Love is grand. Divorce is a !&*@(

Discussion in 'Archive: Your Jedi Council Community' started by Souderwan, Jan 27, 2012.

  1. A Chorus of Disapproval New Films Riot Deterrent

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Aug 19, 2003
    star 7
    Armen, I really did try to ask my ridiculous question in a sensitive manner... I even had your parents ask in red to make it seem more authentic... I bet your parents post in red, too. I even hijacked Souderwan's serious thread in order to try to comfort you in your dual broken home/broken career troubles. He can get sympathy somewhere else...
  2. Souderwan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 6
  3. WormieSaber Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 22, 2000
    star 5
    It's not that I don't try, the problem is when you realize the word "complicated" in relationships really means "compromise". I truly feel sorry for those women who have no ambitions and goals in life, and well, you almost have to in order for the complicated relationship to work. No offense to anyone here, but the complicated bit of a relationship is 1) you can't make more money than a male, and if you do, it's complicated because he will feel inferior and try to ruin your job or put you down and try to ruin your job 2) and you can't be more intelligent than him, and if you are, then it's complicated - he will put you down and try and make you feel dumb, like you are some kind of moron because the male race can't handle it when women are smarter than he, so for the relationship to work you have to be a dumb woman or he will feel inferior and give you hell over not dumbing yourself down for him 3) You can't have dreams because he will feel since he's a male his dreams are more important and matter more. In short, the only thing that is complicated is getting tired of the broken record. I still do try if that's what you want to call it, but it's become a waste of time for me unless you want to compromise with the 3 above aforementioned scenarios.
  4. tom Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 14, 2004
    star 6
    wow, you sure have men figured out. you should write another book.
  5. Rogue_Ten Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 18, 2002
    star 6
    use spellcheck on this one tho
  6. Souderwan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 6
    At least you said "no offense to anyone here" first. I'm sure none of us men would be offended by your obvious disdain or poor grammar.

    I will give you props, though. Your dance moves are sweet.
  7. Darth Morella Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 2004
    star 6
    You should totally hook up with that jack1138 fellow
  8. duende Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 28, 2006
    star 5
    skinhead deadhead everybody cornbread
  9. Dark Lady Mara Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jun 19, 1999
    star 7
    Hi Bri. Long time no chat. I'm sorry you're going through this. :( Even if it's hard for your son to come to terms with now, maybe in the long run this will make things better for him. Kids are smart. They can tell when their parents are having problems, and in the long run, it'll be better for him to spend time with separated parents who are happy than with an unhappy family. And I know you're going to do a great job raising him no matter what. I also totally agree with you about the anecdote of your grandparents and how being married in and of itself isn't necessarily a virtue.

    And Armen - I had no idea. That is really messed up. I'm sorry, man. :(
  10. A Chorus of Disapproval New Films Riot Deterrent

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Aug 19, 2003
    star 7
    My wife makes more money than I do and her career is the source of our healthcare (I was surviving off the Hero Initiative until recently). Because, SHE wanted to work in healthcare and I supported her and took on the added college debts. I never switched careers; but she wanted to, and now she is more important, financially, than I am, and I couldn't be happier for her. I work at home, don't shave for days on end, blame it all on being 'artistic', and we compromise over powerful, marriage-rattling conflicts such as "can we afford vacation this month or did you want that expensive ebay item, instead?"... It's a flagrant case of me putting her in her place.
  11. DarthTunick SfC Commish on an "All-Star" break

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Nov 26, 2000
    star 10

    Many thanks, Beth. I do appreciate it. I may someday confront both of my parents on why their final verbal battle had to happen on that day, but I'm not entirely sure if I could so.........might be too much emotionally, and there's already been enough bad emotion from various nonsense drama & such since the separation & divorce. If I had one piece of advice for you Brian, it would be this: try to keep things between you & the soon to be ex-wife as amicable as possible (if at all possible), and try not to spread rumors/talk **** about the other side of the family. Slinging **** between both sides of the family (as what happened to my family) is a horrible experience, which includes ruined relationships (such as the falling out my brother has had with my dad).


    Los Angeles Lakers: Drama, guaranteed.
  12. Souderwan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 6
    Hi Beth. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

    Armen, the upside of having virtually no relationship with either side of my family means these kinds of things won't upset the balance much. :p
  13. DarthTunick SfC Commish on an "All-Star" break

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Nov 26, 2000
    star 10
    Well, that's good to hear in a way. :p


    Los Angeles Lakers: Drama, guaranteed.
  14. Souderwan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 3, 2005
    star 6
    Silver linings, my man. Silver linings. :p
  15. Rox Administrator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Nov 24, 2000
    star 6
    This statement is pretty sad if that's really how you feel.

    1. My wife and I are a team. Yes I make more money than her but her income is what helps us live a better lifestyle that we couldn't normally without us working together. There was a time when she made double what I make it didn't make things any different in our relationship because of it. We love each other so we work together to make a good life for our family. Unfortunately compromise is a key point in making a relationship work. If you can't understand that you probably are better off living alone.

    2. If I married someone that I didn't enjoy talking to I would be in big trouble. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with this women if we couldn't communicate things would never work.

    3. It sounds like you have dated some real jackasses. A relationship isn't about one person, it's about the couple. If that means you might never achieve some of your life goals then that's what is in the cards unfortunately. That or maybe think about becoming a lesbian because it sounds like you hate men for just being a men.
  16. anakinfansince1983 Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 4, 2011
    star 7
    What kind of misogynistic self-absorbed ***holes have you been subjected to?

    I make a little more money than my husband does and I have a lot more education. We joke about it--I liked school, he didn't. It's not a big deal. In 21 years together and 17 years of marriage, we've argued over a few things, but my income and education were not among them. And if he had ever made me think for a second that his dreams or ambitions were more important than mine because he has a penis, his suitcases would have been on the front porch before he could spell "sexism."

    Relationships are compromise, but good ones do not involve sacrificing one's entire self to stay in them.

    Souderwan: I'm sorry you're going through this. My only personal experience in the matter is the descriptions I've been given of my in-laws' very ugly divorce, and from what you've described, you and your STBX are doing none of what they did--which I would think has to be better for your son.
  17. Ostrich_Stapler Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 9, 2004
    star 5
    Wow, Wormie. I'm sorry you've had that experience but while I'm sure that's true for some males it's definitely not true for all of them. No need to stereotype.


    When I say "I'm sorry Souderwan" I'm not saying that I'm sorry you are ending a failing relationship but rather than I'm sorry you had to go through a failing relationship. I think Louie CK missed the memo on that. :p
  18. A Chorus of Disapproval New Films Riot Deterrent

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Aug 19, 2003
    star 7
    Armen, if it would be far too contentious to ever have that conversation to get some understanding or closure, here is a nice, longterm bit of closure to plan ahead for: When they both get old, you will most likely be a caretaker/executor... put them in a convalescent home... in the same room. They'll be back together, and possibly too old to remember each other, let alone that they ever divorced. You can then have the 18th birthday that was stolen from you, that every young boy dreams of their whole childhood. That Sweet 18th. Trust me on this, it requires patience and planning, but it's a solid.

    I only care about you. I am not trying to comfort Souderwan at all in his own thread, and if he has read any of the wonderful assistance I've been offering you, he is probably praising God for it...
  19. tom Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 14, 2004
    star 6
    yeah i'm sure the people wormie has dated were the problem.
  20. ApolloSmileGirl Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2004
    star 8
    First off Wormie, money shouldn't be the a focus in any serious relationship, it sure as hell shouldn't be the main focus. So, that's not an excuse. I make more money than my husband does, and he's never had an issue, and even if he made more than me, it wouldn't make me feel like less of a woman because he did. Money isn't the issue in Brian's situation either way.

    If you have such a problem with men in general, maybe it's time to switch from AC to DC.
  21. Jack1138 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2005
    star 5
    Dammit, ASG is married, scratch that plan. :p

    OK, my prior post in this thread may have been a bit harsh. In reality, it was based off of things that I have seen and experienced in my own life. Perhaps I live in a 'Twilight Zone' here in East Central Florida, I don't know! [face_plain]

    In many ways I am making NO effort to 'find a girlfriend' or 'find my perfect woman.' And sure, that would be cool. Trouble is, I MYSELF am enough work! 24-7! It sucks, work, home, cleaning, food, dishes, laundry, bills, new rules, new bosses, finances, try and relax!

    There are pressures from family, society, and media that can drive you crazy. Lifting the middle finger and telling those people to **** off? ....PRICELESS!!!

    And yes, I do know the history of the middle finger gesture. I will post about it soon. ;)
  22. Obi-Zahn Kenobi Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 23, 1999
    star 7
    You were the second friend of mine named Brian I found out was getting divorced yesterday.

    I have some other Brians to call to make sure they're okay.
  23. Lord Vivec Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 2006
    star 7
    I hate this euphemism. AC is already alternating, so it should be the euphemism for bi.
  24. ApolloSmileGirl Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2004
    star 8
  25. Lord Vivec Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Apr 17, 2006
    star 7