Lost all will to live (Short story, one post, Obi and Qui, angst and mush)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jacinta_Kenobi, Nov 14, 2001.

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  1. Jacinta_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2001
    star 4
    Ok, I've been playing around with the idea of posting my short stories and have finally decided to do it. Here's the first, completely finished. Feedback please, so I will write some other short stories to put on here! I LO-OVE feedback! [face_love]

    Title: Lost all will to live
    Author: Jacinta Kenobi
    Spoilers: None.
    Disclaimer: Obi and Qui are George?s, but Rea and Jasu are MINE!
    Rating: Oh my god, G! I?ve never even TRIED to write anything above PG, everybody would laugh at me! ;)
    Time period: JA, Obi is 19
    ENJOY!

    Obi-Wan sat in his chair, waiting uncomfortably for his master to return for him. He squirmed slightly, struggling to fit in the seat that was waaaaay too small for him. Qui-Gon had been summoned by the governor of the town for the negotiations between the governor and the farmer?s appointed leader.

    Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had been sent to this planet because they farmers had complained that they could not afford to live as farmers anymore unless something changed. They said that their supplies were too expensive, and rising still, and yet the prices for their products had remained the same. They had told the governor that unless he lowered their supply prices, or raised the food prices, they would go on strike, and the entire planet would go without food until their demands were met.

    The governor, safe in his home with enough food stocked for months, had refused to face the situation, and people were starving. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were here to settle this dispute and get the food running through circulation once more.

    Qui-Gon had left Obi-Wan with strict instructions to make sure that the negotiations were uninterrupted. Obi-Wan sighed and moved around some more, unhappy with his assignment. He understood its importance, since any disturbance during the negotiations could ruin the chances for peace. But he wanted more than anything to be at his master?s side.

    The 19-year-old rubbed his forehead and sighed again. Why couldn?t Qui-Gon give these assignments to someone else? The Jedi Master insisted it was because he did not trust anyone else. But Obi-Wan did not believe it.

    Suddenly, a voice broke into his thoughts. ?Hey, sad-face, what?s wrong? You look more angry than a Rancor that just lost his meal!?

    Obi-Wan glanced up quickly. As soon as he did, he sucked in his breath in surprise. He gazed deep into the girl?s eyes, a beautiful shade of lavender that shone like a precious gem yet burned with an internal fire. He was mesmerized. His view was obstructed, though, when a shock of straight, raven black hair fell into her eyes.

    The girl reached up and pushed it back irritably with the rest of her hair that came just to her chin. She abruptly leaned closer to his face, and reached out to gently but firmly grab his chin. The movement convinced Obi-Wan that she was going to kiss him, and he blushed to a light red. But instead, the girl simply gazed deep into his eyes for a long moment, then suddenly let go and pulled away, nodding in satisfaction.

    Obi-Wan stood quickly, stammering. ?H-hi! I?m not really mad or anything, it?s just that someone did something a little bit irritating.? The girl looked at him a while, before deciding that he didn?t want to talk about it, and she was not going to press him.

    Obi-Wan shuffled his feet for a while, then finally said, ?I?m Obi-Wan Kenobi. My friends call me Obi.?

    The girl grinned dazzlingly at him, and Obi-Wan?s knees went weak. ?I?m Shisa-Tal-Rea-Cata-Nish-Myliace.? (Pronunciation help: Sheeshah-Tahl-Reeah-Cahtah-Neesh-Meelieahce)

    Obi-Wan fumbled, rolling the words around in his mouth, his tongue floundering. ?Shesharame??..? Obi-Wan looked at her pitifully for help.

    Shisa-Tal-Rea-Cata-Nish-Myliace laughed, the sound carrying with a beautiful resonance. ?My friends call me Rea. I would be honored if you would do the same, provided you let me call you Ohbe. It is a little difficult for me to pronounce your name as well, outsider, but I think I can manage Ohbe. Do you think you ca
  2. KenobisGirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2001
    star 4
    *Ashley bursts into tears and applause*

    That was wonderful! Wow, what a sad story...

    Good job!! :D :)
  3. young_mara Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 24, 2001
    star 2
    *Young_mara bursts into tears*
    sniff
    sniff
    :_|
    :_|
    :_|
  4. TheSwedishJedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 15, 2001
    star 4
    :_| It was good. Mush is good always good.

    ~Swede :p
  5. Jacinta_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2001
    star 4
    Up, there are some other people I want to see this.

    Kenobisgirl, THANK YOU! I'm glad you liked it.

    Young Mara...awwww, thanks.

    TheSwedishJedi, thanks. I usually don't write mush, I'm no good at it.

  6. Neon Star Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2000
    star 5
    That was sooo sad, but good ending!

    :_| :_| :_| :_|

    Now, why would you say that you are not good at mush?! I thought it was excellent and I [face_love] love it! You need to write mush more often!
  7. ewen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2001
    star 4
    Ewen vomits on computer.GOOD story,if there had been no REA,Glad she died.Sorry just the way I feel about love scenes,they are good for only the Turn coat Anakin,my opinion,thats why he never focused and became a real Jedi like Obi.I mean in the Star war Movies Obi never found love and was loyal to the Jedi till the end.
  8. Jacinta_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2001
    star 4
    Ewen, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep the vomiting to yourself. Love scenes are really hard for me to write. I understand you don't mean that personally, it's just that even though you didn't mean it that way, it still really brings down the good job part, especially when you tell me you're glad that my character died.

    If this sounds like I'm mad, I'm not, don't worry, it's just that that wasn't constructive critiscm, and this took a lot of effort. Maybe if you just say that you think it was written good, but you don't like love stories, that would be a lot nicer. I respect your preference, and I'm glad you think it is well written, just that you don't like love.

    Anyways, thanks for the feedback. And please don't be upset with me, like I said, I'm not mad, I just want to warn you that sometimes, when you're having a bad day, having someone tell you they vomited is not what they need to hear, and you could get them mad at you, I know, I accidentally did something like that once. Not exactly like this, but the person WAS quite angry with me.

    Catch you later on my other story you read, I don't remember which one, but I remember you. You usually have really nice comments, so I thought I'd just give you a heads up.

  9. Ani_rhymeswith_pansy Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 13, 2001
    star 1
    *Looks around* Mush!? There's mush!? I LOVE MUSH!!!!!! *Ahem* :D

    ANYway..........good story. Gotta love mush. (In case you hadn't figured that out.)

    ;)
  10. Jacinta_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2001
    star 4
    Hey, thanks everyone. Well, I'm off to do another short story, this one is a ridiculous humor story, so bye!

    (Jacinta waves sadly to thread as she allows it to sink into oblivion.)
  11. ewen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2001
    star 4
    SO SOOORRY.If the authour of this story would have read what I said, I made no bad comments about her writing,in fact it is excellent.It is my hang up about love scenes,not your writng.I will keep comments about my hang up to myself,if they are to be misread.I thought that since you were such an accomplished writer that meant you could also read and understand what you had read.PEACE Ewen
  12. Obi_Wan_Kenobis_Gal Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 19, 2002
    star 1
    *Try's to hold back tears, but fails.*

    That was so sad and great.

    Um was that the end. I hope not.
  13. Jacinta_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2001
    star 4
    Thanks, Obi_Wan_Kenobis_Gal.

    Yes, um...that IS the end....I don't know how else I would have continued it!
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