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Saga Loving With The Fragments Of A Broken Heart -Qui-Gon vignette, end of TPM

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by female_obi_wan, Mar 30, 2003.

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  1. female_obi_wan

    female_obi_wan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Aug 1, 2002
    Genre: vignette character study thing
    Disclaimer: I own a lot of books and an autographed picture of Darth Maul. Nothing else!
    Notes: My take on the Infamous Council Chamber Scene and the Even More Imfamous death scene.

    Loving With The Fragments Of A Broken Heart

    I didn't think about the look on his face. To be honest, I can't even see it anymore. When I picture it, it's either livid, furious, murderous- the way Xanatos looked once- or the betrayal in his eyes is barely there. But even though I can't remember it, I can tell you how he looked -hurt. Very hurt. With the odd bit of anger and betrayal thrown in.

    It's funny, really. If I remember correctly, it has been fifteen years since Xanatos turned. I would never remember the exact date. The night we left for Telos was a night like the one when we left for Naboo. Warm - as warm as to be discomforting- but with a feeling that it should be cold. Coruscant is strange. There is life- lots of life. But it seems that, though they are living, they are living in a world of soulless silence.

    Why do I think this now? It seems like...there is now silence where there should be words. The Force is growing quieter. Silence, in the wild noise of people living. Something missing that shouldn't be gone. Like the sun, fading from the sky, providing enough heat and light for us to live, but no light reflected in the water on sunny days on some paradise planet, no lying on the ground and feeling it on your face, no warmth to give to anyone who might need it.

    Why do I think these things now? Shouldn't I be thinking of my Padawan?

    Obi-Wan thinks Anakin is dangerous, that much is evident. I just can't decide why that makes me angry. A long time ago, they would call me dangerous, because I stood out. I was different. I don't want another to feel that hurt, especially not a nine-year-old. But, wasn't I the one who feared Obi-Wan might be dangerous? And look how he turned out.

    I want you to be a Knight, Padawan! I've known you should be a Knight, since...oh, your 23rd birthday at least. I wanted you to stay with me- be my Padawan always. I didn't need the Force to tell me it was selfish, I knew it was. You have seen how my selfishness hurt another-and in seeking to not make the same mistakes, I wounded you.

    Look at you. You are a Knight.

    You know what, Padawan? I don't think you remember couldn't have been older than fifteen. You were sleeping peacefully. Tahl was by your side when I walked in. Maybe she'd been telling you a story. You always liked stories. I came to your bed and pulled the blankets around you, Tahl smiled- and suddenly there was one thing I wanted more then anything else in the world. I wanted you and Tahl to be my family- by blood as well as love-and I wanted us to be safe. That we weren't putting ourselves in danger every day.

    That's why we're not meant to love-and yes, in that moment, I wished I was not Jedi.

    But to be not Jedi would be to deny my very soul.

    Yes. The Force exists in my soul. It's there. It should be. It's in your soul, Obi-Wan, in Yoda's -in everyone's, perhaps even in those who aren't Jedi -although they can't hear it. So it's in my soul. But what of...

    My Master trained me in the ways he thought best. He was always honest- sometimes blunt. He was kind. He was polite. But...Yes, I do think he cared for me. But there was always a haunting feeling that he cared more for what I was. Someone like him. Willing to defy. Willing to bend the rules if it was necessary-even a few times when it wasn't. And I respect him, I love him...he was like my father, and he never did me any wrong...but I still wonder....did he love me? Or did he love the bits of himself he saw in me?

    Does it matter?

    I walk in the dream, and find our home. I glance over the balconey in our quarters on Coruscant. Night has fallen, all of Coruscant is lit up, dazzling lights of white and red...and beneath it all, black. Just black.

    I remember Coruscant wasn't like that w
  2. Hananiah

    Hananiah Jedi Master star 4

    Jan 15, 2003
    This is great and I do like the title. it tells the story really well and I can't believe I'm the first submitting a review.
    This is sooo good well done
    Poor Qui losing all his family and the analogy of the eart ad soul being at odds like 2 suns loved it
  3. female_obi_wan

    female_obi_wan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Aug 1, 2002
    Thanks Hananiah. :) Upping this.
  4. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Jun 18, 2002
    By the Force.

    :_| :_| :_|

    That was beautiful! I've read a lot of Qui-dying fics, but this really stays in my mind. I loved the thing with the two planets, ever circling, and eventually essentially destroying the planet. I love the whole thing with the heart and soul.

    Wonderful, truly wonderful. :)
  5. female_obi_wan

    female_obi_wan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Aug 1, 2002
    [face_blush] Thank you, obaona!
  6. female_obi_wan

    female_obi_wan Jedi Youngling star 3

    Aug 1, 2002
    Just upping stuff, thought I'd up this. :)
  7. Obi the Kid

    Obi the Kid Jedi Padawan star 4

    Apr 13, 2000
    I don't recall seeing many Qui POV fics lately. But I do love POV's. This exception. Very nicely done. Feeling the pain that Qui has gone thru with Xanatos, Tahl..and now Obi. Difficult emotions to capture. You handled it well.

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