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Love is grand. Divorce is a !&*@(

Discussion in 'Archive: Your Jedi Council Community' started by Souderwan, Jan 27, 2012.

  1. DarthTunick

    DarthTunick SfC Part IV Commissioner star 10 VIP - Game Host

    Nov 26, 2000
    Divorce sucks for any kids involved.

    [hl=purple]Los Angeles Lakers: Drama, guaranteed. [/hl]
  2. Kiki-Gonn

    Kiki-Gonn Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Feb 26, 2001
    Sorry to hear that but I'm sure it's for the best.

    The one thing no one tells you before you get married is how tough it will be.

    I'm sure your son knows a ton of kids whose parents are divorced, it's not like it used to be. I know I was basically okay with my parents' divorce because it ended the uneasy truce/tension in the house too.
  3. mrsvos

    mrsvos Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Nov 18, 2005
    Man, bitter divorces are crazy! I've seen people drag crap out for years after it was finalized, 'you were supposed to do this and you were supposed to give me that'...
    Sorry Souds!
    I'm glad you guys are handling it intelligently.
  4. Mortimer_Snerd

    Mortimer_Snerd Jedi Knight star 6

    Mar 14, 2004
    Exactly. I am dealing with the fact that my ex-wife is doing just that, and it's frustrating to say the least. I have come to trust my son's intelligence enough to be able to see through that ploy but there's always the feeling of dread when it comes to what his mother is instructing him to tell the Guardian Ad Litem, who has become necessary in our case. I always tell him to tell the truth and what he truly feels. I doubt he's getting the same instruction from his mother, and that is irritating...mostly because he's a sweet little boy who doesn't even come close to deserving what's being handed him.

    This is the disgusting reality of divorce if you can't work it out...and I'm sorry to say that you can't work it out if one party is immature and stubborn. That sounds like a jab, and rightfully so, but jeez...I'm living it, and it sucks and I wish it were otherwise.

    Again, I wish you the best.

  5. Darth Gangrenous

    Darth Gangrenous Game Host star 10 VIP - Game Host

    Jun 1, 2005
    Sorry to hear that but maybe you'll have the same luck that my ex's parents had. They found that they got along better after their divorce and got back together. They are happy just being bf and gf and shacking up together than being married.
  6. AaylaSecurOWNED

    AaylaSecurOWNED Jedi Master star 6

    May 19, 2005
    Congrats. I'm glad that this news means I can continue to pick fights with you on Facebook.

    Some kind of family therapy/divorce counseling might be in order?
  7. Souderwan

    Souderwan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Jun 3, 2005
    Mortimer, I'm sorry for what you're going through, man. If you ever want to unload, PM me. One of the other guys at work is going through a similar thing and we've spent a lot of time talking to each other. It's been incredibly helpful to just let that crap out.

    I really appreciate all the support, everyone. I wasn't sure what I was looking for when I posted this thread, but I gotta admit this is a lot better than I could have hoped.

    Jordan's best friend is a child of divorce and his girlfriend is also a child of divorce. It's a sad truth of the time, I guess.

    And yes, Dani, you can pick fights with me anytime. :p

    But I'm glad you brought that up. She is my facebook friend so she sees what people post on my wall. I just ask that anyone who is facebook friends with me recognize that she's a human being and please be considerate about any wall posts. My wife is a good person with whom I am unable to be happy with. She's going through the same personal hell I'm going through and deserves empathy.

    Finally, we are all in counseling and will continue to do it for a while yet. Jordan will start next week. Again, thank you everyone for your consideration.
  8. tom

    tom Chosen One star 7

    Mar 14, 2004
    i just want to say that in my experience being a single dad is rad. it sounds selfish, and in a way it is, but only having your kids half the time is awesome. the one side of it is that you do have some time for yourself, which is great for keeping, maybe recapturing a sense of your own identity. the other thing is that when my kids aren't here i miss them. i can't wait to see them again and when they're here i feel i'm so much more engaged, attentive, fun and just on my game than i would be if i was with them all the time. i have 15 and 12 year old boys, and those years definitely can be challenging but they've also been the best years yet.
  9. Aytee-Aytee

    Aytee-Aytee Jedi Master star 5

    Jul 20, 2008
    Ouch. Sorry to hear that, man.
  10. Mortimer_Snerd

    Mortimer_Snerd Jedi Knight star 6

    Mar 14, 2004
    I'm not sure I'm quite there yet, but I totally feel that vibe. Of course my kids are much younger, but when they're with me I feel on top of the world, and I try to pass that sensation on to them. Does that make sense? I just wish I had my kids half the it is now I only have them about 1/4th the time, which sucks, but I am hopeful that will change over the next few court dates.

    Souderwan, I might just hit you up with a PM or two in order to vent. I am very lucky that I have an awesome girlfriend who's been through the same ****, so I have a confidante second to none.

  11. Souderwan

    Souderwan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Jun 3, 2005
    Great points, dude. I honestly hadn't thought of it that way. But you're not the only one who has told me that he's got a stronger relationship with his kids since moving out. I hope it works out that way for me, too.

    Jordan and I and his best friend just got done wrestling. I really do love how men handle stress. I understand it.
  12. Jabba-wocky

    Jabba-wocky Chosen One star 9

    May 4, 2003

    I'll forego pointing out the flaws in this Louis fellow's argument.
  13. Jack1138

    Jack1138 Jedi Master star 5

    Jan 8, 2005
    Ah yes the grand old DIVORCE! Wow.

    Back in the days of old, "Ward Cleaver" was the 'King of the Castle' and the 'Head of the Family.' Not anymore. Because he is DEAD!

    I can count 7 friends who got married to their "Soul Mates." Happy as could be. 2 of them still are and they are for all intents and purposes IN PRISON!! I have to check with the Wife/Warden if I can even say hello.

    The other 5 went like this, Got a girlfriend, fell in love, made a baby, got married, went OK for about a year or 2, she met a new guy making more cash, got tired of husband, cheated, huge blowout, 2 out of 3 wound up in a legal domestic disturbance fiasco, all 5 got REAMED in court and wound up back home living with parents or surviving relatives and are looking for work. Rarely see kids. Child support piling up.

    I will be 40 next month, no marriage, no kids(I am aware of), I do not avoid marriage, I avoid the divorce!!

    How the hell did this happen?! Are we as men supposed to be SLAVES our entire lives? First our mothers and then our wives? I think not.

    Then again, I may still have my cash and owe nobody anything. It is a trade-off. It is also quite sad. Cursed if you do, cursed if you don't. :(

    I recommend Souderwan hits a strip club!!! [face_dancing]
  14. Jabba-wocky

    Jabba-wocky Chosen One star 9

    May 4, 2003


    . . .
  15. Lord Vivec

    Lord Vivec Chosen One star 8

    Apr 17, 2006
    Well, they are.
  16. WormieSaber

    WormieSaber Jedi Master star 5

    Oct 22, 2000
    I'd rather be an intellectual than a mindless wife anyday. Philosophy, science, companion.

    Divorce court - no, law school.

    Am I cold? No, realistic. All relationships go to hell, eventually.

    I know this is sad to think this, but it's true.

    Ok, thanks for listening.
  17. Mortimer_Snerd

    Mortimer_Snerd Jedi Knight star 6

    Mar 14, 2004
    18 months ago I would have agreed with you.

  18. Mar17swgirl

    Mar17swgirl Jedi Grand Master star 7

    Dec 26, 2000
    My parents' happy 30-year-old marriage begs to disagree. They still love each other very much, and we're still a very close-knit family, even though I don't live with them any more.

    Maybe because they didn't follow the "meet, fall madly in love, get pregnant and/or have a baby, marry - all within a few months or a year" formula and actually knew each other properly before they committed.
  19. Darth Guy

    Darth Guy Chosen One star 10

    Aug 16, 2002
  20. Koohii

    Koohii Jedi Master star 5

    May 30, 2003
    I think the problem is more to do with utterly unrealistic expectations about what marriage is, thanks to all those $&^#ing romance novels, chick-flicks, soap operas, and fairy tales that we are bombarded with.
    They create a distorted view of what life "should be" or "will be", without showing the other side.

    Oh, and not just women get poisoned by the chick-flicks--men get afflicted by them too.

    My last GF said I was "dead inside" when I didn't go gushy over a movie called "About a Boy." I saw the movie as the pressure of society breaking the will and spirit of an individual, forcing him toward conformity. I think it was supposed to be about a man being redeemed from his slovenly habits and opening up to the world around him or some such drivel. My interpretation did not win points.

    Getting back on track: Make a list of what you need and what you can live without. Get out a pen and note-pad. What are you willing to give up, and what is of greater value to you. You may have to pretend something is important to you so that you seem to be making a concession. (Stupid and manipulative, but there you are.) Oh, Make damn sure you have a lawyer. I know one guy who believed he could make a polite, friendly divorce--he got reamed and was @#$&ed over, under, and sideways by his ex.
    For a while, life will suck.
    Then you'll feel a tremendous sense of relief--almost unworldly, like you totally stepped out of reality.
    After that, you will be able to start rebuilding.
    Good luck
  21. LAJ_FETT

    LAJ_FETT Tech Admin and Collecting/Lucasfilm Ltd Mod star 9 Staff Member Administrator

    May 25, 2002
    My parents were married almost 60 years. They've passed now but they were still married when cancer claimed Dad. Mom hung on a few years but she missed him and eventually she died of a heart attack. They had their ups and downs but stayed together. It was the first and only marriage for both of them.
  22. Everton

    Everton Force Ghost star 10

    Jul 18, 2003
    My parents have been married 30 years. Solid as a rock.
  23. Ramza

    Ramza Administrator Emeritus star 7 VIP - Former Mod/RSA VIP

    Jul 13, 2008
  24. tom

    tom Chosen One star 7

    Mar 14, 2004
    my parents have been divorced 35 years. still close friends.
  25. Darth Guy

    Darth Guy Chosen One star 10

    Aug 16, 2002