Story [LOTR] "The Elf Princess Diaries, Vol 1" (PG, Chaps 16-19 up 02 July 2009)

Okay, I got badgered into posting this.

Title: The Elf Princess Diaries, Vol 1
Author: DantanaSkywalker
Rating: PG
Pairing: Legolas/OC, Haldir/OC
Genre: action, romance, mystery, humour, crossover
Summary: Haldir is hunting for the daughter he lost long ago. He takes Legolas and Gimli along, but they don't end up where they expected. "Princess Diaries" (books) crossover.
Author Notes: LOTR characters and Princess Diaries characters not used with permission. Everything else is out of my sick, sick imagination. Sindarin translations included at the end of the entry.

[image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v629/dantanaskywalker/epd_sims.jpg]
(Yes, they're Sims. Hush. )

PM List:

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[b]--Prologue--[/b]

[i]Lórien
3002 of the Third Age[/i]

His breath sounded unnaturally loud in the darkness.

Slowly, he crept across the floor, trying not to make a sound as he approached the cradle at the foot of the bed. Casting a cautious glance at the sleeping female form, he inched closer.

It was good that blasted mind-reading she-witch wasn't on to him yet. Of course, in another few moments, she probably would be.

Couldn't be helped.

The dark figure resettled the bag on his shoulder, and crouched over the cradle. The golden wisps on the baby's head barely reflected the moonlight that filtered through the trees.

Gingerly, he lifted the infant, blankets and all, and began to back away from the bed. Please don't cry, he thought. Please don't cry.

He was almost to the stairs when he heard the characteristic creak of a bow as it was bent.

He whirled to face a tall, blonde figure, flanked by more of the same. The lead archer had fire in his eyes.

"Put my daughter down," the blonde soldier hissed.

"'Fraid I can't do that," the skulking intruder said. "See, I need her."

Then he turned, running for the edge of the flet that sat high in the trees. As the bowmen behind him gasped, he waved his free hand wildly, chanting in some ancient tongue.

A shimmery rift opened before him. Gleefully, he plunged towards it, over the edge of the flet.

Just before he passed through it, a white-hot pain stabbed through him.

He gasped, and then was gone.


[hr]


[b]--Chapter One--[/b]

[i]Manhattan
New York City
2003 . . . of the Sixth Age[/i]

"I can't [i]wait[/i] for 'Return of the King' to come out!"

Brianna MacArthur grinned at her best friend, who was practically jumping up and down in her chair. Taking a sip of her Coke, she watched Shelley's brown ponytail bounce merrily. Her friend's hazel eyes were bright as she enthused about their common obsession, "The Lord Of The Rings". Their custom was to spend Saturdays, like today, at the theatre at the shopping centre near their apartment building and see "The Lord Of The Rings". They'd been doing it since "Fellowship of the Ring" had come out.

"I just really, really hope that Arwen's wedding dress isn't that hideous lime green they showed on the 'net," Shelley continued.

"I doubt it is," Bree said. "It looked more of a dark cream to me. And I highly doubt they'd put Liv in a lime green dress. That's just not her colouring. And, for another thing, I doubt elves would have the bad fashion sense to wear lime green. And how would they get it? It's the product of synthetic dyes."

"Too true," Shelley said, her tone practical. "Though I have to wonder how they got that vibrant red for Arwen's red and midnight-blue dress. The one that looks kinda like her wedding gown."

"Beats me." Brianna shrugged and shoved the last couple fries from her lunch into her mouth as she stood up. She was tall and slender, though obviously padded in all the right places. Just shy of eighteen, she turned heads everywhere she went. "Come on. The movie starts in fifteen minutes. We need to go now if we want good seats."

Shelley hopped up, clutching her last eggroll in her hand. "I just love the part where Aragorn shoves the doors open, when he arrives at Helm's Deep."

"I noticed

 

Thank you so much for posting this

 

Hehehehe. I'm curious to see where this goes.


"Make Arwen's dress. Eowyn's whiny. I don't like her."



*huggles her Eowyn*

 

You're welcome! And there's 38 more chapters of insanity to follow!

I like Eowyn, for the most part. There are moments where I want to smack her, but there are moments where I want to smack everyone but Legolas.


Dana

 

So, I have no idea why the following three chapters are so short. I could have sworn they were longer. I know the later chapters are at least 3 times the length of each of these. *blink* Thus, you get three for the price of one, largely 'cause I'm lazy and impatient and don't want to post this over 40 days.

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[b]--Chapter Two--[/b]

Monday afternoon, after classes got out for the day, Brianna stopped by the apartment and retrieved her bow and arrows, and caught the subway uptown to the college campus, where she'd been taking archery classes since she was six.

Her father, Jared, had been passionate about archery. Though Jared wasn't really her father, he'd passed that passion on to her.When Bree was six, he'd found her in his office, staring with awe at the oak recurve bow he'd inherited from his father, displayed on the wall. That week, he'd enrolled the two of them in classes at a community college.

Brianna sprinted across the lawn to the archery field. She greeted Mr. Archer with a grin. He'd explained that his family had long been bowmen, and the name had stuck sometime in the fourteenth century. He even had an English longbow from the Middle Ages in his Manhattan apartment.

"Brianna, you're early," he said. "How is my best student?"

"I'm having a good day. I aced my trig test."

Mr. Archer nodded. "That's to be expected. There is a lot of math in archery."

Bree sat on one of the benches and removed her bow from the sturdy case she kept it in while traveling. It was a recurve, very much like her father's. Her dad had given it to her for her sixteenth birthday, instead of a car, which would have been impractical, anyway.

The instructor sat back and watched as she slung her quiver over her shoulder, then calmly nocked an arrow, sighted, and fired, all in one smooth movement. Her form was perfect, and her aim flawless. He'd never had a student such as Brianna, who could draw a 120-pound without any visible effort. He'd tested her once, with his expensive compound bow, a test that all of his more arrogant, male students always fell short of passing. They would be so sure they could fire it, and would fail.

Brianna had lifted the bow, examined it, and proceeded to use it to punch an arrow through three consecutive targets and into the wall of the gym.

Theodore Archer still remembered the day Jared MacArthur had brought in his little girl, who had thrilled over every detail. She'd picked up his 30-pound shortbow that first day, and while the reach was too long for her, she had still been able to pull it back.

She'd only continued to impress him.

Brianna strode to the target and calmly pulled her arrow from the centre of the board. As she returned to the bench, to wait for the other students to arrive, she saw that Mr. Archer was watching her.

"Have you considered entering the Olympics?" he asked quietly.

"Once or twice. But I don't do this to compete and win contests," Bree replied.

"Why [i]do[/i] you do it?"

She thought about that for a moment. "I like it. Other than that . . . I don't know. It's just . . . me."

The teacher nodded. His brown hair was greying, and balding a little in the back. But his blue eyes were still sharp. "I like that you aren't competitive. You'd slaughter everyone."

Bree laughed, embarrassed. "You're exaggerating."

"What would you say if I told you I'm not?"

Her blue eyes went wide. "You think I'm that good?"

"Brianna. Bree." He shook his head. "I [i]know[/i] it. Archery is in your blood. It comes naturally to you. But, I suspect, if you had taken up track, you would have excelled at that. You probably still would."

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"You have a natural grace, one that doesn't apply to dinner parties and social events. I would almost say . . . you are a warrior, Brianna. You were born to it."

Her classmates began arriving then, postponing any further conversation.

But her teacher's words made Brianna wonder.

[i]You are a warrior, Brianna. You were born to it.[/i]


[hr]

[b]--Chapter

 

Awesome!! I love Haldir

 

I told myself that since I didn't know anything about Princess Diaries, I wouldn't read this. But curiousity got the best of me, and I'm glad I did. I'm looking forward to reading more!

 

So do I! I think he was sorely under-used.

Well, I'm glad you did, too! As I said, it's a fairly minor crossover. The PD characters do make appearances, but they're supporting-cast only.


Dana

 

This is too good. I was drooling a bit over the prom dress descriptions - costume love! Something strange about the mom, too, and why she doesn't remember most of her life...

Glad you posted this!

 

You know, I think that in the five years I've been writing and posting this, you are the first person (besides my lovely beta and slave driver) to ever mention that.


Dana

 

Intriguing. I read a few of the Princess Diaries books (stopped after volume 4 or 5 I think). This should be very interesting....

 

I don't think I like the later ones as much as the earlier ones, myself. I know that characters have to evolve, but I kind of feel like Meg's gotten tired of Mia's story, and just sort of rushes things now. I don't know.



A couple more short chapters for you guys!

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[b]--Chapter Five--[/b]

Shelley came over an hour later. She and her family had lived across the hall for her entire life, so she and Bree had been best friends since they could walk. The girls practically lived between the two apartments.

Today, Shelley had dressed in the costume she'd made at the same time Brianna had made hers. She was dressed as Arwen, in her dove-grey elvish riding habit. Her hair, which reached the middle of her back, had even been braided like Arwen's.

Brianna was still sitting at the table when Shelley walked in. Her friend's eyes widened when she saw everything on the table.

"Your mom gave you [i]another[/i] brooch?" she demanded. "I can't get my parents to spring for [i]one[/i]."

Brianna shook her head. She'd been examining the book, and had managed to translate the title. It read "[i]I Phennas En Edhil[/i]" with smaller script that said "[i]I Iathrim A nGaladhrim A Edledhid O Cherryn Lhaurelindorenan[/i]". She'd had to drag out her laptop, which had her Sindarin dictionary on it.

It translated to "The History of the Elves: The Elves of Doriath and Lórien and the Exile of the Lady of Laurelindorenan".

Brianna unpinned the reproduction brooch she had holding her cloak, and handed it to Shelley. "Here. You can have this."

"You're [i]giving me[/i] your pin?" Shelley demanded. "Are you feeling okay, Bree?"

Shaking her head, Brianna picked up the brooch she'd pulled out of the bag. It was weightier, made of silver. The clasp was different, a design she'd enver seen before. "This was found with me," she said.

"What?"

"I said, [i]this[/i] brooch was found with me, back when I was a baby. In 1985."

Shelley's hazel eyes went wide. "In 1985, they had elven brooches?"

Suddenly frustrated, Brianna practically shoved the book in her best friend's face. "Shelley, I don't know what it all means, but this book is in Sindarin. The [i]entire[/i] book! The title says it's about Doriath and Lothlórien, and the exile of Galadriel after she left Valinor to fight Morgoth."

"Somebody translated 'The Silmarillion' into Elvish? What a waste of time."

Brianna sucked in a breath. It wasn't "The Silmarillion". Something told her it [i]couldn't[/i] be. It just [i]wasn't[/i]. But what it was, and what it meant, she didn't know.

Suddenly, she had to get out of the house.

"Come on. Let's go to the park."

----------

Legolas glanced down at Haldir from his perch in the trees. "I admit defeat. I do not know where we are. And something tells me not to trust locals just yet."

Haldir let out a frustrated noise. "How are we to find Aewgliriel? Or Daneithionâr? We do not know where we are, or how vast this land is. There are strange things everywhere."

"At least they speak Westron," Gimli said. "We should be able to understand them, which is something positive."

"True." Legolas turned his gaze back to the people passing through the park.

Then he saw something, some[i]one[/i], moving through the crowd. Tall, lithe, blonde. Dressed in Elvish fashion. Female, with another, shorter female with her.

"Haldir," he said.


[hr]


[b]--Chapter Six--[/b]

"Let me get this straight. In March of 1985, you're found in the middle of Central Park, abandoned, with a bag full of elvish stuff, complete with a brooch that looks exactly like the ones in the movies, more than ten years before Peter Jackson even pitches 'Lord Of The Rings' to Miramax?"

Brianna nodded. They were walking through Central Park, ignoring the stares of the people who passed the two girls dressed in costumes.

"And then there's your whole weirdness," Shelley

 

Chapter 5:

"Somebody translated 'The Silmarillion' into Elvish? What a waste of time." 'Tisn't a waste of time. If it was possible, I'd love it!

Chapter 6:

"Whoa. And I thought we were the only ones who did LOTR reenactments in Central Park," Shelley said. "You know what? I think their costumes are better than ours." *snickers*

"Im atar lín." I understood that! But, um, it should be adar. Atar is Quenya.

"Okay," Brianna said suddenly. "I'm going to believe you for now. But I'm gonna talk to Mom, and she's gonna want a paternity test." [. . .] Then Gimli asked, "What's a paternity test?" This ought to be interesting.

Chapter 7:

The whole SW nod: Brilliant!

Their reactions on seeing modern appliances are priceless!

Oh, I feel sorry for her. Such a shock, and I think she's handling it well enough... for now.

 

Technically speaking, yes, but Galadriel occasionally throws in some Quenya into her dialogue, so it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for Haldir to do it, too, since I have him as her son. (Plus, I prefer the way "atar" sounds to "adar".)

Well, she always knew something was off. Plus, the freak-outs will be coming.


Dana

 

Technically speaking, yes, but Galadriel occasionally throws in some Quenya into her dialogue, so it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for Haldir to do it, too, since I have him as her son. (Plus, I prefer the way "atar" sounds to "adar".) Makes sense to me!

 

and a particular nasty run-in where some jerk in a car had called them freaks, and Legolas had attempted to shoot him.

That, the chocolate syrup, and the image of Gimli asking about paternity tests - hahaha! And poor Brianna's fun doesn't stop there. Plus, sounds like the klepto wizard is still running around, and that can't be good.

 

Is Briana part Jedi, too? It sounded like she used a Jedi mind Trick!

And it would have been hilarious if someone had started chasing Legolas screaming, "Orlando, I love you!"

 

Oh, yeah, the "klepto wizard" is still around.

Galadriel's got mind-control powers, and Bree's inherited them to a degree. She'll probably never be the same strength as Galadriel because she isn't full Noldor, but she's got more abilities than Arwen does 'cause Arwen's 1/4 human.


Dana

 

"You think it'll work?"

She sighed. "It would take a miracle. I am afraid they are lost to us."


Have fun storming the castle.


Hehe, good times so far. And I second the want to see Orli fangirls.

 

Yay, someone got the reference!

Oh, there will be fangirling. Just wait.


Dana

 

The paternity test bit was my favorite part S

 

Heh, thanks. Can you just imagine Haldir going through the trauma of one? At least they can do them with blood test, and he wouldn't have to do anything involving a cup. *snerk*


Dana

 

LOTR was on this past weekend on TNT and I am embarrassed to say I hadn't realized who Haldir was (I have the books, but they're really hard to read) until now. So, if Arwen is her cousin, Haldir is Arwen's uncle? (Her father's brother? I know Galadriel is the grandmother).

Oh, and Up....

 

Haldir is only related to Galadriel and Arwen in my 'fic. In the books, the only relatives we're told he has are his brothers Rumil and Orophin. In this, however, Haldir's sister is Arwen's mother.


Dana

 

Couple more chapters for ya. Thanks for being patient, guys!

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[b]--Chapter Eight--[/b]

Shelley watched Bree run out, and turned to look at the others. She didn't know what to say. It was just way too weird. "Um. Hi. I'm Shelley. Shelley Lancaster."

Haldir bowed. "I am Haldir, Marchwarden of Lórien and son of Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel of Lórien. This is Legolas, son of Thranduil of the Northern Woodland Realm, and Gimli, son of Gloin."

"Hi." She gave the other two a little wave. "Look, I'm sorry about Bree. She's just . . . a little weirded out right now. Are you really her dad?"

"I am her father, yes." Haldir lifted a brow in a gesture that reminded Shelley strongly of Bree. "Have you known Brianna long?"

"Since we were, like, tiny. Practically my entire life. My parents were already living across the hall when Jared and Melinda moved in here. They adopted Brianna two months after moving in, and I was born a couple months before that." Shelley picked up the breakfast dishes and put them in the sink.

Legolas had returned to his study of the freezer. "How is it possible that this box contains ice when it is fair outside?"

"Because it [i]makes[/i] the ice."

"Through magic?"

"No, it's called science. A generator in the refrigerator makes it cold in there. I'm not a refrigeration engineer, so I don't know how it works. But it pumps water into the freezer and the freezer makes ice with it."

"You freeze your food?" Gimli demanded.

Shelley grinned. "To keep it fresh, yeah."

Legolas pulled the milk carton out of the fridge. "Is this milk?"

"Yep."

"And what sort of material is this container?" Legolas poked the clear carton.

"It's called 'plastic'. You don't have plastic in Middle-Earth."

Gimli opened the oven. "Is this an oven?"

"Yes. It runs on electricity."

Haldir had been refraining from pestering the girl with questions, but he had to know. "What is electricity?"

"It's power. Not magical power. It . . . It's like lightning. Or when your clothes get staticky and start sticking, or something."

"You have harnessed lightning to power your . . . oven?"

"Yeah. Kinda. Actually, we figured out a way to move particles so they would generate electricity, so we can use it."

Brianna walked back in then. She'd dressed in a pair of jeans, tennis shoes, and a black peasant blouse with really long sleeves. She'd also pulled her hair back, twisted it up, and secured it with a clip. It was long enough that it still reached her waist.

Haldir took one look at the jeans and said, "You are not wearing that."

"Am too. You have no say in what I say, wear, or do."

"I am your father, Aewgli-"

"My name is Brianna Arwen McArthur. Not Aewgliriel Haldiriell or however it's said. And as of this morning, I am eighteen years old, which means that I am an adult. I'm still a minor, but I'm an adult. And you can't tell me what to do."

The front door opened. "Bree, honey, are you here? I forgot my-"

Melinda stopped in the kitchen doorway, her brown eyes going wide.

"Oh, my."

----------

Melinda's gaze shot from the strange men in her kitchen to her daughter, who was dressed differently than she'd been this morning. "Brianna? Would you like to introduce me to your visitors?"

Bree sighed. How on earth was she going to explain this? She wasn't even sure she believed it herself. There was no way her mother would believe it.

"Mom, these are . . ." She stopped.

"You might as well tell the truth," Shelley said.

Brianna looked at Shelley, then at Haldir, and finally at her mother. "This is totally whacked, but . . . This is Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood and son of King Thranduil. This is Gimli, son of Gloin, of Erebor . . . and this is Haldir, son of Celeborn and Galadriel, Marchwarden of Lórien."

After a pause, she added, softly, "My father."

Her mother looked at her for several moments, then said, "This is not amusing, young lady. I expect honesty from you. I raised you better than to tell me-"

"Mom, I'm [i]not[/i] kidding! I'm more serious