Saga Love’s Savage Desire – A Holo-book Romance (Rebels Era - one post)

Love’s Savage Desire – A Holo-book Romance

Written as a dare by Lady_Misty, and with a little help from Ewok Poet and Mistress Renata.

This is all your fault.

Takes place a few short weeks after ‘Spark of Rebellion’.

DB






The Ghost had picked up quite a haul in Lothal’s capitol, among other things, items marked as donations for Tarkin Town, such as food and cloths. Of course, some of the ‘donations’ had fallen off an Imperial transport (granted with a little assistance) and would be used elsewhere, but it was all mixed in together,in a dozen different containers in their hurry to retrieve it all.

The mission had not been without difficulties. A miscalculated blast had nearly taken Ezra with it. Had it not been for Kanan’s quick reflexes and judicious use of a Force push, Ezra's new apprenticeship would have fatally ended, then and there. Thankfully, they had escaped with their bounty, and only a few bumps and bruises – business as usual.

Hera had hummed and hawed, and mothered over their various bruises and scrapes. Kanan in particular had pointed out a few on his person that he swore he couldn’t reach without her help, but when Ezra had tried to suggesting Chopper could see to them, he was confused by the crew’s reaction. Kanan’s palm hit his face, Chopper waved his arms and burbled, Zeb’ s guffawed and Sabine rolled her eyes. Only sweet, gentle Hera put her hand on Ezra shoulder, and suggested that he and the rest of the crew get to work sorting out the salable goods from the relief collections. She and Kanan would join them shortly, after she had ‘patched him up a bit.’


It was tedious work. Some of the crates had blankets on top, guns and other explosives underneath. Other had foodstuffs, a mixture of fresh foods and ration bars to be split between the galley of the Ghost and taken to Tarkin Town, but it was Sabine who found the holo-book in the first crate of mixed goods.

“Oh my stars!” she laughed, seizing the prize joyfully. “Found one!”

“Found what?” Ezra asked, extracting himself from one of the crates where he had been waist deep in - thankfully – clean clothing.

“You know t’ rules, Sabine,” Zeb called back from across the bay. “Ya got to read the whole page with a straight face, or it’s five credits!”

“You still owe me twenty from the last round!”

“Ahh, go on then, you know I’m good for it!”

“Are you guys going to tell me -” Ezra looked back and forth, confused as Sabine took a deep breath and began reading aloud.



“The Lovely Tentacles, by Teo Pekoew,” Shebegan dramatically. “Page 49, chapter 2. And now we begin the rest of our lives, it whispered, as - I can’t pronounce this name – Twizzlefitz? Anyway, Twizzlefitz pulled her down onto the bed with his third tentacle. He said nothing. He couldn’t, his mouth was full of her eyestalks – wait – what?Anyway - He was not a… something... born to make love with words.” Here, she began to giggle. “Then a breathless hollow seemed to glow and grow and spread out.. and… and… Oh blast it! I just can’t!!!

By now, Zeb was howling with laughter. “That’s it Sabine! 5 credits! But I think that’s worth at least 10!”

Realization dawned on Ezra. “Oh nonononono!” he cried. “That’s just… awful!”

“Exactly!” Zeb and Sabine said together.

“So kid, do ya get the rules?” Zeb waggled his eyebrows. “If ya pull a book, ya gotta read it out loud -”

“Without laughing!” Sabine added, trying not to grin. “Otherwise, it’s 5 credits in the pot!”

“So do Hera and Kan-”

“NO!” they chorused together, confusing Ezra once again.

“Well ya see, kid...”

“Most of these holo-books are, well, ‘Robe rippers’” Sabine said, blushing. “I guess they were really popular during the Clone Wars - “

“Jedi and their laser swords, if you get the meaning,” Zeb finished with a laugh. “Not something the boss would appreciate!”

“Ahhh,” Ezra replied, pretending to understand, and wanting to ingratiate himself to the crew, and hopefully maybe impress Sabine with his resolve, he volunteered. “Toss me one! I’ll do it!”

“OK, but remember!”

“I know, I know – 5 credits, no laughing! I got this!”

“Your funeral!” Sabine said, tossing him a book, and burying herself back into the crate.

Ezra turned on the holo-book and hit the randomizer to find a page. He closed his eyes, trying to find that Jedi calm that Kanan had talked about. He could do this.

He didn’t see Zeb’s momentary frantic gesturing, by the time he’d opened his eyes, it had stopped, and all he saw was Zeb looking very engrossed in the box of juna-berry tarts he’d found.

Ezra began.”Love’s Savage Desire by M. Renata,” he said proudly. He had this. “He exhaled, exuding an intoxicating miasma of berry juice on to her skin, causing her delicate lekku to quiver with anticipation. Arching her back, she collapsed on to the grass, allowing his lightsaber to gently...”

He trailed off, suddenly aware that both Sabine and Zeb were looking at him shame faced.

No, not at… behind.


“I see those crates are coming along nicely...” Kanan deadpanned. “So nicely, in fact, I think maybe Zeb and Sabine can handle the rest of them without you, Ezra. “

Paling, Ezra hit the switch to turn off the holo-book before turning around to face his master.

“Kanan!” he said brightly, thinking on his feet. “I was just… testing this holo-book! Making sure it worked and all! It does! See?” Frantically, he turned it on to the cover page, which to his horror, was emblazoned with a well muscled human male, proudly brandishing a lightsaber, his long hair and torn shirt windswept. A twi’lek girl, with endowments only an artist could have given her, pulling at the fabric of his robes with a look of undaunted adoration on her face.

Wordlessly, Kanan held out his hand, and Ezra gave it to him sheepishly. He could feel Kanan’s cold eyes boaring into him.

“Chopper’s out in front,” Kanan said evenly, offering Ezra his lightsaber with his other hand. “I think you should practice those forms we talked about.”

With a barely muttered ‘Yessir’, Ezra took the proffered weapon, and made a hasty retreat, while Kanan turned his attention to Sabine and Zeb, who had gone back to sorting with a vengeance. They waited for the hammer that never came. Instead, he sighed and pocketed the holo-book, leaving them to it.

He was sure that Love’s Savage Desire was one of the few Hera hadn’t read yet.


fin

 

I! CAN'T! EVEN! Oh, lordy, what ends up donated in boxes! And ha, Kanan sneaks it away for Hera, no doubt to act out some of the more...historical scenes. And now there is an old story I'm going have to type up and repost (I have it in hardcopy, but not on disk, and it is definitely about Jedi in holoromances!!!)

I'm suprised Ezra was able to get any of it out without being tongue tied...

 

I barely could - it took a couple false starts, but once it got rolling - I only wish I could have added Lady Misty, but alas, you and ewok poet were my only victims in the end.

I worked at a thrift store for three months - nothing surprises me...

OK, THAT bit did! I was at the very end, and all at once it hit me...

OH YES!!!!

He just had to say it! I had to TYPE it!

 

*offers cyber muffins to the writer*

I've heard of games like that: read something that funny and keep a straight face/don't laugh and the person(s) that smile or laugh loses.

Oddly enough Hera seems like the type that might enjoy romance/robe ripper books. Of course she might find them funny especially if they portray Twi'leks incorrectly.

 

Wait, wait...how did I help with this?! O_O I...don't remember absolutely anything, but thanks.

 

WHAT?! What a last line that is! It goes from teasing between Zeb and Sabine on a continuing dare not to laugh to arousing Ezra's curiosity and then getting "caught" by Kanan to that zinger of a last line Oh my If THE CREW ONLY KNEW
Ezra is adorbs in this. Wanting to fit in

 

And now I read the thing. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This has got to exist in some unholy and disturbing circles online.

Rule 34 exists in the GFFA.

Dare I know what Twizzlefitz was doing with the first two tentacles?