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Before - Legends Lost (Dare Challenge Entry) AU Dark Qui-Gon!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by kateydidnt, Oct 17, 2005.

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  1. kateydidnt

    kateydidnt Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 11, 2004
    Dianethx gave me this wonderful Dare: Write an evil Qui-Gon romance. He can kill the woman, if you want but it has to be a romance. Oh, and have as little dialogue as possible - no more than 5 lines.
    And let me tell you: it was such a challenge! For the longest time I had no idea what to do. Then I had ideas but none of them worked, even as it is I am a little unsure about it (as you can probably tell from the late hour submission).

    Note: This turned out completely different than I originally planned. And the romance?turned out um, one-sided.
    It also turned out really disturbing. Somewhere around 1,200 words.

    And a familiarity with the Jedi Apprentice Series is helpful to understanding this story.


    The initiates and younglings were made to memorize the names of those who had left the Jedi. The Lost were reminders of the weaknesses that they all had. They were also taught why the Jedi had fallen. They were told of others as well who had left the Jedi?Padawans and Knights who had also left the only home they had ever known.

    They were all taught to mourn for them.

    The two newest names stood out to the Padawans who were studying the list.

    Xanatos duCrion?deceased
    Qui-Gon Jinn?whereabouts unknown

    As best the Jedi Council could piece together, Master Jinn had been forced to kill his Padawan?s father. The Padawan had then attacked his Master, forcing a duel. Xanatos had fled after a short time, knowing he could not win.

    Qui-Gon had followed.

    His former Padawan had fallen further into the darkness and Qui-Gon had caught up with him and been forced to kill his own Padawan.

    And he had fallen into despair and, through despair, into darkness himself?never returning to the Temple.


    Years later?
    Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padawan to Jedi Master Depa Billaba, shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he waited for his Master to return from her briefing for their next mission. He had been told that their mission was to find Knight Tahl who had gone missing while she had been investigating some trouble for her friend Didi Oddo. The council though, had been cautious about sending the fourteen year old on this mission?they were concerned about the amount of danger he would be exposed to. His Master had therefore asked him to leave so she could be briefed and make the decision from there whether he should accompany her or not.
    He tried to meditate on the mission but it all seemed clouded.
    Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted as he felt his Master?s shields relax just a bit?she was coming out.
    She gazed hard at her Padawan for a few moments and then said shortly, ?We both go.? Then she motioned for him to follow her back to their quarters. Obviously, she was unhappy about this decision. Obi-Wan scurried to walk behind his Master as she strode almost angrily through the Temple corridors.

    Silence filled their rooms for a standard hour as Master Billaba sank into meditation and Obi-Wan read the datapad she had thrust at him on the planet Simpla-12.

    There really wasn?t a lot to know about the planet?it was fairly close to Coruscant, next to worthless, as all its resources had long since been used up, and infested with criminals. Still though Obi-Wan committed all the important information to memory and then sat waiting for his Master.

    Tahl awoke quite suddenly, the sound of a bird warbling being the first thing she noticed. She shuddered slightly, remembering the last time she had awoken so suddenly. Looking around carefully, she found herself on a normal sleep-couch in a normal-if a bit small-room. Though a welcome changed from the transparent vapor-filled chamber Jenna Zan Arbor had held her in, she was unsure as to how she had gotten out of the scientist?s grasp and had no idea who her rescuer was.
    She breathed deeply and lightly touched the Force to feel the condition of her body. Most of her wounds were just as she last remembered, meaning not too much time had passed and she was probably not in Jedi ha
  2. DarthIshtar

    DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master star 9

    Mar 26, 2001
    Wow, creepy. Especially the part with Tahl.
  3. kateydidnt

    kateydidnt Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 11, 2004
    Oh come on, I know you have more to say than that. PM me what you really think!
  4. raisedbywolves

    raisedbywolves Jedi Youngling star 2

    Jul 1, 2005
    Whoa, freaky stuff! I liked the quick segues between Qui and his pursuers. But... man, he was evil. Nasty, nasty guy, possessive and scary. She didn?t resist him anymore?she just waited. Does that mean that he raped her?! Poor Tahl! You could really tell how warped his mind had become when he thinks that he's going to "keep" her. And when he kills her instead. The ending was also awfully chilling, since you know that means Qui and Obi are about to duel. Couldn't help wondering how that would turn out.
  5. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Feb 5, 2004
    Very twisted and warped! I liked it! [face_devil]

    Bravo on a job well done! =D=

    What can I say, I like Dark Qui. [face_thinking]
  6. dianethx

    dianethx Jedi Master star 6

    Mar 1, 2002
    Cool. This was really creepy. Loved it. You did a great job with the dark Qui-Gon romance. I know it was a bit of a challenge but you were able to pull it off. Hope you weren't cursing me too much. [face_blush]

    Well done. =D=
  7. Katieelessar

    Katieelessar Jedi Youngling star 2

    Aug 1, 2005
    Wow, you did an amazing job with the challenge. That little bunny was just a devil wasn't it?[face_devil] Excellent job! It was so dark and...eerie. Thank goodness, Qui-Gon never turned. I would cry if he *ever* did that!:_|
    Wonderful story!
    Me likey.=D=
  8. maychorian

    maychorian Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jan 7, 2005
    Well done with a difficult challenge! =D= I felt so sorry for Tahl. The last scene was particulary chilling.
  9. Kynstar

    Kynstar Jedi Knight star 5

    Mar 2, 2004
    Sweeeeet!! I liked it!

    Poor Tahl indeed, but Qui loved her sad is that? Gotta feel for the guy too (well somewhat! :p ).

    Nifty...Obi being Depa's Padawan. That's coooool!

    Also loved how you set up TPM being Depa vs. Qui. Awesome! Well done!
  10. kateydidnt

    kateydidnt Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 11, 2004
    I purposely didn't go into any more specifics--it is much more creepy to let you imagine what may or may not have happened. Yeah, Qui-Gon was really creepy evil in this. There was more than a little madness in him, but he knew he was following the dark path and did it willingly. I played with the idea that he may have kept her soul anchored to him so even after she died she was not free, but I didn't include it. A little too disturbing even for me.

    Thanks! you can keep Dark Qui though, I think I'll stick with my favorite Jedi Master from here on out though!

    Not too much cursing, a little bit though... :p This really was a great and difficult challenge for me. Thank you!

    No, dianethx was the devil and this little challenge was just her sithspawn. :D Thank you for reading, I am glad you liked it! I agree with you, I prefer my Qui-Gon a noble light knight.

    Yes...he is my Qui-Gon.

    Thank you! I felt sorry for Tahl too, but as soon as I got the challenge I knew she had to be the love interest--I didn't have enough space (word limit) to develop an OC or a romance between another official character so I used the framework Jude Watson provided to my advantage.
    I found that last scene very chilling too--I had goosebumps on my arms just writing it!

    Well he had loved her in the past, but it had become as warped as he had. I took the only avenue I could for Qui being dark though--the only way I can see it happening is through self-hatred and despair--Qui-Gon would not turn for power, or greed like Xanatos did-it is just not in his character-but he could possibly turn on those more inward motivations. Like Tahl saw, he really had no goal, like Xanatos did, he was simply running and destroying everything in his path as he did.

    I think the only thing Sidious could offer him is to forget the past and become so mired in the darkness that it didn't cause him pain anymore.

    With Depa, honestly she was the first one to pop into my head that did not already have a Padawan (Adi had Siri, Tahl herself had Bant who was then transferred to Kit Fitso) then she fit perfectly in the end with being one of only two to learn Mace Windu's Vaapad (Form VII) style.

    I'm glad you liked it! Thank you!
  11. Star_Drifter

    Star_Drifter Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jul 18, 2005
    His former Padawan had fallen further into the darkness and Qui-Gon had caught up with him and been forced to kill his own Padawan.

    And he had fallen into despair and, through despair, into darkness himself?never returning to the Temple.

    [face_thinking] Hmmmm. Since I really enjoyed this, am I disturbed?

    I love the Jedi Apprentice series by Jude Watson, and this fits right in--in a twisted way! ;)

    You've certainly met all of the criteria, and come up with a terrific AU! :D

    Good job! =D=

  12. kateydidnt

    kateydidnt Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 11, 2004
    Thanks, yes you are disturbed,:p but don't worry, you aren't alone! [whisper]Ish has a crush on Palpatine.[/whisper]
    I'm glad you liked it.
  13. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Jul 26, 2005
    A dark Qui-Gon...very creepy. It makes you wonder if he loved Tahl or was just obsessed with her.

    Great job on the challenge!!

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  14. Ani-maniac

    Ani-maniac Jedi Knight star 4

    Jul 5, 2005
    Obi-Wan Kenobi watched helplessly through the energy fields blocking his way to the reactor. His Master had abandoned her normal Form V strategy against her opponent, and was attempting Form VII, something she had not used in all her years as Obi-Wan?s Master.
    But her dancing between light and dark was no match for the dark vortex that controlled her opponent?s emerald blade.

    :D :D :D

    Wow. You handled it wonderfully! Amazing work! [:D]

    As a Sith, I must say *cough*... I liked evil Qui-Gon. [face_batting]

    I am so happy that Star_Drifter suggested I read this!

  15. Nienna_Narmolanya

    Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 5, 2005
    :eek: Cool! *sits for a few moments soaking it all in* Wow!

    An eerie, ingenious way to tell the story - like little tidbits from a history holo. :D

    So creepy! Very well written! Give yourself a pat on the back, kateydidnt, for coming up with such a wonderful response to such a challenging dare. =D=
  16. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Jul 7, 2000
    Ooooh, bravo. I think a dark Qui romance, this is a first and you've succeeded wonderfully!
  17. Princess_Arulmozhi

    Princess_Arulmozhi Jedi Master star 4

    Nov 16, 2004
    Ooh, lovely work. An evil challenge, and you've done a wonderful job. Especially liked the ending. :)
  18. Knight_Dilettante

    Knight_Dilettante Jedi Padawan star 4

    Jul 24, 2002
    Excellent! A very excellent dark Qui romance indeed. Super creepy. Good for you! =D=

    And I was extra creeped out too by the last paragraph.

  19. JadeSolo

    JadeSolo Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Sep 20, 2002
    He would keep her.

    :eek: That was the creepiest line for me. Like it was decided on a whim whether to kill or keep her. [face_worried]
  20. AnakinGirl05

    AnakinGirl05 Jedi Youngling star 3

    Jun 1, 2005
    I have never read a dark Qui fic...and I love dark characters. This was wonderfully creepy and different, and I love that. I too love the line about him keeping her. Great stuff!!

  21. Gkilkenny

    Gkilkenny Jedi Master star 4

    Mar 27, 2004

    So if TPM runs the same Obi-wan kills Qui-Gon

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