thank you for bringing this little limpet out into the world!


cheers!

 

That was absolutely brilliant! I kept expecting Vader to crack, but you kept him perfectly in character with equal parts of dignity and dry humor.


Mara?s displeasure at seeing him alive was outweighed by her delight in his surprise at finding himself her father-in-law.

I can only imagine!!


Excellent story!!

 

*roflol*
ohh! thats great! i can´t stop laughing!!!

 

This is AWESOME. Totally corroborates to memories of babysitting, except, y'know, I'm not a sith lord and the kid wasn't force sensitive.

Laughed all the way through. Really great piece!!

 

This was the best story I've read in a long time. Hilarious work. I'd love to see continued adventures with Ben and Gampa.

 

So funny! I second the motion for a sequel. Maybe Han can show up.

 

Wonderful! I would love to read more! Maybe even some of Vader having to deal with that "brood" known as the Solo kids.

 

I absolutely love this! Somehow I keep coming back and reading it, which I've done about three or four times now, and it just makes me smile every single time! So sweet and funny and cute and exactly what I would have imagined!

This is definitely going to be one of those fics that I'll remember for a long time And this plot has great potential! You should see where it takes you

 

This... was amazing.

I had to stop reading every few paragraphs so I could make myself breathe normally again, I was laughing so hard! Sheer perfection- especially Vader's formal syntax and no-nonsense mind interacting with Ben's toddler almost-gibberish! And the way you wrote Vader's mental voice is both hilarious and appropriate. I wanted to fear and respect him, but the situation forbade it!

If I started pointing out my favorite parts, I'd have to paste the whole thing! So I shall have to content myself with saying that I loved LOVED LOVED this fic!

Thank you so much for sharing it!

 

I have been intending to read this for ages, finally I got started - and I wonder if I've ever laughed so hard at a story!?! This is simply in a class of it's own - not only because of the completely superb humor but also by your masterly storytelling! Fantastic achievement!!!


(And I promise to return with a rev on FFN at a point when RL is a little kinder.)

 

Oh my! That was wonderful. Ben clinging to Vader - so cute Vader changing a diaper and his thoughts while doing so... I loved it.

 

LMAO! When I first read this fic on fanfiction.net, I envisioned the story playing out in my head and laughed myself silly. This is one of my favorite Star Wars fanfics! I still crack up when I read it.
I saved a copy of your story to my computer so I could read it when I'm not online (kept your name on it and everything); any time I need a good laugh I read your story and it never fails.

Just curious: Are you planning on writing any sequels for this with Vader and Ben or doing any illustrations? If you ever do, I'd love to read them! Thanks for writing this and sharing it with us!

 

whoops- deleted this message because I did a double post

 

thought i replied to this earlier but i guess i didn't

loved it wish there was more

 

This was so cute and funny. Loved your Vader and Ben. This was a joy to read. Thank you.

bran

 

Absolutely hysterical.

 

You really nailed the characters, and despite everything, you were able to keep them the same. Nice work, and really REALLY funny too.

 

Words cannot describe how much I enjoyed reading this. You do such a wonderful job of balancing humor, seriousness, and introspection together that it's seamless. The whole story is funny and I did catch myself laughing, but it was never over the top but rather very deftly handled.

I think what impressed me the most was the characterization, absolutely spot on the entire time. I have no idea how you managed that with an idea that could very well be considered ridiculous. I love Vader's seriousness and exasperation. I don't even really know how to describe it. Whatever circumstances led up to him being away and returning to find a very expanded family and having that, I don't know, apparently humanize him but keep his pensive, brooding self is truly something to see. Ben reads equally well. He is neither overly childish (even for a two year old) or precocious beyond his years (all two years of them ). He's a perfect blend, and I love that the most fearsome guise in the galaxy is the one he likes best, even if he is not permitted to.

I just really like how family tied together in this. I love their relationship dynamics, and this is a wonderful example of that. As much as I loved the whole thing, my favorite parts oddly enough were the spare moments they turned serious, like whenever Vader would think of things like Padmé, Luke and Leia as children, Jacen, Jaina, and Anakin as children, what he missed and what could have been different. It makes you empathize all the more with Vader.

Impressive. Most impressive!