Before Lost Soul - Kill Jinn Challenge response

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by VaderLVR64, May 15, 2006.

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  1. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Title: Lost Soul
    Author: VaderLVR64
    Notes: Written for the Kill Jinn Challenge. [face_devil]



    Lost Soul



    I truly did not mean to do it.

    I know, I know, everyone says that when something like this happens. No one comes out and admits, ?Yes, I meant to do that. I wanted to kill him.? Such an admission is too brutal for most of us, too cruelly honest. I am also aware that my ability or willingness to tell the truth is somewhat suspect. This I accept as well.

    I am outside the ?brotherhood? of the Order now. I am no longer one of them, and so they find it easy to doubt my sincerity. I knew the moment I walked away from the Order and all of its meaningless rituals and rules that I was leaving behind the only life I had ever known for something that could be both wondrous and terrifying. And so it has proven to be, both living up and down to my expectations. Life is a complicated mixture of joy and sorrow, giving and taking, life and?death. Death is the ultimate goal of living, after all, isn?t it? One cannot die unless one has lived; the journey alone is ours to command, not the destination.

    So there we were, two friends turned enemies, Master and Padawan become strangers. The bond between us hung lifeless and darkened, nothing sparking to life between two minds that had once worked as one, anticipating the thoughts of the other. Brotherhood had turned to coolness, affection to indifference. I could not even care enough to hate him, not after all this time. I had made my peace with my past, with his betrayal and all that entailed.

    Though, in my more honest moments, I admit that our betrayal was a mutual one, each of us giving up on the other, walking away when we should have confronted, being silent when we should have spoken, giving up when we should have worked to heal the breach between us no matter what it took. I had turned my back on him as much as he had done to me, though I think my youth alone should perhaps excuse my rash behavior to some degree. He was older and should have been wiser.

    No matter now, he is dead and I am the one who stilled his beating heart and stole the breath from his lungs. I was the one who held him as those blue eyes lost awareness and the spark that had been Qui-Gon Jinn flickered and faded from his body. I felt his soul push past me, soaring into the mystery that waits beyond. I held his body as it tensed in pain and denial and then slackened in acceptance and death, even as it cooled, the warmth seeping away from it as surely as the life had done so.

    It was an easy death, as such things go. I suppose he had been glad to see me, though I am sure the shock of our unexpected meeting had us both reeling for a moment. Maybe he thought he could make me see The Light. I always heard it in those terms when he spoke of it, his voice made it clear that it was an entity in and of itself. There was The Force and there was The Light. Qui-Gon served both, but he lived for The Light. He wanted to bring me back into that warm fold, I think. Perhaps he had never given up on me, never really accepted that I could stay away forever. In that, he would be proven both right and wrong, as our ending illustrates so vividly. But even he had not expected our reunion to happen then?there.

    We had become so accustomed to being apart that we no longer even unconsciously searched for the other in the Force, as I know I did in the early days of our estrangement and I am sure he did as well. I would find myself reaching out for him, seeking his comforting and familiar presence in the Force because it had been with me for so long, a part of me. That was the hardest thing about walking away from the Jedi?from him. He was my Master, and perhaps I loved him, the bond between us forging a bridge between our hearts.

    Staring at each other after so much time, all the old memories came to roaring life. I remembered his big hands wrapped around mine as I struggled with the lightsaber, that legendary weapon of the Jedi. Perhaps the
  2. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    :eek:



    Wahoo! Obi killed Jinn! Good for him. [face_dancing] Nice twist there. I thought it was going to be Xan. =D=


    edit: Nevermind [face_whistling]
  3. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    OE, stop being so excited....LOL. Bad OE. :p

    Great job, VL. I loved that he recognized that the darkness was in him, even as his master was trying to help him through it and could not, he still respected the Jedi. Still killed him, though. And I figure the hunt would be on for the fallen Obi-Wan.

    Well done. =D=
  4. Ara-gon Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 2
    Loved this on the challenge thread (even though I never got around to telling you--bad me!). I'm so glad you didn't put the characters in the list at the top. That would have spoiled it.

    I was all ready for the killer to be Xan and the young voice at the temple to be Obi. You simply stunned me.

  5. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Lovely as always, but you didn't fool me. I knew there was a twist, so I knew it was bad Obi.

    Bad Master for making Obi bad. But good story anyway.

    Staring at each other after so much time, all the old memories came to roaring life. I remembered his big hands wrapped around mine as I struggled with the lightsaber, that legendary weapon of the Jedi. Perhaps the lightsaber knew what my Master did not, that I was not worthy of being a Jedi, that within my chest did not beat the heart of a Knight. Still, he did his best, patiently working with me, instructing me with painstaking effort, honing my skills as best he could. I had a knack for some of the Jedi arts, but I did not have the soul of a Jedi. Disaster came when I realized it and I gave into my true nature.

    He could not give me up easily.


    Wow, as always.
  6. raisedbywolves Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 1, 2005
    star 2
    :eek: It was Obi?!

    Very sneaky. Loved Obi-Wan's ambivalence and how distanced he was from his deed. A great entry to the Kill Jinn challenge!
  7. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    Obi-Wan killed Qui!

    :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

    I was convinced it was Xanatos.

    I really enjoyed Obi's introspection throughout the story.

    Great job

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  8. Jade_Pilot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 10, 2005
    star 5
    Oh-my-goodness!:_|

    First of all, this was beautifully written, V. Like poetry.


    "Though, in my more honest moments, I admit that our betrayal was a mutual one, each of giving up on the other, walking away when we should have confronted, being silent when we should have spoken, giving up when we should have worked to heal the breach between us no matter what it took. I had turned my back on him as much as he had done to me, though I think my youth alone should perhaps excuse my rash behavior to some degree. He was older and should have been wiser."

    Such wisdom and angst in these words! I was shocked to learn it was Obi, but you really made it work.

    Bravo! =D=
  9. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    obi_ew I knew that little twist would appeal to your warped mind. [face_laugh]

    dianethx Fallen Obi-Wan is safely in the arms of his older, more experienced lover. ME! [face_batting] They'll never find us.

    Ara-gon I'm as twisted and warped as o_e up there! ;)

    Valairy_Scot I like a LITTLE evil in my Obi! [face_skull]

    raisedbywolves I simply couldn't resist, I just couldn't! [face_devil]

    KELIA I was kind of hoping people would think of Xanatos! He always gets the blame, doesn't he? [face_mischief]

    Jade_Pilot Obi=Wan is very wise, even when he's very naughty! :D



  10. VadersMistress Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2004
    star 6
    Cold and creepy. [face_skull] Just how I like them! ;)
  11. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    I don't know I always expected it to be Obi-Wan, just because of the nature of your writing Kim, maybe I've been reading your stuff so long that I can pick things out now :D I have read just about everything you've written, and this is another amazing vignette. I think the way I figured it out was because of the silence. Xanatos was never silent with Qui-Gon, that was a trait of Obi-Wan's relationship with him, the coldness and silence. Marvelous!
  12. Star-Foozle Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 24, 2006
    star 2
    *Sits in stunned silence for a moment*
    *blinks*
    Oh.

    I gathered him into my arms, the dutiful Padawan at last?when it was too late for either of us. I held him and soothed him with wordless murmurs, brushing back the long hair from the pale and sweating noble brow. A single tear escaped him, fell down his cheek and then slipped over my tunic where it bloomed.

    Waugh! :_|
    *sniffles and recovers to continue comment*
    This was tremendously heartbreaking, but also excellent. That's the thing I like about your stories -- you can really feel the emotion. I was so sure it was Xan, up until the very end...and that's what did me in. I love a good plot twist, even if it hurts. Now I need to go find some nice fluffy mush to recover, I think...
    Great story overall, VaderLVR64. Keep it up!
    @};-
  13. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    VadersMistress I know you do! ;)

    Layren Just goes to show you're as twisted as I am! [face_mischief]

    Star-Foozle Evil Obi is so much fun to write! [face_devil]
  14. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    :eek:

    well that was hard to read ... especially since i'd read your "something lost" before i saw this.

    shamelessly devoted to warm fuzzies though i am, i remain in awe of your range as a writer.

    also loved how you echoed qui-gon's death scene in TPM, right down to the tear, but the killer was obi-wan rather than maul.

    wow
  15. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    That's an AU Bad Obi killing Qui-Gon. This is an evil universe[face_skull]
  16. Jedi_Tigris Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2005
    star 4
    :eek: I so thought it was Xan! Wow, great twist. Love the descriptions, especially how Obi-Wan recognized that he was dark, and the respect he still showed the Jedi even though he was by nature against them. =D=
  17. obi-gonjinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2006
    star 1
    Agghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! WOW!!!!:_| :eek:

    I sooooo did not see that one coming! Holy Quiggys beard :eek:
    I thought it to be Xanatos...[face_devil] :_|

    Are you thinking about doing a prequal?
    Cause I would love to read the tale of Obi-Wans fall into darkness!

    Brilliant I loved It!!!=D= =D=

  18. Alexis_Wingstar Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2006
    star 4
    For some reason, I knew it wasn't Xanatos... perhaps because if it were, I don't think he'd have been so... introspective... also I think Xan would be like... "Yeah, I killed him, and I enjoyed it. Whatcha gonna do about it?" [face_devil]

    I thought at first it could have been Anakin... an AU where Qui-Gon didn't die at the hands of Darth Maul and Anakin grew to go to the dark side even w/ the more experienced Qui-Gon as his Master instead of Obi-Wan who was too young to take on that responsibility. I'm not sure what it was, but somewhere in the middle I was thinking, "Hmmm... this could be Obi-wan." But I wasn't sure. It was wonderfully done. I like the part about Qui-Gon's tears and him reaching up to wipe Obi-Wan's... actually that may have been the part that made me think maybe it was Obi-Wan.

    Very well done as always! =D= =D= =D=

    Oh, yeah, like obi-gonjinn said, I'd love to read a prequel to this... and a sequel! Your writing always makes me hunger for more!
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